New Moon of the Dark Kingdom
by sublimeperfectionland
Summary: Sequel to Twilight of the Dark Kingdom. (This one is more SM than Twilight) Zoisite and Kunzite have found true love, but when some old friends, a vengeful god, and a pair of evil twins come gunning for the Shitennou all at once, life is not going to be easy.
1. Prologue-The Time Trolls

[Scene: The Moon Palace on the last day of the Silver Millennium]

[The White Queen is awoken from a deep trance by a strong rumbling through her palace and rises from her floor mat. Her mediation spire is filled with pillars of crystal. These pillars are tuned to reflect the current mood and general well-being of her subjects. Usually they give off a faint apricot colored light, but in times of celebration or prosperity, they glow a faint gold color, in times of hardship, they with a glow a faint pink light, to warn her something is amiss.]

[The crystals are now all colored a deep blood red]

[The queen rises in alarm. She's never seen them that color before but she can imagine only one thing that might cause this.]

[The wholesale death and destruction of her people]

[The queen raises the hem of her official gown of state, a pure white dress with a large bow at the front, and races down the stairs as bits of ceiling tile rain down on her. The wards and defensive spells that guard the palace should keep her safe, but like the moonstone walls, they will not hold forever.

[The Queen rushes to the inner bailey at the front of the palace. The clockwork structure that powers the castles magical defenses has been smashed to pieces. The mosaic roof of the bailey had collapsed onto it and she can see hundreds of black plumes of smoke in the sky above her.]

[How is this possible? The Moon is not even supposed to be at war. And the wards and the spells on the palace should have prevented any potential enemies from coming anywhere near enough to damage them. Unless…]

[She turns to see a group of guards raising the portcullis. The real guards are slain and stacked in a corner. A few of the imposters loosen their grip on the wheel so they can all make lewd gestures in the White Queen's direction.]

[The Children of Nemesis]

[Refugees from a dying planet, enslaved by the goddess Metalia and liberated by The White Queen, only to disregard her laws and harass her subjects. The White Queen forbade them from entering her palace, but she has not yet gotten around to barring them as a part of her magical defenses.]

[Now it is too late.]

[The White Queen lifts her moon sceptre. The moons on the false guards' foreheads turn upside down and become black before she blasts them right out of her palace.]

[The queen uses her power to break the ropes holding up the portcullis. It comes down with a crash. Not that it will save the palace. It is shaking and coming apart. But it might buy her some time. The Moon is about to fall to its enemies. She needs to gather up her daughter, open a portal to a sanctuary in the outer reaches of the solar system, and take her away to safety.]

[She reaches the door to her daughter's room and opens it with a wave of her palm.]

[She enters and calls out for Selenity to prepare to evacuate, but the White Queen's words die in her mouth as she sees the princess's bloody corpse sprawled on the floor. Near the similarly sprawled body of the slaveboy Endymion. Endymion's owner, the evil Queen Beryl, gives the queen a grin that shows off her fangs before she vanishes into thin air, along with the corpse of her slave.]

[The White Queen goes to her daughter's side and gathers her still-warm body into her arms.]

White Queen: /Selenity…du see ta/

[Killing the moon princess is senseless. Princess Selenity saw only the best in everyone. Even her mother's enemies, for Selenity had no enemies of her own. That had been her greatest strength and her biggest weakness. Princess Selenity had a soul made up of pure love. A bit naive, perhaps, but Selenity could forgive anyone of anything. She would have bore enslavement meekly, with dignity and good grace. There was no reason to kill her.]

[The queen places a final kiss on her daughter's lips. She has nothing left to live for now. Her only child has been murdered, her people are beyond her help.]

[She goes to the ruins of the palace's defenses and plucks the Silver Crystal from her moon sceptre. She raises the gem high above her head and invokes its powers, drawing more and more white energy, know it will soon be more than her frail body can endure. She starts off by willing her daughter and her guardians to be reincarnated in a better place, in a more peaceful time. Then she focuses her mind on punishing the invaders.]

[But before she could anything to them, everything stops.]

[Everything. The rumbling of the palace, the sounds of destruction, even the dark plumes of smoke rising in the sky above. She looks out and sees a catapult perched on the horizon, stuck with its load of rocks hovering impossibly in mid-flight.]

[The White Queen lowers her arm, baffled by the unexpected turn of events.]

[Suddenly a pair of teenagers appear on either side of her. A boy and a girl in their early teens, they appear to be twins.]

[They have similar features and the same violet eyes and straight waist-long hair with thick bangs. The boy has blue tinted blond hair with a pink streak, the girl has pink tinted blond hair with a blue streak, both of their faces are coated with the same sheer-blue spray glitter. They are wearing ripped up jeans and the boy is wearing a vintage concert t-shirt that says PINK FLOYD while the girl is wearing a vintage concert t-shirt that says DOOM TREE.]

[They are sharing long thick gloves that look like they are used for welding. The boy has his on his left hand, the girl has hers on her right, and both are clasped around the silver crystal.]

Boy: We'll take this, if you don't mind.

[The Queen reaches to reclaim her crystal, but she stops and her eyes widen as their gloves pour out smoke, despite their seeming youth and innocence.]

Girl: Oh, I'm sure she does mind…I thought you said these gloves would protect us. The damn thing is burning me right through the padding!

Boy: Yeah? You know what burns even worse? Failure!

Girl: [offended] I didn't say I couldn't handle it! I just said it hurts!

White Queen: /Da re ga a na ta ga aru to o mo im asu/

Girl: Huh? What is she saying?

Boy: How should I know? I don't speak Moon.

White Queen: [waves her hand in a circle] I asked you who you are.

Girl: [Clutches her brother] Oooh, she can speak English now, with a So Cal accent. That's so cool. We've got to learn how she does it.

Boy: Later, my love. When our hands aren't slowly being burnt to stumps.

[The White Queen clears her throat and gives them a pointed look to remind them that she's just asked a question]

Boy: Greetings. We are visitors from another planet. One far outside of your own galaxy.

White Queen: Really? What planet?

Boy: Um…[looks at his sister] …the planet…Doomtree.

White Queen: There is no such planet. You just read that off her shirt.

Girl: [snorts] Nice. I told you she would ask. We really need to get our stories straight next time.

Boy: Oh, pipe down. It's not anything we say will matter a thousand years from now.

Girl: Yes, but getting the Silver Crystal is just Phase One of the plan. Everything we say after this will make a difference.

Boy: [To the Queen] Look, you don't need to know who we are or where we are from.

Girl: All you need to know is that we have pulled you away from a certain death into a pocket in space and time.

Boy: This pocket won't last forever, so Metalia will appear within ten seconds to wrestle this crystal away from you. In the natural scheme of things, you destroy it, and then you die.

White Queen: So you brought me here to save me?

Boy: Not at all. You're still gonna die. We're just here to save the crystal.

Girl: Wren!

Boy: [Winces] Wren? Who's Wren? [points between them] I'm Ail and you're Ann.

Girl: [rolls her eyes and exhales into her bangs] Wren, Ail… what difference does it make? It's not like she's going to live long enough to talk about us.

Boy: It's going to make a huge difference if you keep screwing up our names a thousand years from now! …Anyway, this nice lady just lost everything she's got and now she's about to die at the hands of our own worst enemy. I think she deserves a few answers…

Boy: [To the White Queen] Don't worry. We'll avenge you. Someday.

Girl: Yeah. We hate Metalia even more than you do.

White Queen: Then why don't you give me back the Silver Crystal, so I can destroy her army and seal her away forever.

[The twins hiss in a deep breath and sigh]

Girl: I'm afraid it's not that simple.

Boy: You see…just because you're the enemy of our enemy …that doesn't make you our friend.

Girl: [nods] Unfortunately we don't actually want you to win. You see..my brother and I…We…

[She looks at her brother]

Boy: We're the bad guys.

[They both nod]

Girl: [gives her a sad look] Sorry. You seem like a really nice lady. We'd love to stay and chat, but our hands are literally melting away right now.

Boy: [shrugs apologetically] Sorry we can't help you. It was nice meeting you, though.

Girl: [waves sorrowfully] Bye-bye.

[They vanish and history resumes its brutal course. Only this time, without the Silver Crystal.]


	2. A Looming Storm

cene: Hen Tie High. The Present Day]

[A black Maserati pulls up in the parking lot. The passenger pulls his ponytail out of his jacket, and turns to the driver.]

Zoi: I guess this is where we part ways, Mr. High school graduate.

[Kunzite holds Zoi, and Zoi gives Kunzite a quick kiss on the lips]

Kunzite: [Deadpan] Why did I let them pass me? I should have repeated the twelfth grade so we could still be together.

Zoi: [giggles] My dad would have loved that.

Kunzite: You think he's any happier about you dating a college student?

Zoi: Yes. But only a little.

[Kunzite looks up at the sky, which is unusually dark and heavy, even for Hen Tie]

Kunzite: It's definitely going to rain today. You should have worn a raincoat.

Zoi: [shrugs] Are coming over to my place tonight?

Kunzite: Do you want me to come over tonight?

Zoi: I always want you to come over.

[Kunzite reaches out to take Zoi's face in his hands. He presses just the tips of his fingers softly against Zoi's temples, his cheekbones, his jawline.]

Kunzite: How about if I come over and cook dinner for you and your father, to celebrate your first day back at school.

Zoi: We would love that.

[He gives Kunzite another kiss. Then turns to open the door, but Kunzite pulls him back into his arms]

Kunzite: Don't go.

Zoi: I'm going to class. Not to war.

Kunzite: I don't want you to leave.

Zoi: [looks at his watch then shrugs and smiles] We're early. We've got another five minutes. [snuggles close to Kunzite]

Kunzite: I mean don't go at all. Come live with me in Seattle.

Zoi: [giggles] You want me to drop out of high school and move in with my boyfriend on the first day of my sophomore year?

[Kunzite nods]

Zoi: Oh, my dad is really going to love that.

Kunzite: I don't care what he likes. I hate it that we have to have a long distance relationship.

Zoi: [giggles harder] A long distance relationship? You live fifty miles away.

Kunzite: That's too far.

Zoi: Not when we can both teleport…And anyway, need I remind you that I'm still only fifteen, and I weigh about one-twenty? Nobody's going to hire me for anything involving manual labor, so what sort of job do you think I can get without a high school diploma?

Kunzite: What makes you think I'm going to let you work outside the home?

Zoi: [shrieks in outrage] Oh, it's like that then?

Kunzite: [pulls Zoi even closer and grins evilly] Yes, it's like that.

[They start making out]

[Meanwhile, on the other side of the parking lot, the school bus is letting off students, including the latest crop of freshmen. The two kids from the prologue make a slight detour skirting the parking lot on the way to class.]

[The boy has cropped his hair to chin length and has dyed it chestnut brown. He's carrying his books in front of him, and has a guitar case slung on his back.]

[The girl has dyed her hair dark red and has trimmed it to fall to the middle of her back. She's wearing a backpack and is spying on the couple in the Maserati]

Boy: [In an Irish accent] Quit staring. You act like you've never seen two men kissing before.

Girl: [Also in an Irish accent] As a matter of fact, I haven't.

Boy: [grins] Come to think of it, neither have I.

[The continue to watch from a distance]

Girl: Aw. They are so in love. [Smiles at her brother] You know what I think we should do?

Boy: [sighs] I shudder to even guess.

Girl: We should make them break up!

Boy: [shakes his head sadly] Somehow I don't think it will be that simple.

Girl: [grinning excitedly] No, hear me out. All we need to do is hide an old bra and an empty condom wrapper under the seats of that car.

Boy: Great idea. Except the big guy is going to find it, and not the little guy, so he's just going to wonder which of his brothers borrowed his car… Anyway, we're not to mess around with them at the moment. We can't use the crystal yet, so we need to keep a low profile… What is your name?

Girl: I'm Eleanor Heltry. Fourteen years old. From the Isle of Wight. Do we have to go over this again right now?

Boy: You were the one who wanted to make sure we've got our story straight…And mine?

El: You're Devon Heltry. My fourteen year old twin. From the Isle of Wight. [frowns] Dev?

Dev: Yes, El?

El: We've never been to the Isle of Wight.

Dev: That's alright. [gestures to the other students filing onto campus] Neither have they.

El: Well, what if they have?

Dev: You think some high school kid who lives in Hen Tie, WA has been to the Isle of Wight?

El: It's not impossible.

Dev: In that case we are from the Isle of W-H-Y-T-E, which is an entirely different island that I just made up. Feel free to improvise if you're challenged. As long as we sync up our stories later, we should be fine. It's not like we've been a lot of places here on Earth…Tell me about our family.

El: We were raised by our father in a single parent household, after our mother died…[uneasy]…Wait. How did she die?

Dev: She died in childbearing, of course. Giving birth to the two of us.

El: [looks down sadly] I don't like it. Can't we just say she's happily living back home with our daddy?

Dev: No.

El: Why not?

Dev: Because what do we know about growing up in the bosom of a happy family? Besides. The other story is making you tear up already, so nobody will ever believe you're lying through your teeth… Why are we here at Hen Tie High?

El: We're looking for a way to harness the power of the Silver Crystal without melting ourselves into twin puddles of sludge.

Dev: No. Why are Dev and El here?

El: Oh. [Giggles] We're spending a semester abroad in the colonies to broaden our cultural horizons.

Dev: Very good. Except they don't like it when you call it 'the colonies'

El: Yes, I know.

[They walk into the Freshman homeroom and sit in the far back of the room. Next to a frail girl, all in black, with a chin length black bob. The girl is coughing into a handkerchief.]

Teacher: Ok, class. Settle down. Welcome to your first day at Hen Tie High. When I point to you I want you to say your name and share an interesting fact or two about yourselves.

El: [puts her hand on the girl's shoulder] Hey, are you ok?

Girl: I'm fine. I have mild asthma. [She uses her inhaler] I love your accent. Where are you from?

El: The Isle of Wight.

Girl: Wow. That's so cool. I've never been there.

[Dev winks at El and she shoot him a dirty look]

El: Say, we don't know a soul here, aside from our host family. Would you mind showing us around?

Girl: I'd like to, but my father doesn't let me get out a lot, on account of my health.

Dev: [peers out the window at the looming stormclouds] Maybe you should suggest he move some place a lot warmer and drier?

Girl: No, he said the warm and dry would make it worse.

[Eventually the students in front of them have all been introduced so the teacher points to Eleanor]

El: [rises] Eleanor Heltry. I'm from the Isle of Wight and I have a twin brother named Devon. [sits]

Dev: [rises] I'm Devon Heltry. This lovely girl is my twin sister Eleanor. I'm from the Isle of Wight, I play the guitar, and ladies? I'm still single. [winks and sits down]

El: [whispers in his ear] Nice going, horndog. Way to keep a low profile.

Girl: [rises] I'm Hotaru Tomoe, I collect porcelain dolls, and my father teaches science here at Hen Tie High.


	3. The Gang's All Here

[Scene: The halls of Hen Tie High between classes.]

[Zoi hasn't seen his friends in a while since he's been training with Kunzite and the other Shitennou over the summer. He smiles as he catches sight of Usagi and Mamoru snuggling in the corner. They are looking cozy, and Usagi is wearing an oversized letterman jacket that probably belonged to Mamoru at one time.]

Usagi: Zoi!

[She offers him a wide grin and she Mamoru break off a little to talk to Zoi. To Zoi's relief, it seems Mamoru now only has eyes for Usagi]

[Last time Zoi saw them, they had all been roughly the same height, about 5'7 or 8. While it seems Zoi and Usagi have topped out there, Mamoru has grown over the summer. He looms over them and the soft muscles of childhood had hardened into the hard lanky build of a teenage. Usagi, on the other hand, has filled out considerable, becoming more womanly.

Zoi: Hey, Usagi, hey, Mamoru. Usagi, you've finally put on weight.

[Usagi pouts]

Zoi: No, it looks good on you. You were too skinny before… And Mamoru, you grew!

Mamoru: Six foot even. You're still a little beansprout though.

[Usagi steps closer to inspect Zoi]

Usagi: Ah…You're like a doll. A porcelain doll.

Zoi: Let's not start with the albino cracks.

Mamoru: Seriously, Zoi, are you sure you are not? I've never seen anyone as pale as you… So how's Kunzite doing?

Zoi: Good. He's started college in Seattle.

Usagi: What's he majoring in?

Zoi: He hasn't decided yet…So you two…huh?

Usagi: [tugs on Mamoru's sleeve] Can I show him my ring?

[Mamoru nods and Usagi holds out the ring finger on her right hand to show a small ring with a single pearl flanked by two tiny diamonds.]

Zoi: Oh, wow, when is the wedding?

Usagi: [giggles] It's not that kind of ring, silly.

Mamoru: You see I flew to New England for a couple of weeks-

Usagi: For an award ceremony, Mamoru's already got a huge scholarship to go to Johns Hopkins university.

[Zoi smiles because his friend is going to one of the top medical schools in the world]

Zoi: Fantastic. That's your big dream, isn't it?

Mamoru: [nods] But I really couldn't enjoy it. The whole time I was there, all I could think about was Usagi, and how much I wished she was there by my side.

Usagi: Aw… [rests her head against his shoulder]

Mamoru: I missed her so much… Then I remembered how much she loved it that Kunzite took you jewelry shopping, so the first thing I did when I got back was took her to the mall and told her to pick out any piece she liked. [lowers his voice] She could have cleaned me out. I was certain she'd go for platinum and diamonds, but she stuck to the bargain stores. That's when I realized this girl is the only one for me.

Usagi: He's too nice. This ring was the only thing that spoke to me. But it's Mamoru I want, not a fancy piece of jewelry…I got him something too, show him your watch.

[Mamoru pulls out a pocket watch with a moon motif]

Usagi: It even plays a tune when you open it. See?

[As she's opening it, Naru and Umino drift over. Naru's grown a little, but she's still petite, and Umino is still as short as he was before. Zoi is glad to see they are walking side by side. Like a couple.]

Umino: Hey there, stranger.

Naru: Hi, Zoi.

[Before he can reply, Minako and Rei also approach in their designer dresses. Minako is wearing a surgical mask with daisy stickers all over it]

Rei: [to Zoi] Well. Would you look at what the cat dragged in.

Usagi: Hey, Rei, Minako. What's with the mask?

Minako: [nasally] I picked up the head cold from hell over in Vancouver. Trust me, this mask is for your benefit not mine. if any of you sluts-in-training could feel my pain, you'd be on your knees, thanking me for caring so much about your wellbeing.

Usagi: [excited] Zoi. Did you hear? Minako landed a speaking part in the live action "Sailor V" movie!

Zoi: [Impressed] No kidding?

[The Sailor V franchise is huge. It's not due out in theaters for a few more weeks, but the stores are already flooded with merchandizing.]

Minako: It's nothing. Just the itty-bittiest of bit parts. I don't even get a SAG card out of it. But I do get a line. [perky] "Mr. Smith will see you now."

Rei: [rolls her eyes] Bitch's going to be milking that one line for days and days on end.

Minako: Can it, slag! I don't see anyone paying YOU to speak!

Usagi: That movie is going to be epic. I can't wait until it comes out. Let's all go see it together!

Zoi: [giggles] The audience is going to wonder why we're cheering like crazy just because Mr. Smith let someone into his office.

Minako: I didn't get a script but from what I've seen during filming, it's going to be hilarious. A real screwball comedy. I made a lot of friends on the set so I get to see an advanced screening next week… Assuming this cold doesn't kill me by then.

[Dev and El walk past them, and everyone but Zoi go as silent as the grave as they watch them go by]

Rei: [whispering] Oh my god, was that Fiore?

Usagi: I don't think so, but he looks just like him.

[Usagi giggles nervously and pats Mamoru's shoulder]

[Zoi looks at Mamoru, but Mamoru looks extremely uncomfortable. So he asks Umino instead]

Zoi: Who's Fiore?

Umino: Fiore was a foriegn exchange student from the Netherlands we knew back when we were in the seventh grade.

Naru: He was Mamoru's boyfriend.

[The girls all giggle and Mamoru turns red]

Mamoru: He wasn't my boyfriend. He was just a guy I dated a few times.

Rei: [grins] Try telling him that.

Umino: [nods] Talk about your fatal attractions…

Naru: And he seemed like a really cool guy, too…

Minako: Up until he found out Mamoru was a closet heterosexual and he posted death threats on all of our facebook pages…

[The girls all laugh again but Zoi doesn't see the humor in it]

Zoi: That's awful. You must have been terrified.

Naru: Yeah, we laugh about it now, but it certainly wasn't funny at the time.

Minako: I still look both ways before leaving the house. The guy was a major fruitcake. And not the the light and tasty Italian kind, either. The kind your family regifts to let you know how much they hate you.

Mamoru: [irked at all the cattiness] He mellowed out after he moved back to the Netherlands, so we still keep touch via twitter now and then.

Rei: Ha. I wouldn't risk it. Not even with an ocean between you.

Usagi: [waving her hands] Any-way. Speaking of movies, we should go see something this Friday. I want to do something really fun before the progress reports come out and I get grounded again.

Mamoru: Seriously? You really need to study, Usagi.

Usagi: I know. I know. But every time I open a book, I end up getting distracted.

Naru: What do you want to see?

Usagi: Well there is the new romantic comedy that's getting great reviews. I want to see that one.

Zoi: [cringes] Ick. No chick flicks.

[Mamoru, Umino, and Rei all nod]

Usagi: How about a horror film? Like "Tokyo Ghoul."

Zoi: What's that one about?

Usagi: Tokyo and Ghouls. Or something.

Umino: My brother just saw it and he really liked it. He said it was the scariest thing ever.

Zoi: Sounds perfect.

Naru: I'm in.

Rei: Me too.

Minako: Not me, at the rate this cold is going, I should be flatlining by then.

Zoi: You should go home and rest.

Minako: And listen to my mother shriek at me all day long? It's more relaxing here at school.

Mamoru: Want me to call Motoki and see if he'll be able to pick us up at the Crown and take us there in his van?

Usagi: Sure.

[They scatter to go to their next class, and Zoi tags along with Umino.]

Zoi: So you and Naru, huh?

Umino: It's not like that. We're just friends.

Zoi: Are you sure? The two of you look pretty inseparable.

Umino: She's just hanging out, biding her time until Neffy O'Sama graduates from Sanford. [sighs sadly] She figures by then, she'll finally be old enough for him.

[Zoi's smile vanishes and they walk to class]


	4. A Small Setback

Scene: Hen Tie High. The final bell for the first day of classes has rung.]

[By now the rain has started, so students are grumbling as they go to their lockers to get their raincoats and umbrellas.]

[All except Zoi who sneaks into an empty classroom. He closes the door and sits on the teacher's desk with his legs crossed. Then he vanishes in a flurry of flower petals, which reappears as he's floating in midair in his living room, where Kunzite and Zoi's father are watching TV and drinking beer.]

Chief Midori: [screams] STOP DOING THAT!

Zoi: [drifts down to the floor] Why?

Chief Midori: Because I'm never going to get used to seeing it!

Zoi: What's for dinner?

Chief Midori: Kunzite's making meatloaf and scalloped potatoes.

Zoi: [wandering into the kitchen with Kunzite following after him] What? No vegetables?

Chief Midori: I just told you. He's making potatoes.

Zoi: [goes to the freezer and pulls out a bag of brussel sprouts] Potatoes are not vegetables.

Kunzite: [hugs Zoisite from behind] They most certainly are vegetables.

Chief Midori: Some botanist you are going to be.

[Meanwhile…]

On the school bus. Dev and El are sitting side by side, Hotaru is sitting behind them.]

El: [To Hotaru] I hope you don't mind my asking, but if your father is a teacher, how come you have to take the bus?

Hotaru: Usually I don't, but he has some administrative stuff to do today, since it's the first day of school.

[A pair of cute girls are sitting in front of them and they turn to talk to Dev]

Girl 1: Is that a guitar?

Dev: Why, yes.

Girl 2: Do you play?

Dev: Of course I play. I'm not carrying it around for my health you know.

[He opens the case and pulls out his guitar, and plays a few chords, which gets El's attention, and not in a good way]

Girl 2: [suggestive] Are you in a band?

Dev: [still strumming] I sure am.

Girl 2: What's your band called?

Dev: We're called [looks at El, who gives him a menacing stare] The …Godslayers.

Girl 2: That sounds pretty hard core.

Dev: We certainly are.

Girl 1: Can you play something for me right now?

Dev: Sure. Why not.

[Dev ignores El's horrorstruck expression]

Dev: Any requests?

Girl 1: How about some Taylor Swift?

Dev: [In all innocence] Who's he?

[The girls giggle, including Hotaru]

Hotaru: Your brother is funny, El.

El: [humorless] Yes, he certainly is.

Girl 2: What about "Bohemian Rhapsody"?

Dev: Now you're talking.

[He starts strumming softly, while Girl1 and Girl2 sing in a soft voice]

[By the time they reach Dev and El's stop, everyone on the bus except for El is belting out the song at the top of their lungs. El's buried her face in her palm]

[The bus stops in front of a gated community. El storms off the bus, with Dev at her heels]

El: "Keep a low profile," you say. "Let's not attract any attention to ourselves," you say. Then some cute girl smiles at you and you're like "Hey, Ladies. I'm Dev the Great and Powerful. Want to see me pull a rabbit out of my hat?"

Dev: It wasn't like that at all.

El: No. I suppose not. You just led half the school in a sing-along. Nobody's ever going to remember us after something like that!

[El punches a series of numbers into a keypad and the security gate opens. A careful observer might note that the two actions are unrelated]

El: You know what your problem is?

Dev: No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me.

El: You are really great at coming up with all these diabolical plans, and absolute crap when it comes to implementing them!

Dev: [smiles] Ah, thanks. There was actually a compliment buried somewhere in there.

[They look both ways then walk up to a door with a lockbox and lien notices, auction notices, and pre-foreclosure notices all over it. The door opens without them even touching it]

El: "The Godslayers", Dev? Really? Why don't we just call up Metalia and let her know when we're coming?

[They enter a living room completely devoid of furniture. The place has been trashed. It looks like the someone took a sledgehammer to the marble fireplace and gutted all the counters and cabinets out of the kitchen.]

[They strip off their boots and raincoats. Their eyes become as big as saucers as they notice an empty potato chip bag on the floor.]

El: Dev, please tell me those were your potato chips.

Dev: Um…no.

[They give one another a frightened look and they both race up the stairs to the second story bathroom.]

[They lift lid off the tank of the toilet, and sigh with relief when they spot a silvery shimmer below the surface of the water]

[Just to be certain, El dips her finger in and the water boils right away]

Dev: Oh, thank god. We didn't lose the crystal. That would have been bad.

El: Yeah, well I'm not taking any chances.

[El teleports away and returns with an oven mitt. She fishes the crystal out of the water, then opens Dev's guitar case. She tries to drop in, but Dev pulls the guitar case away from her.]

Dev: Hey!

El: Come on. We can't afford to let it out of our sight again.

Dev: That's easy for you to say! You're not the one walking around with a brick of supernatural plutonium about eight inches away from your nads!

El: [rolls her eyes] Oh, so what if it is? I'm fairly certain neither of us can have children. Except, maybe, with each other. And, as much as I love you…ew!

Dev: [adamant] No!

El: Fine, if you're going to be a big baby about it, I'll just have to carry it around in my lunchbox.

[She leaves the crystal and goes in the bedroom, with its single queen sized bed, but she freezes when she sees the closet door is open and all their stuff is gone.

[El sinks onto the bed and buries her face in her arms and starts crying]

Dev: [gathers her into a hug] Hey. Don't cry. It was probably just some bank guy who didn't want squatters, so he tossed our stuff in the trash.

El: I can't do this.

Dev: Why? Because some slimeball came in here and stole a bunch of stuff we stole from someone else?

El: [sobs] Dev. I'm scared. I want to go home.

Dev: [rubs her arm] We can't go home. Not until we've completed the mission. Otherwise, what are we to do with the Silver Crystal? It's not like we can bring it home with us.

El: We'll just get rid of it.

Dev: Get rid of the Silver Crystal? That's like throwing a nuclear missile in a recycling bin.

El: I don't care. It's not our problem.

Dev: El, listen to me. If Big Daddy finds out we stole the Silver Crystal and didn't use it to kill Metalia, he's going to wring both of our necks.

El: No he won't! Big Daddy would never hurt us!

Dev: Yeah, well… I don't think you want to find out otherwise. [looks her in the eyes] Listen to me, El. We've got one shot at this. One! We've gone too far already. We can't afford to screw this up now.

El: [shakes her head] I can't do it. I'm sorry. I don't want to die.

Dev: [sighs] Fine, let's let the fates decide.

[Dev reaches under the mattress. He pulls out a tarot deck and fans them out]

Dev: Pick a card. If it's The Lovers we have to stay, if it's Death, we go home. Everything in between is open to the usual interpretation.

[El takes a card and lays it face up on the bed.

[It's The Death Card]

[Dev sits on the bed and sighs in defeat]

Dev: Ok. It's settled. We're going home. Let's figure out what we are going to do with the Silver Crystal before we leave.

El: Wait.

Dev: What?

El: [sheepish] I didn't actually expect to win this argument.

[She sits next to her brother on the bed and rests her head on his shoulder]

Dev: So you want to stay and finish what we started?

[El nods]

Dev: Even if it kills us?

El: Even if it destroys the world.

[Dev hugs her and she hugs him back and they collapse on the bed with their arms around one another.]

Dev: [kisses her forehead] Everything's going to work out for the best, my love. You'll see. We're going to complete the mission. We have to.


	5. Dinner with the Shitennou

[Scene: The Midori dining room. Outside the rain is coming down in buckets. Inside is cozy and warm. Kunzite, Zoi and Chief Midori have sat down to dinner, have finished passing around the food, and have started eating.]

Chief Midori: [To Zoi] So how was your first day at school?

Zoi: Pretty good. I got to see all my friends again… Did you know that Minako is going to be in the Sailor V movie?

Kunzite: Which one is Minako, again?

Zoi: [incredulous] The stunningly gorgeous blonde who keeps trying to grab your butt?

Kunzite: Oh. Her… it's been a while. [shrugs] …I never thought she was all that.

Zoi: [gape-jawed] You never thought she was all that? I think she's all that, and I'm not even into that sort of thing…[To his dad]…Oh, and Mamoru Chiba is going to go to Johns Hopkins when he graduates.

Chief Midori: [impressed] No kidding?

Zoi: He's got a merit scholarship and everything.

Chief Midori: [smiles] Well good for him! He's certainly earned it.

[Kunzite spears his fork into his food glumly]

Kunzite: I don't want to hear about how Mamoru Chiba got a merit scholarship…I want to hear about how Mamoru Chiba got lost in a fogbank and stepped off a cliff.

[Zoi giggles]

Chief Midori: Hey! That's not funny. That boy has had to overcome a lot of hardships in his life. He's had to work for everything he has, and yet he still makes time every week to help others who are less fortunate. Mamoru Chiba is a fine, upstanding young man.

Kunzite: A fine, upstanding young man who is determined to steal your son away from me.

Zoi: You don't have to worry about that. He's lost interest in me and he's totally into Usagi right now.

Kunzite: [nods] Yes. I'm sure that's what he wants you to think.

Zoi: [smiles at Kunzite] No way. It's the real deal. Those two are clearly meant for one another… He asked how you were, by the way.

Kunzite: Of course he did. How else is he going to find out if we broke up?

Chief Midori: I think you're reading too much into this, Kunzite.

[Kunzite glowers at Chief Midori]

Zoi: Oh! And I forgot to tell you two the biggest news of all! [smiles] I've single-handedly changed the curriculum for Hen Tie High.

Chief Midori: [Uneasy] Oh?

Zoi: [giggles] Oh, don't worry Dad, it was nothing sinister. Remember how I complained to Mrs. Cope that there were no Physics and Calculus classes at Hen Tie High? Well, seems she listened to me because they are offering a class this semester called AP Math and Science.

Chief Midori: [smiles with pride] That's great, son.

Zoi: It turns out the school gets a lot of money from the state for every student that tests out of college-level math classes, so she thought it was a great idea. We all had to take a test to try to get in, but I passed, and so did Umino. Since I'm already done with highschool Math, I have to shuffle my schedule and drop another class tomorrow.

Chief Midori: So you're going to drop PE?

Zoi: No. I love PE now that I'm a shitennou. I'm going to drop Driver's Ed.

[Chief Midori and Kunzite stop eating and stare at him with disapproval]

Zoi: What? I already took three weeks of Driver's Ed in Arizona.

Chief Midori: Zoi. You need to learn how to drive.

Zoi: Why should I bother with the hassle and expense of driving when I can teleport?

Chief Midori: You can't teleport when people are watching.

Zoi: I also can't teleport a car. At least not yet. So I don't want a car. It's easier for me to get around without one.

Chief Midori: Driving is an essential life skill in this part of the country. You need to learn how to drive.

Zoi: No, I don't *need* to learn how to drive. *You* need to learn how to cook.

Kunzite: [smiles at Chief Midori] He's got you there.

Chief Midori: Zoi. Listen. Eventually, you'll need a car of your own. I can't always get off work to pick you up, and some day your friends are going to wonder how you get around so easily without a car.

Zoi: In those instances I can just have Kunzite drive me around.

[He stares down at his plate and blushes]

Chief Midori: And I believe we've hit upon my son's true motives.

Zoi: [smirks] Guilty as charged.

Chief Midori: Kunzite lives too far away from here to be shuttling you around all the time without raising questions .

Kunzite: Your father is right. [narrows his eyes at Zoi] You're dropping PE.

Chief Midori: [looks at Kunzite] Why PE?

Zoi: [rolls his eyes] Kunzite doesn't want the other boys ogling me in the showers.

Chief Midori: You're dropping PE.

[Chief Midori's phone rings. He looks at the number]

Chief Midori: Excuse me. I have to get this. It's dispatch…[answers his phone]…Chief Midori…Yeah. Oh? Where?…But what could be burning out there?…You're sure it's Black Moon Cove?

[Kunzite and Zoisite both sit up straight at the mention of Black Moon Cove and Kunzite instinctively edges his chair closer to Zoi's.]

Chief Midori: Fine, I'll check it out.

[He hangs up and dials another number.]

Chief Midori: Hey, sorry I'm calling so late…I'm fine…He's fine, too…I just got a call from dispatch. Old Mrs. Stanley claims she can see strange lights and oddly colored flames shooting up out on the sea cliffs…

[Kunzite and Zoisite turn to marvel at the sheets of rain pouring outside.]

Chief Midori: I suppose we should go check it out to make sure it doesn't spread… Uh huh? Really?…Well, don't apologize to me. Yeah, yeah. …I'll talk to you later.

[Chief Midori gets up from the table and puts on his bulletproof vest, holster, and raincoat.]

Zoi: Dad? What's wrong.

Chief Midori: It's nothing. Just some bonfires on the cliffs.

Kunzite: Why would anyone try to light a bonfire in this weather?

Chief Midori: I don't know. It's ridiculous. Probably just some kids on the coast being rowdy. I have to go check it out.

Zoi: We can come with you, Dad.

Chief Midori: No. After what happened last spring, I don't want you anywhere near there. Stay inside, where it is dry, and let me do my job.

[Chief Midori looks at Kunzite nervously]

Chief Midori: And Kunzite, I suppose you've got things you need to do as well, so we mustn't keep you. I'll walk you out.

Kunzite: [smirks and places his hand over Zoi's] Nice try. But I'm staying here with your son.

[Chief Midori looks even more nervous.]

Zoi: [giggles] Don't worry, dad. Kunzite and I respect you too much to do anything in this house that you wouldn't approve of.

Kunzite: [nods] That's what my place is for.

[Zoi kicks Kunzite under the table.]

Zoi: Dad, I promise we'll keep things G-Rated the whole time you are gone. As a matter of fact, I have plans. I'm supposed to watch "Romeo & Juliet". I checked the DVD out of the library and other students are waiting for it.

Chief Midori: You have Romeo & Juliet memorized.

Zoi: But not the 1968 version. Mr. Berty said it's the best.

Chief Midori: [still uneasy as he walks to the door] Ok, you kids have fun tonight. But not too much fun!…Oh, and Kunzite, say hello to your sister Beryl for me. She hasn't been by in a while.

Zoi: [cringing] Gross dad! Quit perving on my sister-in-law! You're middle-aged and she's like-

Chief Midori: Several thousand years older than I am?

Zoi: Ah…yeah!

[Chief Midori waves and goes out into the pouring rain]


	6. What's Wrong With Romeo

[Scene: The Midoris' dining room. Kunzite waits until he hears Chief Midori's car drive away, then he scoots his chair closer to Zoi.]

[He puts his arms around Zoi and gives him a suggestive smile.]

Zoi: [eyes narrowed with suspicion] What?

Kunzite: I hadn't even realized we haven't done it in this house yet. Now there is an oversight we need to correct.

Zoi: [squirms away from him] No! Didn't you just hear me promise my father we wouldn't do that sort of thing under his roof?

Kunzite: That's ok. I'll take you outside.

Zoi: [blinks] In the rain?

Kunzite: [grins] In the mud.

[Zoi gasps in outrage. He gets up and grabs the DVD]

Zoi: On that note, I'll start the movie.

[Kunzite sprawls on the couch as Zoi loads it into the player.]

[Zoi perches on the edge of the sofa, and Kunzite wraps his arms around his waist and pulls him against his chest. Zoi blushes and lets out a gasp at feel of Kunzite's body pressed against his.]

Zoi: Do you think I'll ever get better at this? That my heart might stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever you touch me?

Kunzite: I really hope not.

[Zoi grabs an afghan and tucks it around the both of them before he picks up the remote]

Zoi: Let start the Montague/Capulet slaughter-fest, shall we?

Kunzite: As you command. [He waves his hand the movie starts without previews or a menu screen]

Zoi: I really need to learn some of those tricks.

[They watch the movie in silence for a while.]

Kunzite: You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo.

[Mildly offended since Romeo is one of his literary crushes.]

Zoi: What's wrong with Romeo?

Kunzite: Well, first of all, he starts the play in love with this Rosaline-don't you think it makes him a bit fickle?

Zoi: [shrugs] Not all couples bond for life the way we do.

Kunzite: Then a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?

Zoi: Do you want me to watch this alone?

Kunzite: I'll mostly be watching you anyway. [Brushes Zoi's hair back so he can kiss his jaw]…Will you cry?

Zoi: Probably…If I'm paying attention.

Kunzite: I won't distract you then.

[Kunzite nuzzles Zoi, and Zoi finds it very distracting. But he still manages to watch the movie, and cries during Juliet's funeral. And cries even harder when Romeo pulls back her burial shroud to give Juliet one last kiss before taking his own life.]

Kunzite: I'll admit, I do sort of envy him here.

Zoi: [bats his eyes at him] She is very pretty.

Kunzite: I don't envy him the girl-just the ease of the suicide. Shitennou can't kill themselves.

Zoi: What?

Kunzite: That's one thing Mother absolutely will not allow us to do. We can't take our own lives. The best we can do is threaten and anger someone else enough to do it for us. Though, if I look a little harder, I suppose can find a way.

[Zoi twists around so he's facing him]

Zoi: A little harder? What are you talking about? You've actually thought about killing yourself?

Kunzite: More than once. Not seriously, of course, but occasionally the thought of finding a way out brings me comfort. But last spring, when you were…nearly lost…

[Kunzite stops and takes a deep breath]

Kunzite: Of course, I put all my energy into trying to bring you back, but part of my mind was making contingency plans.

Zoi: …Contingency plans?

Kunzite: Well, I wasn't going to live without you. [grins] Jadeite botched his attempt, and Nephrite wouldn't even try, but I figured if I kept provoking Mother-

[Zoi picks up a throw pillow and socks him with it]

Kunzite: What did you do that for?

Zoi: You must never, never, never think of anything like that again! No matter what happens to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself! How dare you even think like that!

Kunzite: What would you do, if the situation were reversed?

Zoi: That's…not the same thing.

Kunzite: How is it not the same thing?

Zoi: …

[Kunzite chuckles]

Zoi: Ok! What if something did happen to you? Would you want me to go off and kill myself?

[Kunzite's face is filled with pain]

Kunzite: I guess I see your point…a little. But what would I do without you?

Zoi: Whatever you were doing before I came along and complicated your existence.

[Kunzite chuckles and shakes his head before pulling Zoi closer]

Kunzite: You really don't want to know what I was doing before you came along and complicated my existence.

[Meanwhile, at Blackmoon Cove.]

[Chief Midori pulls up his squad car next to a fire truck and joins the fire crew in standing in the pouring rain and staring up at the sky that is glowing like the Aurora Borealis over a pillar of ghostly green flames.]

Chief Midori: What is that?

[The fire crew just shake their heads]

[Then in an instant the fire and the lights just vanish plunging the area into darkness.]

Chief Midori: I suppose we should check it out.

[He gets his flashlight.]

[They search the area and find nothing. No smoke, no charring, no ashes. No signs that these ghostly flames ever existed.]

[Baffled, they make their back to their vehicles and drive away.]

[They do not notice the large figure, cloaked all in black, that is watching them leave.]


	7. Catalyst

[Scene: The bus to Hen Tie High. El is sitting on the bus next to her brother, with a lunch box perched on her knee. She's in pretty high spirits]

Dev: Do you want me to hold that for a few minutes?

El: [smiling] No need.

Dev: Oh, don't be a martyr. It must hurt.

El: It doesn't. I wrapped the crystal in insulated cloth then lined the inside of the box with mirrors. The fact that I can't feel anything confirms my theory that the power of the Silver Crystal is derived from protons.

Dev: Um, what does that mean,exactly?

El: It means that the power of the crystal takes the form of positively charged subatomic particles, which are accelerated by a catalyst, such as light, until they-

Dev: El? Love? Could you dumb it down for me a little more? Remember, you're the smart twin, I'm the pretty one.

El: [claps his shoulder] Aw, you're smart, too… My guess is the magic of the crystal works on the same principal as light waves. If I'm right it means that not only can we weaponize the Silver Crystal at full power, we can protect ourselves by using mirrors.

Dev: Wait. So we have to attack Metalia dressed up like a pair of disco balls?

El: No, dummy. You need to think *inside* the box. It's the crystal that needs to be surrounded by mirrors. Not us.

Dev: Then how do we use it to kill Metalia?

El: [grins] With a marvel of modern science we call the 'laser'.

Dev: [gives her a quick hug] You're so sexy when you're being brilliant.

[Scene: Later at Hen Tie High at lunch time. Umino, Naru, Zoi, Usagi, and Mamoru are making their way through the cafeteria.]

Umino: [To Zoi] The one good thing about Kunzite graduating is that we get you back for lunch again.

[Minako is already at their usual table. She is still wearing her mask and lying cheek down on the table, with a spacy look in her eyes.]

[Rei is sitting there too, eating a salad.]

Usagi: [plopping down next to Minako.] Are you ok?

Minako: [a mile a minute] I'm fine I think my cold is gone but I'm just a little worn out and I haven't slept in three days.

Mamoru: What do you mean you haven't slept in three days?

Minako: [nasally] Exactly that. I haven't slept in three days I've spent the last three nights cleaning up our place because I've had insomnia and what's weird is I'm not even tired.

Rei: You finally cleaned your room? You must be sick.

[Minako reaches into her purse and pulls out a half empty bottle with a browning labels that says "Daytime Cold Medicine"]

Minako: This stuff works miracles you see my cold symptoms flare up every four hours but I drink some of this and I'm as good as new.

[Mamoru takes the bottle and reads the label]

Mamoru: Where did you get this?

Minako: It was in back of my mom's medicine cabinet why do you ask?

Mamoru: [Reads the back of the bottle] They stopped making this stuff years ago.

Minako: [brows raised] Are you saying it's gone bad?

Mamro: That's not the problem. This was banned by the FDA. This brand of cold medicine has unsafe levels of Ephedrine in it.

[Minako gives him a quizzical look]

Naru: Ephedrine is like speed.

Umino: You are literally on drugs right now.

Mamoru: How much of this have you had?

Minako: Um… when I found the bottle it hadn't been opened?

Mamoru: No wonder you haven't slept in three days. [Gives her back the bottle] You need to stop taking this. In fact, you need to go home, stay in bed, and drink plenty of fluids until you get better without this.

Rei: [shakes her head] I really don't think the bitch should be driving in her condition.

Minako: [morose] I have to drive I don't know anyone who can get off work to pick me up right now besides how am I going to get my car home?

Zoi: I could ask Kunzite to take you home…He's in town, and I think he'd be willing to do this for me if I ask.

Minako: [giddy] Kunzite O'Sama driving me around town and to my house in his fancy sportscar? Hell yes!

Zoi: I'll give him a call right now. In the meantime, you should go the nurse's office and try to have a nap until he gets here.

Minako: Thanks manslut you are a true friend. [touches her mask and then groans] Oh wait I don't want him seeing me like this.

Rei: [annoyed] Bitch. He's got a boyfriend. He's not going to let you ride his rocket no matter what you look like.

Minako: You know what you're right this is a lost cause no matter what I look like so I might as well take whatever I can get.

[Minako's giddy again as she rises and backs her way toward the nurse's office. She backs up so fast she doesn't even realize she's headed right into the path of Dev and El, who are looking through a stack of photocopies. She collides with El, who falls to the ground with Minako on top of her]

[El's lunchbox flies open and the crystal rolls out onto the floor. Dev is staring at it in horror.]

Minako: [To El] Oh, I'm so sorry. Are you ok.

El: Watch where you're going, cow!

[Minako helps El to her feet then walks over to the crystal. She bends to pick it up.]

Dev: No! Don't touch it!

[Minako picks up the Silver Crystal, and for a second, bright light seems to travel up her arm through her veins. Then she gives off a glowing aura as she stands very still, with her hair blowing about and a faraway expression in her eyes. She stops glowing before she turns to El.]

Minako: Here you go.

[El just backs away in terror]

Minako: I don't think it's damaged, but if it is, I'll pay for a new one.

Dev: Um…could you put it in the lunchbox for us?

[Minako puts it in the lunchbox and hold it out to El]

Minako: Again, I'm really sorry. I-

[Dev and El grab the lunchbox and run off]

[They keep running until they are outside.]

[They look back at the cafeteria for a long while before relaxing]

Dev: Did you see how she was glowing? What just happened back there?

El: I don't know. But I'm willing to bet it was nothing good.


	8. A Blast From the Past

[Scene: The Hen Tie High parking lot. Kunzite pulls up and Zoi is waiting for him.]

Zoi: Thank you for doing this.

Kunzite: No problem at all.

[The walk together to the nurse's office, with Kunzite's arm around Zoi's shoulders.]

[Minako is sleeping soundly on the cot. Her face is reddish and sweaty. There is a plastic cup of juice on a chair by the bed, and a cold compress on her forehead.]

[The nurse is watching her with a concerned look]

Kunzite: I'm here to take Minako home.

Nurse Kaolinite: [whispers] I'm glad you're here. Her fever is spiking. Last I checked it was 104. I have half a mind to call for an ambulance.

[Zoi kneels beside her and gently rocks her shoulder to wake her.]

Zoi: Wake up, Minako. Kunzite's come to take you home.

[Minako's big blue eyes snap open and she stares right at Kunzite with a sneer of demonic hatred.]

Minako: /Kun zi to/

[Kunzite's eyes go wide and he backs away, shielding Zoi behind him.

Minako: [growling and bearing her teeth] Shhhhhhitennnnnou.

Kunzite: Zoisite! Get out of here! Now!

[Minako crouches on her hands and knees to stare at Kunzite. She's grimacing like a fiend and her eyes are rolled up near the top of her head, giving her a slightly crazed look]

Minako: [shrieking] /Ana ta wa wa ta see o koro see mas eta/

/Ana ta wa wa ta see no you gin o koro see mas eta/

/Ana ta wa wa ta see no heto o koro see mas eta/

/Ana ta wa ni wa de heb ay de su./

/Xu ki no na ma de, wa ta see wa ana tao sho ba xuse na ke re ba na ri masen/

[Minako leaps up from the bed and grabs a medical supply cart and swings it as Kunzite as hard as she can.]

[Kunzite blocks the cart, but it buckles and warps as if it had been hurled with superhuman strength. Minako immediately follows that attack with a roundhouse kick and a rain of blows that shatter drywall whenever her strikes hit a wall. Nurse Kaolinite screams and runs from the room while Zoi cowers in the doorway.]

Zoi: Minako! Stop! What are you doing?

[Minako ignores him and continues to attack Kunzite with whatever she can get her hands on. Bottles, syringes, trays… Kunzite manages to parry all her attacks, but only with great effort.]

[Eventually she seems to give up. Minako backs up and puts her fingers to together and Zoi is relieve to see she's not hitting Kunzite any more.]

Minako: CRESCENT BEAM!

[Zoi doesn't see the blast, since Kunzite is blocking his view. That is until Kunzite vanishes in a pink flash and it comes straight for his head. Zoi narrowly manages to duck backward in time to avoid being decapitated. Instead, a window far behind him shatters into a thousand pieces.]

[Kunzite reappears behind Minako, and puts his arm across her throat in a sleeper hold until she passes out. He drops her back onto the cot and storms out of the room, with Zoi following close behind him.]

[The nurse is hiding under a desk]

Kunzite: Call 911. Her fever has spiked to a dangerous level and she needs to be hospitalized.

[Once outside]

Zoi: Her fever? Are you kidding me? Minako is clearly possessed! She'll probably kill anyone they send to strap her to a gurney!

Kunzite: [shakes his head] I don't think so. I doubt she's a danger to anyone but me.

Zoi: What do you mean? She was speaking in tongues!

Kunzite: Not tongues. Moon dialect.

Zoi: Moon dialect?

Kunzite: The language spoken by the people who live on the moon.

Zoi: But there aren't any people who live on the moon.

Kunzite: [Nods gravely] Fancy that.


	9. Distractions

[Scene: Friday. Computer class. Umino is sitting behind El, who is sitting next to her brother Dev.]

Teacher: Ok, class, today we are going to write a program called "Hello World" in Java. I want you all to open your compilers and copy the code I am about to write on the whiteboard.

[Umino already knows Java, so he watches El, because he thinks she's cute.]

[Dev opens the Java compiler, but El opens one for C++. Umino opens his mouth to let her know that she has opened the wrong program, but closes his mouth again when he realizes she is working on something else.]

[Her fingers fly across the keyboard. She glances at the board from time to time as if pretending to follow along with the rest of the class, but the software she is writing is monstrously complex. She is calling a lot of graphics, physics, and mathematical libraries, and when it compiles on the first try, an image of what appears to be a glowing spherical diamond with hundreds of facets appears on her screen in stunning 3-D.]

[She taps her brother on the shoulder, and he smiles at her. She smiles back at him, then goes back to typing out complicated mathematical formulas.]

[Umino has no idea of what to make of any of this.]

[On El's screen a wire thin coil wraps around the gem and a beam of light shines through the crystal. Numbers appear on the right side of the screen. As the beams change shape, the numbers change. El jots these numbers into a notebook.]

[The bell rings, Dev gathers up his sister's books and stands over her shoulder so she can continue working for a few minutes. Umino gets up and goes to his next class.]

[When she is done, she pulls a page out of her notebook and walks with him into the hallway.]

El: Here are the supplies we'll need for The Death Ray. I've written the exact measurements. It's important you don't skimp on the quality of mirrors or the fiber optic cables since that could end in tragedy for one or both of us. We'll need scientific grade for everything on the list. Nothing less will do.

Dev: [Staring at something past El's shoulder with a goofy smile on his face] Yeah, sure.

El: We can sneak into the machine shop during the weekends to do most of the construction, but the mirrors will need to be professionally cut and measured, which means we're going to need some money.

Dev: Uh-huh.

El: I say we swipe it from somewhere far away so as not to cause any suspicion.

Dev: Yeah, no problem.

El: Are you even listening to me?

Dev: Absolutely.

[El looks to see what Dev is staring at, and sees a girl with two long blond pigtails sipping on a Starbucks cup, leaning up against a locker.]

[Dev is watching her with a goofy grin on his face.]

El: Her? Really? She looks like she's had a few too many caramel frappuccinos.

Dev: She looks like she could use a few more caramel frappuccinos. You know how I like my women big and beautiful.

El: [waves her hand in front of his face] Could you focus on the mission for even a second here?

Dev: [Not taking his eyes off Usagi] I don't see what your big hurry is. We literally have all the time in the world.

[He wanders off and walks up to Usagi, just leaving El there, standing agast]

Dev: Excuse me, miss…I'm new here. Would you mind telling me where the library is?

Usagi: Sure. You just go out that door and make a left-

Dev: [shrugs innocently] I'm not good with directions. Would you mind walking me there?

Usagi: Ah…ok.

[As they walk away, Dev gives El a wink and an a-ok sign over his shoulder]

El: [under her breath] Idiot.

[El turns and rounds a corner and almost bumps into Mamoru. She stares up into the most amazing sapphire blue eyes she's ever seen and her cheeks flush bright pink as her blood warms in her veins. She swears she can hear angels singing at the sight of such a handsome young gentleman]

Mamoru: Excuse me…my name is Mamoru Chiba.

El: I'm Eleanor Heltry. El for short.

Mamoru: Have you seen a blonde with buns in her hair? She was supposed to wait for me here.

El: Your girlfriend?

Mamoru: Yes.

El: Does she have really long pigtails?

Mamoru: Yes.

El: Oh, her. [sneers] She left. She said she got tired of waiting for you and she took off with another guy.

Mamoru: [disappointed] Oh. Ok. Thanks for your help. [turns to leave]

El: Wait… I'm a new student here, and I was wondering if you could help me…

Mamoru: Oh?

El: Is the nurse's office next to the library?

Mamoru: Actually, no. It's in the opposite direction.

El: [smiles and takes his arm] Good. That's where I'm going.


	10. Recovery

[Scene: Late Friday afternoon at the Hen Tie hospital. Zoi has decided to pay Minako a visit before meeting the others at the Crown to go see the movie they had planned for that week.]

[Zoi materializes in a rarely used corridor and then goes to the information desk to find out where Minako's room is. He smirks as he walks past the glass foyer and sees the automobiles outside, blasting their horns and circling like sharks, trying to find parking.]

[Who needs a car? Certainly not him.]

[He stops by a gift shop because he sees a vase of miniature sunflowers, yellow roses, and orange daisies, and it reminds him of Minako.]

[He brings the floral arrangement up to Minako's room. Minako is sitting up in her hospital bed hooked to an IV. Rei is sitting by her bedside. Together, they are looking at a Hollywood variety magazine and making catty comments. They look up as he peeks his head in.]

Zoi: Hi, Minako. Are you up for a visit?

[Her eyes light up when she sees the flowers]

Minako: You know it, kiddo! Are those for me?

Zoi: Absolutely. I couldn't resist.

[Zoi puts the flowers on the bedside table]

Minako: Awwww…[to Rei] Look, skank, Zoi brought me flowers. Not just some trashy magazines from the waiting room. You need to step up your game, girl.

Rei: [sitting back and filing her nails] Why on Earth would I want to do that?

[Zoi is relieved to see Minako is back to her old self and isn't harboring any murderous intent]

Zoi: So, what did the doctors say was wrong with you?

Minako: [scoffs] They literally have no clue.

Rei: [filing her nails] They said it's a virus.

Minako: Which is doctorspeak for "Hell if I know!"…They wanted to kick my ass out of this bed days ago, except this IV is the only thing keeping my fever down…[sighs]… It's a pity Dr. Metalia moved to DC after all her little chickadees flew off to college… She would know exactly what is going on, and how to take care of me.

[Zoi has little doubt of that, and is sincerely grateful Metalia isn't there to "take care" of his friend.]

Minako: [becomes uncharacteristically somber] I hear I flipped out and trashed the nurse's office pretty good.

Zoi: Yeah you did.

Minako: Oh…[sulks]…I guess that means I've burned any rickety little rope bridges I might have had going with Kunzite O'Sama, didn't I?

[Normally, Zoi would feel threatened that such a beautiful girl cares so much about what his boyfriend thinks of her, but Kunzite has made it clear he'll never like her that way, so he can't help but feel a tinge of pity.]

Zoi: Don't worry. He knows you had a really high fever.

Minako: [shakes her head sadly] I don't know what got into me. I don't remember any of it. The last thing I remember is seeing him standing there, and…Well… I was positively convinced he had tricked me into letting him murder everyone I had ever loved. And now he was coming to kill me too…

[Minako shakes her head again and smiles]

Minako: Pretty wild stuff, huh? He's not hurt, is he?

Zoi: No.

Minako: Thank goodness for that-

[Minako looks out of the corner of her eye and sees Rei rummaging through her makeup bag and is checking out a wand of her imported mascara.]

Minako: Hey, hey, hey! Paws off my makeup, skank! That's just nasty.

[Minako grabs the bag and the mascara away from Rei and flips open a compact to touch up her lashes]

Minako: It's not like you need it anyway. You always look like you woke up singing a merry tune while the woodland creatures helped you dress, whereas my looks have been so ravaged by disease, I could play the Cryptkeeper without CGI.

[She pulls out a pressed powder compact to matten up her t-zone, then get out an eyebrow pencil.]

[As she turns her back to Zoi to fill in her brows, she catches sight of his reflection. Zoi's reflection is shadowy and distorted. Except for his eyes, which look like two glowing pools of fire.]

[Minako screams and nearly drops the compact.]

Rei: You don't look THAT bad.

[Minako turns around and Zoi looks normal.]

Zoi: [alarmed] What's wrong?

[She peeks in the mirror again. Zoi's reflection is still distorted. She looks at Rei and Rei looks normal. She tilts it back to Zoi, who is still distorted. She's convinced there is something very wrong with her brain, but she's equally certain that if she tells anyone about the vivid hallucinations she's been having since her attack on the nurse's office, they will determine she is a danger to herself and others and move her to the psychiatric ward.]

Minako: It's nothing. Muscle spasm in my back…I think I slept on it wrong…[she snaps the compact shut and lets out a lighthearted laugh]…anyway you two sluts better get going soon or you're going to be late for your movie.

Rei: [Looks at her watch] She's right. We better get moving.

[Zoi and Rei walk out together]

Rei: [To Zoi] You've got a ride waiting downstairs for you, right?

Zoi: Uh, yeah, why?

Rei: I had to get my grandfather to drop me off. Would you mind giving me a lift to the Crown Center?


	11. Killing Time

[Scene: Hen Tie Hospital. Rei has asked Zoi for a ride, and he can't very well tell her he gets around via teleportation.]

Zoi: You'd have to ride in the back of my dad's squad car.

Rei: I don't care.

[Rei sees his deer in the headlights look and is starting to take offense.]

Rei: What?

Zoi: I...uh... totally would ask my dad to give you a lift... Except...

Rei: Except what?

Zoi: I'm not going to the Crown. My dad and I are visiting other people, so he's taking me straight to the cinema.

Rei: [Narrows her eyes in suspicion] Oh, really?

Zoi: Yeah, one of his oldest friends is having heart problems... Harry Clearwater... It's pretty bad so I can't rush him along... you know, so you're better off not waiting for us.

Rei: Are you kidding me? The movie starts in thirty minutes and it's clear across town!

Zoi: [shrugs sadly] Yeah, I guess I'm going to miss all the previews.

[Rei pulls out her Smartphone and stomps off]

[Zoi waits until he's alone and teleports away. He has at least a half hour to kill, so he wants to give Kunzite the latest update on the Minako situation]

[He rematerializes in Kunzite's kitchen. Kunzite's penthouse apartment is very sophisticated. With black granite and walnut paneling with black suede furniture and many lighted niches holding ancient books and statuettes. Pictures windows provide a panorama of the city. Not Zoi's asthetic, but it suits Kunzite, and Zoi must admit it does look sharp.]

[Kunzite seated at his desk, studying a book, he looks up from his studying and stares at Zoi with a surprised expression on his face.]

Kunzite: Are you supposed to be seeing a movie with your friends tonight?

[An instant later he realizes that in his eagerness to report on Minako's progress, he's turned up at Kunzite's unexpected and unannounced. He considers teleporting away again, but Kunzite is staring right at him.]

Zoi: I was coming to tell you I spoke to Minako in the hospital. She seems to be back to her old self.

Kunzite: Oh?

Zoi: And Rei asked me to give her a ride to The Crown. Long story short, I have to hide somewhere for about a half hour until the movie starts.

[Kunzite just smirks at him]

Zoi: [walking up to Kunzite] I'm sorry. I know I should have knocked instead of just barging into the middle of your kitchen like that... but I didn't want to teleport into the hallway.

[Kunzite turns in his chair and points to his knee. Zoi recognizes the cue and climbs onto his lap. Kunzite removes Zoi's hair tie and smoothes out his hair and kisses him tenderly]

Kunzite: Zoisite, we're married. You don't have to knock. You're welcome to barge into my kitchen whenever you feel like it.

Zoi: [giggles] But what if I catch you in a compromising position?

Kunzite: Why would I be in a compromising position with anyone but you?

[Kunzite reaches for a bookmark, and closes the book without taking his eyes off Zoi. Zoi looks at the book, but it is written in a language he doesn't understand.]

Zoi: What is that?

Kunzite: A text on the moon people. I need to teach you to protect yourself from them. This book was transcribed from ancient Babylonian tablets. It has been a very long time since I've faced a Moon Guardian, so I thought it would be best to refresh my memory.

Zoi: I thought you said the Moon People were extinct?

Kunzite: It appears the Guardian associated with the planet Venus has been reincarnated here on Earth.

Zoi: You mean Minako? How can you tell she's associated with the planet Venus?

Kunzite: Mostly because of her attacks, but partly because of the way she spoke of me seducing and betraying her.

[Zoi gives Kunzite a cross look.]

Zoi: You seduced her?

Kunzite: In a manner of speaking. Absolutely nothing happened.

Zoi: [dubious] Absolutely Nothing?

Kunzite: [sheepish] ...well...very little...

[Zoi turns away from Kunzite in a huff]

Kunzite: What? I only did what I had to in order to protect Mother from the White Queen. And in any case, that was a thousand years before I met you. You have absolutely nothing to be upset about.

Zoi: And yet, I am upset.

[Kunzite pulls Zoi back so he can look into his eyes]

Kunzite: There is nobody but you. There has never been anyone but you. I've been with others, but you were the only one I tried to follow into the grave.

Zoi: Don't say that.

Kunzite: [strokes Zoi's hair] I am nothing without you. My life means nothing without you in it.

[He leans forward with uncharacteristic shyness and kisses Zoi. Zoi turns in his lap until he is straddling him and returns the kiss.]

Kunzite: [breathless] My love. My only love.

[They kiss passionately for several minutes]

Kunzite: May I carry you into the bedroom?

Zoi: Please do.

[Kunzite stands, lifting Zoi as he does and places him on the end of his bed. Zoi likes Kunzite's bed, the pillowtop makes it far more luxurious than the one he is used to sleeping on. Kunzite removes Zoi's shoes and socks, then pushes him flat on his back into the center of the bed before he peels off Zoi's shirt. But rather than pull it completely off, he uses it to pin his forearms to the bed as he kisses him.]

Kunzite: So. You have to kill a half an hour before your movie starts?

[Zoi nods with his face flushed with desire]

Kunzite: I think I'll make you miss the entire movie.

Zoi: Oh, no. You mustn't do that...Hen Tie is a small town and you know how my friends are... If I miss the first ten minutes it will reinforce my story, but if I miss the entire movie, they'll blame my dad for it.

Kunzite: [stern] Fine. Forty minutes. [Kuzite tucks Zoi into the bed] But you're coming back here and making it up to me. I expect you to visit more often, especially since we'll be seeing a lot less of each other in Hen Tie.

Zoi: [alarmed] Seeing less of each other in Hen Tie? Why is that?

Kunzite: [starts undressing]If Minako is a reincarnated Moon Guardian, it would be best for me to stay as far away as I possibly can. No more visiting Hen Tie, no more rides to school-

[Zoi is staring at Kunzite's chiseled body with undisguised hunger. Even after many months, he still has a hard time accepting that someone as hot as Kunzite is so deeply in love with him]

Zoi: You don't have to stay away. She doesn't remember any of that. She feels really bad for attacking you.

Kunzite: Maybe, but I can't take any chances. [slides into bed and gathers Zoi into his arms] You're not to mention me to your friends anymore. And under no circumstances are you to let anyone know you've become a Shitennou. She might want to kill you for that alone.

Zoi: [rolls his eyes] Oh, great, so it's the situation with the Blackmoons all over again.

Kunzite: [pulls Zoi closer] No, this is nothing at all like the situation with the Blackmoons.

Zoi: Why not?

[Kunzite kisses Zoi passionately]

Kunzite: Because I would have absolutely no trouble killing a moon guardian for you.


	12. Existential Crisis at the Movies

[Scene: the Hen Tie Cinema. Zoi is about twenty minutes late to the movie and still basking in the afterglow of his evening with Kunzite. His night vision is much better than a human's so it's easy for him to spot his friends in the center of the theater. Strangely, Motoki is sitting between Usagi and Mamoru, Usagi looks like she is in a really bad mood, Naru is hiding her face against Umino's shoulder, and Rei has saved Zoi a seat.]

Rei: [whispers] You finally made it. You weren't kidding about being better off not waiting for you.

Zoi: [whispers back] What did I miss.

Rei: [grins like a Cheshire Cat] Usagi and Mamoru had a huge fight on the way over here.

Zoi: Oh? What about?

Rei: Mamoru invited another girl on their date to the animal shelter tomorrow afternoon.

[Zoi has to fake a coughing fit to hide his giggles. He knows he shouldn't laugh, but that's exactly the sort of thing he's come to expect from Mamoru.]

[On the screen bunch of kids standing on the beach looking dreamy and poetic.]

Zoi: I thought we picked the horror film.

Rei: This is the horror film.

Zoi: Then how come nobody's getting slaughtered?

Rei: [gleeful] Oh, that part is coming. [Points to Naru, who has her eyes twisted shut]

Umino: This movie is gross. It's a complete spatterfest.

Mamoru: [To Usagi] I'm going to get some popcorn. You want anything?

Usagi: [curt] No.

Zoi: [whispers to Rei] Usagi turning down junkfood? She MUST be upset.

Umino: Hey, Zoi. You missed everything. Most of the humans are already dead.

Zoi: Traffic.

Rei: Oh, here comes the gross stuff again.

[Naru covers her ears with her hands]

[Zoi looks at the screen and there is a guy chained to a chair in an abandoned warehouse. He is being tortured by some guy who looks like an ogre. The audience screams as the ogre cuts off some of the guys fingers with a pair of garden shears.]

Rei: Pretty sick stuff, huh?

[Zoi sits and watches the movie and find himself becoming increasingly horrified.]

[But not for the same reason as the others.]

[The movie is mostly about monsters, and a handful of humans being penned up like cattle, tortured, and then slaughtered like livestock. The movie keeps cutting back between the horrified faces of the humans and the horrifying faces of the ghouls.]

[Zoi finds he doesn't relate to the humans at all. Of course they are being hunted to extinction. Wasn't that all they were good for? Zoi lived, he died, he came back as a monster that feeds on humans. Doesn't that make him a ghoul, himself?]

[He looks about the theater at the sea of humans eating popcorn and watching the movie. They all look more appetizing than the treats they are stuffing their faces with between spatters of gore on the screen.]

[Zoi breaks into a cold sweat. He still thinks of himself as human. He loves his family. And his friends. But his parents won't live forever, and his friends will move away. Even if they don't, he can't remain a part of their lives for very long. Maybe they wouldn't find it so strange if Zoi (or Kunzite) still looks like a teenager well into his fifties. But both of them at the same time? Once his last ties to humanity were broken, his only emotional ties will be to Metalia and her brood of monsters. How long before he stops caring and starts gorging himself on the lifeforce of the innocent?]

[A sick feeling fills his stomach as he fights a madden urge to drain the life from every person in the theater.]

[Zoi stands up]

Rei: Where are you going?

Zoi: I need a drink.

[Zoi goes out and sit on a bench in the lobby and buries his face in his hands. A minute later Mamoru walks over with a tub of popcorn.]

Mamoru: Hey, buddy. Is the movie too scary for you?

Zoi: [sits up] Yeah, I guess I'm just a coward.

Mamoru: Do you want me to take you home? I can ask Motoki to lend me his keys and I'll be back before the movie is over.]

Zoi: No.

Mamoru: It's no trouble.

Zoi: I'm fine.

Mamoru: Want me to call your father and ask him to come get you?

Zoi: You go back in and enjoy the movie.

[Mamoru doesn't budge until Naru comes over a few minutes later]

Naru: [sits on the bench next to Zoi] It's ok. I'll stay with him. I don't want to see any more of that movie either.

[Mamoru returns to the movie.]

Naru: [To Zoi] Are you ok?

Zoi: [shrugs] Just scared.

Naru: That's funny. I didn't think you were scared. I was screaming the whole time and didn't hear you scream once. So we didn't know why you left.

[Zoi doesn't know what to say. They sit together in silence until the movie lets out. They join the others walking back to the van.]

Rei: That's the scariest movie I've ever seen. I think we're all going to have nightmares tonight.

Umino: No doubt about that.

[They notice Zoi , and they all stare right at him like he's grown a third eye in the middle of his forehead. Even Usagi has stopped glowering at Mamoru. Zoi's puzzled. Naru was even more freaked out by the movie, and yet nobody seems to be paying much attention to her. He's starting to get paranoid. Can they sense he's not quite human? Have they guessed what he is?]

[It doesn't seem possible, but one thing seems certain…]

[His father is probably right about him needing his own car.]


	13. Quarrel

[The Hen Tie Cinema parking lot. Motoki unlocks the van]

Motoki: Zoi, come ride up front.

[ Nobody challenges him for shotgun. The others file into the back. Motoki starts the van and there is an awkward silence.]

Zoi: Is something wrong?

Motoki: [patronizing] Nothing's wrong. Why would anything be wrong?

[He can feel the eyes of the others boring into him from the back of the van. Zoi decides to take the attention off himself]

Zoi: [over his shoulder to Usagi] Hey, I heard you and Mamoru got into an argument.

Usagi: [points to Mamoru] Jerkface here asked Eleanor Heltry out on a date!

Zoi: Who is Elenor Heltry?

Usagi: Some Cheryl Blossom wannabe from England.

Rei: Who's Cheryl Blossom?

Naru: [to Rei] The promiscuous redhaired girl from Archie Comics.

Rei: [wide eyed] There's a redheaded slut in Archie Comics?

Umino: You mean aside from Archie?

[Naru and Umino give each other a high five]

Mamoru: [sighs] It's not a date. She and her brother just arrived in America and she doesn't know her way around town. I told her I'm volunteering at the no-kill animal shelter tomorrow and she said she'd like to help.

Usagi: [scowling] Help herself to my boyfriend, you mean.

Mamoru: Usagi. You're not being very nice.

Usagi: Well neither is she! I've seen her around, and she's cold and unfriendly to nearly everyone! I get really bad vibes off her!

Mamoru: Has it occurred to you that she pushes people away because she's afraid of rejection?

Usagi: Has it occurred to you that maybe you wouldn't care so much if she wasn't a pretty redhead with a cute accent?

Motoki: She's got you there, Mamoru.

Mamoru: [to Usagi] Don't worry, I told her I'd have to check with you first to make sure you were ok with her coming with us.

Usagi: Oh, great! Way to put me on the spot! Now if you tell her she can't come with us, I'm the mean witch who doesn't want her to help the cute little animals!

Mamoru: Why don't you want her to help the cute little animals?

Usagi: Because we never get to spend time alone together! You are ALWAYS studying!

Mamoru: And you are NEVER studying!

Rei: [rubbing her hands together in morbid glee] Ooohh. He went there.

Mamoru: I'm serious, Usagi. This blond ditz act isn't going to be cute forever. You need to stop goofing around and start passing your classes.

[Zoi is shocked. He can't imagine Kunzite treating him like this. But if he did, Zoi is certain he'd be reduced to a quivering wreck.]

Umino: ummm…Maybe you two should have a study date…you know…make studying a couple's thing?

Mamoru: I'm not going to coddle her. She needs to develop enough self discipline to open up a textbook on her own.

Rei: [shivering with delight] It's getting cold back here. Especially in the shade. And believe me, there is plenty of shade.

Usagi: What? I embarrass you? Do you want to break up with me? Is that it?

Mamoru: Of course I don't want to break up with you. Someone has to take care of you until you find something you're good at.

Rei: Oh, snap. He shoots, he scores. Now there's the Mamoru we all know and love.

[Zoi's heard enough. He turns in his seat]

Zoi: Hey! Stop bullying Usagi!

[The van goes deathly silent and everyone in the back stares at Zoi]

Usagi: They're not bullying me.

Mamoru: Don't worry. Usagi knows I love her.

Usagi: And I love him. See. [Takes Mamoru's hand]

Mamoru: I just want to encourage her to do better in school.

Zoi: Then stop making her feel like a failure!

Usagi: [Lets out a nervous giggle] It's ok, Zoi. Mamoru and Rei talk to me like this all the time, but I know they are just teasing.

Zoi: No! It's not okay! It's cruel! They shouldn't gang up on you like that!

Mamoru: [chagrined] I'm sorry you feel that way.

Zoi: Don't apologize to me! Apologize to Usagi!

Mamoru: [to Usagi] Do you want an apology?

Usagi: [shrugs] I don't care.

Mamoru: I think I should apologize to you anyway. Zoi seems pretty upset.

Naru: [pouts] Poor little guy, he's so sensitive.

Zoi: [snarling] I can hear you, you know! Why is everyone suddenly acting like I'm three years old?

Mamoru: [A bit too quickly] We don't think you're three.

Usagi: [condescending] Nooo…not at all.

[Zoi faces forward. Since they'll just deny acting weird, Zoi doesn't see any point in talking about it anymore. He just scowls while the others slowly ease back into their bickering]

[As they approach Haruka's place, about a mile and a half from his home, he sees her in her garage in jeans and a sleeveless flannel shirt, fixing up a rusty vintage pickup truck]

[Michiru is seated nearby, playing the violin in a cream colored chiffon dress]

[But what really catches Zoi's eye is a pair of motorcycles leaning against the garage, under a sign that says. "For Sale, As is."]

[Perfect.]

[A motorcycle would allow Zoi to get around like a human, coming and going as he pleases without people wondering how he travels so easily. And unlike a car, it would be small enough for him to teleport when nobody was looking.]

Zoi: [To Motoki] Stop. Let me out here. I need to talk to Haruka.

Motoki: Want us to wait for you?

Zoi: [grins] That won't be necessary.


	14. The Beast in the Woods

[Scene: Haruka's garage. Michiru is still playing her violin. Zoi's always envied how elegant she is. Even in a dirty garage, she looks like she is posing for the cover of Vogue. Haruka wipes her brow, getting grease all over her forehead, and gives Zoi a flirtatious wink .]

Haruka: Well, hello there, Goldilocks. Have you come to steal me away from from my girlfriend? Because I'd totally let you.

Michiru: [Grins and does't skip a beat in her violin playing] Yes. And so would I.

[Haruka gives her a hurt look, but Michiru just keeps playing]

Zoi: Actually I'm more interested in your motorcycles. [Points to the one in better shape] How much do you want for that bike?

Haruka: Are you serious, kitten?

Zoi: Of course I am.

[Michiru lowers the bow and violin and gives Haruka a stern look]

Haruka: [vaguely guilty] They don't work. I rode them pretty hard, and now they're both completely trashed.

Zoi: I guessed as much, based on the wording on the sign… How much?

Haruka: [waves dismissively] If you really want one, just take it. My mom wants me to move them down to the road so they'd get picked up with the trash.

Zoi: Are you sure about that?

Haruka: You want to go in and ask her?

Zoi: No, I believe you. [Hauls up a motorcycle.]

Haruka: [wipes her hands and face with a rag] You want me to help you with those? They aren't light.

Zoi: No, thanks. I only need one.

Haruka: Might as well take both. Maybe you can scavenge some parts.

Zoi: Ok, I'll come back for the other one tomorrow.

[Zoi starts rolling the bike away]

Hakura: [Slams the hood of the truck down] Whoa, there Goldilocks! There is no way I'm letting you lug that thing through the woods by yourself!

Zoi: I live only a mile and a half from here.

Hakura: That's a mile and a half too far. Hasn't your father warned you these woods are dangerous at night?

Zoi: [twirls a lock of his hair and gives her a sly smile] Is that so? Afraid I'll steal some porridge and get eaten by a bear?

[Haruka and Michiru exchange glances.

Hakura: As a matter of fact…

Michiru: Hasn't your father told you about the bear sightings, and about the hikers who have gone missing?

Zoi: No.

[Which is odd, since he's certain his father would have mentioned something like that to him.]

Michiru: Two hikers went missing a few days ago.

Haruka: The police found their campsite, completely torn up. Their rental car was parked nearby. Their tents were shredded with great violence, but there was no trace of the hikers themselves.

Michiru: Rumor has it that they were eaten by a bear.

Haruka: It's not a rumor. I saw the damn thing… On all fours it was taller than I am. Big as a house and pitch black.

Michiru: Not a chance. Black bears don't get that big.

Haruka: I'm telling you. I've seen grizzlies pretty close up in yellowstone, but they had nothing on this brute. People ought to be warned. This wasn't up on the mountain, mind you-this was only a few yards away from the O'Sama house.

[Zoi's stomach churns. The O'Sama house is vacant, Kunzite's family has moved away. At least temporarily. But might they have left a stray youma behind?]

Zoi: When did you see it?

Haruka: It was the evening after that stormy night with the weird green pillar of fire over at Blackmoon Cove.

[Zoi is starting to feel even more unsettled, especially since by "weird green pillar of fire", he assumes she means the incident his father downplayed as a bunch of local kids lighting bonfires during a rainstorm.]

Michiru: The grizzlies you saw were probably cubs.

Haruka: I know what I saw!

Zoi: Did it have any distinguishing marks?

Haruka: Hell if I know. I only caught a glimpse of it out of the corner of my eye and peeled off fast as I could in the other direction.

Michiru: So you admit you don't actually know what you saw.

Hakura: All I know is the damn thing was big! It was coming right for me! There is no way I'm letting either one of you sugarplums walk through the woods if I can help it!

[Haruka grabs the heavier bike and tosses it onto the back of the truck before doing the same with the lighter one.]

Haruka: Hop in, babydolls, we're going for a ride.

[Michiru puts away her violin and climbs into the passenger side of the cabin after Zoi. They are crammed in pretty tight]

Haruka: [grinning as she looks over at Zoi and Michiru] Now there's a lovely sight. I think I could get used to this.

Michiru: You know what I think? I think the only big bad wolf in these woods is you.

Haruka: [Grins wider] You're damn right about that, honeypie.


	15. That's Treason!

[Scene: The Midori house. Zoi walks in after Hakura set up the bikes on the back porch, and drove off after declining an invitation to come in for a glass of lemonade]

[Chief Midori is sitting on the couch, watching the game and eating a bag of Doritos.]

[Zoi grabs the bag out of his hand on the way into the kitchen and puts them away.]

Chief Midori: How was the movie?

[Zoi can't tell his dad he missed most of it because he was either homicidal with thirst for human energy, or else having sex with his boyfriend.]

Zoi: It was pretty dumb. I couldn't only stand a few minutes of it then I had to get up and wait for the others in the lobby.

Chief Midori: [concerned] Oh?

[Chief Midori goes back to watching his game while Zoi chops up vegetables for dinner. But Zoi can't get his mind off the way the others were babying him after the movie]

Zoi: Dad, do you think people can tell I'm no longer human?

Chief Midori: [Looking away from the TV] I'm not sure what you mean.

Zoi: Do I look like a monster?

Chief Midori: You're my little boy. You never look like a monster to me.

Zoi: I'm serious, Dad.

Chief Midori: [Looks at Zoi] No, you look the same as always. Your eyes change color sometimes, but that's pretty common with green eyes anyway, and people pay attention to details like eye color less often than you'd think. Why do you ask?

Zoi: [still chopping] Because my friends started acting weird after I left the movie. They treated me like a child. But Naru left too, and they didn't treat her any differently.

Chief Midori: [rhetorically] What movie did you see again?

Zoi: Tokyo Ghoul.

Chief Midori: Isn't that the movie about people being kidnapped and murdered?

Zoi: Kinda.

Chief Midori: Do you suppose your friends know anyone who was kidnapped recently and nearly murdered?

[Zoi stops chopping and stares at his Dad]

Chief Midori: I wonder how they'd feel if they took someone like that to a movie like that, and they got up and left right in the middle of it.

[Zoi doubles over with laughter]

Zoi: Oh my God. I never even thought of that. Those poor idiots. They must think I'm horribly traumatized.

Chief Midori: I'm glad you see the humor in this.

Zoi: Yeah, well they don't know I messed up the Blackmoons a lot more than they messed me up.

Chief Midori: [concerned] Are you sure you left because the movie was stupid?

Zoi: Absolutely. [Remember the bikes and pushes the cutting board away] Come out back, I got a surprise.

Chief Midori: Oh?

[Zoi leads his father out to the back porch. Chief Midori's hair stands up on end when he sees the two bikes leaning against the side of the house]

Chief Midori: What are those?

Zoi: Motorcycles. Haruka gave them to me for free.

Chief Midori: Oh, no. [shakes his head in disapproval] Call her up and tell her to take them back.

Zoi: She doesn't want them.

Chief Midori: Zoisite Midori, you are not riding a motorcycle. Are you aware of how many traffic accidents I get called to involving those things? How many victims, mostly kids, I have to scrape off the highway?

[Zoi gives his dad puppy dog eyes]

Chief Midori: Think of all the long wet stretches of roadway, the blind intersections after blind intersections, the log haulers barrelling through this town without looking at where they are going…

Zoi: [giggles] Don't worry dad. I'm immortal.

Chief Midori: But not indestructible. Need I remind you it rains here more often than it doesn't? Besides. Those don't look like they are in working condition.

Zoi: [sighs] Yeah, Haruka said they haven't worked in months. I figured I'll take them to Dowling's.

Haruka: [frowning] Dowling would charge you more to fix them then they'd be worth running.

Zoi: Yeah, you're probably right. That Dowling is a crook. [Inspiration strikes, so he smiles angelically] You know what? It's ok. There is someone I know that builds bikes.

Chief Midori: [uneasy] Oh, who is that?

Zoi: Mamoru Chiba. He's pretty busy, but he also needs money, so I figure I can hire him to come over here and have a look at them.

Chief Midori: You're inviting Mamoru Chiba over? Future Johns Hopkins educated brain surgeon Mamoru Chiba?

[Chief Midori's frown turns upside down]

Chief Midori: I take it all back! I have no problem with you owning a motorcycle if it means you two will get to know each other better.

Zoi: Uh, what?

Chief Midori: [Smiles] These bikes are in pretty bad shape. Fixing them could take weeks…[gleefully ponders]…then he'll have to teach you how to ride. Between bonding with Mamoru, and working on your schoolwork, it looks like you're not going to have a lot of time to spend with Kunzite.

Zoi: [wide eyed and slack jawed] This had better be some reverse psychology gambit to make me give up the bikes.

Chief Midori: [claps him on the back] Don't worry, it's not.

Zoi: Dad! [socks his arm]

Chief Midori: Ow, what?

Zoi: I thought you LIKED Kunzite now!

Chief Midori: I do like Kunzite now…Just not as much as I like Mamoru.

[Zoi's jaw drops]

Chief Midori: What? I can't like both boys at once?

Zoi: No! I can't like both boys at once!

Chief Midori: Don't get me wrong. I love Kunzite. I think of him as my own kid… My filthy, rotten, no-good, juvenile delinquent kid that I have to harden my heart against because we all just know he's doomed to meet a bad end–

Zoi: [Clamping his hands over his ears] I'm not listening to this!

Chief Midori: Oh come on! I know he loves you very much…but you have to admit he's been a terrible influence. I shudder to think of how you would have turned out if he was your only role model. Just look at all the terrible things that have happened in just the short time you've known him. Mamoru Chiba on the other hand–Straight A student, star athlete, volunteer, future surgeon–

Zoi: Mamoru Chiba has a girlfriend! Furthermore, she is one of my best friends! Who loves him even though he bullies her relentlessly! And he kisses her when she's drunk and unable to give her consent, I might add! So, even if the both of us were actually single, which we are NOT, you couldn't pay me enough to like him in that way!

Chief Midori: [shrugs] As your father, I'd still rather see you end up with him instead of Kunzite.

Zoi: You know what? If you like Mamoru Chiba so much why don't YOU marry him?

Chief Midori: I'm not the one everyone says he's secretly in love with.

Zoi: [Cringes] Dad! This is gross! I'm going upstairs so I can forget this conversation ever took place!

[Walks back into the house and makes a point of slamming the door behind him]

[An instant later the door opens again and Zoi peeks his head out]

Zoi: I'm keeping the bikes! And you can cook your own dinner! Traitor!

[Zoi slams the door once more]

[Chief Midori chuckles fondly]


	16. Double Date

[Scene: The abandoned home Dev and El are squatting at. El is standing in front of a cracked full length mirror on the back of the door of the bedroom in a pink eyelet dress, testing different parts in her hair to see what looks the best.]

[Dev materializes wearing a sportcoat and slacks, tossing handfuls of twenties into the air. One lands on El's shoulder and she brushes it off and puts it in her pocket.]

Dev: Congratulate me, beautiful. I just made a fortune in the Big Apple.

El: Buying and selling stock based on insider information?

Dev: No, silly. I've been magicking the wedding rings off rich ladies' fingers, and returning them for the reward money…I've been averaging a hundred dollars a pop… plus the rich ladies all want to give me a big hug.

El: [still checking herself in the mirror] That's nice.

Dev: [disappointed by her reaction] "That's nice, Dev"? No. "That's genius, Dev!"

El: [Turns around to face her brother] We'll if you ask me, that sounds way too complicated…Why not just magic away their purses and take all their money.

Dev: [shocked] No way. Purse snatchings make people miserable, whereas I make these ladies feel like the luckiest women alive when I'm taking away their money.

El: [rolls her eyes and applies lipstick] Yeah, Dev. You're such a saint.

Dev: [goes to the bed and picks up his guitar] Where are you going?

El: If you must know, I have a date with Mamoru Chiba in less than ten minutes.

Dev: Mamoru Chiba? The snappy dresser who is dating Ms. Pigtails? [frowns deeper as he slowly strums a spanish melody] Over my dead body.

El: What? I'm not allowed to have a boyfriend before I die?

Dev: [still playing] Not someone else's boyfriend.

El: [grins] She won't have a boyfriend when I get through with them.

[Dev gives her a disapproving look]

El: What? You of all people should be happy about that, given your infatuation with Ms. Pigtails.

Dev: [ponders this…then shakes his head] No, it's not worth it…You're my sister and far too much of an innocent in these matters to be dating a guy like that.

El: [smirks] What? You think he's going to take advantage of my naive and trusting nature?

Dev: El, I'm serious. This Mamoru is too good looking. He knows he's good looking and guys like that are dangerous… He'll use you because he knows he can…He'll break your heart and nobody except for me will feel sorry for you.

El: [scoffs] Don't worry about me. I'm the smart twin, remember. I know better than to fall in love.

[She teleports away and steps out from behind a vintage arcade game at the Crown Game Center]

Mamoru: El. You're early. Now we just need to wait for Usagi.

El: [bats her eyes] Do we have to?

Mamoru: [turns away] And there she is.

[Usagi enters wearing a faded novelty tee with an unraveling hem, capri pants and canvas shoes. She eyes El's dainty pink dress in disapproval.]

Usagi: You do know we're going to spend the entire day cleaning up animal poop, don't you?

[El gives her a haughty shrug]

Mamoru: El, this is my girlfriend Usagi. Usagi, Eleanor Heltry. El was good enough to volunteer to help us out at the animal shelter today.

Usagi: [Unenthused] Great. Let's go.

[El follows them to Mamoru's rebuilt junker, and she is disheartened to see them walking hand in hand. She sits in the back and feels like a third wheel as she listens to them chat like a happy couple, making no effort to include her in the conversation, and paying no mind of the fact she is there.]

[It makes her bitter to think of how out of place and alone she and her brother are in their world. If they die, they will have nobody to mourn them.]

[They finally pull up at the animal shelter and Mamoru leads them into a room filled with cages of cats.]

[As soon as El steps into the room the cats put their ears back and start hissing all at once]

[El backs out of the room and Usagi and Mamoru follow her out]

Usagi: What was that all about?

El: [blushes] You know how some people are allergic to cats… Well… cats are allergic to me.

Mamoru: [pats her shoulder] Hey, it's ok. We don't have to stay here. We can go to the women's shelter and help take care of the babies while their mothers attend classes.

El: [looks away] Yeah, about that…

Usagi: [smug] Let me guess, babies are allergic to you too.

Mamoru: Um…why don't we go to the assisted living retirement home?

Usagi: [whiny] Ah, I don't want to go to the old folks home.

[Mamoru gives her a disapproving look]

El: [raises her hand] I do! I want to go to the retirement home!

Mamoru: [smiles] The retirement home it is.

[Leads El out with his hand on her shoulder]

Usagi: [looks down at her faded tee] But I'm not dressed for that…

El: [over her shoulder] Oh, I'm sure they don't care.


	17. Tragic Little Lies

[Scene: The assisted living home. Mamoru and Usagi are going about their duties. They perform their duties admirably, but El is in her element. Usagi thought El was sucking up to Mamoru, but El isn't even paying attention to him. She taken to her tasks like a fish to water. She finished early and is sitting in a chair surrounded a group of wheelchair bound elderly women with oxygen tanks.]

[Usagi drifts over to see what they are up to.]

[Eleanor has been pouring them lukewarm herbal tea and listening to their stories. They've asked her about herself, and she can't very well tell them that she and her brother were spawned from a demonic experiment gone horribly wrong, so she just embellishes on the story Dev has coached her with. (Combined with elements gleaned from the human sacrifice portion to give it that ring of truth.)]

El: [Uncharacteristically cheerful] There you are, Pigtails. You should come talk with these ladies, they have the most fascinating stories. Sabine was actually in Berlin when they opened up the Wall.

[Usagi pulls up a chair and sits down, unnerved at how sweet El is being.]

Rose: [touches one of Usagi's pigtails] You girls have such lovely hair. It's so thick and so strong.

El: [laughs] You should see my mother.

Rose: Your mother must be very beautiful.

El: [Nods] That she is.

Sabine: What does she look like?

[El speaks slowly, choosing her her words carefully, since she'll have to repeat them all to Dev.]

El: My Grandpa tells me I look just like her, but that's a lie. My Daddy keeps pictures of her all over the house and she looks like a movie star. I was named after my Grandpa, you know?

Usagi: Your grandpa's name is Eleanor?

El: [Gives her a dirty look] …Elliot… [Turns back to the elderly ladies] Anyway, you'd all love my Grandpa. He's great. He's always cracking old man jokes and bringing us presents…[wistful]…It's too bad he lives so far away from here. I could fix him up with one of you.

Sabine: Is he really that old?

El: [nods] Oh, yeah. He must be about sixty.

Rose: Sixty's not old, my dear.

[El blinks because she thinks sixty is ancient]

Usagi: [Vaguely recalls that El lives in a single parent household] Aw, that's so sad that your dad keeps pictures of your mother, even though they are divorced.

El: [acid tongued] They aren't divorced. My mother is dead.

Usagi: Oh…um..I'm sorry…that's even sadder…

El: Ya think?

Gina: How old was she when she passed?

El: [her face softens] Twenty-three.

Rose: That's too young.

[El nods]

Sabine: Was it cancer?

El: She died giving birth to us

[Usagi is feeling awkward and uncomfortable, but she starts to soften toward El. She suspects El blames herself, and this might be why she pushes people away.]

El: [smiles at the older women] I guess this is why I love talking to you ladies so much. I grew up surrounded by men, so it's nice being around females who aren't just mean and catty to me all the time.

[Usagi thinks that's the pot calling the kettle black, but she doesn't say so out loud]

Rose: You mentioned your grandpa is single. Is he a widower too?

El: Nuh. He's divorced.

Gina: Oh, where is your grandma?

El: I don't know, and I don't care. She's nothing but a stuck-up bitch with her head up her ass. She refuses to have anything to do us because she blames my daddy for…for..

[El's head droops down and she trembles a bit. She's silent, so it takes a little while for the others to realize she's sobbing.]

Rose: Aw…[gathering El to her bosom and stroking her hair] There, there, you just cry. Cry it out. It will make you feel better, I promise.

[Usagi suddenly feels bad for all the uncharitable thoughts she's had about El]

El: There…there was something wrong with her uterus… It wasn't thick enough to sustain a pregnancy…let alone two at once…they didn't find that out until it was too late…My Daddy wanted her to terminate the pregnancy, but she wouldn't hear of it…she wouldn't let anything happen to us…

[El wipes her tears away]

El: It isn't legal where I'm from, anyway…where I'm from, they don't care if the mother dies or not…She was in terrible agony the entire time she was carrying us, and there was nothing my Daddy could do to help her..they cut us out of her as soon as we were viable…but by then it was too late…she died in my Daddy's arms…

Gina: She must have loved you and your brother very much, to give up her life to bring you into the world.

El: [snarls] No! She was selfish! Why even have us if she wouldn't be around to take care of us? My Daddy lost the love of his life and was stuck raising two unholy brats he never wanted in the first place!

Rose: [pets her hair] I'm sure your Daddy loves you very much.

El: Of course he loves us. But he's unhappy. He talks to her pictures all the time, you know. [Smiles a bittersweet smile] Sometime he yells at her like she's listening in the other room. Whenever we make him mad, he tells her we get it from her side of the family. Which is silly–

[El goes quiet and her smiles fades]

El: We're scared of what he will do when we're a little older, and he doesn't have to take care of us anymore…

[Usagi rubs her back]

Usagi: It wasn't your fault.

[El stops crying in outrage]

El: Of course it's not my fault! I'm not stupid, you know! How can something be my fault when I wasn't even alive when it happened?

Usagi: [backs off] No… I was just…

El: You what? You think I'm only allowed to cry for my Daddy when something is my fault?

Usagi: No…I'm-It's just…I'm going to shut up now.

Sabine: [pats El's shoulder] I think what Usagi is trying to say is that it is normal to hurt when you survive a terrible thing and someone else does not. You need to let go of that pain. None of this was your fault, and there was nothing anyone could have done differently.

El: Oh…But there was. Don't you see?…It was that damned doctor! My Ma could have survived very easily, but the doctor botched the delivery! On purpose!

Usagi: Why would he do that?

El: Why does anyone destroy anything of great beauty? I really don't know! [grins evilly] All I know is that that doctor is going to pay, and pay dearly.

[She sees the concerned looks of the women at the murderous gleam in her eye]

El: …if there is any justice in this world!


	18. Dreaming of Kunzite

[Scene: Early Monday morning. Kunzite's bedroom. Kunzite is lying in bed staring out the picture windows at the panorama of the Seattle Skyline. Zoi is angry at his father, so he's stayed over for most of the weekend. Kunzite's grateful. Zoi should be angry at his father more often. And not merely for the obvious physical reasons. Kunzite just likes having Zoi around–Talking to him. Napping on his couch between homework assignments. Declining to go out to an expensive restaurant because he would rather they stay in and fix dinner together. Even hearing him move about in another room is oddly gratifying.]

[This is the way it should be all the time. Zoisite should come live with him. Why did he have to be born so recently?]

Zoi: [alarmed] Kunzite?

Kunzite: [turning quickly] What?

[Zoi doesn't respond for several seconds. Then he giggles]

Zoi: …Kunzite…

[Kunzite lies on his side and smirks. Zoi's babyface looks even more innocent in his sleep, but he is having one of his dreams again. Kunzite decides to see how much fun he can have without waking him up.]

[He leans over and kisses Zoi softly, their lips barely touching. Then he kisses his Adam's apple, looking up again to see Zoi's reaction.]

[Zoi's cheeks are slightly flushed but he shows no sign of waking.]

[Kunzite kisses his lips again, then his cheek, and then his ear. He takes Zoi's hand, and whispers softly.]

Kunzite: I love you. I love everything about you. You are perfect in every way.

[Still Zoi does not wake. Kunzite studies Zoi's face as he unbuttons the top of Zoi's pajamas and kisses his breastbone. Zoi appears frustrated, having nothing to embrace in his dreams but empty air. So Kunzite turns Zoi gently and presses against him, lightly kissing the top of his head.]

[A few seconds later Zoi's green eyes open and looks in puzzlement at Kunzite's grinning face.]

Kunzite: Good morning, my love.

[Zoi smiles and rests his face against Kunzite's chest]

Zoi: I was having the most amazing dream.

[Meanwhile, fifty miles away, someone else is having a dream that isn't nearly as nice.]

[Minako is standing on a battlefield in a beautiful yellow ball gown being buffeted by a bitter wind. She wields a glowing sword, and the landscape around her is littered with the dead and dying.]

[Across from her stands Kunzite, wearing battle armor and a crazed look in his eyes. At his back, is an army of thousands of men, also dressed in battle armor. It stretches into the horizon.]

Kunzite: I'm so glad you kept our rendezvous. I hope you don't mind that I brought few friends.

[The army behind him breaks into cruel laughter]

Minako: [screaming] Why are doing this? The people of the moon are not your enemies!

Kunzite: Oh, but they are. Your queen has decided to abuse the power of the Silver Crystal to seal away the Greater Chaos Goddess Metalia. I am afraid I can't allow that.

Minako: Listen to me, Kunzite! This isn't you! The Kunzite I know is a kind and gentle man! She has taken hold of your mind! Fight this, I beg of you!

[Kunzite's grin widens and the men at his back laugh louder]

Kunzite: The Kunzite you knew was a farce. A temporary ruse to fool a gullible little girl who feeds on flattery the way a starving man feeds on leaves and grass. Ask anyone who truly knows me. I have never been anything but what you see before you now.

Minako: No! I don't believe you! Metalia has brainwashed you! She is controlling you like a puppet! She is pure evil!

Kunzite: Metalia is my mother. She is everything to me. And you, silly girl? You are nothing. I doubt I will remember you, once this drudgework is finally over.

[His men grin and nod and sickening shock comes over Minako as she realizes he is telling the truth. He never loved her. All those kisses, all those earthlit strolls through the gardens, all those whispered promises, all those foot chases through the castle hallways, until he caught her and pulled her laughing into his arms… It all led up to this moment.]

[How lucky she had felt back then, how she bragged to her confidents. They had warned her to be cautious, to guard her heart, but she refused to listen. What did they know? She had found her soulmate. What she had with Kunzite was a higher love, the type mere mortals couldn't expect to understand without experiencing it themselves.]

[Or so she thought…]

[To use her like that, simply as a means of murdering a benevolent and pacifistic people, Kunzite had to be more evil than Metalia.]

Kunzite: Thank you for giving me all of the secret information I'd need to know to bypass your security, but I'm afraid I must bid you your final goodbye.

[Minako lets out an anguished scream and charges at Kunzite with her sword. She can't bring back her people, she can't defeat Kunzite's army. The best she can hope for is kill him so that could never hurt another soul. At the moment it is enough.]

[Before she can get close, Kunzite calmly raises one hand. Minako screams as the flesh dissolves from her bones.]

[Minako sits up with a gasp.]

[She is back in her own room, her own life, but the dream felt so real.]

Minako's Mother: MINNNNAAAA! Get up! You're going to be late for school!

[She's still shaken. She looks at her closet, but can't bring herself to get dressed. She looks down at her smiley-face-and-saltwater-taffy-themed pajama bottoms and the football jersey she is wearing and decides they are good enough. She slips on dress flats. Screw it. She just got out of the hospital. People will understand. She can't look perfect all the time.]

[She goes to her vanity table. Going to school in her pajamas is one thing, but she can't see herself forgoing her makeup. Her designer dresses may be her armor, but her makeup routine is her sword and shield. She can't face the world without painting a pretty face on. The world can be a cruel place when you don't make an effort to look good for other people.]

[But as she looks in the mirror she is shocked at how radiant she looks. Her hair is perfect, even though she can feel the sleep tangled mats and clumps with her hand. Her coloring and contours are faultless and her skin is glowing like an angel's. As she stares at her reflection, she can swear it smiles and winks at her. It is still her, but it is like she is looking through a window at herself in another reality.]

[Only slightly more disturbing-she can see a white cat perched on her bed with a crescent moon on its forehead. When she turns and looks at the bed it is not there. Minako has never owned a cat.]

[Minako turns away from the mirror and brushes her hair and puts on her makeup by rote, not missing a stroke.]

[When she looks in the mirror, her reflection is normal again.]

[At the last second she reconsiders and changes into a long gray jersey dress.]

[No sense in letting the entire school know she has lost her mind.]


	19. Those Two Dreadful Children

[Scene: Hen Tie High. The lunch bell has just rung]

[Usagi, Rei, and Naru are walking to the cafeteria. Usagi spots El in the distance putting her books in her locker.]

Usagi: Look, there is Eleanor Heltry. Hiya El! Let go invite her to sit with us.

Naru: I thought you didn't like her?

Usagi: [aghast] Huh? I never said I didn't like her.

Rei: Yes, you did. You said, and I quote, "I don't like her."

Naru: You said it's because she's mean and nasty to nearly everyone.

Usagi: [shamefaced] Yeah, well I was wrong. She's just shy. We went out for volunteer work together, and it turns out she's ok. I means she's still a big meany and everything, but she lost her mother at a very young age so she never got enough love growing up, and now she is afraid of forming emotional attachments. I think we should show her a lot of kindness to bring her out of her shell…El! Wait up!

[El turns around with a "What the hell do you want?" sneer on her face.]

Usagi: [grinning] El. I had so much fun this weekend. Thanks for coming out with us. I hope you can join us every week.

[El hates Usagi even more than before. She can't believe anyone could be this clueless.]

El: Yeah, whatever.

Usagi: Come sit with us at lunch.

El: Hahaha. I wouldn't be caught dead-

[Mamoru comes over and places his hand on Usagi's shoulder.]

El: [blushing] That is to say, sure I'd love to have lunch with you. As long as Mamoru doesn't mind.

Mamoru: Why would I mind?

Dev: [slightly flustered] Sorry. My sister is going to have to take a raincheck. She has to help me with my science project.

[Dev appears with his guitarcase slung across his back and tugs El away by the arm.]

El: [pulling away] No, I don't.

Dev: [tugging her back] Yes, you do.

El: Screw you, you said it yourself, you have all the time in the world. Why don't you get one of your gaggle of big-boned floozies to help you with your homework?

Dev: [narrows his eyes at her] Because you promised.

El: [yanks her arm away] Well I'm unpromising.

[She walks with the others into the cafeteria, with Dev tagging behind them, but freezes when she sees Zoi and Umino already seated at the table.]

El: [backing away] On second thought, I'd better help my brother.

Usagi: [smiles] Some other time then?

El: Fine. Whatever.

Usagi: And you will be joining us at the Crown on Saturday at two for more volunteer work?

El: Yeah, sure.

[She turns and flees]

Dev follows her until she reaches her locker. She rests against it with her face against her arm.

Dev: Seriously, El? What the hell were you thinking?

El: [angry] Leave me alone.

Dev: We're supposed to avoid attracting the attention of the Shitennou at all costs, not join their little lunch cliques.

El: [angry] Just shut up.

Dev: I've got an idea. Why don't I phone Metalia right now and just let her know we're coming? I could say "Hi, you don't know who we are yet, but we are those two dreadful children that are coming to kill you."

El: [snarling] It's not fair! Mamoru likes me. I can tell. Ms. Pigtails has to go and ruin everything. I need to find a way to get rid of her so we can be alone together.

Dev: Really, El? That's your top priority at the moment?

El: Yes. I don't want to die without having had a boyfriend.

Dev: I thought you were smarter than that. [sighs] El, you're forcing me to be the responsible one here, and you know how much I hate being responsible… You don't want a boyfriend. We're no better than dogs, every last one of us. Forget this Mamoru character. We need to focus on the mission. I've ordered all the parts for the Death Ray, now we just need to go into the school's metal shop-

El: [shoves him] Go away and stop talking about the mission! I want to be alone right now!

[She hurries off, leaving Dev standing there. He watches her sadly. He's never been pushed away by his twin before. It's always been two against the world. He's never felt so alone. But this is hardly Usagi's fault.]

[Mamoru is clearly the one who is ruining everything.]


	20. Sightings

[Scene: Lunch in the Hen Tie High Cafeteria]

Naru: [Sits next to Umino] Hey, Zoi. What did you do this weekend?

[Zoi fights a blush as he thinks of his weekend with Kunzite]

Zoi: Not much. Just a lot of lying around in bed.

Rei: [slightly flushed] Oh, you're not getting what Minako had are you? She's supposed to be better now, but she's completely spaced out. I tried to talk to her, but the bitch just walked past me like I wasn't even there.

Usagi: Well it's good that she's out of the hospital. I should drop by her place to see if she needs anything.

Naru: [To Usagi] What did you and Mamoru do Sunday? We didn't see you at the Crown.

Usagi: We were going to have a nice romantic picnic on the beach. For Mamoru to make up for inviting El to come volunteer with us without asking me first. But…we changed our minds.

Naru: That's too bad.

Umino: [picking up on Usagi's slightly rattled expression] What happened?

Usagi: Well, we drove up to the coast. There's a good spot for a picnic a few steps from the shore. But when we got half way there, we saw…something.

Naru: What did you see?

Usagi: I don't know. We think it was a bear. It was black, but anyway, it seemed…too big.

Naru: Oh no, not you, too?

Zoi: Haruka mentioned something like that when I spoke to her after the movie on Friday.

Umino: [shakes his head] You're not going to see any bears that close to the ocean.

Usagi: Really. We did see it.

Mamoru: She's right. I saw it too. And Zoi's dad has been getting calls from people claiming they saw the bear. He said it was huge and black and just outside of town. Right, Zoi?

[Zoi stares like a deer in the highlights. He'd meant to ask his father about the bear, but he got too caught up in defending Kunzite's honor and storming away in a huff to broach the subject. He'd have to make a point to ask about it right after school.]

Zoi: Sure.

Umino: Hmph.

Rei: I wonder if it has anything to do with all those missing hikers.

[Zoi's about to ask "All those missing hikers?" But that would be the same as admitting he hasn't spoken to his father all weekend.]

Usagi: [nods] Probab-ly.

Mamoru: [To Zoi] How many campers have been reported missing so far?

Zoi: Um..I can't say for certain.

Naru: I think it's four now.

Umino: No way. It's up to five at least.

[What's strange is that Zoi spoke with his father briefly over breakfast after he returned from Kunzite's to get ready for school. His father seemed rather jovial given the circumstances, but made no mention of any bear sightings or missing hikers. He didn't even warn Zoi not to go outside. And yet this is exactly the sort of thing Zoi's father would harp on about in his overprotective zeal.]

Naru: Hmmm…I wonder why Minako is sitting all the way over there.

[Zoi looks over and sees Minako sitting alone with her head drooped down and her food untouched in front of her.]

Rei: [snickers] She probably wants to be alone with her new boyfriend.

Usagi: What new boyfriend?

Rei: [looks at her like she's stupid] The white haired guy sitting right next to her, rubbing her back and telling her everything is going to be ok?

[Zoi looks over and Minako is still sitting alone]

Umino: Umm…Rei. There's nobody sitting next to her.

Rei: Oh…right… [laughs] …he's a ghost… That explains why you can't see him… But I thought you might be able to see him because you can see Zoi, and he's dead too.

[The others stare at Rei with their mouths open]

Naru: Oh, Rei? That's not funny.

Rei: What? Don't you remember? He died in the hospital.

Umino: No, the doctor made a mistake. He was fine all along. He made a full recovery.

Rei: Sure, right before he got eaten by a monster and replaced by an evil spirit.

[Zoi's mouth goes dry]

Usagi: [whining] Stop it, Rei. You're freaking us out.

[Rei face is red and her eyes look a bit unfocused. Mamoru places his hand on Rei's forehead and winces and pulls it away like he's touched a hot stove.]

Mamoru: Rei. I think I should take you straight to the nurse's office. You are literally burning up right now.


	21. Mirror Images

[Scene: Fifth period history. Minako is staring blankly at the questions on the last page of a three page test on Greek Mythology.]

History Teacher: Ok, class, you have three more minutes so wrap things up.

[Minako flips to the second, then the first page. She hasn't made a mark on it anywhere except to write her name at the top of the front page. She'd like to answer at least one of the questions, but her mind keeps going blank.]

History Teacher: Time's up, pass your papers to the front.

[Minako takes her pen and crosses out her name at the top of the paper before passing it to the person in front of her.]

[The bell rings and she rises in a daze and walks into the girl's bathroom. She turns on the taps and rinses her face with cold water. The door opens behind her opens and two figures walk in. Minako looks in the mirror to see who they are, then gasps]

[One looks like a streaky pillar of varying shades of black with red pits for eyes.]

[The other looks like a normal darkhaired girl, but every few seconds her face zaps into a black and white image of an older, much meaner looking darkhaired lady.]

Shadow: I don't know. I just feel terrible yelling at him like that.

Morpher: Ah, don't feel too bad. He's known you all your life. I'm sure he understands.

[Minako screams and spins around, to face an equally startled El and Hotaru]

Hotaru: [concerned] Are you ok?

El: [sneers] Yeah, what the hell is your problem?

[Minako glances back at their warped reflections, and then back at their normal faces]

Minako: I think there is something wrong with this mirror.

[El and Hotaru stare at the mirror as their grotesque reflections stare back at them.]

Hotaru: I don't see anything wrong with it.

El: [makes a face] I'm going to find another bathroom.

[She leaves and Hotaru gives Minako a pitying look before she washes her hands and leaves as well.]

[Minako waits until they are gone and looks the mirror again, then lets out a scream when she sees a man with long white hair standing right behind her.]

Minako: [screams] ACCCK! A PERVERT!

[She spins around and there is nobody there. She looks in the mirror and he is still standing there. A rather elvish looking man with a gold moon on his forehead, wearing a white turtleneck style coat and a double moon necklace ]

Man: I take it you can see me now? Nice to finally make your acquaintance.

Minako: …you're a ghost?

Man: [nods] Excellent induction. I see your mind is a lot sharper than your GPA would suggest.

Minako: [spooked] Who the hell are you supposed to be?

Man: Just call me Artemis.

Minako: [narrowing her eyes now that the shock has worn off] You're Artemis, huh? I guess that explains why you are in the girl's bathroom.

Artemis: I…I don't understand what you mean.

Minako: Isn't Artemis a girl's name? Goddess of Virginity and all that crap?

Artemis: It looks like you haven't forgotten ALL of your Greek mythology.

Minako: Screw you, Sgt. Pepper, I'll have you know I just got out of the hospital, and I've been seeing cats and dead hippies in the mirrors…come to think of it, that cat I saw also had white hair and a gold crescent moon on his forehead…

Artemis: Actually, I am the cat you saw earlier.

Minako: Wait…what? You're a cat?

Artemis: I thought it would be less of a shock for you if I introduced myself as a human ghost before I explained that I'm actually a cat ghost.

Minako: Oh. Suuure. That makes a lot of sense, Legolas.

Artemis: [sniffy] Artemis.

Minako: Whatever. You're pretty particular for a hallucination. Are the monsters I've been seeing in the mirror supposed to be ghosts too?

Artemis: Not exactly. One of your powers as the Guardian of Venus allows you to see people's true natures within their reflections.

Minako: Oh?

Artemis: The one girl, the dark haired one, she is possessed by an evil spirit.

Minako: [unconvinced] And she seemed so nice. What about the redhead? The one with the burr up her ass?

Artemis: I have no idea. I've never seen anything like her before.

Minako: [chuckles] That's helpful.

Artemis: She looks like a patchwork quilt sewn out of strips of pure evil, but I can find nothing of her origins. Your friend, Zoi? He is clearly a Shitennou.

[Minako is so startled she spins to face Artemis, forgetting that she can only see him in the mirror. She looks back at the mirror.]

Minako: [dubious and offended] My boy Zoi is a Shitennou?

Artemis: So you've heard the term before?

Minako: Yes, of course I have. It's a crazy word I made up in my dreams.

Artemis: Those are no dreams. Mina, you were the captain of the Moon Guardians in another life.

Minako: [certain] No, I wasn't.

Artemis: Yes you were. Your memories are finally returning to you.

Minako: Wait…Why am I standing here arguing with the voices in my head? [splashes her face with more water] I need to get it together. I have a premiere party to go to tomorrow.

Artemis: Minako, the time for parties is over. You must embrace your destiny. You have abilities over and above the common person. You were born to protect the world… and now your time has come. A great evil has come to Hen Tie. A vengeful god, not of this world, with hostile intentions toward the people of this planet. He must be stopped before he grows in power-

Minako: A god, huh? And just how am I supposed to defeat a god?

Artemis: I…[his face falls]…I don't know.

Minako: Oh, that's helpful, Chairman Meow.

Artemis: You are the leader of the Guardians. It is ultimately up to you to find your own way.

Minako: So what is it YOU were born to do?

Artemis: I was born to advise and serve you in any way I can.

Minako: So, you're my servant, yes?

Artemis: In this lifetime and every other.

Minako: And you'll do whatever I command.

[Artemis nods]

Minako: Then I order you to go the hell away and leave me alone forever.

[Artemis opens his mouth to object, then sighs sadly and shrinks into a blue ball before he fades away.]

[Minako smiles and hopes the other hallucinations will be banished this easily as she leaves the bathroom and crosses paths with Usagi and Mamoru.]


	22. Missing Persons

[Scene: The halls of Hentai High. Usagi and Mamoru are looking over a quiz.]

Mamoru: 30%, Usagi? Really?

Usagi: [near tears] I'll do better on the next one.

Mamoru: [frowning] Well you can't do much worse.

[Mamoru and Usagi cross paths with Zoi, who is looking troubled. He ducks into a room and teleports to the police station. There is a door tagged Police Chief Midori.]

[Zoi knocks and his father opens the door]

Chief Midori: Hi, there. Shouldn't you be in school right now?

Zoi: I wanted to chat really quickly between classes. [anxious] Dad, why haven't you been talking about the bear attacks?

Chief Midori: [grins] Come in, son.

[Zoi enters his office and the first thing his eye is drawn to is a corkboard with a map of the Hen Tie area with a set of snapshots tacked to it. The form a jagged semicircle around a box labeled "O'Sama mansion."]

Chief Midori: So I take it your friends have been talking about the so-called "giant bear sightings"? And they think they are related to the missing hikers?

Zoi: Aren't they?

Chief Midori: No. There is no bear.

Zoi: But Haruka has seen it. So have Mamoru and Usagi.

Chief Midori: No. What they have been seeing is a phenomenon called "Pareidolia". It's when a person sees something inherently frightening to them out of the corner of their eye, like a dog or a ghost, but when they turn to look at it, there's nothing there, or it's just a shadow. It's a pseudo hallucination brought on by anxiety. Your friends are literally jumping at shadows.

Zoi: My friends aren't the nervous type. Usagi maybe, but Haruka and Mamoru are pretty cool and collected.

Chief Midori: Mamoru's been under a lot of pressure lately.

Zoi: Haruka said the bear tore apart one of the campsites.

Chief Midori: [nods] Someone certainly wants it to look that way. In fact, all of the campsites were staged to look like bear attacks... Except there were no bear prints...No pawprints, no blood... Each looks like a violent struggle took place, but the only tracks we can find belong to the people who are missing.

[All Zoi can think is "youma"]

Zoi: That still sounds pretty ominous. I can talk to Kunzite.

Chief Midori: No need to bother Kunzite with this. The FBI has been dealing with it, since the missing come from all over the country, but I must admit this whole thing has got me curious.

[Chief Midori takes the photos down from the board and hands them to Zoi in groups.]

[Middle aged woman in expensive clothing] Sylvia Chang. Stockbroker. Investigated for fraud for running a fake charity. She booked a flight to Washington, and vanished from her campsite two days ago.

[Two average men and an average woman] Jason Tate, Jose Rodriguez, Lauren Fisher. Followed a radio personality that preached Federal Income tax is not mandatory. Found out the hard way he is wrong. They are looking at heavy fines and/or jail time. They just met last week, but decided to go camping together. Vanished from their campsite three days ago.

[A young man with a soul patch and a plain looking girl with straight hair] Jack Clemens. Seventh grade math teacher and married father of three. Arrested for having an inappropriate relationship with a student...Alicia Jones. The student in the inappropriate relationship. Sadly, from the looks of her homelife she's used to dysfunction. They ran off together after he made bail, and they vanished from their campsite five days ago...So what I ask you, do all of these people have in common?

Zoi: [giggles with relief when he sees what his father is getting at] They are all people who don't want to be found.

Chief Midori: See why I didn't want to bother you with this? Only... this one doesn't exactly fit the profile.

[A square jawed older woman with short red hair] Athena Black Opal. Born Nathaniel Kendall. A married grommet heir who came out as a trans woman two years ago. Her male lover left her shortly afterwards, and her adult children are unhappy about it, but both her wife and her longterm mistress have been very supportive. The marriage had been strained for years, and this whole thing brought them closer together. They were to fly to Thailand for reassignment surgery, but Athena cancelled unexpectedly and flew to Hen Tie instead. Her wife and mistress have been frantically searching for her...she had millions of dollars, a loving and permissive wife, a chance to realize her dream...why leave all that behind?

Zoi: [shrugs] She probably wanted a fresh start. To begin a simpler life where nobody knew of her past.

Chief Midori: That's what I've been thinking. That there is someone out there selling faked deaths and forged identities. But why not wait until after her surgery? And why Hen Tie? And how is the person or persons who is orchestrating these "violent disappearances" reaching out to these people? We've scanned phone records, emails, browser histories. A lot of research, but no contacts.

Zoi: That does seem puzzling.

Chief Midori: Fortunately it's not your job to worry about it. Your only job right now is to get your butt back to school.

[Zoi giggles and teleports back to school and goes to class.]

[Usagi and Mamoru are still standing in the hall arguing over the quiz. In the distance El spies on them with a bitter expression on her face. But her frown turns upside down when she hears what they are talking about]

Usagi: That's so mean. I can't believe how mean you are. Can't you see I'm upset?

Mamoru: You're going to get grounded again for sure when progress reports come out. No more dates. No more volunteer work on Saturdays-

[El grins behind her fingers]

Usagi: [With false bravado]The semester is still young. There is plenty of time to improve before progress reports come out. I'll study harder. I promise. This quiz is just the wakeup call I needed.

[Usagi balls up the quiz and tosses it over her shoulder before she walks off to class]

[El drifts over and picks up the balled up quiz and teleports away]

[Scene: Usagi's house. Usagi's mother is vacuuming the living room.]

[El teleports in behind Usagi's mother and tosses the ball right into the middle of the floor. Then ducks behind the stairwell to spy on Usagi's mother as she discovers the balled up paper.]

[El hides her chuckles behind her hand as Usagi's mother uncrumples the quiz and lets out an earsplitting scream.]


	23. A Start

[Scene: Zoi's bedroom, Zoi's doing his homework when the phone rings. He sees it's Usagi.]

Zoi: Hey, Usagi what's up?

Usagi: [emotional] Oh, Zoi. I'm grounded. My mother somehow found out I'm failing again and she's banned me from leaving my room except to go to school. I'm not even allowed to visit Rei to see how she's doing before progress reports come out and she sees if my grades improve.

Zoi: How dreadful. Have you considered getting a tutor?

Usagi: I've had a tutor, but I work just fine when there is a tutor watching. My problem is that I'm too lazy, and I procrastinate until I run out of time. Anyway, I'm supposed to meet Mamoru at the Crown in a few minutes, but I obviously can't make it. Could you do me a favor and give him a call and tell him I won't be there?

Zoi: Why don't you call him yourself?

Usagi: Because I don't want him repeating his "you really need to study if you ever want to do anything meaningful with your life" lecture for the fifteenth time… Oh, come on, please?… He really likes you.

Zoi: Yes, I know…Why don't you get one of your girlfriends to do it?

Usagi: Because they're all single! None of them have real boyfriends, so I don't want them knowing he's temporarily back on the market… Pleeeezzee?

Zoi: Oh, alright. I've been meaning to ask him about something anyway.

Usagi: Thanks a ton. Love you.

Zoi: Love you too. [Hangs up and dials Mamoru]

Mamoru: Mamoru Chiba.

Zoi: Hi, Mamoru. This is Zoi. I'm just calling to let you know Usagi won't be able to make your date tonight. She has to stay home and study.

Mamoru: [light spirited] Well, good for her. Better now than she waits until she's grounded.

Zoi: Yeah, actually… she's already grounded.

Mamoru: [sore] Oh, that's just great. And she was all excited about taking Eleanor Heltry back to the retirement home this Saturday to work on her people skills, but I guess that is out too. Oh well, I'm supposed to pick up my aunt from the airport in an hour and a half, so I guess I'll hang around here and see if I can help Motoki out to kill some time.

Zoi: Actually, as long as you have some free time, there is something I've been meaning to ask you… Mamoru, what do you know about motorcycles?

Mamoru: Some. I built up a bike a while back, but sold it when I got my car. Why?

Zoi: Well, I recently acquired a pair of bikes and they are not in the greatest of condition. I wonder if you can get them running.

Mamoru: I'll give it a try. Want me to come by right now and take a look?

Zoi: I'll pay you.

Mamoru: No, I want to help. You can't pay me.

Zoi: At least stay for dinner, my father will be delighted.

Mamoru: No, my aunt is taking me out for Indian food tonight. I promised I wouldn't ruin my appetite.

Zoi: Well how about a trade, then? I only need one bike, and I'll need lessons, too. So how about this? I'll give you the other bike and then you can teach me.

Mamoru: Well, let me take a look at the bikes and see if they are salvageable first. I'll be by in a few minutes.

Zoi: I'll see you then.

[Hangs up and goes downstairs, where his father is drinking beer in front of the TV.]

Zoi: Hey, Dad. Mamoru's coming by in a few minutes to come take a look at my bikes.

Chief Midori: [smiles] That's good. What will the two of you be doing?

Zoi: I told you. We're seeing about fixing up my bikes.

Chief Midori: I meant besides that.

[Zoi gives his father a dirty look.]

Zoi: Absolutely nothing. He's not even staying for dinner, so don't get excited. He's just going to swing by and take a look at my bikes before he picks up his aunt from the airport.

Chief Midori: [still smiling] Oh, well. It's a start.

Zoi: [sniffs] I'll wait for him outside. Don't you dare get off that couch for any reason until he's long gone.

Chief Midori: Don't worry. I wouldn't dream of ruining this for you.

Zoi: [shakes his head in disgust as he walks out] You're lucky Kunzite has no idea what a false friend you are.

Chief Midori: [calling after him] Oh, I'm pretty sure he knows.


	24. Good Deeds

[Scene: The bedroom of the rundown foreclosure where Dev and El are squatting. Dev is opening cardboard boxes and pulling out components.]

[El teleports in and twirls around, looking quite pleased with herself]

El: Congratulation me, Dev. I just got Little Miss Pigtails grounded for at least a month. So guess who's going to steal her boyfriend?

Dev: [wiring components together] Does her boyfriend know he's going to get stolen?

El: Not yet… I've decided I'm going to take things slow and keep things classy for now…But you know how it goes…[sinks onto the bed and clutches a pillow to her chest]…all that time spent alone together…working side by side…getting to know one another…it's only a matter of time before things turn romantic and one thing leads to another…

El: [scowls as he tinkers with a screwdriver] One thing better not lead to another. Not if he knows what's good for him.

El: [tosses the pillow at him] Oh, you're just jealous that I get my handsome prince all to myself now, while your pathetic Princess Pigtails is all locked away in her ivory tower.

Dev: [swats the pillow away] No, I'm angry that I'm stuck doing all of the work for the mission while you're chasing after some boy like a brain-dead idiot.

El: [crosses her arms behind her head] So what? You said so yourself, we have all the time in the world.

Dev: Yes, as long as we don't do anything incredibly stupid. And the odds of us doing something incredibly stupid increase with every second you spend in this Mamoru character's company. We get one shot at this, El. One.

El: What can I say? [sighs and hugs another pillow] Love makes fools of us all.

Dev: Yes, well, Earth to El, we need to focus on the mission. Most of the parts are in, except for the mirrors, so I think we can get started. I've reserved the school's machine shop for every Saturday until-

El: Saturdays are out. That's my date night with Mamoru.

Dev: I thought you said he's not your boyfriend yet?

El: Saturday is when we'll be doling out charitable works for the deserving poor of Hen Tie. Mamoru makes it a point to spend every Saturday afternoon doing his so-called "good deed for the week." And now he has no one to do it with but me.

Dev: His "good deed for the week?" [makes a face like he's going to throw up]… Exactly how long do you intend to keep up this goody-goody-girlscout act?

El: For as long as it takes to get him into the sack.

Dev: [drops his screwdriver and his components.] EL! This isn't like you!

El: Oh, come on. How often do I get to hang around a hot guy who isn't "family" in some way?

Dev: About as often as I get to hang around a hot girl who isn't "family" in some way.

El: And yet you seem to have no problem sprouting wood whenever some chubby girl walks by in a skirt. If you ask me that's a double standard.

Dev: [turn red with rage] Of course it's a double standard! I admit I'm being totally unfair! But it doesn't mean some loser in a green sportcoat gets to nail my sister!

El: Come on. [trails her finger on the pillow] Two beautiful people…deeply attracted to one another…spending every Saturday afternoon working side by side…[hugs the pillow to her chest and sighs happily]…it's only a matter of time before things are bound to happen.

[smiles dreamily]

El: Why do the good boys always end up with the bad girls?

[Meanwhile]

[Mamoru and Zoi are inspecting the bikes at Zoi's place.]

Mamoru: These aren't half bad. [points to the older of the bikes] This one here will actually be worth something when we're done.

Zoi: That one's yours then.

Mamoru: Are you sure?

Zoi: Absolutely.

Mamoru: These are going to take some cash, though… We'll have to save up for parts first.

Zoi: We nothing. If you're doing this for free, I'll pay for the parts.

Mamoru: I don't know…

Zoi: I've got some money saved.

[Actually he has a huge joint bank account with Kunzite, and he hasn't spent a dime of his allowance in months, now that he has a rich husband who spoils him rotten. But he sees no point in bringing that up to Mamoru]

[Mamoru starts explaining what needs to be done to the bikes and Zoi finds his attention drifting.]

Mamoru: I'm boring you, aren't I?

Zoi: Naw, I just have to go in and start dinner.

Mamoru: Oh, well I'll take these apart and then figure out what we need to rebuild them. When do you want to work on them?

Zoi: What time is good for you?

Mamoru: How about Saturday?

Zoi: That would be great. [considers] Aren't you usually busy on Saturdays?

Mamoru: No. As long as Usagi is grounded, I'm free all day.

Zoi: If you make a list I can go shop for parts.

Mamoru: I'm still not sure I should let you pay for everything.

Zoi: No way, I'm bankrolling this party. You just have to supply labor and expertise.

Mamoru: That doesn't seem right.

Zoi: Mamoru, if I took these to a mechanic, how much would he charge me?

Mamoru: Ok, you're getting a deal.

Zoi: Not to mention riding lessons.

[Mamoru grins at the mention of riding lessons]

Zoi: I've really got to go start dinner. Are you sure I can't offer you any money for all this?

Mamoru: Don't even think about it. [jabs Zoi playfully on the shoulder] Helping you out with these bikes will be my good deed for the week.


	25. Motoki's Not Having a Good Day

[Scene: Split screen. Crown Center van where Motoki is talking to his girlfriend on the hands free/ Motoki's duplex, where his girlfriend is wearing a silk dress, pearls, nighttime makeup and looking very annoyed.]

Reika: Where the hell are you? It's almost ten! I had to cancel our dinner reservations! Do you know how long ago I had to make that reservation to get the table I wanted?

Motoki: Look, I'm sorry. I'm on my way. I know we had plans but a sewage line broke under the cafe-

Reika: And you were the only one who could deal with it?

Motoki: As a matter of fact, yes. Dad and Unazuki have that horrible flu that is going around, and Mom has to work her day job to help keep the Crown afloat. They kept her late so she only just arrived-

Reika: Well isn't that convenient? Your mom, who has always hated me, just happened to have to work late on the night we have dinner plans for our two year anniversary!

[Motoki winces and mouths the words "oh, shoot"*]

[*or something phonetically similar]

Motoki: Honey. Sweetiepie. Don't blame mom. This is all me. I tried to handle everything by myself. She got there as quickly as she could.

Reika: That's your problem, you know? You're always putting everyone else ahead of us! Then I have to listen to everyone talk about how great you are, while you treat me like garbage!

Motoki: You're right. You're absolutely right. I should have taken the day off. It won't happen again. I promise.

[Reika just rolls her eyes in disgust]

Motoki: I'll be home as fast as I can, Lambkin. Then I just need a shower and I'll take you someplace even nicer.

Reika: [sneers] Yeah? By the time you get here, it's not going to be our anniversary anymore. [hangs up in a huff]

[Motoki lets out a profound sigh. He totally forgot it was their anniversary, so knows he's going to catch hell again when he comes home empty-handed. He sees an old woman selling flowers outside a cheap dive bar that is packed with people. So he pulls up his van in the back lot then walks over and buys a dozen long stem red roses.]

[As he's walking back to the van, he decides it would look more premeditated if he buys a vase, so he glances past the metal door propped open and into the bar.]

[Inside, four large man are harassing a petite blonde. Motoki doesn't have time for this. He tries to convince himself to mind his own business, until he recognizes that the girl is Minako.]

[Motoki walks into the bar. Minako's table is littered with empty glasses and she is drinking a cosmopolitan. She looks absolutely miserable.]

Man 1: You know, you'd be a lot prettier if you smiled.

Minako: Yeah. I do know that.

Man 2: Can we come sit with you? You look lonely.

Minako: No, I'm not lonely.

Man 1: Can I buy you another drink?

Minako: Thanks, but I'm too young to drink.

[The men eye all the empty glasses as well as the half empty drink in her hand]

Man 1: That's ok. Why don't we just sit here and hang out with you?

Minako: Thanks, but I really need to be alone right now.

Man 1: Just for a few minutes.

[The men start to sit like she hasn't even spoken. She cringes away from them.]

Man 1: Come on, honey. You're drunk. Let us take you home.

Minako: [slightly inebriated] Get away from me, asshole. I don't know you.

[Man 2 grabs her arm and she shoves him away.]

Minako: I said leave me alone!

[Motoki barges past the men and holds out the flowers to Minako, who takes them with a slightly confused look.]

Motoki: There you are, honey, sorry I'm late. Happy anniversary.

[Motoki kisses her cheek and sits across from Minako and eyes the men, who are already starting to back away]

Motoki: [steely eyed] Are these guys friends of yours?

Man 3: We were just leaving.

[Minako watches as they move away quickly]

Minako: [whispering to Motoki] Thanks, hottie. I owe you big time for that...I take it these flowers aren't really for me?

Motoki: No. They are for Reika. It's our two year anniversary, but I'm already in trouble.

Minako: Oh. [She passes back the flowers sadly, and tries to take a sip of her cosmo, but Motoki pulls it out of her hand and sets it on the table]

Motoki: I think you've already had enough of that.

[Minako pouts as she looks at the drink, and then she bursts into tears]

Motoki: Hey, hey. What's wrong.

Minako: I just saw the premiere for Sailor V.

Motoki: Then why are you crying.

Minako: Because I'm in that movie. And I look like shit.

Motoki: Hey, don't take this the wrong way, but I don't really think that's possible.

Minako: Trust me. It is... The camera pans right past me and the whole time I look like this.

[Gives him a goofy bug-eyed, bucktoothed, grin with her face against her chest so she has a huge double chin.]

Motoki: Oh, dear.

Minako: Fortunately, I'm out of focus... I was supposed to have a speaking part, but they cut that out. I'm on the screen for less than three seconds...but I've been acting like I'm some big hotshot movie star.

Motoki: Hey. None of that is your fault. Nobody has a right to judge you. You landed a part in a major motion picture. How many people can say that?

Minako: The movie sucks. I didn't get a script, but I thought it was supposed to be a comedy. It isn't. The whole thing is supposed to be dead serious and I'm sitting there grinning like a fool for millions of people to make fun of. [crying] They're going to turn me into a meme. I just know it.

Motoki: Hey, it's alright. Some people's lives would have no meaning if they can't hate on people for achieving their dreams. Ignore them. They are nobodies.

[Minako gives Motoki an imploring look]

Minako: I'm going crazy Motoki. That fever cooked my brain. I keep dreaming about making out with Kunzite O'Sama, which should be delightful, but it isn't, because he just wants to kill me...[groans]...My life is such a disaster. I just want everyone to love me. Is that so wrong?

Motoki: [pats her back in a brotherly fashion] Hey, lots of people love you. We think you are perfect just the way you are...Rei loves you...and Usagi...And Zoi, which is a minor miracle since you keep trying to molest his boyfriend. And you know what? I love you too.

Minako: [smiles weakly at him] Aw, thanks Owen Wilson, but that would mean a lot more to me if it came from someone who isn't living off tip money.

[Before Motoki can say anything, the front door bursts open and three men enter wearing halloween masks and wielding shotguns.]

Masked Man: Nobody move! This is a robbery!


	26. Feral

[Scene: A bar. The crowd is making panicked noises while men with halloween masks are pointing guns at the bartender as at random bar patrons.]

Gunman: Phones, jewelry, and wallets on the tables. Everyone cooperate and nobody gets hurt!

[Motoki and Minako are sitting at a table far in the back. Motoki's eyes are as wide as saucers.]

[None of the armed men are looking in his direction. He slouches in his seat and looks at the opened exit, just a few yards away at the back of the bar.]

Motoki: [to Minako] Sorry if this seems cowardly, but it's my second anniversary. I really can't afford for Reika to find out I'm trapped in a bar right now.

Minako: [nods and ducks down] Right behind you, manwhore.

[They sneak away then break into a run as they near the doorway.]

[Motoki backs up with a gun jabbed against his face as two more masked robbers, a man and a woman, appear at the exit.]

Female Robber: Oh, no. You two aren't going anywhere.

[The woman, in a Sailor V mask, grabs Minako from behind and holds a knife to her throat and drags her closer to the middle of the bar]

[At the front of the bar the robbers are locking the door, closing the shutters, and gathering up money and valuables. The bartender has opened the register and has handed over about a thousand in cash.]

Gunman: [brandishing a shotgun at the bartender] Now open the safe.

Bartender: [on the edge of hysteria] I don't know the combination. Only the owners know the combination.

[The gunman stares at him through the mask.]

Bartender: I can call them...?

Gunman: Guess.

Bartender: Guess?

Gunman: You've got five minutes to figure out the combination to that safe before we start killing hostages... One by one, until you get that safe open.]

[The crowd murmurs in fear.]

Gunman2: You said nobody is going to get hurt.

Gunman: If they cooperate. [waves his gun at the bartender] He's not cooperating.

[The bartender is weeping with terror as he starts entering combinations in the safe.]

[Minako's mind drifts to an earlier time. A time she is certain doesn't exist, as she remembers sitting on her bed in a yellow ballgown.]

[She'd snuck away from a party in order to meet Kunzite in her bedroom. It had been hours. Tears stung at her eyes because she was missing the party, and now she was certain he wouldn't show up.]

[Little did she know of the gristly surprise waiting for her back in the ballroom...]

[She'd screwed up. She allowed herself to be tricked, and she couldn't save anyone that day.]

[She starts to accept those aren't dreams. Those were memories of a former life cut violently short.]

[She had achieved so much in that life. The rendezvous was just her last fatal blunder...]

Minako: To hell with this.

[She kicks really high up, smashing the nose of the woman in back of her, and knocking her mask up. Minako spins, grabs the knife with one hand and the Sailor V mask with the other.

Minako: Nice mask.

[Minako dons the mask before tossing the unmasked woman aside with a judo throw.]

[The gunman with the shotgun aimed at the bartender turns to look at Minako]

Gunman: What the hell?

[Minako throws the knife, piercing the muscles in the robber's thigh and pinning his pant-leg to the bar. He screams in pain and has to drop the shotgun on the bar to staunch the bleeding. The bartender grabs the shotgun.]

Another robber: Get her!

[People scream and take cover and the bartender ducks down as three of the four remaining robbers open fire on Minako all at once.]

[The instant before they fire, Minako does a running leap and does a cartwheel over a circular table, bringing it down before her to act as a shield. She lies on the floor as bulletholes riddle the surface and a shotgun blast takes out the top half of it.]

Minako: [looking up at the ruined table] Rude.

[She uses the gap at the top of the table as a springboard as she leaps up onto another table, taking out another robber with her fist as she goes. Once perched on the table, a robber swings as her with a knife, but she merely hops back so the table flips up and hits him in the elbow. She grabs his hair and slams him face first into the table to stabilize it again. He drops and she leaps off the table and grabs one of the last two robbers and swings him around to use him as a human shield.]

[The other gunman shoots right at his legs, hitting him in the kneecap.]

Minako: [releasing the howling man] Now that was beyond rude.

[The bartender emerges from behind the bar with the shotgun aiming it at the last masked man]

Bartender: Drop your weapon!

[The mask man stands there, looking indecisive]

Minako: I'd do it. You're outnumbered.

[The robber puts down the gun and raises his hands.]

[The patrons, seeing the danger is over, start to emerge from behind the tables. They are staring at Minako with adoring eyes and some seem to be chanting under their breath. At first Minako can't make out what they are saying but the chanting grows louder and louder until it is nearly deafening.

Crowd: Sailor V! Sailor V Sailor V! Sailor V! Sailor V!...

[Minako smiles a happy smile for the first time in weeks and salutes them with a V for Victory.]


	27. The Rebirth of Venus

[Scene: Hen Tie High. Zoi, Mamoru, and Usagi are walking through the hallways. Mamoru is showing Zoi a list of parts they will need to rebuild the bikes]

Mamoru: We'll start at the dump first, to see if we can get lucky. This could get expensive. Those bikes are going to need a lot of help before they can run again. I'm talking maybe more than a hundred dollars here.

[Zoi takes an envelope out of his pocket, and fans out some hundreds]

Zoi: We're covered. What time should we meet on Saturday?

Mamoru: Any time would be good.

Zoi: How about 10:00 am?

Mamoru: Perfect. We can meet at the salvage yard and then grab some lunch on the way to my apartment... Will you need a ride from your place?

Zoi: No need. I can have my father drop me off.

Usagi: [overcome with joy] Oh, I think it is so great that the two of you are going to be building bikes together. I wish I could join you...I've been studying really hard and my grades are improving already.

Mamoru: Good. After your grades improve, you may want to work on shedding some of that pudge.

[He pokes her in the belly and Zoi's jaw drops]

Zoi: Don't treat her like that!

Usagi: It's ok...

[Zoi give her a dirty look]

Usagi: ...I mean, yeah, don't treat me like that!

Mamoru: Fine, but you're on your way to becoming chubby.

Zoi: [sniffy] I think she looks fine just the way she is.

Usagi: See, Zoi thinks I look fine.

Mamoru: Zoi is gay.

[Usagi giggles and catches sight of Minako, who is smiling and looking a hundred times better than the last time they saw her.]

Usagi: Look there is Minako. Hey, Minako. Wait up.

[Minako's smile vanishes as soon as her eyes settle on Zoi. She turns quickly and hurries away.]

Usagi: Oh, dear. I wonder what is wrong with her?

[A few minutes later...]

[Minako runs into the bathroom. She waits until everyone is gone before rapping on the mirror with her fist.]

Minako: Hey...Artemis...Cat Man Doo...

[Nothing happens]

Minako: [Knocks harder] Here, kitty, kitty! Rise and shine.

[Slowly Artemis appears behind her with his arms crossed.]

Artemis: I assume you finally decided to embrace your destiny?

Minako: You know it!

Artemis: You didn't have to return to this bathroom to talk to me. Any reflective surface would do.

Minako: [shrugs] I've been through a lot lately, and I could really use some stability...I assume you witnessed that little scene in the bar last night? I want to know what exactly the deal is.

Artemis: You are the reincarnation of the Guardian from the Planet Venus.

Minako: And the Guardians were not fully human, right?

Artemis: Not technically human in the earth sense, no.

Minako: So I'm an alien?

Artemis: No, you're a human girl now. With human parents.

Minako: [under her breath] I'm not sure my mother qualifies as human...so how is that even biologically possible? And why now? And why can I remember my previous life? And if reincarnation is a thing, why is it that you are still a ghost?

Artemis: I am uncertain. All I can assume is that the Queen of the Moon used her magic in some way to bring you here.

Minako: So why me and why not you? Why didn't she bring you back as a human or a talking earth kitty or something?

Artemis: I assume it was because you were murdered before she was, and I was murdered afterwards.

[Artemis seems unemotional about it, which makes Minako even sadder]

Minako: Who murdered you? Was it Kunzite?

Artemis: I don't remember.

Minako: You don't remember who murdered you?

Artemis: You just got your memories back, so you remember dying like it was yesterday. For me it has been a thousand years... anyway, that isn't important at the moment. What is important is that there is an evil god trying to build an army-

Minako: [nods] Dr. Metalia.

Artemis: Dr. Metalia?

Minako: Come on. A thousand years ago an evil goddess named Metalia ordered a hot guy named Kunzite to seduce and murder me, and a thousand years later, they're both still around? I may only have a 2.8 GPA, but that doesn't mean I'm an idiot.

Artemis: Actually, if you were a little less of an idiot, you'd realize your GPA isn't even remotely a 2.8.

Minako: Hey, I was rounding up! Besides, I'm smart enough to know grades don't matter when you've got a face and body like mine.

Artemis: [rolls his eyes] Fair enough. But back to business. Yes, Metalia is an evil goddess, but not the evil god in question. Metalia has preyed upon this planet nearly unopposed for over a thousand years and it has made her lazy and decadent. She poses no immediate threat to the population at large...This new god, on the hand. He is desperate and weak. He has no homeland, and he has just lost the last of his worshippers. He has arrived on this planet, intending to build up a following from the weak and the desperate-

Minako: Then why don't we let the two of them duke it out and then call it a day?

Artemis: Because millions of innocent people will become enslaved by him before she begins to take him seriously...he preys on the weak, the desperate, the hopeless. What percentage of the population of this planet do you think can identify with being weak, desperate, or hopeless?

Minako: Pretty much all of us, at one time or another.

Artemis: We need to find a way to stop him... or at least interfere enough so he doesn't grow in power... this will not be easy, but I've seen signs of another Moon Guardian awaking, so you will not be alone for very much longer...

[Minako just nods, determination burning in her eyes]

Minako: I am sure you have a million questions for me?

Minako: Just one. [grins wickedly] When do we get to kill Kunzite O'Sama?


	28. Dinner Talk

[Scene: Marrakesh, Morocco. Kunzite and Zoisite are seating at a low table, eating lamb and couscous and drinking mint tea.]

Zoi: So you really don't mind that I'll be spending time with Mamoru over the next few weekends?

Kunzite: [deadpan] As long as you understand that the moment he tries to touch you in an inappropriate manner, I'm going to kill him.

Zoi: [indignant] No! If he touches me, I'M going to kill him!

Kunzite: Good. As long as someone kills him.

Zoi: So you really don't mind? Because if you have a problem with this, speak up, and I wouldn't do it.

Kunzite: [stares into his tea in a solemn manner] It is good for you to spend time with people your own age. I keep trying to tell myself that. It's a lot healthier for you to be around Mamoru than me, and if you happen to discover you like being with him more-

Zoi: Oh, please! He's a nag! Even if I were even marginally attracted to Mamoru, which I'm not, you should see the way he treats his girlfriend! [makes a face] He was constantly bugging her to get her grades up, and now that she's going better in school, he is starting in on her weight.

Kunzite: [puzzled] I don't remember Usagi being particularly overweight.

Zoi: She's not! She's about a size 10, tops! But apparently he liked her better when she looked emaciated!

[Kunzite looks away glumly, and they eat in silence for a while]

Kunzite: [stern] So Mamoru wants Usagi to lose weight and improve her gpa does he?

Zoi: Pretty much… and that bothers you?

Kunzite: I'm just wondering how long it will be before he insists that she wears green contacts, and puts her hair in a ponytail.

[Zoi starts choking on his couscous. Kunzite leans over but Zoi stops coughing and drinks some tea.]

Zoi: Oh, my god. You are so bad! Don't make me laugh like that when I'm eating!…You really don't have a problem with me spending a lot of time alone with Mamoru?

[Kunzite draws Zoi close and looks into his eyes]

Kunzite: I'm torn between my need to have you always by my side, and my desire to let you have a normal life.

Zoi: Why can't I have both?

Kunzite: [caresses Zoi] Immortality is far more of a curse than you realize. I don't want you to look back 300 years from now and realize I robbed you of a normal adolescence.

Zoi: Since when have I had a normal adolescence?

Kunzite: Your adolescence is certainly a lot more normal than mine was.

[Zoi recalls that Kunzite was saved by Metalia at the brink of starvation. The last of a people driven to cannibalism, and marvels at how horrible it must have been to lose everyone he ever knew in such a horrible fashion]

Zoi: I..I'm sorry.

Kunzite: [shrugs] Don't be. Afterall, it is ancient history, and I was always coldhearted.

Zoi: [touches his face] You're not coldhearted.

Kunzite: I'm just glad I didn't know you back then.

[Zoi tries to imagine what it must have been like, being in love with Kunzite in such a setting, with no food and no hope of rescue, where each day only drove them closer to an inevitable extinction.]

Zoi: What was it like?

Kunzite: It was all very civilized…in the beginning… before only the most determined survived and everything broke out into utter mayhem. After the last of our food stores were depleted, and the sick and the injured had perished, we drew lots.

Zoi: To see who would get eaten that day?

Kunzite: [nods] We all stood in the square each week and each drew a stone from a leather sack. A black stone meant you were to be killed. A red stone meant you had to do the killing.

Zoi: [shivers] Thank goodness you were lucky.

Kunzite: I wasn't lucky… [looks down, shamefaced] I survived because I cheated, of course. I memorized the shapes of all the black stones in the sack.

Zoi: Just the black ones? Not the red ones?

Kunzite: Just the black ones.

Zoi: [squeezes Kunzite] Well…good for you!…But…I…I couldn't have done that. I couldn't have lived like that, watching everyone else die screaming and begging for mercy… I would have made sure to be the first to go.

Kunzite: I wouldn't have let them take you. If you drew a black stone…or even a red one… the lottery would have ended right then and there.

[Zoi cuddles against him and smiles in contentment]

Zoi: I wouldn't have been killed at the lottery. I would have hidden in your room or cave or whatever so you could have me all to yourself.

Kunzite: I could never kill you.

Zoi: I would have made sure I was already dead before you found me.

[kunzite holds Zoi close and trembles a little]

Zoi: Don't be sad. I would have died happy, knowing I was going into your belly, keeping you alive and strong and healthy for that much longer. I can't think of a better fate.

[Zoi looks up at Kunzite adoringly]

Zoi: Would you have eaten me?

Kunzite: I suppose I would have. No sense in letting you go to waste.

Zoi: [sighs happily] You say the nicest things.

Kunzite: [pets his hair] Of course there isn't much meat on you. After the internal organs I'd have to crack your skull open to get at your brain.

Zoi: [cuddles against Kunzite]…and then?

Kunzite: Then I would have cracked your bones apart to get at the marrow.

Zoi: [cuddles against Kunzite]…and then?

Kunzite: Then I would have waited until the next week's lottery and drawn a black stone.


	29. Fever Dream

[Scene: The one Shinto shrine in Hen Tie. Minako comes and knocks on the door wearing a black leather catsuit, blood red lipstick and winged eyeliner. Grandpa opens the door and does a double take.]

Minako: Hey there Grandpa, Is Rei in? I need to talk to her.

Grandpa: [reluctantly breaking eye contact with her cleavage] She's here alright.

Minako: She hasn't called in days. She was getting sick when I last saw her, I was worried.

Grandpa: Oh, she's fine. She just woke from a nap. [goes back to staring at her chest] I was just sitting on the futon waiting for her to get up. Why don't you come in and join me?

Yuuichirou : [Rushes out of the house] GRANDPA! NO! You're going to get us in trouble again!

[comes out and steers Minako away from Rei's grandfather]

Yuuichirou: She was...is...too sick to call. She's not feeling well right now.

Minako: Does she have a fever?

Yuuichirou: [nods] So bad her room feels like an oven, but she refuses to see a doctor.

Minako: Nightmares?

Yuuichirou: [nods again] Really bad ones. She wakes up crying. I've never seen her cry before.

Minako: [smirks] Good.

Yuuichirou Good?

Minako: Ah...That you've never seen her cry before...Let me know if you need any help.

Grandpa: [Looking over Minako] Well if you'd like to help, missy, you could come in and give her a nice cold bath.

Yuuichirou: Grandpa! Stop it! If you keep talking to teenage girls like that I'll report you myself!

Grandpa: [To Minako] We're fine. Stay at your own place.

Minako: Ok.

Yuuichirou: I'll tell Rei you stopped by. [Follows Grandpa in and closes the door]

Minako: [mutters] Bye.

[Minako stands there for a few minutes before walking away]

[Meanwhile: In Rei's dream...]

[Rei is seated on a white cushion on the floor of candlelit room, resting her hands on her knees, and staring into a plain white tapestry. The room is all white. White walls, white floor, white ceiling. Not a trace of darkness or color anywhere. It is customary for her to surround herself with pure light to make it easier to communicate with the spirit world.]

[There is a party in the ballroom, but this Rei was never interested in parties. Plus, her only true friend is otherwise occupied, so Rei would rather spend her time conversing with the dead.]

[The door behind her opens and the candles blow back. Rei does not turn around. Nobody but her has any business being in the shrine. Whoever is here came in by mistake. She waits for the intruder to stammer an apology and leave. It is only when the door remains open and the intruder remains silent that she turns around.]

[It's _him_. Dressed in full battle armor.]

[She never understands what _she_ sees in him. Rei turns back around again and continues to ignore him. Still he doesn't leave.]

Rei: She's in her room. Waiting for you. If she's not there, I don't know where she is.

Kunzite: [coolly] I am far more interested in you at the moment.

[Rei scoffs openly]

Rei: No offense, but you're not my type.

Kunzite: Don't worry. You're not my type either.

[He clutches her forehead. Rei only catches a momentary glint of steel and feels the briefest of stings across her throat before the white cloth before her is sprayed with red.]

[Rei sits up in from her folded out futon in a cold sweat and lets out an earsplitting scream when she sees a man with white hair watching over her. She screams and screams, staring right at him.]

Rei: HELP! YUUICHIROU! INTRUDER!

Artemis: Wait. You can see me?

Rei: GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM!

[Rei picks up a table lamp and throws it at Artemis. It passes right through him.]

[Rei calms down]

Rei: Oh. That's right. You're a ghost.

Artemis: And that doesn't bother you?

Rei: [grins] Trust me, if you could see my dreams, you'd realize a haunting would be the last thing that would bother me.

Artemis: Then you are getting your memories back?

Rei: Not likely. Unless I remember being murdered by Zoi's boyfriend.

Artemis: Actually...

[Yuuichirou runs in holding a broom like a baseball bat. Rei and Artemis give him a glance, then completely ignore him.

Rei: So what are you doing in here?

Yuuichirou: I heard you scream.

Artemis: I've come to tell you about your destiny. Minako has awoken as leader of the moon guardians, and now it seems you have woken as well.

Rei: Minako, huh? Did she send you here to bother me?

Artemis: Not at all. But she has a long road ahead of her, and she will need all the assistance she can get.

Yuuichirou: Minako? [he looks behind him and breaks into a sweat] I just spoke to her, but I barely know her. I swear. I just know her as a friend of yours. She doesn't interest me in the slightest.

Artemis: There is a great evil that has come to Hen Tie. And if your psychic abilities and the stifling heat in this room is any indication, you've woken as the Guardian of Fire.

Rei: I've awoken? Why?

Yuuichirou: You had a nightmare.

Artemis: I do not know. Minako fell ill and regained her memories, and then you fell ill. I can only assume the fever has jarred something loose in your minds. You have a grand destiny-

Rei: Cut the bullshit. What do you really want with me?

Yuuichirou: [blushes and breaks into a sweat as he smiles nervously] Well...

[Yuuichirou keeps talking but is drowned out by Artemis]

Artemis: There is an evil god who has come to Hen Tie. He is raising an army, bent on global domination. He lures them to Hen Tie with false promises and then perverts their wishes in order to enslave them and bend them to his will. We need to find a way to stop him.

Rei: [smile and winks] Sounds like fun. I'm in. So what can I do to help you?

[Yuuichirou's blush deepens]

Yuuichirou: Nothing. Nothing at all. I'm happy just worshipping at your feet. But if...

Artemis: The fact that you can see me is an enormous help already. You are no ordinary girl. You were once blessed with great powers, some of these powers have inexplicably rewoken-

[Artemis turns and sees Yuuichirou stammering on behind him]

Artemis: We'll talk later. With Minako. Someplace more private. When you are fully recovered.

[Artemis fades to a small blue light and blinks out]

Yuuichirou: ...and I've felt that way for a very long time. I've just never had the courage-

[Rei seems to notice him for the first time.]

Rei: Yuuichirou? What the hell are you still doing in my room? Get the hell out! [throws a pillow at him and not gently]

Yuuichirou: Yes. Of course. Right away.

[He frowns and slumps his shoulders as he leaves]


	30. At Home With Mamoru

[Scene: Mamoru's apartment. Zoi and Mamoru come in carrying bags of auto supplies. Mamoru apartment is rather clean and decorated with pictures of Mamoru and his family, along with numerous plaques and awards. Mamoru's aunt, a sharp faced avionics engineer with short black hair is working at her computer with her back to them. Mamoru's carrying most of the heavy stuff, so Zoi get the door for him.]

Mamoru: [Whispering an instant before Zoi yanks the door closed] You'll want to be really quiet since Aunt Sue is usually on a telecon with NASA.

[The door bangs shut, Zoi and Mamoru wince, and Aunt Sue mutes the line and turns around.]

Aunt Sue: [gently but firmly] Mamoru, how many times have I told you-

[Mamoru's aunt lowers her reading glasses and give Zoi a warm smile.]

Aunt Sue: [unmutes] Marty, I'll call you back. Something came up...[takes off her headset and turns her chair]...Well, what do you know? How good of you to drop by, Zoi. I haven't seen you since you were a toddler, but Mamoru talks about you all the time. What brings you out here? Everything ok with your dad?

[Zoi doesn't know how much Mamoru's aunt knows about the bikes, so he decides not to bring them up]

Zoi: Yeah, absolutely, I just came here to hang out with Mamoru.

Aunt Sue: [estatic] Oh, that's great. Mamoru, you should have told me you were having Zoi over. I would have freshened up the apartment and fixed you some snacks.

[Zoi looks around. The place is almost pathologically tidy already.]

Mamoru: That's not necessary. Zoi is not like that.

Zoi: Really, I'm not.

Aunt Sue: Want a beer, Zoi? I have beer. Mamoru doesn't drink, but if you want one, I promise I won't tell your father.

Mamoru: [mortified] Aunt Sue-

Zoi: No, I seriously don't.

Aunt Sue: Will you be staying for dinner?

[Zoi gets the sense she really wants him to say yes.]

Zoi: I'd like to, but I've got to feed my dad, you know.

Aunt Sue: I'll send him a pizza. Your dad and I go way back. We still go fishing together from time to time. [pulls her headset back on] I'll call him now and tell him you're staying over.

Zoi: No, I can't. Really. I have way too much homework. [giggles] It's not like you'll never see me again. I promise I'll be back soon-so much you'll get sick of me.

Mamoru: We'll be in the garage, Aunt Sue. Zoi and I are heading out to work on my car. We just stopped in to get some bottles of drinking water out of the fridge.

Aunt Sue: Another time then. You're always welcome... And feel free to stay overnight...I'm a very heavy sleeper... in fact, I have some errands I have to run, so you boys just let me know whenever you want me out of the house for a few hours.

Mamoru: [beyond mortified] Aunt Sue. Stop it.

Zoi: [waves to Aunt Sue] See you later.

Aunt Sue: [waves back] Bye-bye.

[They leave]

Zoi: She's awfully friendly.

Mamoru: [sighs] Not always.

Zoi: Does she know I already have a boyfriend?

Mamoru: [smiles a half smile] Don't worry, it's nothing personal. It so much that she likes you, as she hates Usagi. She really wants to see me break up with her.

Zoi: [taken aback] Your aunt doesn't like Usagi?

Mamoru: Not at all.

Zoi: How could anyone not like Usagi?

Mamoru: Where do I begin...

[Zoi shoots him a dirty look]

Mamoru: Don't get me wrong, Usagi's the love of my life, but she is certainly not living up to her potential.

[He unlocks and tilts up the garage door of a carport. Inside is a weight bench, and two motorcycles, which have been completely disassembled.]

[Mamoru dusts off the weight bench so Zoi can have a seat.]

Mamoru: Usagi has it within her to do great things, but she's incredibly lazy. The only thing that seems to motivate her is ridicule...I think that's why she likes Rei so much...and me... Still... I never seem to find the right things to say to her, so everything always comes out harsher than I intended.

[pulling parts out of the bag as he gets to work on the bikes]

Mamoru: Someday, after I'm admitted into medical school, I'm going to ask her to marry me. But I'll be working double shifts as a resident, and for the sake of my patients and my sanity, I can't deal with someone who is that high maintenance.

Zoi: Usagi doesn't strike me as someone who is high maintenance.

Mamoru: Just wait until we have our first child.

[As much as Zoi loves Usagi, he can sort of see Mamoru's point. If the Usagi he knows had to take care of a baby, she would be in a constant state of panic. Still he doesn't think bullying her is the answer.]

Zoi: Does your aunt know about the bikes?

Mamoru: [grins] We'll have to be sneaky.

Zoi: Where is your car?

Mamoru: It's parked a few blocks down in a parking structure. That's the great thing about driving an old car. I don't have to worry about anyone stealing it.

Zoi: [looking around] It's great that you get your own garage.

Mamoru: Actually this one belongs to a shut-in a few apartments down. She lets me use it, since I bring her groceries.

Zoi: That's nice of you.

Mamoru: Not really, I work as a delivery driver for one of the restaurants next to the store, so it's on my way.

[Zoi is starting to feel like a slacker.]

Zoi: Where do you find the time to do all this and still keep your grades up enough for a Johns Hopkins scholarship?

Mamoru: [shrugs] It's nothing, really. I like to keep busy.

Zoi: Wait a sec, you have a delivery job? That must mean you have your driver's license. When is your birthday?

Mamoru: You missed it. I'm sixteen. So that makes me legal.

Zoi: Not that your age stopped you before. Sorry about your birthday.

Mamoru: Don't worry about it. I've probably missed yours too. What are you, forty?

Zoi: [giggles] Close. And my birthday isn't until next month.

Mamoru: [grins] Any plans?

Zoi: My mom is flying in, so my parents will take me to dinner in some fancy restaurant.

Mamoru: That sounds nice.

Zoi: "Nice"? No. I believe the correct pronunciation is "excruciating". You've met my folks. Divorcing each other was the smartest thing they've ever done. Care to take bets on which parent will be the first to stop being the "bigger person" for my sake, before it descends into a vicious snarlfest while everyone in the restaurant starts giving us ugly stares? [shakes his head sadly] I can't believe I'll have to put on a tie for that.

Mamoru: A month, huh? [grins at Zoi] That's about when the bikes will be finished. We'll have to have to go somewhere really nice to make up for it.

Zoi: [narrows his eyes at him] That sounds like a date.

[Mamoru's eyes sparkle. If he's picked up on Zoi's accusatory tone, he shows no sign of it. He works in silence. After a while, Mamoru pauses and shudders]

Zoi: What's wrong?

Mamoru: [wideeyed] I don't know, really. I just felt this sudden wave of dread. [Looks at Zoi] You ever get the feeling you've forgotten about something, and you won't remember what it is until it is too late?


	31. A Woman Scorned

[Scene: The Crown Game Center. El is sitting in the corner in a sky blue dress, playing the new Sailor V game on the ultra challenging level.]

[Occasionally she glances at the clock.]

[It's three. Mamoru was supposed to be there at two. For the third time she decides to give him ten more minutes, and then she's leaving.]

[The words BONUS ROUND appear. On the screen a bunch of guys with glasses try to throw Sailor V of out an arcade but she defeats them easily. The game pauses and El hears a clunk. She looks down and there is a prize in a cubbyhole near the bottom.]

[She picks it up. Its a big pink plastic pen with rhinestones on it. She doesn't want it so she tosses it over her shoulder and goes back to her game.]

Motoki: You're really good… I assume you've played this before?

El: Nope. It's easy. The AI in this game is a joke.

Motoki: Judging from your pretty outfit, as well as your look of distraught boredom, I take it you're meeting a boyfriend, and he was already supposed to be here?

El: Yeah.

Motoki: Shame on him, standing up a cute girl like you. Tell me what he looks like, and I'll keep an eye out for him while you focus on your game.

El: [smiles] He's tall and incredibly good looking, with short black hair, and the dreamiest sapphire blue eyes.

Motoki: [his own smile vanishes] You're not talking about Mamoru Chiba, are you?

El: [gives him a harsh stare] As a matter of fact…

Motoki: He's not coming here today. You must have gotten the day wrong. He's helping a friend.

El: [fuming] And you know this, how?

Motoki: I'm his best friend. He tells me everything.

[El turns away from the game shaking with fury.]

El: But clearly, he hadn't told you anything about about me.

Motoki: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset. Would you like me to call him and tell him you're waiting here for him..

El: No! I'd rather you forget you ever saw me! [grins evilly] You know what? That's a not a bad idea.

[She turns to Motoki and blows on her palm as if blowing him a kiss. Sparkles like glitter rise from her palm into his face.]

El: [grips Motoki by the shoulders and stands on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear] I was never here. You didn't see me. You have no idea who I am.

[She leans in and gives Motoki a very grown up kiss.]

El: And I didn't just do that, either.

[El giggles cruelly and teleports away]

[An instant later she stomps into her bedroom, where Dev is working on some wiring.]

Dev: That was a short date.

[El flops down on the bed, looking tense.]

El: What date. The jackass stood me up.

Dev: What?

El: It seems he forgot all about me.

Dev: That son of bitch! [rises from his chair] Nobody treats my sister like that. I'm going to go right over there and teach him some manners!

El: Forget him. He's lame. I want nothing to do with him anymore. [crosses her arms in front of her and heaves a heavy sigh] You should be happy. Now I can focus all this pent up negative energy on completing our mission.

Dev: [walks over] No! Don't let the sun go down on your anger! It's not healthy! You need closure! You need to call him right now so we can make this right again.

[He holds out a cellphone to her. She just looks at it before hanging her head down and moping.]

El: I don't need an apology. Haven't I been humiliated enough? I don't want to hear a bunch of lameass excuses from some lameass idiot.

Dev: Who said about an apology? I'm talking about a pound of flesh.

[El and Dev make eyecontact. Dev is grinning like a fiend. Then El starts grining like a fiend as well. She grabs the phone, and dials Mamoru.]

Mamoru: Mamoru Chiba.

[El puts on an expression of fake panic]

El: Mamoru! Oh my god! Thank goodness I got a hold of you!

Mamoru: [hisses in contrition] El? Is that you? What's wrong?

El: Oh my god! I am soooo sorry! I was here at home helping my brother with his science project and I completely lost track of time! You aren't still waiting for me at the Crown are you?

Mamoru: No, no. I'm at home helping out someone else as well.

El: Oh thank heavens! I wouldn't want you to think I flaked without having the common decency to call you, because that would be awful!

Mamoru: To be perfectly honest, I totally forgot about you.

[El makes a snarly face. Dev crawls over and snuggles against her bosom]

Mamoru: I guess I assumed Usagi told you she was grounded this weekend, so you knew we weren't coming.

[El is practically growling. But she smiles warmly the instant he stops talking.]

El: [giggling] I guess everything turned out for the best then! Thank goodness! I so was afraid you'd be mad at me!

Mamoru: Listen, progress reports are coming out in a few weeks, Usagi's really been studying hard so I don't think she'll be grounded for much longer.

[El resumes her scowl as she strokes Dev's hair]

Mamoru: So how about if we-

El: Awww. I appreciate you making an effort to include me. I really do, but I've been helping my brother work on his project, and I'm kind of hooked. It's pretty groundbreaking stuff, but it's going to take weeks, maybe months–

Mamoru: That sounds great.

El: It is! I think if we enter it in the science fair he might win a prize!

Mamoru: I hope so. Tell him good luck.

El: Thanks! Goodbye, Mamoru!

[El hangs up and looks at Dev]

El: Think he believed me?

Dev: I don't see why he wouldn't.

El: Good. [rises and takes Dev's hand] Lets go out and have some fun.

[She teleports and they appear in a desolate clearing, a few miles away from Hen Tie. She pulls Dev back a bit as Mamoru's VW rabbit appears in front of them.]

[Dev regards the patched up exterior with a critical eye]

Dev: What a hunk of junk.

El: Don't judge. Not everyone gets snatched up by a rich Daddy.

[Dev nods and grins as a pair of baseball bats appear in their hands]

Dev: Still…I almost feel like we're gilding the lily on this one.


	32. Guilt Complex

[Scene: Hen Tie High cafeteria at lunch time. Mamoru is looking somber, Usagi is rubbing his back, and Zoi is chewing his finger and staring at the table with anxiety. Naru and Umino come over with their lunch trays and sit down.]

Umino: [cheery] Hey-ya, Mamoru. I hear someone trashed your car this weekend.

Naru: Umino!

Mamoru: [nods sadly] It's true. The police found it yesterday, and it's been completely destroyed.

Naru: But your insurance will pay for it. Right?

Mamoru: [shakes his head] Sadly, no. The car cost me about $450 at the salvage yard so I only had the bare bones minimum in terms of collision and liability... [sulks] My policy doesn't cover theft...or bludgeoning...or tire slashing...or being set on fire...

Naru: Any idea who did it?

Mamoru: [shakes his head] Probably a bunch of punks out for a joyride.

Zoi: [miserable] This is all my fault.

Umino: Why would this be your fault?

Zoi: Because we were in Mamoru's garage at the time, fixing up the bikes... He dropped me off at the door to his complex and parked out back. If it hadn't been for me, the car would have been safe in the garage.

Mamoru: [rubs his shoulder] Hey, this sort of thing could happen to anyone.

Zoi: Could. But it usually happens to me. Kunzite once told me I'm a magnet for misfortune. I'm bad luck, and it's bad luck to be around me.

Mamoru: Maybe. Or maybe this was a blessing in disguise. Maybe I was supposed to get in a car accident this week, and I cheated death by having my car stolen.

Zoi: Really Mamoru? I get your car stolen, and you're trying to cheer me up?

Mamoru: It wasn't not your fault.

Zoi: It wasn't yours, either... I'd feel a lot better if you'd let me pay you. [Looks at Mamoru] Four hundred and fifty seems reasonable for motorcycle repairs, don't you think?

Mamoru: [smiles warmly at him] Forget it, your money's no good here...[sighs] but I am afraid this isn't going to be a fun weekend project for me anymore. I'm going to have to hurry to finish my bike, since I won't be able to work without reliable transportation... Looks like I'll be burning the proverbial midnight oil until I get at least one of these bikes done.

Usagi: Oh, Zoi, I've got an idea. Why don't you go over to Mamoru's tonight and help him out! He can finish up more quickly if you help him, and you won't have to be racked with guilt.

[Zoi looks at Usagi to see if she's actually serious. After all, there is no way he'd ever suggest someone "burn the midnight oil" with Kunzite.]

[Usagi gives him an angelic smile and a nod of encouragement]

Zoi: Um...sure. If it's ok with Mamoru, that is...

Mamoru: I don't mind.

Zoi: Oh... ok then. I'll just have to stop at home really quickly to set out some dinner for my dad.

Usagi: [claps a little] Yeah, this is great. I love how the two of you are bonding.

[Zoi isn't sure Kunzite is going to love this. But he's guessing his father and Mamoru's aunt are going to be over the moon.]

[The bell rings, and they clear their trays and head to class. In the hall they pass Minako getting her books out of her locker. She dressed like a goth schoolgirl with blood red lipstick, a short plaid skirt, and torn fishnets]

[Minako sees Zoi and looks for an avenue of escape but she is penned in by sea of students at the lockers. So she glares at Zoi.]

Zoi: Hi Minako, How was your weekend?

Minako: [gives him a death stare] Super.

Zoi: [smiles despite her bitchy tone] Have you heard from Rei? Is she getting better?

Minako: Why do you care?

Zoi: Why wouldn't I care?

Minako: I don't know. I figured you were probably too busy getting banged by your killer boyfriend to give a rat's ass.

Zoi: [giggles because he thinks she's kidding] I'm glad you're back. I've hardly seen you since you got over your flu. You don't sit with us at lunch any more, and every time I spot you in the hall, you seem to be going in the opposite direction.

Minako: [sighs] And yet you still can't take a hint, can you?

[Zoi's smile vanishes]

Zoi: Have I done something to upset you?

Minako: I really don't know, Zoi. Have you done something to upset me?

Zoi: Because if I have, I'm very sorry.

Minako: I very much doubt that.

[Her phone rings. She looks down and sees it's Rei.]

Minako: I have to get that. Please go away.

[Zoi backs off and goes to class]

Minako: [smiles again now that he's gone] Hey, slut, what's up?

Rei: I have a message from Artemis... Get in your car, right now, and drive to Siren Lake.

Minako: Rei. I'm at school. It's fifth period.

Rei: Now.

Minako: [whines] Aw...but...I actually finished my homework...

Rei: Now, bitch. Get in your car and drive out to Siren Lake. And make sure you have a mirror handy.

Minako: Don't I always?


	33. The Big Bad

[Scene: Minako's car. Minako's eyes flicker between the road and the white cat in her car mirror.]

Minako: So what are we looking for, anyway?

Artemis: Helena and Edgar Winthrop-Sinclair.

Minako: Sounds like something out of Downton Abbey.

Artemis: You're not far off. They are members of the British Aristocracy. Fifty-two and fifty-three, respectively. Blond. Oxford educated, friends with the crown prince and very active in British High society. However...let's just say they have fallen prey to a lot of bad habits and owe a great deal of money to some very unscrupulous people.

Minako: So they pip-pip-cheerio-ed and hopped on a jet to Hen Tie, our own little Fantasy Island in the Forest?

Artemis: Just about...Park here.

[Minako pulls into the lake parking. Gets out and opens her pressed powder compact.

Minako: I don't see anyone.

Artemis: That's because you still have to walk a half mile.

Minako: In these shoes?

Artemis: Maybe you should keep a pair of running shoes in your trunk.

Minako: With this skirt?

[Artemis stays quiet for a while]

Minako: So when do we get to meet the Mr. Rourke in this Nickelodeon nightmare?

Artemis: You'd better hope never.

Minako: Wait...what? I thought that was the whole point of me coming out here?

Artemis: No. The point is to talk the Winthrop-Sinclairs out of selling their souls. We need to keep his army down to a manageable - Oh, no.

Minako: What's wrong?

Artemis: We're too late. He's here. Turn back.

Minako: Turn back?

Artemis: Minako. Turn around and go back to your car.

Minkao: I didn't skip class and drive all this way for nothing! I want to get a good look at this guy!

Artemis: Minako. Stop. I'm not kidding. You are no match for him. At the height of your power you weren't even a match for Kunzite and this guy is at least ten times more powerful than he is.

Minako: Well, Kunzite didn't exactly fight fair, now did he?

Artemis: What makes you think this guy is going to fight fair?

Minako: I just want to take a peek at this guy.

Artemis: Mina! You're too weak and too foolish. If you get close enough to see him, it means you're already dead.

Minako: You know what the great thing about compacts are? I can literally shut you up anytime I feel like it.

Artemis: Mina, don't. There is something I need to tell you-

[Minako snaps the compact closed and drops it into her purse]

[She continues to walk until she sees a campsite in the distance. There are two very attractive people there. Artemis said they were in their fifties, but they don't look a day over thirty-five. They are talking to a man completely hidden in a black cloak who looks to be about eight feet tall. She ducks behind a tree and peeks at them as she listens in.]

Cloaked figure: Are you prepared to pledge your service to me?

[The two give him a look of misgivings and say nothing]

Cloaked figure: I can see I have wasted my time.

[He turns away as if to leave]

Helena: [frantic stage whisper] Edgar. He's leaving. Do something.

Edgar: [Calls after him] Now you look here, you.

[The figure keeps walking]

Edgar: ...It's about the four boys.

Cloaked figure: [stops] What about them.

Edgar: You see...we've never...well...you see, we've never contemplated anything quite like this so...we're not entirely certain we are capable of murder.

[ Helena nods]

Cloaked figure: [turns to face them] I never asked you to murder anyone.

Helena: I believe you did.

Cloaked figure: No. I agreed to solve your financial problems and to restore you to your youth. In return you merely agree to apprehend or kill these four young men if you ever happen to encounter them.

Helena: How is that not murder?

Cloaked figure: It's not murder, it is bounty hunting. They are fugitives from justice. Don't let their pretty faces fool you. Each of these young men is mass-murdering scum.

Edgar: Still...it's not merely the principle of the thing. I simply don't think we can.

Helena: You see, we aren't not like you gun-happy yanks who carry your firearms into your churches and your Walmarts every day. We actually have morals.

Cloaked figure: I see...I'd rather have them incarcerated and forced to face justice for their many crimes, but these "boys" as you call them, may be too ruthless and too dangerous to taken alive...In any event, I do not expect you to carry a weapon, so the chances of your having the opportunity to kill them will be fairly remote. All I ask is that in the unlikely event that the opportunity arise, you do your very best to capture or kill them.

Edgar: And you will merely take us at our word?

Cloaked figure: I will merely take you at your word.

[The couple chuckle nervously]

Edgar: Then I believe we have a bargain.

Cloaked figure: Good, take my hand a repeat after me.

[They each take a hand]

Cloaked figure: I pledge myself and all that I am, joyously and of my own free will, in the service of my new master.

Edgar and Helena: [nervous] I pledge myself and... all that I am, joyously and of my own free will, in the service of my new...master.

Cloaked figure: [releases their hands] It is done.

[For several moments they all stand in silence. Then Helena nudges Edgar]

Edgar: I hate to be so vulgar as to ask, but when do we get our money?

Cloaked figure: What money?

Edgar: The eight million pounds you promised us?

Cloaked figure: I never promised eight million pounds.

Helena: I'm sorry, but you most certainly did.

Cloaked figure: No. You misunderstood. When you begged me to solve your financial troubles, I merely asked if eight million pounds would cover it. I never actually agreed to give you any money.

Edgar: [breaking into a sweat] Oh, dear. This does put a crimp in our agreement, does it not?

Helena: And your promise to restore our lost youth? Was that a lie as well?

Cloaked figure: This is no hoax. I certainly intend to keep every word the bargain, in both promise and intent. Your financial troubles are soon to be at an end. You will never want for money again... and as for your squandered youth...

[He raises his palms and the couple are enveloped in bands of red energy. As they face one another, the years seem to melt away. They were beautiful before, but now they are ethereal and nymph-like with their firm bodies, full hair, slender unlined faces, and supple skin.]

[They gaze at one another adoringly]

Edgar: Now there is the angel I fell in love with.

Helena: [stroking his adonis face] It's a miracle.

[The two try to embrace, but the energy is still crackling around them.]

Edgar: Alright, that is quite enough of that.

[The bands of energy do not disappear but instead grow brighter. The two scream in pain as their skin becomes coarse and black. They fall to the ground, convulsing in agony. Minako watches in horror as their hair retracts into their scalp and their clothing shreds away as their flesh seems to boil underneath.]

[Then the screams turn to a roaring as their bodies swell and change shape. There is no trace of the beautiful couple. Instead, they become two huge black creatures. It's as if a giant bear mated with a gigantic lion, and gave birth to a pair of mutated cubs with six large black eyes, black fur, and a long steely tail that comes to a sharp point. Their tails tear everything at the campground as the pair thrash helplessly.]

[The cloaked figure stares right in Minako's direction and Minako ducks behind the tree. When she has the courage to peek again, he is gone and the two black creatures are shambling off into the woods]

[Minako takes off running in the other direction. When she is on the main road, she snaps her compact open. Artemis, the man, is staring at her with a scowl of disapproval]

Minako: Artemis! What the hell was that! How am I supposed to fight some guy who can turn me into a monster?

Artemis: I wouldn't worry about that. He can't transmorph you without your express permission.

Minako: [sighs] Well, that is a relief.

Artemis: However, he doesn't need any permission to kill you.

Minako: He can do that?

Artemis: As easily as blinking... And another thing. What I tried to warn you about. He can read minds. Even from a distance.

Minako: You mean...

Artemis: He knew you were there the whole time. They only reason you are alive right now is that there was so little for him to read.

Minako: Hey!

Artemis: I meant in regard to your role as a guardian. But yes. He doesn't perceive you as a threat... For now.

Minako: [with tears in her eyes] Artemis, I really don't want to do this.

Artemis: You won't be alone next time.

Minako: That's what I mean! I don't want to send my girl Rei to her grave again by pissing off another evil god! I can't ask that of her.

Artemis: Minako... you have to... there isn't anyone else who can.


	34. Shop Talk

[Scene: Mamoru's apartment complex. Zoi arrives in a flurry of flower petals a few feet away from Mamoru's garage. He ducks inside to see Mamoru already hard at work.]

Zoi: Hey there Mr. Goodwrench.

Mamoru: [smiles] That didn't take too long. I didn't even hear your dad's car pull up.

Zoi: That's why he's the best cop in this side of Hen Tie.

Mamoru: Isn't your dad the only cop in this side of Hen Tie?

Zoi: There's that as well.

[Sit daintily on the floor]

Mamoru: Wrench.

[Zoi hands Mamoru a wrench]

Zoi: So what were your parents like?

Mamoru: Honestly? I couldn't tell you. I don't remember my parents at all. You see, I had significant head trauma from the accident that killed them and developed complete retrograde amnesia.

Zoi: Oh. I'm sorry.

Mamoru: [sets down the wrench and wipes his hands with a rag before working on another section] It could have been worse. The doctors were afraid I'd never walk again.

Zoi: Still, to lose both parents at the same time, and so completely, as if you never knew them-

Mamoru: And on my birthday, no less.

Zoi: [cringes] To have both of your parents die right in front of you. I can't think of anything more awful than that. And to have it happen on your birthday, so it becomes nothing more than a day of sorrow and mourning... [he shudders]

Mamoru: [keeps working through this, and points to indicate when he wants Zoi to hand him something] Yeah. When I was little, I was foolish enough to believe I was better off not remembering anything, but now that I'm more grown up, I'm sad that I can't honor them properly. Aunt Sue tells me that they both loved me very much. But really, she's the only parent I've ever known. She relocated here from Palmdale, California, you know? She hoped that if I stayed here in Hen Tie, it would help me regain some of my memories.

Zoi: But you never did.

Mamoru: [shakes his head] I used to focus really hard on remembering life before the hospital, but when I do, all I can think of is a beautiful princess in a flowing white gown...

Zoi: [wide eyed] Really?

Mamoru: Weird, huh? She gathers me into her arms and tells me I am safe now, that nothing was my fault, that I shouldn't be ashamed. I dream she can heal me, and I will get better. She tells me she will always protect me, and watch over me, and keep me safe.

[Zoi is pretty sure he knows who Mamoru is remembering]

Zoi: Princess Selenity!

Mamoru: Who?

[Zoi frowns when he realized Mamoru has absolutely no clue who he is talking about]

Zoi: Nevermind...

Mamoru: When I was little I used to wonder if she was my mother. [His cheeks color] But let's just say, the older I get, the more certain I am that she is not my mother.

Zoi: [grins and winks] I have a feeling you'll find her some day, and when you do, you'll realize she's been hiding in plain sight this whole time.

Mamoru: No. I've never seen her face, but I am pretty sure I'd know her if I saw her in real life.

[Mamoru pauses if as he suddenly realizes how silly this talk of dream princesses must sound to Zoi]

Mamoru: Anyway, I'm doing all the talking. Why don't you take a turn? What's going on in your life? How is Kunzite doing?

Zoi: Ok, I guess.

Mamoru: You guess?

Zoi: Well, he is fifty miles away from here... But we talk every day, and we see each other whenever we can.

Mamoru: Well that's good...so how are you doing in school?

Zoi: [frowns] Pretty good. Except I'm struggling a bit in AP Math & Science. Which is ironic, since the whole class was my idea.

Mamoru: Yes, that is pretty ironic.

Zoi: Kunzite had been tutoring me over the summer, so I thought I had a decent headstart. But our teacher, Ms. Viluy, she's a real witch.

Mamoru: Oh? In what why?

Zoi: She assigns far too much homework, her quiz questions are far too comprehensive, and her grading is way too unforgiving.

Mamoru: Oh, thanks for the warning. I was going to try out for it next year, but I'm way too busy as it is.

Zoi: [scowls] She's used to teaching college students, so she's grading on the curve. It wouldn't be so bad, except we have Ami Mizuno in our class, and she never gets less than 100% on anything. She's really messing things up for the rest of us.

Mamoru: Ami Mizuno, huh? [smiles] I've met her a few times and she's actually a very sweet girl. Maybe if you tried flirting with her a bit, she might agree to tone it down a little. [winks] I think she likes you.

Zoi: [giggles] Me? Flirt with Ami Mizuno? Not a chance. [he burrows his face into his ponytail] She is really not my type.

Mamoru: [claps his hand to his cheek in feigned surprise] No! I would have never guessed that!

Zoi: [still giggling] Yep. Sorry to break this to you...but...she's way too young for me.

Mamoru: She's a few months older than you are.

Zoi: Yes, but I'm from the Mean Streets of Phoenix, so that makes me a few years older than the rest of you.

Mamoru: Okay, if you're going to get picky like that, you have to average in your size, too.

Zoi: [narrows his eyes] What about my size?

Mamoru: You're so tiny, I have to knock a few years off your total.

Zoi: I'll have you know that 5'7" is a perfectly normal height for a boy of my age. It's not my fault you're a freak.

Mamoru: All things considered, I've got to be at least seven years older than you are.

Zoi: Oh, you think so?

Mamoru: I know so...For one thing, I have a job.

Zoi: What? Dropping off pizzas after school a couple hours a week? Meanwhile, I do all the cooking and cleaning for my dad. As well as the bookkeeping.

Mamoru: Yes, but I've already been accepted into college.

Zoi: Yes, but I'm taking college level classes.

Mamoru: Yes, but I've got a driver's license.

Zoi: Yes, but I've got a husba- [shuts his mouth abruptly]

Mamoru: A what?

Zoi: A household budget.

Mamoru: [Shining a flashlight down on a motor assembly] Hm...

Zoi: [peering over] What's wrong?

Mamoru: The bolt on this motor is completely stripped. See.

[Zoi runs his finger over the bolt and it's completely smooth.

Zoi: Want me to buy a new one?

Mamoru: No, this bolt is fully integrated into the assembly. We'd have to buy a whole new motor, if we can even find another motor like this one.

Zoi: So what do we do?

Mamoru: I'll just book us a few hours in the school's machine shop this week and we can see if we can get this bolt rethreaded...If that's alright with you?

Zoi: [shrugs] You're the boss.

Mamoru: Yes, I am. [winks at him] And that should be worth another couple years on you at least.


	35. The Bonds of Friendship

[Scene: Honors English. The teacher is taking roll. Mamoru slides into the seat next to Zoi's]

Mamoru: I managed to reserve the machine shop for Thursday.

Zoi: Thursday? You couldn't get anything sooner? [After all the shop is empty most of the time]

Mamoru: This is going to be pretty exacting work, so I booked us for several hours.

Zoi: Oh. That makes sense.

Mamoru: In the meantime, would you mind if I worked on your bike, and I borrowed it for a few days until mine is up and running?

Zoi: Of course. I'm surprised you think you had to ask.

[They sit and listen to the lecture. Then a student read her paper titled: "Romeo and Juilet's Count Paris, the Original Captain Friendzone."]

[Eventually the bell rings and they gather up their books.]

Mamoru: Think you'll want to come over and work on the bikes again anytime soon?

Zoi: I assumed I was coming over today after school.

Mamoru: Good. Aunt Sue wants you over for dinner. She's making her super secret recipe for spaghetti. Handed down for generations. Though, I don't think Ragu's actually been around for that long.

[Zoi suddenly realizes how much of Mamoru's time he's been taking up]

Zoi: Don't forget your schoolwork or anything.

Mamoru: Don't forget yours either.

Zoi: I'll bring my homework tonight.

Mamoru: You be sure to do that.

[Usagi comes running up and throws her arms around Mamoru. Mamoru leans down and gives her a quick kiss on the lips. Zoi is glad for their open display of affection]

[Umino joins them on the way to the cafeteria. He is alone]

Zoi: Where is Naru today?

Umino: Naru's got the flu.

Usagi: She was really sick last night but I called her and she's already feeling better. Hopefully it's just the twenty-four hour thing, and not the one that kept Rei and Minako out for a week.

Mamoru: I hear that the Makoto Kino caught the more virulent strain. She's been out for a couple days now.

Zoi: Who?

Umino: The school's star running back.

Zoi: Oh. [Zoi cares about sports not at all]

[They takes their seats at their usual table. Rei is sitting with Minako on the other side of the cafeteria. Their eyes are surprisingly unfriendly. Rei is dressed in head to toe black leather: black leather boots, black leather pants, black corset top under a black leather bolero jacket. Zoi is glad to see that Rei is back, but Minako and Rei are staring at him as if they have a secret they don't feel inclined to share with him.]

[They all watch as Minako makes circles on a map with a compass while Rei holds a cellphone to her eyes and points at the map from time to time.]

Zoi: What's with Rei? She looks like a dominatrix.

Umino: [grinning] Yeah, she does.

Usagi: We should all go see a movie together! Once Naru is better and I'm no longer grounded, that is!

Mamoru: What movie do you want to see.

Usagi: [grins] Sailor V - of course! I can't wait to see Minako's big break into show business! [She sends a friendly smile toward Minako and Rei's table and they shoot back a look of disdain.]

Mamoru: I don't know. I heard it's supposed to be scary.

[he shoots a not so subtle look at Zoi]

Zoi: [stern] I'm sure it will be fine.

Umino: Report cards come out a week from Friday. Given projected ticket sales, I assume it will still be in theatres.

Usagi: Perfect. We should invite Motoki and his girlfriend too. And Rei and Minako, of course. Oh, I can't wait until I'm no longer grounded! And Naru should be completely back to normal by then.

Umino: [stares at Minako and Rei] I wouldn't be so sure about that...

[Meanwhile: At Rei and Minako's table...]

[Minako is drawing on the map, while Rei holds the phone to her ear. The phone is turned off, it's just to cover up that she can speak to the dead.]

Minako: ...There are more on the way. We have to find these people and talk some sense into them before the guy in the cloak can get to them... But if you see the guy in the cloak, clear your mind and run away as fast as you can. He can read minds, you know? And he can kill you as easily as blinking.

Rei: Artemis told me to ask you how you know this.

Minako: Tell Artemis he can kiss my ass... Anyway, I did some poking around and the victims have all rented cars from the same rental car company. I worked my mojo on a couple of the guys who worked there, and they promised to tip us off if someone mentions they are coming to Hen Tie.

Rei: What good is that going to do us? Hen Tie is a big place.

Minako: Ah...we could put tracking chips in the cars?

Rei: All of them?

Minako: ...Yeah?

Rei: [sigh] That sounds like a huge pain in the ass on so many levels.

Minako: Yeah... We need a computer weenie on our team...

Rei: Any chance one of the Moon Guardians was reincarnated as Umino?

[They laugh]

Minako: Oh, my god. Can you imagine?

[The bell rings. Usagi and her friends clear their trays. Rei and Minako remained seated.]

Rei: [glum] We're going to die again, aren't we?

Minako: [sighs] Most likely.

Rei: [takes her hand] Minako. I want you to promise me, If you die first, you'll come back as a ghost and haunt my ass.

[Minako smiles warmly and clasps her hand.]

[Usagi stops by Rei and Minako's table]

Usagi: Hey! [to Rei and Minako] I haven't seen you two in forever... Are you okay?

Rei: Not completely. But I'm a little bit better.

Usagi: I'm glad! I missed you!

Minako: Oh joy.

Usagi: I'm really looking forward to the Sailor V movie! I'm getting together a group to go a week from friday if you'd-

[They just get up and leave without another word to Usagi]

[Usagi watches them leave with tears in her eyes.]


	36. Nightmare

[Scene: The Midori residence. Zoi is dropped off by Mamoru's aunt at close to midnight. Zoi's dead tired. He's almost asleep on his feet. His father looks up at him from the kitchen table, where he's been poring over some papers and photographs]

Chief Midori: [weary] Where have you been?

Zoi: Mamoru's place. I told you I was going over there to work on the bikes, remember? His Aunt Sue said to say hi. She would have stopped in to see you but it's so late.

Chief Midori: [somber] I don't know if I want you staying out at this hour.

Zoi: [shrugs] I took my homework ...You don't suddenly have a problem with this, do you?

Chief Midori: I don't mind you hanging at out Mamoru's, but stay close to town. I don't want you wandering in the forest, ok?

Zoi: Why not?

Chief Midori: Well, there have been a lot of wildlife complaints lately. The forestry department is looking into it, for the time being.

Zoi: [giggles] Oh, the huge bear. The one you don't believe some kids at school have seen? Are you now starting to think there is some giant mutated grizzly out there?

Chief Midori: [absently] There is something.

[Zoi picks up on his father's uneasy tone. He pulls up a chair.]

Zoi: Dad, what happened?

Chief Midori: Two more hikers have gone missing. Only these two were members of the English aristocracy, so now this whole matter has gone international. Interpol has gotten involved, so it is still out of my hands...only there is something about this that bothers me and nobody else...

Zoi: What's that?

Chief Midori: These two people were extremely outspoken in their Anti-Americanism. They despise everything that has anything to do with us and they honestly believe that our country is the root of the world's problems.

Zoi: So what would they be doing in Hen Tie, Washington?

Chief Midori: [nods] Exactly. To them, the US is a hellscape of gun violence and religious fanaticism. And yet, this happily married couple, who usually vacation in Monte Carlo or on private islands, suddenly hop on a plane to Seattle to go rough it in the Hen Tie wilderness? I'm not buying it. It makes no sense at all.

Zoi: Where did they tell their friends they were going?

Chief Midori: They said they were going to South Korea for a few weeks of beauty treatments. They claimed they'd heard about a spa that works miracles with fruit oils. They'd been sworn to secrecy about the name of the spa, but promised their loved ones they'd return so rejuvenated nobody would recognize them. Of course their friends assumed they were sneaking off to a plastic surgeon, but I'm starting to suspect it's something more sinister.

Zoi: Oh, that does sound supernatural. I'll ask Kunzite if he has any ideas next time I talk to him. [yawns] But later. I'm dead tired right now.

[Rises to leave for bed]

Chief Midori: Hey, honey. Did you have fun with Mamoru?

Zoi: Yeah, I did. We worked on the bikes and had spaghetti with his aunt.

Chief Midori: Keep it close to town, ok?

Zoi: Sure, sure.

[A few hours later]

[Zoi dreams he has woken up. Only when he went to bed he could have sworn he was wearing pajamas and now he is not. He wonders about that for a few minutes until he realizes he is not alone in his room. There is a shadowy figure a few feet away.]

[Although he can't see the figure very well, it sounds as if he is undressing]

Zoi: Kunzite?

[The figure doesn't say anything but steps closer to the bed. Zoi is starting to realize it is not Kunzite and begins to panic]

Mamoru: It's ok. It's just me.

Zoi: Why are you here!

Mamoru: [lifts the sheet and crawls into the bed] I thought of a way you can pay me back for working on the bikes.

[Zoi lets out a shriek and shimmies to the far side of the bed. Mamoru moves to close the distance between them.]

[Zoi wakes, gasping and in a cold sweat. He looks and sees he's alone and he is wearing his pajamas. He tries to calm himself but his heart's still racing a mile a minute.]

[He vanishes in a swirl of flower petals and reappears in Kunzite's bed. Kunzite is not there. Zoi gets up and walks into Kunzite's living room.

Kunzite is walking around in a pair of pajama bottoms. Zoi runs over to Kunzite and wraps his arms around him.]

Kunzite: What's wrong? What happened?

Zoi: [still clutching Kunzite] I had a bad dream.

[Kunzite chuckles with amusement]

Zoi: It's not funny.

Kunzite: [stroking his hair, still amused] Of course not. What was this bad dream about?

Zoi: I dreamt some creepy guy took off his clothes and tried to get into bed with me.

Kunzite: What guy?

Zoi: [doesn't want Kunzite mad at Mamoru for something he's certain he'd never do in real life] I don't know. It was dark so I didn't get a look at him.

Kunzite: It was probably me.

Zoi: It wasn't you...

[Zoi clutches Kunzite tighter and trembles]

Zoi: I don't ever want to be with anyone else.

[Kunzite holds him close.]

Kunzite: Zoisite. You're a Shitennou now. If someone tries to get into bed with you, all you have to do is drain away all his energy and boot his corpse onto the floor.

[But Zoi doesn't want to drain away all of Mamoru's energy, that's the problem. He just wants him to stay out of his bed.]

[Kunzite toys idly with Zoi's hair and waits for Zoi to release him, though Zoi shows no intention of doing so, even though he is clearly exhausted]

Kunzite: Do you want me to stay with you tonight?

Zoi: [looks up at him] Would you?

Kunzite: Zoisite. Go home.

[Zoi teleports home. He washes his face and brushes his teeth, before returning to his room.]

[Kunzite is lying in the center of his bed]

[Zoi gets into bed and Kunzite pulls him close]

Zoi: I love you, Kunzite.

[Zoi leans in to kiss him, then tries to deepen the kiss but Kunzite pushes him back]

Kunzite: No kissing me like that. Not while you're being a toddler.

[Zoi rests his cheek against Kunzite's chest and goes back to sleep]


	37. Recruitment

[Scene: Zoi's bedroom. Chief Midori knocks on the door and peeks his head in.]

Chief Midori: Zoi, you have to get up. It's almost time for you to be at school.

[He sees Kunzite and Zoi curled up in bed and lets out a sigh of resignation]

Kunzite: He had a nightmare.

Chief Midori: Maybe I shouldn't tell him scary stories about people disappearing right before he goes to bed.

[Kunzite shakes Zoi's shoulder since he's still fast asleep. Zoi groans and turns on his other side]

Kunzite: [whispering in his ear] Wake up, sleepyhead.

Zoi: [burrows his head under a pillow] Ten more minutes.

Kunzite: You have to be in school in fifteen.

Zoi: [startled] Wait…what? Fifteen minutes? [tosses away the pillow and runs his hand over head] It's going to take me that long to comb my hair!

Chief Midori: Then you'd better get moving. Unless you want to take a sick day.

Zoi: [rushes around changing into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt] I can't. I have a big calculus test today. And I still have to help Mamoru finish his bike. [looks at Kunzite] …unless you have a problem with that.

Kunzite: Do you want me to have a problem with that?

[Zoi shakes his head and giggles as he scampers into the bathroom]

Chief Midori: [shouts after him] Don't stay out too late this time. [He turns to Kunzite.]

Chief Midori: Kunzite, would you mind staying here a while so I may have a word with you.

Zoi: [through the wall] DAD! Whatever you have to say to Kunzite you can say it in front of me!

Chief Midori: [to the wall] It's about the missing campers.

Zoi: [through the wall] Oh! Nevermind then!

Kunzite: [sitting on bed] What missing campers?

Chief Midori: There have been a series of strange disappearances lately.

Kunzite: I don't have anything to do with it.

Chief Midori: I didn't think you did. They seem to be clustered near your previous address, but the O'Sama mansion just happens to be in the most heavily wooded part of Hen Tie… But I'll admit I'm a bit out of my league here. I was hoping I could pick your brain. You could have a look at my notes and see if anything jumps out at you, metaphorically speaking.

[Meanwhile: In a skyscraper in slightly different time zone]

[Scene: A woman in her sixties is sitting in a wheelchair in a cubical. Her phone rings.]

Dale: Valerie. Can you come in my office.

Valerie: Yes, sir. Right away, sir.

[Valerie wheels over to the door. The door is a heavy fire safe door and the handle is a pull down type and opens inwards so she has to maneuver the chair around a little to get the door open and the wheelchair through.]

[She enters a part of the building where the drywall and cubicles have been replaced by offices with walnut paneling and large windows. She enters a corner office where three tall men stand around in suits. They are Dale, her manager, Chip, the CEO's new son in law as well as the firms newest VP, and a young man she's never seen before]

Dale: Valerie. I'd like you to meet your new supervisor Brydon. He's new to the industry, so I expect you to teach him everything he needs to know.

[Brydon looks to be in his mid-twenties. Indeed, the clothes Valerie are wearing are older than the year on his class ring from Cornell.]

Chip: Brydon just got his MBA. He was my old roommate in college. We're really excited to have him here.

Valerie: [gruff] Pleased to meet you, sir.

Dale: I should warn you. She's got a bit of an attitude.

Brydon: That time of the month, huh?

[The other men let out gasps and Valerie breathes through her nose. She'd love nothing more than to turn her chair around and wheel over to HR, but the last three girls who did that ended up being let go… for reasons having nothing to do with their complaints, of course.]

Chip: Oh come on. She's pretty well past that. How old are you, Val, seventy?

Valerie: None of your business how old I am.

Brydon: I can see why they hired you. Dale gets to knock off four boxes on the affirmative action checklist.

[The men have the good manners to look ashamed of themselves while they are laughing]

Dale: Valerie is one of the best employees we have here. She spotted an error that almost cost our department two million. I ended up getting an award when we might have all lost our jobs instead.

[Valerie snorts with regret]

Brydon: Valerie. Where did you go to college?

Valerie: I didn't.

Dale: She used to be a prima ballerina. Then one morning her back just gave out. She woke up and couldn't feel her left leg.

Valerie: Surgeon said I blew two discs clean through the nerve.

Brydon: Wow. That sucks.

Dale: It's a shame. My wife and I have season tickets to the ballet. Do you follow ballet, Brydon.

Brydon: Only the kind where you get to put dollars in the girls' underpants.

[The men laugh again, and Valerie imagines their heads mounted on the wall like hunting trophies]

Brydon: Speaking of dancing, I have to get off at two today to pick up my daughter from dance class. [looks at Valerie] Though I may want to cancel. I don't want her to end up in a wheelchair after all.

Dale: [claps him on the shoulder] No problem at all. Family is important to us. Just make up the time when you can…Say, Chip do you have plans for lunch. I was hoping to take Brydon out to the new steakhouse. You're welcome to come along–You can go back to your desk now, Valerie.

[As the men make their lunch plans, Valerie wheels her way back to her cubicle, where a giant man in a black cloak is waiting.]

Cloaked Figure: Are you ready to talk with me now?

Valerie: I'm ready to get out of this chair now…You say I'll be able dance again?

Cloaked Figure: I promise you'll soar higher than you could in your prime. You'll be so light your feet will barely touch the ground.

Valerie: [sighs] Fine. Show me the map of this place I've got to go to again.

Cloaked figure: [conjures a map and a photo of the O'Sama Mansion.] You'll want to drive until you see this house, then you will set up camp-

Valerie: Yeah, yeah, now show me those pictures of those four little rich boys I've got to kill.

Cloaked figure: They aren't little rich boys. They are powerful demons that have disguised themselves-

Valerie: Yeah? That's a pity. Because I'm in the mood to kill some little rich boys right now.

[The cloaked figure conjures four photo. He fans out snapshots of Neffy, Jeddy, Kunzite and Zoi.]

Cloaked figure: [points to the picture of Zoi] If at all possible, you'll want to start with this one. He's the newest, and hasn't completely mastered the use of his powers yet.


	38. Hell Hath no Fury

[Scene: Thursday afternoon. The Hen Tie High metal shop, Mamoru arrives at about the same time as Zoi. There are two kids in the background wearing welding gear and working on something that looks like a rocket launcher, but they are far enough away that Zoi and Mamoru don't even notice them]

Mamoru: Hey, Zoi.

Zoi: Hey, Mamoru.

Mamoru: Let's get to work. [He pulls the motor assembly out of his backpack and puts it on a lathe.]

Zoi: You seriously aren't sick of me yet?

Mamoru: Nope, not yet.

Zoi: Please let me know when I start getting on your nerves. I don't want to be a pain.

Mamoru: Ok. I wouldn't hold my breath for that, though.

[Mamoru and clamps the motor into place. He puts on safety goggles and hands a pair to Zoi]

Zoi: So are you going to repair the bolt?

Mamoru: No. This bolt is completely stripped. It's weightbearing, so that wouldn't be safe. I brought some smaller nuts and washers and I'm going to cut a new thread into it. I have to be careful since the threading has to be precise, to within a millimeter or so, so we may need to do this more than once.

[He starts up the lathe and sparks fly as he slowly carves into the bolt. When he is finished, he takes off his goggles and wipes the sweat from his brow and hands the assembly to Zoi.]

[Zoi tries screwing on the largest washer and nut and they fix perfectly]

Zoi: Oh my god. You're amazing. You got it perfect on the first try!

Mamoru: I should hope so. I'm going to be a surgeon some day.

Zoi: [joking] So much for needing a few hours in the shop. I guess we can go home now?

Mamoru: [shrugs] I get obsessive when I have a project, but if I had any brains, I'd drag it out a bit.

[One of the welders behind them stops working and stands up very straight, staring right at them]

Zoi: Huh?

Mamoru: Zoi, if I told you I couldn't fix these bikes, would you have still agreed to hang out with me?

Zoi: [giggles] Hell, no.

[Mamoru looks away, so hurt that Zoi instinctively feels terribly guilty]

Zoi: I mean you're so busy. I feel just awful monopolizing so much of your precious time as it is, taking advantage of your underpriced mechanical skills.

Mamoru: I'm not that busy. I'm always willing to make time for a friend.

[The welder removes her welder's mask, revealing a very wide-eyed El]

Mamoru: So you'll stick around when I'm done?

Zoi: [giggles nervously and plays with his hair] If that's what you mean. I guess so. I mean we still have lunch. And the Crown.

Mamoru: [give him a sidelong smile] Hoping to see Motoki again?

Zoi: [giggles into his hair] You caught me.

Mamoru: So you really like spending time with me?

Zoi: Um. Sure. I guess…

Mamoru: Good, because I think it will break Aunt Sue's heart when you suddenly stop coming to dinner for no apparent reason.

[El's jaw has practically hit the floor. Behind her back, Dev has taken off his mask and is smirking in satisfaction]

Zoi: Well…uh…we still have the bike lessons?

Mamoru: But when that's done, we'll have to think of some nonmechanical excuse for you to come over. Maybe you can help me with my homework once a week…or maybe we'd better go with twice…

[Zoi is starting to feel a little uncomfortable.]

Zoi: Mamoru, Usagi isn't going to be grounded forever, you know.

Mamoru: I don't think Usagi is going to be much help when it comes to solving complex polynomials with four unknowns.

[El is shaking with rage and grinding her teeth]

Zoi: [chuckles and tugs on his ponytail] You know what? As long as we're a few hours ahead of schedule, I should really go home and cook dinner for my dad. I think he's getting tired of eating cold pizza.

Mamoru: Sure. I'll clean up here.

[Zoi walks out.]

[El storms toward Mamoru with her fists balled up. Dev grins. He's looking forward to watching her pummel Mamoru, but his smile vanishes as she walks right past Mamoru and heads out the door, after Zoi.]

Dev: [Under his breath] Oh, no, El. No, no, no…

[He chases after her. Just a little too late…]

[Outside El is running after Zoi]

El: Bitch! Get back here!

[Zoi doesn't slow down.]

[El picks up a half eaten apple and throws it at his head. Zoi dodges and the apple splatters against the wall. Zoi turns and looks at her in disbelief.]

El: Yeah, I'm talking to you, candy ass! …Does your boyfriend know that you've got another guy greasing up your chassis?

Zoi: [smiles and twirls a lock of hair] First of all, do I know you? Second of all, since the answer is no, I don't see how what I do with my chassis is any of your business.

[El is huffing with rage with her fists balled up at her sides]

El: It's my business as a matter of public safety, you diseased slut!

Zoi: [looks her over and giggles] Awwww, aren't you cute…Look at the little baby puddy-tat, getting all puffed up so someone might mistake her for a bigshot.

El: You need to get your eyes checked, clap-trap! [Extends both middle fingers] How many fingers am I holding up!

Zoi: [waves his finger] One little piggy… Two little piggies…Am I right? Or can you not count that high yet?

El: Oh, fuck you!

Zoi: Oh, my, oh, my, oh my. [giggling] Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

El: No! But I use it on your boyfriend all the time!

Dev: El! [he looks like he's trying his hardest not to vomit] That's sick! What's wrong with you? How can you even say such a thing?

El: Ew, I didn't mean it like that.

Zoi: Oh, please. A hot stud like Kunzite with a whiny little brat like you? I'd know if he kissed you because your head would explode.

El: Oh, yeah? [Turns her back to him and unzips her pants] Why don't you come over here and kiss my ass?

Dev: El, what the-

[El bends at the waist and drops her jeans. Zoi gets the briefest glimpse of her thong underwear before Dev grabs the back of her jeans and yanks them back up again]

[Dev wraps his arms around El and lifts her off her feet while she flails her legs around and punches him with her fists]

Zoi: [laughing] I'm sorry… but…what ass?

Dev: My god, El! What has gotten into you!

El: Put me down! Put me down so I can beat the Shitennou out of this worthless little two-timing tramp!

[Fortunately Zoi doesn't catch that since he is laughing so hard he has to wipe the tears from his eyes]

Dev: Please forgive my sister. We were raised by wolves.

[He starts to carry her away as she screams over his shoulder]

El: Fuck you, Zoisite Midori! Fuck you! I fucking hate you! I fucking hate you more than anyone! You wait! You're going to get what's coming to you!

Dev: No you're not.

El: [flails about as Dev carries her away] This isn't over-

Dev: Oh, yes, it is. Please ignore her. She doesn't even know what she's saying.

Zoi: [waves goodbye to them] Toodles!

[Zoi whistles a merry tune as he walks away. For some reason El's meltdown has made him feel a lot better about any potential awkwardness with Mamoru.]


	39. Fairytale Thinking

[Scene: Dev and El's place. El is sobbing on the bed while Dev shakes his head in disgust.]

Dev: I hope you're proud of yourself.

El: Of course I'm not proud of myself.

Dev: You've ruined everything… Not that you care, I suppose… I take it you want to go home now? So you can go crying to Big Daddy and tell him everything that has happened, right before he takes a belt to our asses?

El: Big Daddy has never hit us.

Dev: Oh, well this is going to do it…[sighs]…I thought this out so carefully… I tried to account for every contingency…I guess the only thing I didn't plan for is my supergenius sister might be tempted to MOON a Shitennou.

El: Fine! I fucked up! You're the smart one! I'm a complete moron! You know what? Next time I'll do all the careful planning while YOU design a weapon that can destroy a major god of chaos!

Dev: [grins] Point taken.

El: So…you're not mad?

Dev: [Lies on his side next to her on the bed] I'm never mad at you…Disappointed? A bit. But I'm never mad.

El: Really?

Dev: No, I take it back. I'm not even disappointed…You wanted to go home…now we might as well go home…

El: We're NOT going home!

Dev: Yes, we are. We're aborting the mission. It's gotten way too dangerous now.

El: Just because some mouthy little kid dropped her pants in front of Zoisite Midori? Do you really think he's going to go tattling to Metalia? As I recall they weren't on the best of terms.

Dev: No, but I'm willing to bet he's going to mention this to his boyfriend. Who very possibly might mention this to Mommy Dearest.

El: Why would he bother Mommy Dearest with this? We're just a couple of normal human children as far as anyone can tell.

Dev: Except if Metalia or any of her brood becomes curious about us, they'll quickly discover we're not the slightest bit normal. And only the slightest bit human.

El: Then we have to be careful.

Dev: It would be better to leave here and come back another time.

El: we can't. Going into the future would do no good if she's on to us, and going into the past just increases the risk. Besides, she might have put a magic tracker out already…No more magic. No charms, no spells, no teleporting. Not even any tarot readings. We live off the money you stole and act completely nonmagical until we get the God Gun finished.

Dev: No magic? [winces] That's going to be a pain.

El: Tell me about it.

Dev: We'd better finish the God Gun as quickly as possible. No dating. No social work. And no more getting yourself into trouble! You're really going to have to keep a lid on your temper if we are to have any chance of surviving this.

El: [laughs cruelly] Dev. We're NOT going to survive this.

Dev: We might.

El: We won't. I've explained that to you at the start. This is a suicide mission. If we fail, we die. If we succeed…we die. The odds of us pulling this off without dying in the process are so slight we might as well not even consider it.

Dev: I prefer to think of our odds as being fifty-fifty. We either die, or we don't.

El: [laughs cruelly] Oh you really suck at math. If you still insist on believing in fairytales, maybe we'll get saved by the Tooth Fairy.

[Dev pulls El into his arms]

Dev: El. Remember when we were tiny? Back when we were too young to learn magic, and Metalia sent a monster to kill us?

El: [laughs a fond little laugh] Yeah. I remember that like it was yesterday.

Dev: We ran into the kitchen and hid a cupboard…

El: You were great. I was so scared. But you weren't scared at all

Dev: You peeked out the crack between the doors and you whispered to me you could see it moving around, trying to find us. You tried to get me to look. Do you remember what I said to you?

El: You said you didn't need to look. You already knew what was going to happen…Big Daddy was going to come home and kill the monster for us…then I would go running to him, and he would pick me up and call me his baby girl and tell me he loved me. And he did! You were right. It happened exactly the way you described!

[El smiles at her brother and her smile fades when he doesn't smile back]

El: What?

Dev: El…I lied.

El: You…lied?

Dev: I didn't believe Big Daddy was going to save us.

El: Huh?

Dev:When he showed up and killed that monster, nobody was more surprised than I was.

El: But…then why did you say that…?

Dev: Because I was scared, El. I didn't want to look. I thought we were both going to die. I could hear the monster slithering around, trying to find us, but as long as I didn't see it, I could pretend it wasn't really there.

El: So you didn't know Big Daddy would come home?

Dev: I didn't think Big Daddy would bother risking his neck for us, regardless of whether he was home or not.

El: [sad] Oh, Dev… So you didn't think Big Daddy loved us?

Dev: I still don't.

[El blinks in surprise]

Dev: Think about it. We're savage monsters. If you were Big Daddy, would you be able to love us?

El: [closes her eyes and trembles] No…not even a little bit.

Dev: We're expendable little pawns in his war with Metalia… Why did you think he took us in? Taught us magic? Trained us to protect ourselves against the Shitennou? Told us all those fairytales about the Legendary Silver Crystal… he was using us. Steering us to Metalia so we'd do his dirty work for him.

El: So if you think he was just manipulating us this whole time, why are you here?

Dev: Because I knew you needed to feel like a real little girl, with a real daddy who loves her. He gave you that, and for that reason alone, I am willing to risk dying to give him what he wants in return.

El: [crying] Oh, Dev.

[Dev wipes her tears away]

Dev: The point I'm trying to make, my love, is that I let you keep your fairytales. Please let me keep mine.


	40. The C'Est la Vie Gang

[Scene: Early Saturday morning at the Midori house. Zoi is dusting, which basically involves his generating a big arc of static electricity to attract all the dust in the room.]

[His phone rings so he combusts the ball of dust into flames so he can answer it.]

Zoi: Hello?

Mamoru: Zoi.

Zoi: Hey, Mamoru.

Mamoru: I believe that we have a date.

Zoi: [brows rise] Excuse me?

Mamoru: Riding lessons?

Zoi: [grins] The bikes? They're done? I can't believe it!

Mamoru: Yeah, they run and everything.

Zoi: I'm on my way over.

Mamoru: Take your time. I have to swing by the Crown so we can borrow Motoki's van. Do you have motorcycle apparel? You're going to need a helmet of course, and you'll want to wear thick jeans, as well as some boots and gloves and a leather jacket.

Zoi: Oh, sure. I have all that…I'll go upstairs and change right now… We were just stepping out the door to visit my dad's friend Harry Clearwater at the hospital, but I'll have him drop me off near your apartment instead.

Mamoru: Harry Clearwater? I don't think I know him.

[Which doesn't surprise Zoi, since he doesn't actually exist.]

Mamoru: Then I'll see you in about an hour?

Zoi: Sounds good.

[They hang up. Zoi's giddy that soon he'll be able to travel on his own and won't have to make up imaginary friends for his father.]

[Zoi's father looks away from the TV]

Chief Midori: Headed to see Mamoru?

Zoi: Yep.

Chief Midori: I'll be at the station later.

Zoi: Ok.

[Zoi teleports away to buy some motorcycle apparel.]

[An hour later: Zoi shows up at Mamoru's door]

Mamoru: Ready?

Zoi: Yeah.

Mamoru: Let's go. I know the perfect spot.

[They get in the van and drive uphill to the more less traveled parts of Hen Tie. Along the way they pass three figures traveling on foot. Zoi recognizes them as Minako, Rei, and a very tall girl who he assumes is Makoto. All of them are wearing clothing that looks like it came from Hot Topic, and ponytails.]

[Mamoru slows as if getting ready to offer them a lift, but they turn and wrinkle their noses at him and quickly cut into the woods.]

[Zoi notices Mamoru's hands are clenched into the steering wheel.]

Zoi: What's wrong.

Mamoru: It's Rei. She's been avoiding me lately.

Zoi: Well.. good! You're with Usagi now!

Mamoru: No, that's not it. It's not just me. She's avoiding Usagi too. And everyone.

Zoi: Yeah. I've noticed.

Mamoru : Rei missed a week of school. She had a really high fever and whenever she returned Usagi's calls, she sounded freaked out…terrified. Then this week, out of nowhere, Rei goes back to hanging out with Minako.

Zoi: Well that's to be expected. They are best friends, after all.

Mamoru: Except Rei told me she didn't want anything to do with her anymore… Zoi, this change in Minako bothered Rei even more than it bothered us. Then she stayed home sick, and when she comes back, suddenly Minako owns her.

Zoi: Huh…

Mamoru: I don't know what it means. I can't figure it out, and I feel like I have to, because Rei is my friend and Minako is looking at me funny…and…

[Mamoru scowls and goes quiet]

Zoi: Have you talked to them about this?

Mamoru: [bitter] Yes. That was helpful.

Zoi: What did they say?

Mamoru: They told me to mind my own business.

[Mamoru looks deeply upset]

Zoi: You don't like them very much.

Mamoru: Does it show? Out of the blue, they are hanging out with Makoto, whom they've probably never said three words to in the past, and they've taken to calling themselves the 'C'est La Vie' Gang.

Zoi: [alarmed] Minako and Rei are in a gang?

Mamoru: [laughs] Not like that. Except Minako rules over those two girls like they are in a cult. They act like…I don't know…like mean girls in a clique.

[Zoi twirls a lock of his hair as he remembers Minako throwing shade at him, but he assumed that she was finally overcome by jealousy over his winning Kunzite.]

Zoi: Yeah. I noticed.

Mamoru: I really don't like the way they've been treating Usagi. She loves them so much and they've become so cold, for no reason. Just the other day Usagi was teasing Rei about something silly, you know how she is, and it really pissed Rei off.

Zoi: [giggles to lighten the mood] Rei? Pissed off? How can you tell?

Mamoru: [doesn't even crack a smile] Her eyes went all dark, and she sort of smiled… No, she bared her teeth, but she didn't smile - and the room got really hot. It was like she was so mad she was going to burst into flames. Then Minako walked over and put her hand on Rei's back and said "She's not worth it. Let it go. Just ignore her. She's not one of us." Then they both walked away like nothing had happened while Usagi ran in the bathroom to cry.

Zoi: Oh. Poor Usagi.

Mamoru: [nods] Usagi really took it to heart. Especially since she considered Rei and Minako to be among her best friends, and they haven't spoken to her or returned her calls since they recovered from their illnesses…

[Eventually they reach an abandoned sawmill at the top of the hillside. Mamoru pulls into the weed-choked parking lot and pulls the bikes out of the back of the van]

Mamoru: Are you ready for this?

Zoi: I think so.

Mamoru: We'll take it slow.

[Zoi notices the scowl has never left Mamoru's face]

Zoi: Mamoru…

Mamoru: Yeah?

Zoi: What's really bothering you? About the Minako thing? Is it something else?

Mamoru : I don't know what's going on. I'm not even sure why it's upsetting me. It all sounds so petty but…the way they treat me, and Usagi, and anyone else who isn't in their little clique. It creeps me out.

Zoi: [giggles into his hair] Well, that's understandable.

Mamoru: It's just…the way they look at me. It's like they want to kill me.

Zoi: I think they do that to everyone.

Mamoru: No, not everyone… Just me… It's like they are biding their time. Waiting for the right moment to strike. I hate it.

Zoi: [giggles and winks] Don't worry. Nobody is going to hurt you. Not while I'm around.

[Mamoru tries not to laugh, but laughs anyway. Then he's grave again.]

Mamoru: So are we going for a ride?

Zoi: [looks at his bike] Let's do this.


	41. Riding Lessons

[Scene: The parking lot of an abandoned sawmill on a densely wooded hilltop. Mamoru tosses Zoi a helmet, which Zoi puts on before he climbs onto his bike.]

Mamoru: We're pretty high up but I picked this road because nobody uses it anymore. Just go slow and stay away from the guardrails and you should be fine. Got it?

Zoi: Sure.

Mamoru: Ok, where is your clutch?

[Zoi points to the lever on the left handlebar. He has to stand on his tiptoes for his feet to touch the ground.]

[The bike wants to topple to the side.]

Zoi: Mamoru, it won't stay up.

Mamoru: It will when you're moving. Now where is your brake.

Zoi: Behind my right foot.

Mamoru: Wrong.

[He curls Zoi's fingers around the right handlebar.]

Zoi: But you said-

Mamoru: That's the brake you want to use for now. The back brake is for when you know what you're doing.

Zoi: That doesn't sound right. Aren't both brakes kinda important?

Mamoru: Forget the back brake. [Squeeze Zoi's hand around the lever] There. That's how you brake. Don't forget. [Squeezes it again]

Zoi: Fine.

Mamoru: Throttle?

[Zoi twists the right grip]

Mamoru: Gearshift?

[Nudges it with his left calf]

Mamoru: Very good, you have all the parts down. You just have to get it moving…I want you to hold down the clutch…Now this is crucial. Don't let go of that, okay? I want you to pretend I handed you a live grenade…good, do you think you can kickstart it?

Zoi: If I move my foot I will fall over.

Mamoru: Ok, I'll do. Don't let go of the clutch.

[Mamoru steps back and slams his foot down on the pedal. The bike makes a sputtering noise and the force of the thrust rocks the bike and Zoi starts to fall sideways, but Mamoru grabs the bike.]

Mamoru: Whoa, steady. Do you still have the clutch?

Zoi: Yes.

Mamoru: Plant your feet. I'm going to try again.

[It takes four kicks before the ignition catches. Zoi can feel the bike rumbling beneath him like an angry animal.]

Mamoru: Try out the throttle, very lightly, and don't let go of the clutch.

[Zoi twists the handle and the bike roars. Mamoru smiles]

Mamoru: Do you remember how to put it in first gear?

Zoi: Yes.

Mamoru: Well go ahead and do it… left foot…

Zoi: I know.

Mamoru: Are you sure you want to do this? You look scared.

Zoi: I'm fine.

Mamoru: Very good. Now, very gently, ease up on the clutch.

[Mamoru steps away]

[Zoi eases up on the clutch and the bike bucks underneath him, and lurches to the side, landing on top of him. The engine chokes to a stop.]

Mamoru: [Winces] Zoi? [He pulls the bike off Zoi with ease] Are you ok?

Zoi: I'm fine.

[Mamoru pulls him to his feet.]

Mamoru: Did you hit your head?

Zoi: I don't think so… I didn't break the bike, did I?

Mamoru: No, you just stalled the engine. You let go of the clutch too fast.

Zoi: [climbs back on the bike] Let's try again.

Mamoru: Are you sure?

Zoi: Positive.

[Zoi kickstarts it himself this time, while Mamoru stands nearby, ready to grab the bike if something goes wrong. After several failed attempts, the engine roars to life]

Mamoru: Easy on the clutch. Ease off slowly.

Zoi: I will.

[The gear catches, the bike rockets forward.]

[Zoi is riding. He heads out of the parking lot for the open road. The wind is in his face and his ponytail is streaming out behind him.]

[He's filled with adrenaline, it's tingling in his veins. The trees on both sides of the road blur into a wall of green. ]

[Zoi's foot itches for the gearshift and he twists for more gas.]

[The road ahead curves to the left so he turns, but he takes the turn a bit to fast and the bikes skids beneath him. Fortunately, his reflexes as a Shitennou are far better than they were as a human so he is able to correct without difficulty. Within minutes the riding becomes second nature.]

[He looks back over his shoulder to confirm he's not being followed.]

[Mamoru is nowhere to be seen, so he decides it's time to attempt a teleport. Zoi opens up a tear in the fabric of reality and dematerializes in a burst of flower petals. It is only when he has entered the interdimensional void that he starts to worry about what effects teleportation might have on the motorcycle's internal combustion engine…]

[In a blind panic Zoi tries to turn the bike around, but since there is no roads in the interdimensional void, he only succeeds is yanking the handlebars to the side. Therefore, he rematerializes where he expected to, only he is facing the wrong direction. The guardrail, which had been to his right, is now approaching faster than the speed of thought.]

[Zoi screams and instinctively covers his face with his arm as he goes crashing through and starts a rapid descent down the heavily wooded side of the hills.]

[For an instant he's airborn. He twists his eyes closed and prepares for the worst, but the bike manages to stay upright as he soars down the slope. He cocks one eye open.]

[The hill is just steep enough to maintain control of the bike, but too steep for him to brake properly. He's certain that it won't be long before he comes to a sheer drop and both he and the bike will be dashed to pieces on the rocks below.]

[Then he remembers he can not only teleport, he can levitate.]

[Zoi lets of a laugh and a shriek of victory. At that point it becomes fun. He zooms down the hill at breakneck speed, dodging trees and boulders. He wonders what Mamoru must think of this if he could see him so he looks up to see how far he is down the hill.]

[He can see the gaping hole in the smashed up guardrail, but there is no sign of Mamoru. He waits. Mamoru does not appear. Still, it's about time to turn back.]

[When he turns around he sees a huge redwood pine, just inches from the front wheel of the bike.]

[He screams and swerves to avoid it. The bike skids on the loose stones beneath it, throwing him to the side. He hits the tree, face first, with bone crushing impact.]

[Zoi feels a sharp thud and the crackle of his skull shattering before the world goes black.]


	42. Nine Lives

[Scene: Utter darkness.]

[Zoi is dizzy and confused. He can't see. He can barely think. All he knows is that his face has been mashed into mossy bark. He tries to lift his head, but he can't move at all. He can't breathe. He can't get any air through his nose, and his mouth is filled with hot blood and he's choking on jagged bits of gravel. He spits out a mouthful and it takes him a while to realize that the gravel is probably his teeth. He runs his tongue across the top of his gums and there are just geysers of blood where his teeth used to be.]

[Not only are his teeth gone, he's certain he's broken every bone in his body. He's being crushed by something heavy. He hears something snarling at him.]

[Then a wave of euphoria washes over him as his bones start to knit and the bits of his skull snap back together like a jigsaw puzzle. He can feel himself healing. The stinging cuts close and the cartilage in his nose is straightening itself. Even his teeth are growing back to their former shape, fillings and all.]

[Zoi is not sure how much of his survival is due to his Shitennou nature and how much of it is due to healing, regeneration, and self-preservation spells Beryl, Kunzite–and even Nephrite– cast upon him, but this supports a theory of his: As a Shitennou he can no longer die of natural causes. He can only die of supernatural causes. ]

Mamoru: ZOI!

[He turns his head with great difficult and sees his bike on top of him, the wheels still whirling around. He then looks up and sees Mamoru running down the hill toward him, a look of abject terror on his face. Mamoru rushes over and lifts the bike off of Zoi.]

Zoi: [dazed but euphoric from the endorphins] Wow.

Mamoru: ZOI! ZOI, ARE YOU ALIVE?

Zoi: I'm great! Let's do it again!

[The bike is no longer on top of Zoi and he rolls over to breathe. There are chunks of bloody plastic and Styrofoam near his head. In his dazed state, it takes him a moment to realize that's all that's left of his helmet. ]

Mamoru: DON'T MOVE! YOU MIGHT HAVE A BROKEN SPINE!

Zoi: [smiles up at him] Oh, nonsense. I'm fine.

Mamoru: No! You are in shock!

Zoi: I'm ok. Really. I just fell off the bike. Stop worrying.

Mamoru: Um, Zoi? You're soaking in a pool of your own blood.

[Zoi sits up and sees a outline of himself in the bloody soil. Zoi feels his face, and his hand comes away sopping wet and dark red. He know how this must look to Mamoru, and feels terrible about that.]

Zoi: Oh, I'm sorry, Mamoru.

Mamoru: Why are you apologizing for bleeding?

Zoi: It's just a scalp wound. Those tend to bleed a lot. [Rises to his feet] See, I'm fine.

Mamoru: Don't move! I'm going to call 911 to have you airlifted to the hospital!

Zoi: I don't need to go the hospital. I fell and torn my scalp on a twig, but I'm fine. Really! See?

[He holds his arms out at his sides and twirls around, then touches the tip of his nose with a fingertip on each hand, one at a time]

[Mamoru considers]

Mamoru: Lift your shirt up.

Zoi: What?

Mamoru: I want to make sure you didn't rupture your spleen.

[Zoi raises his shirt to show he has no signs of internal bleeding]

Zoi: Happy now?

Mamoru: [begrudgingly] Here, take this.

[Mamoru pulls off his own t-shirt, already spotted with blood, wads it up and hands it to Zoi]

[Zoi is staring at Mamoru's athletic build like a deer in the headlight.]

Mamoru: Press the hem against the cut until the bleeding stops.

[The bleeding stopped a long time ago, but there is no easy way to explain that to Mamoru, so Zoi wads up the shirt and presses it to his forehead and continues to stare at Mamoru.]

Mamoru: What?

Zoi: Nothing. I hadn't realized it before, but you're sort of hot.

Mamoru: You hit your head pretty hard. Didn't you?

Zoi: I'm serious.

Mamoru: Then thanks, sort of.

Zoi: You're sort of welcome.

Mamoru: Ok, let's go.

[Mamoru grabs Zoi's bike and hauls it up the hill, keeping an eye on Zoi. Zoi looks back and sees the pool of Shitennou blood is already starting to evaporate into a shower of sparkles. Zoi faces forward so Mamoru won't look back to see what he's looking at.]

[Eventually they reach the road where Mamoru has parked the van.]

Mamoru: Ok, let's get you in the van.

Zoi: I'm honestly fine. Don't get worked up, it's just a little blood.

[Zoi gets into the passenger side.]

[Mamoru gets in the driver's side and looks him over]

Mamoru: Just a lot of blood.

[Zoi looks in the mirror and gasps. His hair is so saturated with blood he can't see what color it is.]

Mamoru: I'm taking you to the ER, whether you want to go there or not.

Zoi: Now think about this for a second. If you drag me kicking and screaming into the ER, looking like this, my dad is definitely going to hear about it. And he will probably shoot first and ask questions later.

Mamoru: Zoi, I think you need stitches. I'm not going to let you bleed to death.

Zoi: I won't. Trust me, I'm an easy bleeder. It's not as dire as it looks…[Holds up the shirt and touches the top of his head.] See. It stopped already.

[For a moment Mamoru seems unconvinced. Then he sighs.]

Mamoru: Ok, if you insist. But I'm not taking you home to your father looking like an extra in a zombie film. We're going to have to stop at my place to get you cleaned up and dispose of the evidence.


	43. Cleaning Up

[Scene: Mamoru's apartment complex. They pull up outside Mamoru's apartment complex. Zoi is still a gruesome sight, with blood drying in dark streaks on his neck and t-shirt. Mamoru is wearing his bomber jacket zipped all the way up to cover the fact he's shirtless.]

Mamoru: You still ok

Zoi: Yeah.

Mamrou: What happened? It looked like you made a sharp turn and hit the guardrail head on.

Zoi: A cute little squirrel darted in front of the bike and I swerved to avoid it.

Mamoru: Oh. Next time, don't swerve.

Zoi: I couldn't help it. It ran right for my wheels, all small and fluffy with the sweetest little brown eyes.

Mamoru: [sighs] I'm going to have to teach you how to bunny hop your bike when you get a lot better.

[They get out, and take the stairs to Mamoru's apartment.]

Mamoru: [unlocking the door and peeks his head in] AUNT SUE…?…

[He sees a note on the kitchen island]

Mamoru: Good. She's not home…this would be hard to explain…Let's find you something a little less macabre to wear.

[He opens the door and they enter. Mamoru reads the note, then goes into his room. Zoi goes to the kitchen sink and starts washing up as best he can.]

[Mamoru emerges from his room wearing a fresh change of clothes and holding a half filled laundry basket.]

Mamoru: The sink is not going to cut it. You'd better hop in the shower while I go to the laundryroom and do some wash… I laid out some fresh towels and a change of clothing… I'll be down in the laundry room and Aunt Sue won't be back until tonight so you'll have the place to yourself for the next hour or so.

[Zoi goes into the bathroom and strips down to his briefs and hands each article of clothing to Mamoru through the door.]

Mamoru: Where's the rest of it?

[The thought of slipping off his tighty-whiteys and handing them to Mamoru makes Zoi uncomfortable. Especially since Mamoru doesn't seem uncomfortable about it in the slightest.]

Zoi: I'm perfectly capable of washing my own underpants.

Mamoru: I don't want you catching cold by wearing wet underwear.

Zoi: [giggles] As a future man of medicine, you should know that's an old wives tale.

Mamoru: As a future man of medicine, I fully believe a chill might compromise your immune system.

Zoi: I'll take my chances.

Mamoru: And dry your hair. The hairdryer is on my dresser. You're not going outside with wet hair.

Zoi: Yes, grandma.

[Mamoru starts to walk away and Zoi reaches for his wallet]

Zoi: Wait. Let me give you some money for the machine.

Mamoru: Don't worry about it. I just hope nobody calls 911 on me while I'm scrubbing out all your bloodstains with hydrogen peroxide… By the way, I'm going to disconnect your foot brake tonight.

[Zoi closes the door and washes up as best he can, worrying the whole time that the blood might vanish from his clothing before Mamoru reaches the laundryroom. It seems to remain as long as it is in close proximity of his body, but doesn't even darken the bottom of the tub.]

[He dries off and picks up the track suit Mamoru laid out for him, wrinkles his nose at it, and immediately sets it back down. It's by far the ugliest thing he's ever seen-light gray with a clownish pink and turquoise applique abstract pattern in it. He has half a mind to call Mamoru up to tell him that just because there's something on the clearance rack in his size, doesn't mean he has to buy it.]

He drapes a huge towel around himself and looks for the hairdryer. Mamoru's room is tidy, but small and cramped, so he sits on Mamoru's bed as he dries his hair.]

[Zoi has a lot of hair and it's very thick and hard to comb, so he is still working on it when Mamoru returns an hour later.]

Mamoru: [Through the door] I'm back, are you decent?

Zoi: [still drying his hair] Sure.

[Mamoru comes in with a clean basket of neatly folded laundry]

Mamoru: I got out all the blood out. You're right. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it was, but old Mrs. Parker in 44B now thinks I'm a serial kill-

[Mamoru stops talking in midsentence. Zoi looks over and Mamoru is just standing there staring at Zoi with a blush on his cheeks. His eyes dart from Zoi's face to his legs and back again.]

Zoi: [turns off the dryer and narrows his eyes] What's wrong?

Mamoru: I-I shouldn't be in here with you.

Zoi: [giggles] Why? You've seen me wearing a lot less than this before.

Mamoru: Yes…but…not with your hair down…

[Zoi is feeling uncomfortable at the way Mamoru is staring at him]

Mamoru: …At least not off life support.

[Zoi is feeling even more uncomfortable]

[Mamoru sets the basket on the bed and backs away]

Mamoru: I'll be outside. In the van. No rush. Lock up when you're finished.

[A short time later: They are silent as Mamoru drives Zoi home.]

Mamoru: Are you going to tell Kunzite about this.

[Zoi lets out a worried sigh]

Zoi: I think I have to.

Mamoru: Oh…

[They ride in silence for a while]

Zoi: Are you going to tell Usagi?

Mamoru: Why would I tell Usagi you'd been in a bike accident?


	44. To Serve Evil

[Scene: Kunzite's apartment. Zoi appears and Kunzite smiles up at him from his reading. Zoi walks over and kneels at Kunzite's feet, wrapping his arms around Kunzite's calves and rests his head on his lap.]

Kunzite: What's wrong?

Zoi: Mamoru took me out for a bike lesson. I wasn't paying attention, so I crashed right into a tree.

Kunzite: But you're ok now, aren't you?

[Zoi nods with his face still in Kunzite's lap]

Kunzite: [pets Zoi's hair] These things happen.

Zoi: I haven't told you the worst of it.

Kunzite: [Stops petting him] Oh? What happened?

Zoi: [looks up at him] Promise me you won't get mad at Mamoru.

Kunzite: I can't promise you that. I'm getting mad at him already. What did he do?

Zoi: He didn't do anything. He tried to help me. That's why I don't want you mad at him.

Kunzite: Fine. I'll do my best.

[Zoi sits up and his cheeks flush as he tells Kunzite absolutely everything]

[Kunzite's eyes go wide as he describes the accident. But to Zoi's surprise, he grins as Zoi describes the aftermath. He figured Kunzite will be furious at some of the racier elements of the story, but those seem to be Kunzite's favorite parts. In fact, he actually tells Zoi to slow down and go into more detail when he get to the part where Mamoru walked in on him drying his hair.]

Zoi: Wait…this doesn't bother you?

Kunzite: Are you kidding me? [smiling] I'm proud of you for tormenting him with that gorgeous body of yours. I always like to hear about people like him being tortured by visions of what they can never have.

Zoi: [relieved] So you're not upset with me?

Kunzite: Not at all. In fact, I'd say you got off lightly. I would have ravished you.

Zoi: [giggles] You would not have.

Kunzite: Yes, I would have. I would have yanked that towel away and just taken you. In fact…I think I'm going to take you right now.

[Zoi laughs as Kunzite throws him down on the couch and pins him into a rough embrace]

[Meanwhile: At a campground deep in the Hen Tie wilderness]

[Valerie is muttering profanities about her "condition" under her breath as she is setting up her tent. The politically correct term for her condition is "disabled" but Valerie hates that word. It implies something threw a switch which shut off her left leg. Valerie thinks that's a comforting thought if you like to revel in victimhood, but she prefers the word "handicapped."]

[To her "handicapped" just means everything is a lot harder for her than everyone else: boarding a plane, renting a car that will accommodate her wheelchair, rolling around in the forest. Setting up a tent in the goddamned middle of nowhere…]

[Through the trees three teenage girls emerge. They look like trouble.]

Makoto: You need to leave here. Now.

Valerie: [still fitting together tentpoles] I don't have to do anything of the sort.

Minako: Are you waiting around for a man in a cloak?

Rei: Did he promise you he can make you walk again, in return for murdering a bunch of children, on the off chance you ever encounter them?

Valerie: Maybe he did. Maybe he didn't.

Minako: I saw him make a similar promise to a old British couple. He kept that promise by turning them into a pair giant killer wolf-bears.

Valerie: [still working on the tentpoles] Giant killer wolf-bears, huh? Sounds a hell of a lot better than being in a wheelchair.

[Rei and Makoto step forward with their mouths open, but Minako puts up her arms to hold them back.

Minako: Let me handle this.

[She walks over to Valerie and kneels until she is eye level with her. Valerie continues to work on the tent.]

Minako: Look, I get it. You're desperate. You'd do anything to get out of that wheelchair. The doctors convinced you long ago that there isn't any hope. That it would take nothing short of a miracle for you to walk again. Then someone comes around handing out miracles, and you'd be a fool pass that up. Even if that means killing a bunch of children this guy has convinced you deserve what is coming to them. I get that. But here is the part I don't get. If this dude is so powerful, why does he need you to do his killing for him?

[Valerie finally stops working on the tent and makes eye contact]

Minako: He didn't tell you he is going to turn you into a monster. What else is he not telling you?

[Valerie throws down the tent pole]

Valerie: You make an interesting point.

Makoto: Come with us.

Valerie: I'm capable of leaving on my own.

[The girls just stand there for a while, until it is apparent she won't budge]

Minako: We have to leave. It isn't safe for us to stay here. Just think about what I said.

[Valerie just sits there until they leave. No sooner are they out of earshot than a cloaked figure steps out from the other direction.]

Cloak figure: I see you've met the Moon Guardians.

Valerie: You heard all that? And you just let them speak their piece and then walk away?

Cloaked figure: I did. When you are stalking a pack of tigers, would you pause to crush an ant?

Valerie: Probably. It wouldn't take much and there would be one less ant to bother me while I'm hunting.

Cloaked figure: Those three girls don't realize it, but we fight for a common cause. They were all murdered in a previous lifetime by the leader of the gang of boys you've been ordered to hunt. It happened a thousand years ago, but the memories of their final moments keep haunting them. How hard would you fight to rescue a cult of killers who brutally murdered you?

Valerie: Is it true what they said? Did you really turn those two British people into monsters?

[The cloaked figure nods as two black creatures emerge from the woods to stand at his side.]

Valerie: You should have been honest with me from the beginning.

Cloaked figure: Don't presume to tell me what I should have done, mortal.

Valerie: And are you gonna turn me into one of those as well?

Cloaked figure: That had been my intention. Had I deemed you worthy. However, I can see you too independent-minded to be one of my children.

Valerie: Children? You mean "slaves", don't you?

Cloaked figure: The fact that you do not consider those two term synonymous only proves how unworthy you are. No matter. You're not the first, and you won't be the last. It makes no difference to me if join my army. What is important to me is that you will not be missed.

Valerie: Excuse me?

Cloaked figure: Not everyone can be a predator. Someone has to be the prey. I would have liked for you to be my seventh, so we can commence the killing…

[Cloaked figure turns to walk away as the black creatures roar and move closer]

Cloaked figure: …but an army needs to eat, even before a great hunt.

[Off in the distance. Minako, Rei, and Makoto look back as they hear tortured screams]

Rei: Artemis says keep walking. There is nothing we can do for her.


	45. The Fall of Mercury

[Scene: The Silver Millennium. Sailor Mercury, dressed in an elegant gown the same shade of blue as her hair, rushes into a grand ballroom in the palace. There is a party, and Sailor Jupiter is among the wallflowers.]

[The Guardian of Thunder is the best dancer in the kingdom, yet none of the men ever ask her to dance. Not surprising, since she is a full head taller than most of them. But she's always there, in a pretty gown, refusing to give up hope that somehow, someday, some fantastically tall prince will come in and ask her to dance.]

[Sailor Mercury rushes to her side, keeping her voice low so as not to cause a panic.]

Mercury: You must come with me. The palace's defenses have been breached. I fear an attack is imminent.

[Jupiter nods and they move out. They walk briskly to the exit doors then break into a run when they are free from the party. As they race through the halls, they are passed by a group of late arrivals in their formalwear.]

[Sailor Mercury turns to stare at them, since they have gold moons on their foreheads and she thinks she recognizes some of them as the Children of Nemesis. But that's unlikely, since the Children of Nemesis were escorted out by armed guards and told to stay away from the palace several days earlier.]

[Eventually they come to the mechanism that powers the palace's defenses. It has been smashed to pieces.]

Jupiter: We should summon the other guardians.

Mercury: [sighs] There are no other guardians…It's just us.

[Jupiter does a double take]

Mercury: Mars is dead… I just came from her shrine…The intruders slashed her throat… Presumably so she couldn't sense the invasion coming and raise an alarm.

Jupiter: And Venus?

[Mercury takes a deep breath]

Mercury: Venus was the one who let them in.

Jupiter: [large eyed] Are you sure about that?

Mercury: The first line defenses were disabled by her passcodes, and nobody else's… She was supposed to be at the party, but she tiptoed away and nobody's seen her since.

Jupiter: If Venus is working for the enemy, we should alert the queen!

Mercury: Yes, I agree. She will be in her meditation chambers.

[They run up the stairs that lead to the parapets and the towers. Mercury turns to go alert the queen in her mediation spire, but Jupiter stops abruptly and turns for the battlements.

Jupiter: Oh my heavens…

[Mercury comes over and sees that far below is an Earth army that stretches as far as the horizon.]

[Mercury tries to pull her back. Jupiter steps closer to the battlements and stares down , as their leader, the shitennou Kunzite, stares up at her.]

Mercury: Come away from there. We have to alert the queen.

Jupiter: [grins] No need. I count two Shitennou and a few thousand normal earthlings encased in metal. And you know what works really well against men encased in metal..?

[Jupiter steps up onto the parapet, and tenses her arms as an antenna rises from her tiara.]

Mercury: [gasps in fear] Jupiter…no…

[Sailor Mercury doesn't know why she's so frightened. Other than the fact that Kunzite is staring straight up at Sailor Jupiter with an evil smile on his face. He must know what she is about to do and doesn't seem concerned in the slightest. Meanwhile, Nephrite, who was standing at his side, is now nowhere to be seen]

Jupiter: [winks back at Mercury] Step aside and watch the chain reaction. SUPREME THUNDER!

[Bolts of lightning beam down from the heavens as Jupiter clenches her fists to harness their energy. She draws as much lighting as she can. But the instant she holds out her arms to unleash its power on the army below, she is encased in a black bubble]

[Mercury can hear her screams, and see the lightning dance on the interior of the bubble, but there is nothing she can do to help.]

[Her element is water, and water is not much of a help when it comes to preventing an electrocution. Jupiter's innate immunity against her own powers provide the only protection, but even she can't withstand prolonged exposure to a lighting storm devised to take down an entire army.]

[All she can hope to do is direct the lightning as far as she can from herself and hope that it dissipates before it touches her…]

[Then the bubble starts to shrink]

[Mercury feels her heart sink as she watches Jupiter being incinerated by her own attack. She doesn't want to flee and leave her closest friend to die alone, but she knows she must alert the queen.]

[No sooner does she take a step back than Nephrite appears on the wall beside her, wielding a giant halberd overhead. She doesn't even have time to scream as he whirls it around and swings it so that it cuts deep into her side, knocking her off the wall to plummet like a comet to the battlefield below.]

Nephrite: [laughing as he steps forward to watch her fall] Bullseye.

[Ami Mizuno wakes with a gasp and runs her hand through her short jet black hair. Downstairs she can hear the maid washing dishes. She looks at the clock. She's never had to set the alarm before, but now she has only twenty minutes to get school.]

[She rises, dresses quickly and goes downstairs for a quick breakfast. Her mother, Dr. Mizuno, is sitting at the table drinking coffee and wearing scrubs]

Ami: I missed the bus. Can I have a ride?

Dr. Mizuno: Are you feeling ok? It's not like you to sleep this late. You look a little flushed.

Ami: [uncharacteristically grumpy] I'm fine. I overslept. I just need a ride, and it's on your way to the hospital.

[Dr. Mizuno places her palm on Ami's forehead]

Dr. Mizuno: No, you're not fine. You have a fever. You'd better stay home today.

Ami: [panic attack] I can't stay home! I'll fall behind in school!

Dr. Mizuno: Fall behind? [laughs] You gotten a perfect score on every exam you've ever taken.

Ami: [near tears] Yes, but I don't want to start on a downward spiral.

Dr. Mizuno: If you have a fever, you're staying home.

[Dr. Mizuno rises, comes back with a thermometer, and places it in her daughter's mouth]

Dr. Mizuno: There is a terrible flu going around. The ER is already filled to capacity. I'm not having you infect the entire school.

[Ami nods, and submits meekly. But as soon as her mother's back is turned, she pulls the thermometer out of her mouth and looks at it.]

[The line is up to 103 degrees fahrenheit.]

[She shakes the thermometer until the mercury goes down and places it back in her mouth an instant before her mother turns around.]

[Her mother pulls the thermometer out of her mouth.]

Dr. Mizuno: You're right. You don't have a fever. If anything you're running a bit cool.

Ami: I told you I wasn't sick. I'm just a little warm since I slept with my face under the blankets.

[Her mother sighs]

Dr. Mizuno: Fine. Get your bookbag. I'll give you a ride.


	46. A Swan of Ice

[Scene: The Hen Tie High Campus]

[Classes are in session, but Ami wanders alone, until she drops her bookbag between two building and sits against the wall with her knees drawn up and and buries her face in her hands.]

[She doesn't cry, her mind is too strong for that. But she wishes she could. Maybe if she showed human emotion every once in awhile, people wouldn't attack her as much. Not that she's bullied on a regular basis. She too invisible for that. Usually, people ignore her like she's not even there.]

[But today was exceptional…]

[It all blew up in AP Math and Science class. Not literally, though Ami wonders if that would have been better.]

[It started when Ms. Viluy announced that only three students passed the latest quiz…two only barely, while there was one perfect score.]

[That inspired Gurio Umino to blurt out that he had finally beaten Ami at a test, since he was certain he had the perfect score. His friend Zoi Midori argued it might have been him, since he studied hard and knew the material pretty well. Zoi Midori had only been in Hen Tie for half a year, and already has more friends than Ami's made in her entire life.]

[Then Ms. Viluy passed back the quiz. Ami got 105%, of course. Zoi Midori actually started crying when he saw his C-. While Gurio Umino slapped him on the back and shouted better luck next time before he let out a death-rattle when he saw his own D.]

[Which led to a long and heated philosophical discussion between Gurio Umino and Ms. Viluy on several topics: mostly dealing with the definition of "showing your work", the merits of partial credit, and the catastrophic consequences poor handwriting might have while smashing atoms in the real world vs. how smashing atoms in the real world is nothing like taking an open book Calculus quiz in high school.]

[Then class ended and Zoi Midori fled. Presumable to cry some place more private. Ami actually thought Gurio Umino made a good case for himself, and was inclined to take his side. Until he accosted her in the hall and accused her of cheating.]

[The accusation felt like knife in her soul. Ami could do nothing but adamantly deny it.]

[That's when he really got verbally abusive toward her. She's too sick to remember exactly what he said. She has to wonder how much was real and how much was amplified by her fevered mind. Whatever he said was bad enough to earn him detention after Ms. Viluy caught the tail end of it. She correctly pointed out that Gurio Umino seemed happy enough when he thought HE was the one showing up the rest of the students.]

[At that point the rest of the class, who failed the test outright, picked up with a chorus of barbs where Gurio Umino left off, harping about how Ami was a cheater, the teacher's pet, as well as many other things that were far, far worse.]

[All Ami could do was walk away with a disheartened look on her face.]

[For most of her life she's been ignored. She's always been shy and nobody except Usagi Tsukino makes an effort to include her. And Usagi Tsukino barely counts since she makes an effort to include everyone. All Ami ever wants is to be noticed. She's so quiet, it isn't enough for her to be smart. She has to be the smartest. And now that she's the smartest, the other kids hate her. That wasn't how it was supposed to be.]

[It was a mistake to come to school. Ami usually sits in the front, but today she made a point of sitting in the back. Away from the other students, so they don't catch whatever she has. And whatever she has is pretty nasty. She is freezing cold, as if someone dunked her in ice, and incredibly lethargic and cranky and disoriented.]

[Worst of all, there is another person fighting for control of her mind. Someone strong, as well as beautiful, graceful, and confident. Not the invisible girl who gets an A on every test but can't hold up her end of a conversation. This girl is popular, loved, and admired by nearly everyone. Her name is Sailor Mercury. The guardian of ice. The voice of reason.]

[At first Ami thinks it would be nice if she could disappear completely and become Sailor Mercury. Except Sailor Mercury was a failure. Sailor Mercury tried to flee while her best friend was dying. Sailor Mercury should have run straight to the Queen when she knew there was trouble. Sailor Mercury wasted precious time checking on her friends instead of doing her duty. Maybe it was better not to have friends, after all–]

Minako: Hey, there you are.

[Ami looks up to see Minako holding out her hand to her, with Rei and Makoto at her back.]

[Ami just looks up at them, uncertain of what to say or do. Minako and Rei, the glamour girls, have never been exactly unfriendly toward her, but they haven't been friendly either. And Makoto is a popular athlete, completely out of her league. And yet they are smiling at her like they are both delighted and humbled by her presence.]

[Ami's hoping this isn't a prank. A prank by these three would probably end her.]

Minako: [smiling broadly and still holding out her arm] I'm so glad it's you.

Ami: I…I don't know what you mean.

Minako: Sailor Mercury, I presume? We were hoping she would be someone smart, but hot damn!

Rei: [nods] We definitely need some brains in our operation.

Ami: [baffled] …my dreams…wait… [narrows her eyes at Minako] …in my dreams…

Makoto: She never betrayed us. She was tricked.

Minako: Those dreams are real, toots. [sighs] I would have never knowingly betrayed the Moon Kingdom, but that is no excuse. I thought the Shitennou were our friends, so I let myself become duped. [Bows her head and frowns solemnly] It won't happen again, but I will understand if you can never forgive me.

[As far as Ami is concerned there is nothing to forgive. And since she feels Minako deserves no blame, she realizes it is foolish to blame Sailor Mercury for any of it either. Ami takes Minako's arm and allows her to be pulled to her feet.]

Minako: Geez, girl, for a guardian of ice you are burning up.

[Minako puts her arm around Ami's shoulder and Ami smiles at the unexpected camaraderie as they walk together. This feels right. And Ami finds herself smiling without effort as she realizes for once she truly belongs.]

Minako: In case you can't guess: I'm Venus, the pretty one. She's Jupiter, the strong one. She's Mars, the bitchy one. And you…now that we've found the brains of the operation, Charlie's got the last of his Angels.

Ami: Charlie?

Minako: I should say Artemis, though he's more of a Bosley.

Ami: Artemis the cat?

[Minako cocks her brows and looks at the others]

Minako: Whoa. She's getting her memories back a lot clearer and faster than the rest of us. I can see we are going to get along famously…We have so much to tell you, but here is the first thing you've got to know-stay the hell away from Mamoru Chiba and Zoi Midori.

Ami: Why?

Minako: Mamoru Chiba is the reincarnation of the traitor Endymion.

Makoto: Technically, he's not a traitor since he was never on our side.

Rei: He came to our princess asking for sanctuary and got us all killed so that makes him a traitor in my book.

Ami: And Zoi Midori? Who is he the reincarnation of?

Rei: Zoi Midori is not the reincarnation of anyone. Zoi Midori is dead. That… thing… pretending to be Zoi Midori is a Shitennou.

[much later, in detention]

[Umino is grumbling as he enters the room. He's never had detention before so he's bitter. There is one other student. A redhead banging away on a laptop. She stops and turns with a sneer]

El: You tell my brother you saw me in here and you're dead.


	47. Misfits

[Scene: Detention. Umino watches Eleanor Heltry pound on her keyboard a couple of rows ahead of him]

Umino: So what are you in for?

[El ignores him as she continues typing. Umino sighs. He takes out his homework but he typically gets straight A's without needing to study so he's bored out of his mind. He creeps up behind El so he can watch what she's doing.]

[She's plotting out a circuit board on a CAD program. When she sees Umino's reflection on the screen she slams the laptop shut.]

El: DO YOU MIND?

Umino: Is that for your laser?

El: [stunned] What laser?

Umino: The laser you were working on in our computer class. I know a thing or two about optical physics, you know. In fact, I know a thing or two about everything.

El: Well, that's no surprise, you nosy little spaz. Why don't back to your seat and mind your own business for once?

Umino: [going back to his seat] Fine. But I was just going to point out that you can streamline your design by approximately 48% if you use a simple knife switch.

[El opens her laptop and does a doubletake.]

Umino: [starting on his homework] …never use an electronic solution for a mechanical problem, that's what I always say…

[When she's done she picks up her laptop, and goes to sit next to Umino.]

El: There, what do you think?

Umino: Yes, much better. And I see you've also optimized your wiring, which, nine times out of ten carries the greatest risk of failure.

El: [Holds out her hand to him] I'm Eleanor Heltry.

Umino: Yeah, I know.

[El smiles expectedly with her hand held out, which confuses Umino]

El: This is the part where you shake my hand, and tell me who you are.

Umino: [shakes her hand, baffled that an actual girl wants to touch him] I-I'mmm Gurio Umino, but everyone just calls me Umino.

El: So, Umino, what's a nice guy like you doing in a place like this.

Umino: [shamefaced] I accused a girl of cheating on a physics quiz.

El: Is that all?

Umino: She probably didn't cheat. I was just upset. I don't know what got into me. I think I might have a fever.

El: [puts her hand on his forehead] Yeah, you are a little warm.

[Umino becomes lightheaded at her touch]

El: And anyways, who cares? If they give out detention for things like that, I might as well pack my bags and move in this room since I do far worse things than that on a daily basis.

Umino: So what are you in for?

El: I punched a cheerleader in the face.

Umino: Why!

El: [grins] She called me "Cersei Lannister".

[Umino is not sure whether he should be amused or horrified so he just grimaces and says 'oh dear' to cover all his bases.]

El: [laughs fondly at the memory] You should seen her. I caught her totally off guard. One second she's in my face, and then next she's clutching her nose and screaming "is it broken, is it broken" [laughs louder] I got her pretty good.

[Umino discovers to his horror that this girl is a full-blown psycho…and he thinks that's pretty hot, actually.]

El: So. You know everything do you?

Umino: Just about.

El: Who is Cersei Lannister?

Umino: [gobsmacked] …you punched a cheerleader in the face… and you don't know who Cersei Lannister is?

El: Yeah, well, I know it has to mean something bad because she had this look on her face that said "please punch me".

Umino: So you punched her?

El: [shrugs] In the wartorn-third-world-hellhole where I grew up, you learn to attack first, and wonder if it was the right thing to do later on.

Umino: You're from ENGLAND.

El: That doesn't mean I was born there. We were adopted when we were six.

Umino: I thought your accent sounded a bit phony for someone from the Isle of Wight.

El: Thanks..So who is Cersei Lannister. Is she famous?

Umino: She's a character in "Game of Thrones"

El: Oh…What's that?

Umino: You've never heard of "Games of Thrones"?

El: I'm not from around here.

Umino: You're from ENGLAND!

El: So I take it Cersei Lannister is supposed to be English?

Umino: I'm not sure how to answer that.

El: I thought you knew everything.

Umino: She's a character in a series of fantasy novels written by an American writer which was made into a British TV show for an American network where she is played by a British actress who was born in Bermuda and now lives in both London and California.

El: Oh. [once her head stops spinning] What's she like?

Umino: She's evil.

El: Oh? Me too!

Umino: She's the mad queen who seduces men into killing her enemies for her.

El: Oh, that does sound cool. Maybe I shouldn't have punched that cheerleader after all. [smiling brightly] Is she pretty?

Umino: I think all girls are pretty.

El: Does she win?

Umino: Ah, well… The series hasn't ended yet but so far she's in the lead.

El: Oohh [claps] I shouldn't have hit the cheerleader. It sounds like she was paying me a compliment.

Umino: Yeaaaah, weeeeell, no. You see Cersei has a twin brother named Jamie-

El: Cool. I have a twin brother, too!

Umino: Yeaaaah. They're very close.

El: So are we!

Umino: I mean she's *really* close to her twin brother.

El: Oh, just like me and Dev.

Umino: Let's just say they are so close that there times where nothing could come between them.

El: [nods then her nodding slow and her smile vanishes] Wait. You're not talking about…?

Umino: Twincest.

El: Ew… [gets a self righteous look on her face] That's not like us at all. I'll have you know Dev and I have never gone past second base.

Umino: …

El: [giggles] That was a joke.

Umino: [chuckles nervously] Oh.

El: [giggles louder and then she becomes grave] Say, you want to go out?

Umino: You want me to leave the room? I don't think we're allowed to-

El: No dummy, I mean on a date.

Umino: [hyperventilating] A date…you mean like…with you?

El: Uh, yes.

Umino: [turning bright red] But…but…you're…a girl!

El: Don't get so excited. You're not getting past second base either.

[El laughs as Umino faints dead away]

[Hours later, Naru's apartment. Naru's painting her toenails when her phone rings]

Umino: Naru! Please! You have to help me!

Naru: Umino. What's wrong?

Umino: [a mile a minute] Nothing! I have a date! A real date! With a girl! Eleanor Heltry! She's so HOT! And SMART! I like her a lot so you have to teach me how not to scare her off the way I scared you off!

[Naru stops painting her toenails]

Umino: Uh…Naru? Are you still there?


	48. Mamoru Gets Weird

[Scene: Friday afternoon. The Midori residence. Zoi teleports home to fix his father a quick ham and cheese panini. He sets it in front of his father who is watching TV.]

Zoi: Bye, Dad. I'm off to see the Sailor V movie with the rest of the gang.

Chief Midori: Be careful. And stay out of the woods. We've got another missing hiker. The rangers found his camp early this morning, but no sign of him.

Zoi: [giggles] You don't have to worry about me. I'm sure I'm more than a match for anything out there.

Chief Midori: Well, be careful anyway. And keep an eye out for your friends.

Zoi: Sure, Dad. I will.

[Zoi teleports away in a flurry of petals and reappears at the Crown. The others have not arrived yet, and Motoki is off in the corner, flirting with a young woman with a brown topknot. She seems rather plain to Zoi, but Mokoti has a slight flush on his cheeks and seems a little more giddy than usual. If Zoi didn't know any better, he'd think he was drinking on the job. Then again, Zoi isn't really the best judge of women and what makes them attractive]

[He sits down at the Sailor V game and starts playing. His Shitennou reflexes are lightning fast, so it's not long before he gets the high score.]

[The game pauses and he hears a thunk. He looks down and sees a cheap pink plastic pen studded with rhinestones. He puts it on the console for later.]

[The game resumes, and he continues on]

Motoki: You're really good at that.

Zoi: I've been practicing.

Motoki: I can tell. I remembered when you first came in here…now look at you, winning prizes and everything.

Zoi: So when are the others going to get here?

Motoki: Reika's sick with the flu, and so is Umino. Usagi's grounded, so when Naru's mother found out it was just her going with three teenage boys, she made her cancel. So we're just waiting for Mamoru.

[Zoi goes back to his game while Motoki stands behind him and watches. Out of the corner of his eye, Zoi sees the door open and Mamoru enter, but Zoi's smile vanishes when he sees Mamoru's face is contorted with fury to the point where his face is barely recognizable.]

Mamoru: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!

Zoi: [shaken] Um, just playing Sailor V-

Mamoru: I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU! I'M TALKING TO THE SICK CREEP STANDING BEHIND YOU!

[Zoi turns and Motoki jumps back with his hands up]

Motoki: I have no idea what he's talking about.

Mamoru: BULLCRAP! I SAW YOU! YOU WERE TOUCHING HIM IN AN INAPPROPRIATE MANNER!

[Motoki looks around nervously at all the parents with younger children who are staring right at him]

Motoki: [chuckles nervously] Mamoru. That's not cool. You can't come into my place of business and make jokes like that.

Mamoru: [advances on Motoki] It's not a joke! I saw you! You were touching his ponytail!

Zoi: [giggles] Oh, is that all?

[The parents of the little kids heave a sigh of relief and go back to playing their games]

Motoki: [mortified] Yeah….well… So what? I was just curious. Don't tell me you've never wondered what his hair felt like.

Mamoru: [to Zoi] He kept tugging on one of your curls and watching it snap back into place

Zoi: Mamoru. It's ok. Everyone wants to touch my hair. It doesn't mean anything.

[Mamoru gives him an incredulous look]

Zoi: Mamoru. YOU'VE touched my hair. Remember?

Mamoru: When?

Zoi: Back when you first started dating Usagi. I was sitting outside, writing a paper and you pushed a stray lock of hair away from my face and tucked it back behind my ear?

Mamoru: Yeah, well… that's how I know it's wrong.

[Zoi's jaw drops]

Motoki: [grabs Mamoru by the back of his jacket and hustles him out the game center] Ok, fruitcake. Let's get out of here before someone calls 911 and Zoi's father ends up shooting us both.

[He gives Zoi an apologetic look and Zoi just shrugs. Mamoru yanks himself free from Motoki. As the three walk through the parking lot toward the van, Mamoru is scowling, with his hands in his pockets and his shoulders slumped.]

Zoi: [falls in beside him giggles to lighten the mood] Mamoru, lighten up.

Mamoru: [sullen] I can't believe you're taking HIS side after he touched you like that.

Zoi: I'm not taking anyone's side. There shouldn't even be a side. It's NOT that a big of a deal.

Mamoru: [sneering] Oh, really? It's not a big deal, is it?

[Zoi shrieks as Mamoru lunges at him with hands hooked into claws. Zoi jumps back and Motoki tackles Mamoru and locks him in a wrestling hold.]

Mamoru: Let me go! I want to play with his hair! After all, it's not a big deal!

Motoki: Stop it! You're scaring Zoi.

Zoi: [rankled] I'm not scared.

Motoki: Zoi! Get back in the game center. Call your father to come pick you up. I'll deal with this lunatic.

[It bothers Zoi that his friends still see him as a delicate little flower in need of protecting.]

Zoi: Don't worry. I'll be fine. Let's go see the movie.

[Motoki ponders this, then looks down as Mamoru]

Motoki: Are you going to behave yourself?

Mamoru: I'm not the one going around molesting people.

Motoki: ARE YOU GOING TO BEHAVE YOURSELF?

Mamoru: YES!

[Motoki shoves him away]

Mamoru: Just try not to molest anyone.

Motoki: You're riding in the back. I don't want you near either one of us right now.


	49. Outbreak

Scene: Motoki's van. Motoki is scowling while he drives, while Mamoru sulking quietly in the back. Zoi's just thankful for the awkward silence. Though he has to wonder what Mamoru's problem is. He hasn't known Mamoru for very long, but he would never have figured him to be the type to have violent outbursts.]

[The last time he saw someone flip out so completely was when Minako attacked Kunzite in the nurse's office.

[He wonders if that's not a coincidence…]

[Then he ponders how to broach the subject without upsetting Mamoru.]

Zoi: [to Motoki] So…Reika is home with the flu, is she?

[Motoki nods]

Zoi: How bad is it?

Motoki: Not too bad. She's gotten a headache and a fever, but she's already starting to recover. Fortunately, it's the twenty-four hour strain and not the more serious one that is putting people in the hospital.

Zoi: Huh…I wonder how contagious it is…[catches Motoki's eye and jerks his thumb toward the back of the van where Mamoru is sitting.]

Motoki: [glances back at Mamoru and shakes his head] I wondered about that too. [leans closer to Zoi and drops his voice to a whisper] This flu bug comes with a really high fever, but when I grabbed him, he felt normal. But…it must be something.

[Mamoru sees Motoki whispering to Zoi and lurches forward until he is between them, fiddling with the knobs on the radio, his elbow almost touching Zoi. Zoi shifts away, with his back against the car door.]

Mamoru: Doesn't the radio work in this thing?

Motoki: [annoyed] Yes, but Zoi doesn't want to listen to music.

Mamoru: I never heard Zoi say anything like that.

Zoi: He's right. I don't.

[He hopes Mamoru will take the hint and get out of his personal space]

Mamoru: How can you not like music?

Zoi: I don't know. It irritates me.

Mamoru: That's funny. Because your father was just telling me how gifted you are on the piano.

Zoi: [snippy] You and my father really need to stop talking about me behind my back.

Mamoru: Hey. At least I'm looking out for you. As opposed to this creeper sitting right over here.

Motoki: [heaves a heavy sigh] Sorry to disappoint you, Mamoru. Zoi is very pretty, but I'm 100% not gay.

Mamoru: Or so you claim.

Motoki: In all the time you known me have you ever seen me show the slightest inkling of interest in that sort of thing?

Mamoru: There is a first time for everything.

Motoki: [emphatic] Not for that.

[Mamoru looks offended]

Motoki: Look. Don't get me wrong. I have absolutely no problem with the two of you craving the shaft. It's just not for me.

[They get to the theater and there is a line. Mamoru has gone back to moping. He's being a complete killjoy. Zoi almost wishes Mamoru wasn't there, except that would leave just him on a date with Motoki. Motoki opens his wallet and pulls out a fifty.]

Motoki: Here, Mamoru. My treat. Go buy the tickets.

Mamoru: Come on, Zoi.

[Mamoru joins the line dragging his feet and acting sullen. ]

[Zoi starts to follow Mamoru but Motoki tugs him back and steers him away from the theater.]

Motoki: [whispering to Zoi] Let's go.

Zoi: Where?

Motoki: I think I should take you home.

[Zoi looks at Mamoru standing in line and refuses to go any further]

Motoki: Zoi. I really think we should leave. I've never know Mamoru to be this emotionally unstable. I have this terrible feeling that something really bad is going to happen, and if I don't get you home soon, I'm going to live to regret it.

Zoi: So we're just going to drive off and leave him here?

[Mamoru realizes Zoi isn't with him, so he turns and glares at Motoki and Zoi. He gives them a paranoid look, as if he thinks they are talking about him behind his back. Which, Zoi realizes is exactly what they are doing.]

Zoi: You don't need to protect me, you know. I'm not afraid of Mamoru.

Motoki: You're not afraid of Mamoru? That's funny, because I am.

[Zoi gives him a startled look. Mamoru breaks from the line and walks toward them]

Motoki: Mamoru and I have grown up together. We've been best friends since we were little. I knew his parents. I knew him before the accident. I think I know him better than anyone alive, and I've never seen him act like this. It's like he's a different person. An imposter. If I didn't know better, I'd think…

[Motoki clams up as Mamoru holds out the fifty with a bitter expression on his face.]

Mamoru: I can't buy the tickets. The movie's rated R and I'm only sixteen.

Motoki: Were you planning on telling them you are sixteen?

Mamoru: Why wouldn't I? It's the truth.

[Motoki takes back his fifty and with some reluctance buys three tickets.]

[They enter the theater and Zoi takes an aisle seat so he'll only be trapped next to one of them. Mamoru rushes to take the seat next to his. Rather than take the empty seat next to Mamoru, Motoki takes the seat in back of Zoi.]

Mamoru: I don't think so, pervert. Go sit up front. Where I can see you.

[Motoki gets up and moves, ending up next to a large woman who is there with her three children.]

[The movie starts, but Zoi's mood is too sour to enjoy it. Mamoru is still sulking. He's taking up the armrest between them and is slumped in his seat, staring up. He doesn't even look like he's watching the screen.]

[At one point in the movie Zoi recognizes Minako in the background. He almost lets out a cheer, but barely stops himself in time when he remembers that she doesn't like him anymore.]

[He looks at Mamoru to see if he's recognized her, but Mamoru is staring at Motoki.]

[Motoki is slowly tipping closer and closer to the woman sitting next to him. Eventually he gets too close, and she lets out a shout of indignation and pushes back.]

[Motoki drops like a lead weight and sprawls into the aisle.]

Mamoru: [jumps to his feet] Motoki!

[Motoki just lies there, unconscious, his breathing labored and his face bathed in a sheen of sweat.]


	50. Annoyingly Persistent

[Scene: Motoki has passed out in the aisle of a movie theater]

[Mamoru rises with a look of concern on his face. Zoi starts to rise, but Mamoru shakes his head. ]

Mamoru: You don't have to come. Wait here and get your eight buck worth of carnage.

[Zoi follows him anyway]

[Mamoru walks over and gently shakes Motoki's shoulder]

Mamoru: Motoki, are you ok?

Motoki: No. I think I'm sick.

[Mamoru touches his forehead]

Mamoru: He doesn't seem to have a fever.

[Zoi finds that hard to believe since he looks feverish. He touchs Motoki's forehead]

Zoi: What do mean? He's burning up. We should call for an ambulance.

Motoki: It's okay. It's just the flu. I'll be fine.

[Motoki crawls up. He makes a whimpering noise as he rises to his feet, and staggers out of the theater.]

[Zoi and Mamoru walk after him. There is no sign of Motoki in the lobby, so they go into the men's room.]

[The find Motoki sitting in one of the stalls with the door open, sitting sideways, with his eyes closed and his head resting against the partition, either asleep or unconscious. His skin is flushed and his breath is still coming out in wheezing gasps.]

Mamoru: He's in pretty bad shape. We'd better get him home…I knew there had to be a reason he was acting this weird.

[Mamoru shakes Motoki gently]

Mamoru: Motoki, Motoki, wake up. We're taking you home now.

[Motoki opens his eyes which are dazed and glassy.]

Mamoru: Movie too much for you?

Motoki: I honestly don't remember any of it. The world started spinning before we left the van.

Zoi: Why didn't you say something?

Motoki: I was hoping it would pass. I didn't want to leave you stranded here alone with… [Sees Mamoru and clams up]

Mamoru: Give me your keys.

Motoki: No.

Mamoru: Give me your keys!

[Motoki snarls and tries to take a swing at Mamoru, but Mamoru easily overpowers him and gets his keys away from him.]

[Mamoru tosses them to Zoi]

Mamoru: Open the back of the van. I may have to wrestle him into there.

[If it comes to that Zoi will just drain his energy, but he hopes it doesn't, since he doesn't know what affect that might have on Motoki if he is already seriously ill.]

[Zoi opens up the van and Mamoru manages to get him in there without much of a fight. Zoi stays in back with him, to make sure his condition doesn't worsen]

[Mamoru drives to Motoki's place. He slings Motoki's arm over one shoulder and walks him to the front door with Zoi following behind them.]

[Mamoru rings the doorbell and after a while Reika answers, looking very wan in a red silk robe.]

Mamoru: Motoki's sick. He passed out during the movie.

[Motoki shambles inside, while Reika helps to hold him steady.]

Mamoru: I need to borrow the van so I can take Zoi home. I'll bring it back some time tomorrow.

Motoki: [groggy] No. He's not taking my van. You two can wait inside and call people to come pick you up.

Reika: [indignant] No they can't wait inside. We're both sick right now!

Motoki: Reika…lambchop…I really don't think Mamoru is in any condition to drive right now…

Mamoru: [angry] Why? Are you afraid I'm going to molest Zoi in your van the way you molested him in the game center?

Reika: MOTOKI!

Zoi: [to Reika] He didn't molest me. Mamoru's been saying weird stuff all day.

Motoki: [face palms] Mamoru, why are you trying to ruin my life?

Reika: [Closing the door] You two had better get going.

[Zoi hears click of the deadbolt]

Mamoru: Come on Zoi.

[They walk back to the van. When they are halfway there, Mamoru put his arm around Zoi's shoulder.]

Zoi: [shrugging away in protest] Mamoru.

[Mamoru drops his arm. But then holds Zoi's hand.]

Mamoru: Your hands are *cold*.

[Zoi tries to pull his hand away, but Mamoru grabs his wrist.]

Zoi: Just what do you think you're doing?

[Zoi's not frightened, of course, since he can snap Mamoru like a twig if he has to. But he's a bit unnerved, since he's never known Mamoru to be this forward.]

Mamoru: Don't be scared. I won't try anything. You know you can trust me. I won't ever let you down. You can always count on me. But you know that, right? That I would never, ever hurt you?

Zoi: Mamoru. Why are you acting like this? What has gotten into you?

Mamoru: Tell me something.

Zoi: What?

Mamoru: You like me, don't you?

Zoi: [tries to pull his arm free] Not in that way, I don't.

Mamoru: But you like me better than the joker who lives in there, don't you? [nodding toward Motoki's place]

Zoi: I suppose so. But not when you're acting like this.

[Mamoru smiles weakly]

Mamoru: You like me better than any other guy you know. Don't you?

Zoi: [narrows his eyes at him] Mamoru. I have a boyfriend.

Mamoru: That's not an answer, and you know it.

[Zoi's jaw drops]

Mamoru: Do you like me better than any of the other guys you know?

Zoi: Right now, I don't even like you better than any of the girls I know.

Mamoru: But you like me as a friend, right?

Zoi: Yes! Exactly!

Mamoru: That's ok, you know. As long as you like me the best.

Zoi: [smiles] Great. I'm glad I could clear that up for you.

[Zoi waits for Mamoru to release his wrist.]

Mamoru: And you think I'm good looking…sort of.

Zoi: Ok. This is getting really creepy again.

Mamoru: [leans closer] I'm prepared to be annoying persistent.

Zoi: [leans away] I don't think my boyfriend will like that.

Mamoru: I don't give a damn what he likes.

[Zoi heaves a sigh and frowns at Mamoru]

Zoi: Look, Mamoru. If you're waiting for me to break up with Kunzite, you're going to have to wait forever, because that is not going to happen.

Mamoru: [gives Zoi a pitying look] Why? Because he won't let you?

[Zoi gasps in outrage]

Mamoru: It's ok. You don't have to talk about it if you're not ready.

[Zoi's jaw drops]

Mamoru: …but don't get mad at me for wanting what's best for you.

Zoi: [sneers] You don't know what's best for me.

Mamoru: I'm not giving up. I have loads of time.

Zoi: You shouldn't waste it on me. You may have forgotten this, but you already have a GIRLFRIEND.

Mamoru: What does Usagi have to do with any of this?

Zoi: Excuse me? You don't think Usagi would have a problem with any of these things you're saying to me right now!

Mamoru: [shrugs bitterly] I don't see why she would. I'm fairly certain Usagi wants an open relationship.

Zoi: And I'm more certain she does not! Honestly, Mamoru! You've been acting way weirder that Motoki all night! Are you on drugs?

Mamoru: Why would I need drugs when I have you?

[Motoki didn't think Mamoru had a fever. But Mamoru didn't think Motoki had a fever either. Probably because he was feverish himself]

[Zoi places his hand on Mamoru's forehead. It's like touching a hot iron.]


	51. In Febribus Veritas

[Scene: Outside Motoki's place. Zoi realizes that Mamoru's acting strangely because he's delirious with fever. Zoi realizes he needs to get medical help as soon as he can.]

Zoi: Mamoru, no wonder you are acting so deranged right now. You've got a really high fever.

Mamoru: [oddly lucid] Oh… huh. How high? Over 106?

Zoi: Probably. It feels dangerously high. Higher than Motoki's. I think it's even higher than Minako's. Maybe critically high.

Mamoru: Oh…Then…I probably won't remember any of this tomorrow…will I?

Zoi: Let's hope not.

[And even if he does, he won't trust his recollections. Which works out in Zoi's favor, since it leaves him free to use his powers as a Shitennou right in front of him.

Zoi: Come on, we need to get you to a hospital as soon as possible.

Mamoru: [panicking] NO! NO HOSPITAL!

Zoi: Mamoru-

Mamoru: [agitated] You don't understand! My aunt is a consultant! She's self-employed! We only have the bare bones in terms of coverage! If you take me to the hospital they'll keep me for observation for three days and that will ruin her financially!

Zoi: Calm down, Mamoru. I can help with the money. You need medical treatment.

Mamoru: [more agitated] NO! IT'S JUST THE FLU! They'll just hook me up to an IV to keep me hydrated and give me a few extra strength Tylenol to bring down my fever! I can take care of all that at home!

Zoi: Fine. We'll go back to your apartment. Give me the keys to the van.

Mamoru: [near violent] NO! YOU'LL TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL! YOU DON'T HAVE A LICENSE! YOU'RE A TERRIBLE DRIVER! YOU GO THROUGH GUARDRAILS! WE'LL GET KILLED ON THE WAY THERE!

[Zoi looks around Motoki's neighborhood and he sees a few busybodies peeking through the curtains. He needs to teleport away with Mamoru, and quickly, without anyone seeing them. But to do that, Mamoru's going to have to hold on tight, and Zoi can't think of a graceful way to suggest that. Not in Mamoru's deranged state.]

[Unless…he employs a bit of seduction.]

[Hardly an ideal solution, but Zoi can't think of a better way to put the bell on the cat at this moment.]

[At least Kunzite doesn't mind if he teases Mamoru a little. Or so Zoi hopes.]

[Zoi sighs. He looks around and sees a garden shed nearby with it's door partly open. Perfect.]

Zoi: [gently] Mamoru. Give me the keys to the van.

Mamoru: NO!

[Zoi places his hand on Mamoru's chest, rests his head against his shoulder and flutters his lashes up at him]

Zoi: [in a breathy whisper] Oh, Mamoru… I really want you to give me the keys to the van.

Mamoru: [smiles] Oh. Ok.

[The keys jingle as Mamoru hands them to him. Zoi puts them in Motoki's mailbox. Then he leads Mamoru by the wrist over to the shed.]

Mamoru: Where are we going?

Zoi: [gives him a suggestive look] I want to try something.

Mamoru: [his face lights up] All right.

[They go into the shed and Zoi closes the door. He pushes Mamoru against the wall and wraps his arms around him.]

[Mamoru tightens the embrace and nuzzles Zoi's neck and softly kisses Zoi's chest above the collar of his t-shirt.]

[Zoi teleports them back to the door to Mamoru's apartment before he pushes him away and composes a stern look on his face to make it clear to Mamoru that ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENED.]

[Sure enough, Mamoru takes it all in stride. He looks about, disoriented and confused, but not startled.]

[Zoi rings the doorbell. There is no answer. He rings again.]

Zoi: I don't think your aunt is home.

[Mamoru pulls out his keys and opens the front door, staggering in. Zoi follows him.]

Mamoru: I think you might be right about the fever…I'm starting to feel a little strange…I don't feel sick yet, just… wrong. [He looks around] Wait, I don't remember the drive home.

Zoi: It's ok. That's just the fever. Now you'd better get in bed.

[Mamoru staggers around opening closet doors, as if he doesn't know the layout of the apartment. Zoi steers Mamoru into his room, and pushes him onto the bed, fully dressed.]

Mamoru: [grinning] Aren't you going to undress me?

Zoi: [leaving] You can undress yourself. After you've had a little nap. I'm going to find some Tylenol.

[Zoi goes into the kitchen and gets a cold bottle of Gatorade. Then he goes into the bathroom and searches the medicine cabinet. Fortunately, it is well stocked with generics so he picks up a bottle of acetaminophen.]

[Mamoru's tucked himself into bed. His face lights up when he sees Zoi]

Mamoru: You're here. I thought you'd abandon me.

Zoi: You're too sick to be left unattended. I'm not abandoning you until your aunt gets here.

[He gives Mamoru the acetaminophen, then the Gatorade to wash it down]

Mamoru: Are you sure it's me that's sick? Your skin is as cold as ice. We should huddle together under the covers. For warmth, you know.

Zoi: Easy there, hot pants. Drink your electrolytes.

Mamoru: [serious] Zoi…I have to tell you something important.

Zoi: What?

Mamoru: [looks at Zoi with sad eyes] After high school, I have to go away to college. And after that, I have to go to medical school. I'm going to be gone for a very long time.

Zoi: Yes. I know.

Mamoru: I want you to wait for me. Because when I come back, I'm going to marry you.

Zoi: [bursts into laughter] No, you're not…I thought you wanted to marry Usagi.

Mamoru: [dead serious] I do. I'm going to marry both of you.

Zoi: [still laughing] That's not exactly legal, you know.

Mamoru: I'm going to join an ultra orthodox sect that allows for polygamy.

Zoi: I hate to break this to you, but those sorts religions frown on people like me.

Mamoru: Huh? Why would anyone frown on someone like you?

Zoi: Because I'm a hot little tamale and they consider me too much of a distraction from their brainwashing. Now finish your Gatorade and go to sleep.

Mamoru: I can't get to sleep unless you give me a kiss.

Zoi: [fighting the temptation to stab him to death with a crystal] Absolutely not.

Mamoru: Oh, come on. I won't be able to get to sleep without one. [Taps himself on the cheek]

Zoi: [stern] Mamoru. You're being very bad right now. How can you do this to Usagi? Don't you love her even a little?

[Mamoru's smile vanishes at once]

Mamoru: Of course, I love her. I love her with all my heart. I love her more than anything. I love her far more than I could ever love you.

Zoi: You don't know how happy I am to hear that.

[Mamoru's lip quivers and tears spill from his eyes before he buries his face in the pillow.]

Mamoru: I love Usagi. [sobbing] And Usagi loves Motoki.


	52. The Kiss of Death

[Scene: Mamoru's bedroom. Mamoru is delirious with fever and crying because he thinks Usagi loves Motoki instead of him]

Zoi: Is that what this is all about? You throwing yourself at me? The pissing match with Motoki? The relentless bullying of Usagi?

Mamoru: [crying] You don't know what it's like...when the girl you love is in love with your best friend...I don't have a family... my aunt is my only living relative... the only reason she took me in was because there was nobody else...One of these days Motoki is going to realize what a cold-hearted hag Reika is... and I'm going to lose them both FOREVER!

Zoi: Motoki doesn't like Usagi that way. And Usagi certainly isn't in love with Motoki.

Mamoru: Yes she is! Haven't you been paying attention! You know what she said, the first time she asked me out? She said "Listen, stinkbomb, I want to go to the dance. Motoki can't make it, and you're the most annoying person in the world, but at least if I go with you, he'll know it's not a real date so he won't be jealous. So how about it, loser?"

Zoi: [laughing] What was she supposed to say? "Hi. I can get any guy I want, and you've never been anything but a big mean poopy-head towards me, but you're sort of hot and I have really low selfesteem, so that's not necessarily a dealbreaker"?

Mamoru: I...I guess so.

Zoi: So you've been seething in misplaced jealousy this whole time...Good heavens, Mamoru, is this why you kissed her when she was drunk and passed out?

Mamoru: [nods] I didn't think I'd get another chance.

Zoi: [shakes his head sadly] And yet she still puts up with you...Has Usagi had anything to do with Motoki since the two of you started dated?

Mamoru: Yes, she has...Way more than I'd like.

Zoi: Mamoru. Usagi likes Motoki because he's nice to her. He gives her peptalks and brings her parfaits. But it's all part of his job. When Motoki flatters people, they leave him bigger tips. I think Usagi is smart enough to realize that. Meanwhile, you've been absolutely horrible and she likes you for no reason at all. If you started being half as nice to her as Motoki is, I guarantee she will forget he even exists.

Mamoru: [brightening] You think so?

Zoi: I know so...You need to swallow your pride and have a talk with her...no...you're probably not going to remember this conversation. I'll send her around to have a talk with you once you're better.

Mamoru: You're not going to tell her you saw me crying, are you?

Zoi: Mamoru. Crying over Usagi is the least objectionable thing you've done all night.

Mamoru: [wipes his tears and hangs his head solemnly] I know. I'm behaving very badly right now... I'll understand you don't want to be friends anymore after this.

Zoi: It's ok. I know you're very, very sick right now. Just don't expect anything more than friendship from me.

Mamoru: And you don't care what *HE* thinks?

[Zoi knows the *HE* in question isn't Motoki]

Zoi: I care very much what *HE* thinks.

Mamoru: Then why are you here?

Zoi: [sits on the edge of the bed] I'm here because you were always there for me...You were there for me when I crashed my bike. You were there for me when the freshman gym teacher wanted to single me out and make an example of me. You were there for me when Demande Blackmoon tried to drag me into his car...You probably saved me from a fate worse than death that day, so for that resason alone, I'm in your debt forever... The least I can do is sit here and watch over you while you're loopy with some silly little fever. Now go to sleep.

Mamoru: Thank you.

Zoi: Don't mention it.

[Zoi gets up to throw away the empty Gatorade bottle]

Mamoru: Zoi. Wait before you go... You've spilled something on your shirt... Right here. [points near the collar of his tee-shirt.]

[Zoi looks down and sees a round red stain. He pokes it with one fingertip and it's hot and sticky. He sniffs and it smells like blood.]

[This is alarming since it is centered right in the spot where Mamoru kissed him. Zoi's fairly certain he himself hasn't been injured. His skin has been burning since Mamoru kissed him, but he assumes that just a psychosomatic response to being kissed by someone who isn't Kunzite.]

[Is Mamoru coughing or vomitting up blood? If so, Zoi intends to get him to the hospital, whether he wants to go or not.]

[Zoi kneels by the bed. He leans closes to Mamoru, gazing at his mouth and nose to see if he can find any signs of bleeding.]

[Mamoru locks eyes with him, and completely misinterprets the gesture.]

[Zoi lets out a shriek as Mamoru grabs hold of him, wraps his arms around him, and kisses him full on the mouth.]


	53. A Sparkly Shitennou

[Scene: Mamoru is kissing Zoi in his bedroom. Zoi tries to pull back, but he's balancing at a weird angle and Mamoru has his arms around his neck. It take a while for him to struggle away and work his way loose]

[Zoi scrubs his mouth with is his hand]

Mamoru: [laughs hysterically] You should see the look on your fa-

[Zoi hauls off and slaps him as hard as he can across the face.]

Zoi: You jerk! That's not funny!

[He summons a sword made of crystal and intends to stab Mamoru to death, but stops because Mamoru is crying into his pillow again]

Mamoru: [sobbing] I'm sorry! That was wrong! I shouldn't have done that!

Zoi: You're damn right you shouldn't have done that! If you weren't delirious with fever, I'd kill you right now!

Mamoru: [sobbing] I'm sorry!

Zoi: Sorry doesn't cut it! [walks away] You know, I was going to wait around here until your aunt came back, but just for that, you can die alone for all I care!

Mamoru: [sobbing] I'm sorry.

Zoi: Oh, shut up.

[Zoi goes into the kitchen. He considers just teleporting away, but then realizes it wouldn't be fair to Mamoru's aunt if he left without giving her a fair warning of her nephew's demented state.]

[He sits down to write a tersely worded note, but notices the paper is sticky with a thin sheen of blood.]

[He only touched his shirt with one finger, so he couldn't have gotten that much blood on it. He looks at his hand and it is caked with blood, though there is no visible sign of injury.]

[Zoi worries he hit Mamoru harder than he thought he did.]

Zoi: Mamoru?

[Then a fat drop of blood hits the paper with a splat. Followed by another, and then another.]

[He's bleeding. His lips sting like he's had acid poured on them, and he's starting to taste blood. He reasons that he probably cut himself with his ring when he rubbed his mouth. Zoi goes into the bathroom to look in the mirror.]

[Sure enough, his mouth is torn and bloody. There is no way he should be hurt that badly over a scratch. What is even more omnious is that the is a circle of blood on his t-shirt has grown. Before it was a round circle. Now about a quarter of his shirt is complete drenched with red.]

[It doesn't make any sense. Zoi doesn't remember being injured. And even if he was, between his advanced healing, and the protection spells the other Shitennou threw on him, he should be getting better instead of worse.]

[Zoi mind is starting to fill with terrifying thoughts. He's not as bad as he thinks. It can't be as bad as he thinks.]

[With trembling fingers he pulls down the neckline of his t-shirt where the bloodstain is. Beneath it is a festering wound so deep, Zoi can see the white of his ribcage.]

[Zoi dissolves into a burst of flower petals, then reappears in his own bathroom. He instantly regrets it. The slight burning pain he felt has now spread throughout his entire body.]

[Zoi staggers over to the mirror and turns on the sink. The bleeding has gotten a lot worse and his skin is starting to sparkle. He's seen that sparkling before, when a pool of his blood was evaporating. A pool of blood nowhere near the proximity of his body. He doesn't understand it. He's a Shittenou. His body should be healing itself. Instead, it's disintigrating.]

[It's as if Mamoru's kiss is eating away at him like acid.]

[Which made no sense. Unless...]

[Kunzite]

[Kunzite once told Zoi he wouldn't feel bad about killing him if Zoi cheated on him with Mamoru. Clearly, Kunzite thinks this qualifies as cheating.]

[Zoi backs away from the mirror in tears. It's all a misunderstanding. A horrible, horrible misunderstanding. He wants to call Kunzite. To explain what actually happened. But what if Kunzite doesn't want to hear his excuses?]

[Or worse. What if Kunzite realizes it was a mistake to curse him, but he can't reverse it?]

[When a Shitennou dies, he can never be brought back to life. That would be a terrible thing to burden Kunzite with.]

[A wave of dizziness passes through Zoi. His vision blurs and his legs give out from under him. He grabs items that go crashing to floor before he collapses. The tiles feel cool and soothing against his burning face.]

[He is only vaguely aware of the door opening behind him.]

Chief Midori: Movie over alread-Zoi, are you ok?

[Zoi just lies there, enjoying the feel of the cool tile against his burning skin]

Chief Midori: Zoi?


	54. Have You Prayed Tonight, Desdemona?

[Scene: Zoi is lying on the bathroom floor, his eyes focused on nothing. He can hear his father talking on the phone.]

Chief Midori: Kunzite. You need to get here now. Zoi is hurt. I think he's dy-

[Chief Midori stops talking abruptly. Zoi wonders if Kunzite hung up on him.]

[He feels himself being picked up off the floor. He assumes by his father but when he looks up he sees Kunzite. Zoi doesn't know whether to be terrified or euphoric.]

Kunzite: [stern] Call Beryl. Tell her to get here. Now.

[Kunzite carries Zoi into his bedroom with his father trailing after them, frantically dialing. Kunzite sits on the edge of Zoi's bed, holding Zoi tightly in his arms]

Kunzite: What happened?

Zoi: [bursts into tears] Nothing. It was an accident. It didn't mean anything.

Kunzite: What didn't mean anything?

Zoi: [crying] I went to the movies with my friends like I planned but only Mamoru and Motoki showed up... Motoki was sick. Mamoru had to drive him home, but Mamoru is even sicker than he is... I had to teleport him home, but he was being so crazy. I had to flirt with him to get him to calm down and he kissed me-

[Kunzite looks away and his mouth sets into a grim line]

Zoi: But it didn't mean anything! He loves Usagi! He's too sick to even know what he's doing!

[Zoi waits for Kunzite to react. He doesn't. No reassurence, no apology, no promise that he will fix this. Just the same grim expression.]

Zoi: [cries harder] Oh my god. It's my fault! If I had just knocked him out and dragged him to the hospital like I was supposed to, none of this would have happened!

Kunzite: Zoisite, you made sure all your sick friends got home safely. That hardly deserves the death penalty.

Chief Midori: Kunzite. I can't seem get ahold of Beryl-

Kunzite: THEN CALL JADEITE AND TELL HIM TO FIND HER, IDIOT!

[Despite Kunzite's abusive tone towards his father, Zoi cheers a little since it sounds like Kunzite isn't going to just storm off in disgust and leave him to die without him.]

Zoi: Can Beryl fix this?

Kunzite: [looking away] ...Yes...

[Zoi sniffles because that sounds like a lie.]

[An instant later Jadeite and Beryl appear. Beryl's eyes open wide in alarm.]

Beryl: Kunzite! Get away from him!

Kunzite: No.

Beryl: Are you trying to get yourself killed? He's giving off radiation!

[Beryl pries Kunzite's arms away from Zoi and lies Zoi down on the bed before pushing Kunzite away. Zoi notices there are signs of burning on Kunzite wherever their skin made contact.]

[Kunzite tries to step forward but she gives him a warning look before turning her attention to Zoi's injuries.]

Beryl: How are you doing, Zoi?

Zoi: I've been better.

Kunzite: [to Beryl] What is this? Who did this to him?

[Zoi blinks at Kunzite]

Zoi: Wait, this wasn't you?

[Kunzite looks genuinely hurt and offended by the accusition.]

[The knowledge that Kunzite had nothing to do with fills Zoi with undescribable joy. Even though the pain is getting worse by the second, knowing Kunzite is innocent in the matter is better than Christmas morning. In spite of everything, Zoi finds himself laughing hysterically with relief.]

[After a moment of fear and hesitation, Beryl holds out her hand about six inches away from Zoi's chest wound. A ball of white light apears with wisps of smoke rise from it. She pulls her hand back abruptly with a little cry as the ball of light explodes, searing her hand, cracking Zoi's ribs and making his flesh erupt.]

[Jadeite has to pull Kunzite back]

Chief Midori: What is she doing? She's making it worse!

Beryl: Be quiet! All of you! I need to concentrate!

[There is a flash as Neffy enters. He takes one look at Zoi and his face breaks into a grin.]

Zoi: [pointing at Neffy] What is HE doing here!

Neffy: [smiling] Don't mind me. I'm just your friendly neighborhood Angel of Death.

[Beryl gives him a warning look]

Neffy: Seriously. Kunzite set up an alert to notify me if Wifey-Boy here is mortally wounded and near death.

Chief Midori: [panicked] Mortally wounded?

Zoi: Get him out of here!

Neffy: [grinning] Sorry. No can do. I have to stay until the end in case there is anything I can do to help.

Zoi: Great! So I have to look at his ugly mug the whole time I'm dying?

Neffy: I'm afraid so. [Beryl] So what's wrong with him, anyway?

Beryl: The White Death.

Jadeite: I've never heard of that.

Beryl: That's because it's a term I just made up. I don't have time to explain this adaquately at the moment, but long story short, he's contracted a flesh-eating virus.

[Jeddy jumps away with a scream.]

Beryl: Don't worry. Nobody in this room can catch it, except his father, and for him it will simply appear as an especially nasty strain of the common cold.

Chief Midori: What's going on? How did this happen? Where did he get it from?

Beryl: I told you. It's a long story and I don't have time to explain right now. Please, everyone, just be quiet and let me work.

Neffy: [under his breath] Good. It doesn't seem like there is anything I can do to help, so I guess I'll just sit here and watch him die.

[Neffy takes a seat at Zoi's desk and summons a bucket of popcorn.]

[Kunzite backs up, grabs the bucket from his hand and hurls the popcorn at Neffy's face.]

Beryl: If you want to help, Nephrite, I suggest you all go outside so I can concentrate.

Neffy: [frowning] Do I have to? Will it really save his life?

Beryl: [catches Kunzite emphatic nod] Yes. You have to leave here if you want to save his life.

[Neffy rises and grabs Chief Midori by the shoulder.]

Neffy: Come on, Pops. Lets go outside and let the lady work.

[They leave, along with Jadeite]

[Kunzite pulls up a chair. He grips Zoi's hand and hovers over him, still protective, not breathing.]

Beryl: Please go outside, Kunzite.

Kunzite: I can handle it.

Beryl: No, I need you to get out of here.

[Kunzite doesn't budge]

[Zoi picks up on Beryl's worried expression]

Zoi: Kunzite, go take care of my dad. I don't trust Jeddy and Neffy to be alone with him.

Beryl: [nods] You might as well do something useful.

[Kunzite's eyes narrow, and he scowls at them like they are ganging up on him. But he kisses Zoi's forehead and teleports away to where the others are.]

[Beryl looks over to make sure the others are gone, then places her hands over Zoi's midsection]

Beryl: Scream if it hurts. It will help. But I'll need you to be brave and stay still until I'm finished.

Zoi: How bad is it?

Beryl: I'm not sure yet...But it's bad...I can't purge the disease from you... The virus will rip through everything in it's path... I'm going to flood you with massive amounts of Dark Energy as well as healing energy. To irradiate the virus. Your cells are going to explode, but with luck they will reform just as quickly. Given the nature of the infection it's going to hurt, a lot. I'm sorry.

Zoi: Will you be able to save me?

Beryl: I may be able to save you. Or this may kill you outright...I hope this works, but because I'm not looking forward to Kunzite's wrath if it doesn't.

[Zoi nods and grits his teeth against the pain]

[Beryl hopes the others have gone far enough away not to hear his screams.]


	55. Patient Zero

[Scene: The front of the Midori house. Beryl appears looking quite haggard.]

Beryl: I did it. I saved him. It's safe to return now.

[They return to Zoi's room where Zoi is sitting up in bed in his pajamas looking flushed. Kunzite sits on the edge of the bed and Zoi crawls over and rests his head against his chest. Kunzite caresses his temple]

Kunzite: He's still feverish.

Beryl: He still has a cold…I just got rid of the toxic White Energy that was poisoning his system.

Jeddy: [wide-eyed] White Energy?

Neffy: [chuckling] Don't tell me you can't cure the common cold.

Beryl: [sinks into a chair] I can, but I won't. His body needs to develop antibodies to fight this particular strain of virus. Otherwise, he can catch it again and again, and next time I might be available to come here in time to save him.

Jeddy: So you you have time now? To explain what was wrong with him?

Beryl: [gives a tired sigh] What happened was he picked up an especially nasty human virus that is toxic to Shitennou.

Neffy: Yes, we figured as much on our own. The question is: where, when, how and why?

Beryl: [gives a tired shrug] Viruses survive by constantly adapting and mutating. This one mutated to deliver White Energy directly into the host body.

Jeddy: [nervous] And you're certain we're not in any danger.

Beryl: [nods weakly] It doesn't cross the species barrier. This virus can only latch onto humans.

Jeddy: But Zoi's not human either. He's a Shitennou, just like the rest of us.

Beryl: Zoi is the only one of us formed from a human prototype. Mother elevated him, his cells were replicated one-for-one with Dark Energy. The disease was bonded with Zoi's synthetic human chromosomes…in effect, you have a simulated human made of Dark Energy, contaminated with a simulated virus made of Light Energy.

Chief Midori: [looking Beryl over] You're not human? You certainly look human.

Neffy: You should have seen her before she filed down her horns.

Jeddy: But why did this happen? Why would a human virus contain White Energy?

Beryl: [closes her eyes and rests her head against a wall] The only thing I can think of is that an ordinary human, contagious with a cold, was irradiated with a tremendous amount of White Magic.

Neffy: But that makes no sense. White Energy is healing energy. If Patient Zero was a human exposed to White Energy, wouldn't he automatically be cured of any diseases?

Beryl: Not necessarily. It is a common fallacy. White Energy isn't about healing so much as it is about nurturing. Whoever Patient Zero was, he clearly wanted to get even more sick, instead of better.

Jeddy: Huh? Why would anyone want to get sicker?

Beryl: You'd be surprised. There are a lot of pity junkies out there. [yawns] A lot of people enjoy being sick. Sometimes, it's the only way they can get the people they love to pay enough attention to them.

Zoi: Oh, dear.

[The others look at him]

[Zoi thinks back to the day in the cafeteria, when Minako, giddy with the prospect of being driven home by Kunzite, picked up a gem from the floor and seemed to glow with with energy. Right before she started talking in another language and attacking Kunzite.]

[Zoi is certain Minako must be Patient Zero.]

[But as cold as she's been, he still considers her a friend. He's not sure he wants the other Shitennou to know she's reawaken as a Moon Guardian. ]

Zoi: If someone was irradiated with White Energy, would it reawaken memories from a previous lifetime?

Neffy: [gives Zoi a pointed look] Now there's an oddly specific question.

Zoi: I just noticed people who were sick at school remembering weird things.

[Zoi is certain Kunzite knows exactly who and what he is talking about, but Kunzite is just holding onto to him and keeping quiet. Zoi's heart fills with love, since he is certain he is not protecting Minako for Minako's sake.]

Beryl: I suppose it's possible. But not likely. I think something like that would require a spell, and there hasn't been a serious practitioner of White Magic since the White Queen destroyed the Silver Crystal, over a thousand years ago.

Neffy: [baffled] What are you talking about. The White Queen didn't destroy the Silver Crystal.

Beryl: [eyes snap open] Yes she did…didn't she?

Zoi: What is the Silver Crystal?

Neffy: [ignoring Zoi] Not she didn't. Remember? After Mother killed the White Queen, we searched for the Silver Crystal and couldn't find it. I did a divination, and two alien creatures calling themselves Ail and Ann blinked in and out of existence to steal it and vanish into another dimension. Nobody has seen a trace of it since.

Beryl: [closes her eyes again] Oh, yes. That's right. I must be too tired to remember things properly.

Jeddy: Wait. Why do I have clear memories of Mother destroying the Silver Crystal?

Neffy: Why do I remember "The Bernstain Bears" being called the "The Bernstein Bears"

Jeddy: "The BernSTAIN Bears"? You're just messing with us, aren't you?

Neffy: Nope. There you go. People remember things wrong all the time.

Beryl: [rises] Anyway, I'm drained. I need to go home and get some rest and then do some hunting. [points at Chief Midori] You need to enforce a strict quarantine until your son builds a resistance to this infection. For the next week, your son needs to avoid all contact with other humans.

Chief Midori: Even me?

Beryl: Especially you.

Kunzite: Good. I'm taking him home with me.

Chief Midori: I don't know if that's such a good idea. There are lot more pathogens in a crowded place like Seattle then there are in a sleepy little place like Hen Tie.

Kunzite: I'm not taking him to Seattle.

Beryl: No strenuous activity, Kunzite. I mean it. None. He needs to rest.

Kunzite: Don't worry. I'm not an animal.

[He stands and scoops up Zoi, blankets and all]

[Zoi has to hide a giggle. Then he has a sobering thought.]

[Minako isn't the only one with past life memories.]

[He worries how much Mamoru is starting to remember about being Beryl's slave.]


	56. Domestic Harmony

[Scene: The Dark Kingdom. Kunzite places Zoi down on their bed]

[As much as Zoi loves Kunzite, and as much as he doesn't want to be a bother, he sort of wishes he could he could recuperate some place a little cheerier than a huge black mausoleum.]

[Kunzite sits on the edge of the bed with Zoi on his lap.]

Kunzite: How are you feeling?

Zoi: Much better than before, but I'm still a little weak and dizzy.

Kunzite: I'll get you some cold medicine.

Zoi: I don't need anything.

Kunzite: I'll get you some anyway. I need to speak with the servants, and then let Mother know I'll be unavailable for the next few days.

Zoi: [rolls his eyes] Oh, I'm sure your mother will just love that.

Kunzite: I'm not wasting a minute of our time together. [slides Zoi off his lap and heads for the door while Zoi climbs into bed.]

Zoi: [groans] Figures. Seven glorious days to be all alone with you, and I'll be as sick as a dog the entire time.

Kunzite: [smiles back at him] I'm happy with whatever I can get.

[Kunzite walks out the door, which swings closed behind him, but it doesn't close completely.]

[Zoi watches as the door creaks back open a minute later, ever so slightly, and three half-plant half-female faces peek at him through the threshold.]

[Zoi giggles and they duck away in fear]

Zoi: It's ok. You can come in.

[Zoi is certain they can't understand a word he says, but they must understand something about his tone, since they peek their heads back in.]

Zoi: Come on. [He climb out to the middle of the bed and pats it]

[The three look around in fear and then tiptoe into the room and kneel at the foot of the bed]

[Zoi crawls over to play with them like they are housecats. He is trying to figure out whether it would be easier to teach them English, or learn Youma, when Kunzite appears in a magenta flash.

[Kunzite shouts at the top of his lungs at the three youma. They bolt out the open door in terror.]

Zoi: [fearful] What's wrong?

Kunzite: [still livid with rage] They're not allowed in our bedchamber!

Zoi: Why not?

Kunzite: Because they are youma! And I am First Among Kings!

Zoi: [surly] What country is it that you are king of, exactly? Because you're not king of any country I've ever heard of.

Kunzite: [chuckles at his audacity and takes his head in his hands] I'm king of everything I see, and that includes you.

Zoi: [pushes his hands away, still sullen] I told them to come in here.

Kunzite: They know better.

[Kunzite tries to give him a spoonful of cold medicine but he won't take it.]

[Zoi climbs back into bed, lies on his side with his back to Kunzite and his arms crossed]

[Kunzite lies in bed behind Zoi and gathers him into his arms]

Kunzite: What's wrong.

Zoi: [sulks] I don't like it when you yell at people.

Kunzite: They're just youma.

Zoi: I don't care. I don't want you to be mean to them. It makes me worry you'll be mean to me too. After you become bored with me.

Kunzite: [smiles and strokes his hair] Now how could I ever become bored with someone as mercurial as you are?

Zoi: We're going to be married to each other for a very, very long time, you know.

[Kunzite turns him in his arms until he is facing him and try as he might, Zoi can't stay mad at him.]

Kunzite: I think you will find married life suits me extremely well. I am, above all, a creature of habit, acclimated to comfort and ill-suited for change. If anyone is going to get bored of our marriage, it is you.

[Zoi traces his finger over Kunzite's chest muscles dreamily]

Zoi: How could anyone get bored of all this beefcake?

[Kunzite tips Zoi's chin up until he is looking him in the eyes.]

Kunzite: Stop objectifying me. I have a brain, you know.

Zoi: Yes. You do. [Kisses Kunzite softly on the lips]

Kunzite: [kisses him back and then sighs] Okay, fine.

Zoi: What?

Kunzite: [sighs again] If it makes you happy, I'll stop yelling at people.

Zoi: [Startled] Just like that?

Kunzite: [shrugs] I've never had a reason not to yell at people before.

[Zoi gives Kunzite a big hug and kiss, then accepts a spoonful of the medicine without arguing.]

Kunzite: It's late. We should get some sleep.

[Kunzite tucks them both into bed and puts his arm over Zoi. ]

[Zoi leans his head against his shoulder and sighs happily.]

Kunzite: What are you thinking about?

Zoi: I'm thinking, since I'm not contagious, I'd like you to kiss me again.

Kunzite: [smiles] You're high maintenance tonight.

Zoi: Yes, I am-but please, don't do anything you don't want to do.

Kunzite: [laughs] Heaven forbid I should do anything I don't want to do.

[Kunzite puts his hand under Zoi's chin and pulls his face up to his.]

[The kiss is gentle at first, but then Kunzite's lips become much more urgent, his free hands twisting in Zoi's hair and holding Zoi's face firmly against his.]

[Zoi tangles his hand in Kunzite's hair as well.]

[Kunzite's body is still as Zoi rubs himself against him. But soon Zoi's strength gives out and he lies weak in Kunzite's arms]

[Kunzite stops kissing him abruptly and pushes him away with gentle, firm hands.]

Zoi sinks back on the pillow, gasping, his head spinning.]

Kunzite: [breathless] Sorry, that was out of line.

Zoi: I don't mind.

Kunzite: You need to rest. Try to sleep, Zoisite.

Zoi: No. I want you to kiss me again.

Kunzite: You're either underestimating your illness or overestimating my self-control. Now why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?

Zoi: Fine. [snuggles against Kunzite .]

[Kunzite kisses his forehead before they drift off to sleep.]


	57. Metamorphosis

[Scene: Monday. The Dark Kingdom. Zoi is lying in bed and feels absolutely hideous with a really bad headache. There is a teapot on a tray next to the bed, along with a tin cup and his cellphone, which is ringing.]

[Zoi picks it up, still amazed that Kunzite manages to get cell coverage in this demon dimension, or wherever it is they are. The caller ID shows it's Usagi. Zoi answers]

Zoi: Hello?

Usagi: Zoi, it's Usagi.

Zoi: Hi, Usagi.

Usagi: [weeping] Oh, thank goodness. I was so afraid you wouldn't want to talk to me anymore.

Zoi: Why wouldn't I want to talk to you?

[Zoi touches the teapot. It's cold. He places his hand over the teapot and blasts it with flames to heat the tea before pouring himself a cup.]

[Zoi can hear Usagi crying]

Zoi: Usagi. What's wrong?

Usagi: [sniffling] I'm worried about Mamoru...I think...I think something weird is going on...He's been saying weird stuff.

Zoi: What kind of stuff?

[Nothing about Zoi, Zoi hopes]

Usagi: You...you know he is sick too, right...? Same thing you have?

Zoi: Yeah. The exact same thing. I'm pretty sure I caught it from him.

[Of course, Zoi doesn't mention how he caught it. Then Usagi would really start bawling.]

Usagi: He's acting so scared! I called him up, to see how he was doing, and the whole time he kept whispering "She mustn't find us... She mustn't find us..." over and over again! Then his aunt came in to his room and he let out the most terrifying scream. She had to pry the phone out of his hand and explain to me that he's really sick and she's called for an ambulance, for his own safety.]

[Zoi knows he has some very good advice he wants to give Usagi. The trouble is, he's too sick to remember what it is at the moment.]

[He sips the tea, which tastes very strongly of cinnamon and ginger. Almost instantly, his headache feels better.]

Zoi: Usagi. Mamoru is very sick right now. He's not himself. I wouldn't take any of this to heart right now. He said and did some very strange and inappropriate things when I saw him on Friday.

Usagi: I know. Motoki told me all about it. I'm so scared, but they won't let me see him.

Zoi: But I'm sure he'll be ok, once his fever dies down-

Usagi: [wailing] You don't understand! This is the exact same way Rei was acting! Right before she turned into a different person, and she decided she didn't want to be friends with me anymore! He's going to turn mean and break up with me! I just know it!

[Zoi hold the phone away a bit since her crying is making his head hurt again. He sips more tea and he doesn't know what to tell her. He'd like to reassure her everything will be ok, but he is certain Mamoru is going through a metamorphosis. Into someone else. Someone who is potentially very damaged. Possibly even broken.]

[Maybe breaking up with Usagi would be the kindest thing Mamoru could do for her under the circumstances.]

Zoi: I know you want to help, but there is nothing you can do for him at the moment. If he's that easily rattled, you should give him some space...You need to take care of yourself right now.

Uasgi: [sobbing] I haven't had this flu yet. What if I'm next? What if I get sick and turn into a really mean person who doesn't care about my friends anymore?

Zoi: I don't think that will happen. [But he's not certain that it wouldn't, and the thought of a blackhearted Usagi is a chilling one.] Look, Naru had the flu and it didn't affect her too badly so I wouldn't worry too much...

[Kunzite enters, and pauses when he sees Zoi is on the phone]

Zoi: I've got to go. Kunzite made me some tea and I don't want it to get cold.

Usagi: [cheering up] Aww... that's so sweet. He must love you very much to drive all the way from Seattle and take time off school to help your dad take care of you on a weekday.

Zoi: Um, yeah...

Usagi: Promise me you won't turn into a pod-person like all the others.

Zoi: I'll do my best.

Usagi: Love you!

Zoi: Love you, too. Bye.

[He hangs up and looks at Kunzite who is looking at him askew]

Zoi: That was Usagi. She's very concerned about Mamoru.

Kunzite: [scowls] Aren't we all?


	58. The Power of Love

[Scene: Monday night. Susan Olivia Chiba is standing outside the open door of her apartment, resting her back against the wall. A firefighter comes out of the apartment]

Firefighter : He won't come out. He's barricaded himself in his room and he's threatening anyone who comes near him with a baseball bat. You'd better come in and have a talk with him, to calm him down.

Aunt Sue: [stern] If I have a talk with him it's not going to calm him down. I'm standing out here for a reason.

Firefighter : It would help right now for him to see a familiar face.

Aunt Sue: [shakes her head] Right now, he thinks I'm the O'Sama girl, Beryl. And for some reason she's the most terrifying thing in the world to him.

[A paramedic comes out]

Firefighter: Any luck?

Paramedic: he won't let anyone get close without taking a clout at them with his bat. He knows we are going to sedate him, and if we sedate him he won't be able to protect the princess. [looks at Aunt Sue] I think someone has been letting him play too much Nintendo.

Aunt Sue: [gets out her phone] That's what I was afraid of. I'd better get Charles over to tase him.

[Aunt Sue stops dialing abruptly as a beautiful blonde appears. She's dressed in a skin tight black dress, high heeled booties laced in the front like gladiator sandals and a leather jacket.]

[She looks like she just got out of a bar fight. She has scrapes and scratches everywhere, a huge bruise on her hand, and a deep cut on the side of her neck that is definitely going to leave a mark. But even all that isn't enough to mar her almost supernatural beauty.]

[The firefighter and the paramedic just stare in awe.]

Minako: [entering the apartment] You guys can leave now. I'll take it from here.

[They watch in wonderment as Minako saunters into the apartment. The back of her Jacket says C'Est La Vie]

[Inside are additional fire crew. Minako walks right past them to the door of Mamoru's bedroom.]

One of the Firefighters: Miss! You can't go in there! It's not safe!

[She ignores him so he rushes over and grabs her roughly by the arm.]

[Minako calmly grabs his wrist, twists his arm behind his back, and pushes him against a wall]

Minako: You want to know what's not safe? Guys like you putting their hands on girls like me while they are trying to do their jobs.

[He lets out a yelp as she gives his arm a twist]

Minako: Now how about you stand back and let me work my mojo?

[The firefighter nods vigorous and she releases him.]

Sole female firefighter: [under her breath] Wow. What a woman.

Another firefighter: Where did you get that cut on your neck.

[Minako rubs her neck and shrugs]

Minako: You expect me to know where all my scars come from?

[She knocks softly on Mamoru's door.]

Minako: Endymion? It's me. Can I come in?

Aunt Sue: Endymion?

[Minako ignores her. There is no answer from the room]

Minako: [louder] Endymion, open up! It's all clear! I've brought reinforcements!

[The door opens and Mamoru stands near the doorway wielding a baseball bat. He's red-faced and sweaty with fever and he looks absolutely terrified. In his terror he's smashed up a lot of things in his bedroom, including furniture. He squints at Minako]

Mamoru: Selenity?

Minako: .Ah...yeah... that's right, babe... It's me... Princess Selenity...coming to rescue you from the big bad evil Shitennou army.

[Mamoru lowers the bat and grabs her by the wrist and yanks her into the room. The firefighters are all tense, but Minako gives her them a look to let them know she has this under control]

Mamoru: [whispers frantically] What are you doing out there? It's not safe! She's coming for us!

Minako: Who? Beryl?

Aunt Sue: How in the world...

Minako: [nonchalantly pets his hair] It's okay, baby. She's not coming for us. I already killed her.

Mamoru: You did?

Minako: [Nods and grins fiendishly] Drove a sword clean through the bitch...She's deader than dead...She can't hurt you any more...I killed her, then I chased down Kunzite and kicked his sorry ass...Right before I chopped his head off and went after his brothers and killed them as well...I killed their mother too...You see, you don't have anything to worry any more...I protected you from them..Just like I promised I would.

[Mamoru drops the bat and grabs Minako in a bear hug crying hysterically.]

Mamoru: Thank you, Selenity. Thank you. I love you so much.

[Minako cringes awkwardly then gives him a sisterly pat on the back]

Minako: [To the paramedics and the firecrew] It's ok. You can leave now. He'll be fine, once he cries himself out.

[They look to Aunt Sue. who nods. They gather their gear and leave]

Aunt Sue: [still saying a safe distance back] How did you know to come here? How did you know about this Selenity and Endymion stuff? How did you know what to say to him to get him to calm down?

Minako: I had friends in very high places.

Aunt Sue: Huh?

Minako: [winks] Let's just say, a little kitty-cat told me.

Aunt Sue: O-kay. [walks away, wondering if she's feverish too.]

Minako: [Sits on the bed and rocks a crying Mamoru in her arms and pets his hair] I'm sorry I doubted you. I thought you were a spy... I should have known better...They used me. It only stands to reason they'd use you too.

[Mamoru doesn't say anything. He just continues crying.]

[Minako looks around at all the smashed up furniture. Not even a normal madman could do that much damage. Selenity must have given him some of her power before she passed on.]

Minako: This might be the wrong time to ask this, but you wanna join my gang?

[Mamoru looks up at her and nods]

Minako: Good, because right now we can use all the help we can get.

[Mamoru looks at he scratch on her neck. He reaches up and touches it with his fingers. Immediately, the wound closes up, without leaving a mark.]

Minako: [touches her neck] A healer...she gave you some of her healing power...[smiles a big smile]...Now there's more than we bargained for.


	59. Private Lessons

[Scene: Kunzite and Zoi's bedchamber in the Dark Kingdom. Kunzite is lying in bed, translating aloud from a book with his arm around Zoi.]

[Zoi has his arm around him and resting his head on Kunzite's chest, pretending to read along. But he can't, since the book is written in a long dead language.]

Kunzite: [looking at Zoi] So you see, it is fortunate that your aspect is Nature, since the Senshi attacks are elemental, and this grants you a certain level of natural immunity from their attack.

Zoi: [slightly distracted by Kunzite's pecs] That is fortunate.

Kunzite: Mars' attacks are probably useless against you. She uses fire magic, and you control fire… Even if she catches you off guard, I doubt she can give you more than a sunburn… Mercury's are nearly as useless… her attacks are water and ice…the only thing she can do to you is conjure up a blinding icefog, which you can burn away in an instant…Jupiter is a little more powerful. She can call down lightening, which would probably stun you, but not kill you outright… The one you have to beware of is Venus.

Zoi: [barely resisting the urge to touch Kunzite's chest] Venus being Minako, of course?

Kunzite: She can summon concentrated beams of White Energy, and you've already seen what White Energy will do to a Shitennou…You are to avoid combat with her at all costs, since any one of her attacks could cut you into ribbons.

Zoi: [giggles] Figures that the only one I really have to be afraid of is your ex-girlfriend.

Kunzite: Not funny…If they decide to attack you as a group, focus your efforts on eliminating her first-

[Kunzite thinks for a moment and closes the book]

Kunzite: On second thought, I don't want you fighting anyone at all. If the senshi combine their attacks, they could finish you easily. Even without Venus. These women worked extremely well together. If any of the senshi decide to attack you, teleport away, and let me deal with them. You're not combat trained, so I don't want you fighting anything bigger than a housecat.

Zoi: [nuzzles his chest] How about if I just drain away all their energy?

Kunzite: You can't.

[Zoi looks at Kunzite.]

Kunzite: [strokes Zoi's hair] Our inherent energy draining doesn't work on Moon Guardians, which is probably for the best, since it is laced with White Energy…it's a pity, really, since their energy is extreme potent as a foodsource.

Zoi: How do you know that if you can't drain their energy?

Kunzite: I didn't say I couldn't drain their energy. I said you can't.

Zoi: You said our inherent energy draining doesn't work on Moon Guardians.

Kunzite: Yes, but I can absorb their attacks if I filter them first.

Zoi: Really? [give Kunzite an pleading look] Teach me.

Kunzite: It can't be taught. It's one of my innate abilities… Remember, Energy is my aspect, just like Nature is yours…the important thing to remember is you must never underestimate the Moon Guardians… Mercury was almost supernaturally intelligent, Mars could communicate with the dead, Jupiter had inhuman strength, while Venus was a master of all forms of martial arts, as well as a second sight that allows her to see people as they truly are.

Zoi: It mustn't work that well if she didn't see you coming.

Kunzite: [ sets the book down and tilts Zoi's chin up to make eyecontact] Oh she saw me coming all right. It was fortunate for us all her taste in men was just as appalling as yours is.

[Zoi shrugs and gives him a kiss. They make out for a few minutes before Zoi's phone rings. Zoi breaks it off to look at his phone.]

Zoi: It's Usagi again.

[Kunzite scoots back to give Zoi some space. He answers it.]

Zoi: Hello?

[All Zoi can hear is crying]

Zoi: Usagi? What's wrong?

Usagi: [wailing loud enough for Kunzite to hear] I just saw Minako coming out of Mamoru's apartment! I came by to see him and I saw her leaving! I called out her name, and she ran away!

Kunzite: [under his breath] Speak of the devil.

Zoi: [dismayed at the amount of heartache in her voice] Usagi. Mamoru isn't interested in girls like Minako. I'm sure there is a perfectly innocent explanation.

Usagi: Like what!

Zoi: Maybe she's returning a library book for him?

Usagi: [crying] Zoi, it's not like that! Mamoru was SCARED of her! She acted like she wanted to kill him! Next thing I know she's coming out of his apartment! She had on a skin tight dress and club heels! She looked like she had just been out partying.

Zoi: Maybe she had just been out partying?

Usagi: At 6:30 in the morning!?

Zoi: Oh? It's 6:30 there?

Usagi: Huh? What do you mean it's 6:30 THERE?

Zoi: Oh…I…just woke up from a deep sleep…

Usagi: [wailing] He's cheating on me! And with Minako! This is too awful for words!

Kunzite: [grins at Zoi] First you, then Minako… When Chiba fools around, he doesn't fool around.

Zoi: [covering the phone and giggling] Hush, you. I'm trying to defuse a situation…[to Usagi]…look, Usagi, she probably just had a little too much to drink last night, and slept on his couch until she was sober enough to drive.

Usagi: Then why did she run?

Zoi: She's probably hung over, and she was afraid you might scream at her… Did you ask Mamoru about this?

Usagi: How! He won't return any of my calls! I've left hundreds of messages! He's called back Motoki! But he won't call me! …[wails]…He wants to break up with me! I just know it!

Zoi: He doesn't want to break up with you…Did you talk to his aunt?

Usagi: She doesn't care! I've been over there! Dozens of times! She won't even let me in!

[Zoi remembers that Mamoru doesn't like it when Usagi gets all clingy.]

Zoi: Well, there is your problem. You need to stop pestering him and let him rest. He can't spend every waking minute with you, after all…I don't think you need to worry about this. Just give him some time.

Usagi: [distraught] Zoi, he won't see me! His girlfriend! But he let his worst enemy Minako spend the night!

Zoi: [sighs] Usagi. If Mamoru is even half as sick as I am, I can assure you that absolutely nothing happened.

Usagi: [stops crying] Oh, yeah…you're right. Huh? [laughs happily]

Zoi: I'm sure it's ok. Mamoru isn't into girls like Minako. He's getting over a terrible illness, and he's a little disoriented…Minako probably just needed a safe place to crash, and Mamoru's not one to turn his back on a damsel in distress Even one that hasn't been nice to him lately…He'll come back to you, once he gets everything sorted out.

Usagi: [cheerful] Oh, you're probably right. Thank you, Zoi.

Zoi: Don't mention it.

[He hangs up and rests his head on Kunzite's shoulder. Kunzite gathers him into his arms]

Zoi: I'm so glad we don't have these problems.


	60. While Zoi Was Out

[Scene: A swamp in the Dark Kingdom. The only light is radiating from the slightly phosphorescent pools, but Zoi's eyes are now well suited for darkness. Kunzite and Zoi are walking hand in hand among the giant vines and carnivorous flowers]

Zoi: It figures I'd wake up feeling miraculously better on my last night here.

Kunzite: Oh, but what a night it was...

Zoi: ...and now I have to go back to school.

Kunzite: [serious] You don't have to go back, you know. You can stay here and live with me forever.

[The idea is too tempting. Zoi has to remind himself that he and Kunzite are ageless and immortal, while his time with his family and friends is fleeting.]

Zoi: I'd love to. But I really can't. Not until I'm older. My mother will be flying in from Italy soon to see me for my birthday...This is a woman who wants to press charges whenever the drive-through doesn't give her the correct change. I don't think she'll respond well if she learns her fifteen-year-old son ran away from home to live with his much older boyfriend in this outer-dimensional Boschscape.

[Kunzite shrugs to indicate that is not a problem, as far as he's concerned]

Zoi: Besides-You were the one who wanted us to have a "normal relationship", remember? Just two typical teenagers falling in love for the first time?

Kunzite: [grave] That's before I realized we'd have to spend hours and sometimes even days apart from one another.

[Zoi would laugh, but he knows exactly what he means]

Zoi: [fighting back tears] In two years and one month I will be eighteen. Then we can come and go whenever and wherever we want, without creating any problems. Two years is not a long time. It will pass in the blink of an eye. You said so yourself.

Kunzite: [soothes back a lock of Zoi's hair] It doesn't sound like you are trying to convince me of this. You sound like you are trying to convince yourself.

Zoi: I am.

[Kunzite draws Zoi close and kisses him. They kiss for a long time. When they part, they are standing in a secluded spot outside Hen Tie High, dressed for school.]

Kunzite: When and if you change your mind , you're always welcome to stay. I don't need a reason.

Zoi: [hugs Kunzite] Don't tempt me.

[They hold hands before parting, and Zoi wipes away his tears away as he heads to class]

[Later at lunch...]

[Zoi takes his seat at his usual table with Umino, Naru, and Usagi. Usagi is looking miserable, which is understandable, since Mamoru has been absent all day.]

Zoi: Mamoru's still sick?

Usagi: [sorrowful] Yeah...or so his aunt claims...I wouldn't know, myself.

Naru: [smiles at Zoi] Glad to see you're back.

Zoi: So what did I miss?

Umino: I've got a date! With a girl!

Zoi: [smiles] That's great.

Umino: [frantic] You have to help me. I don't want to scare her away. I asked Naru what I should do and she said "be yourself" and we all know that that's not going to work.

[Zoi sneaks a peek at Naru. Naru's looking bitter, staring at her lunch with her jaw clenched and a vein standing out on her forehead.]

Zoi: I'm the wrong person to ask about girls.

[He glances at Minako's table. She and her followers are eating together, wearing matching jackets with the words 'C'est La Vie' on the back. Occasionally they give him stares of mistrust. Zoi's surprised to see Ami has joined their group.]

[It seems the other girls have given her a makeover. She's wearing a short skirt, thigh highs, makeup, and blue nail-polish. Her black bob has been bleached and dyed blue. She pulls out her smartphone, and the other girls crowd to have a look]

Zoi: I see Ami's has joined Minako's gang.

Umino: Yeah. Apparently she's taking a very active role in it, too.

Zoi: [narrows his eyes] An active role in what, exactly?

Naru: They call themselves guardians or something like that.

[Zoi wonders if those girls are all reincarnated moon guardians. The count is right, and he vaguely remember Kunzite mentioning parallels with their current incarnations]

Naru: For a while they were coming to school all beat up. With cuts and bruises and everything. Like they were in a girl's fight club, or something.

Zoi: A fight club? Isn't Ami a bit small for that sort of thing?

Umino: It's not like that. They're more like hall monitors gone bad. They don't start fights, they keep the peace. A few days ago Ami found out a gang was selling meth outside the elementary school and they put a stop to it, real quick...I'm surprised your father hasn't mentioned them to you.

Zoi: Yes, well... my father shelters me to an alarming degree...[looks at the guardians, who still eye him with distrust]...anyway, it doesn't sound like they're doing anything too bad.

Naru: [nods] They're annoying goody two shoes for a gang.

Umino: Except they cut class a lot.

Naru: Oh. Yeah...[leans closer to whisper]...The Hen Tie football team was on their way to the state playoffs, but ever since Makoto's joined Minako's gang, she hasn't even been been to practice...The coach was furious, but Minako had a word with him, and now Makoto only shows up for games when Minako wants her to.

Umino: [nods] Ami was supposed to go to Germany next semester to study abroad, to intern at a spine clinic, but she decided to stay here, instead... Nobody is giving her grief about it either...Minako had a long talk with her mother and that was the end of it.

Zoi: [alarmed] That doesn't sound like a gang... It sounds like Minako is running a cult!

Usagi: [distant] Oh, and Mamoru still hasn't called me.

[Zoi turns his attention back to a very sad Usagi]

Naru: We've started up a study group, since you and Mamoru have been out sick all week. I've talked Usagi's mother into let her meet us at the Crown so we can study over parfaits.

Umino: [sighs] It's been an uphill battle.

Naru: Umino!

Umino: What? She's hopeless!

Usagi: [mopey and unoffended] How am I supposed to focus on math while I'm pining for my Mamoru? He still hasn't called me. [Looks at Zoi hopefully] Will you call him for me?

[Zoi feeling beyond awkward at the memory of his final moments around Mamoru. He'd rather not talk to him. But he is concerned, since Mamoru became sick before Zoi, and he's not back in school.]

Zoi: I think, at the moment, he'd much rather talk to you.

Usagi: Oh, come on. Pleeeeaaasee? [near tears] He doesn't want to talk to me at all, and I need to find out why.

[Zoi Sighs profoundly. He can't imagine Mamoru would want to talk to him either]

Zoi: Fine, I'll give him a call. Right after school. But don't expect much.


	61. Reprogramming

[Scene: The Midori house. Zoi teleports home and his hair stands up a bit when he sees how cluttered the living room is, mostly with pizza boxes and empty beer cans.]

Chief Midori: [looking away from the TV] Welcome home, son. Are you planning on staying a while?

[Zoi opens a pizza box at random and it has bits of moldy pizza crust in it. He hold his nose and closes it in disgust]

Zoi: It looks like I'd better. How can you stand to live like this?

[He levitates the pizza boxes, which burst into flames, then floats the cans into the recycling bin.]

Zoi: Now let me see about getting you some real food...[heads for the kitchen] Honestly, Dad. How did you manage to survive for so many years before I moved back in here?

Chief Midori: It wasn't easy. How was school?

Zoi: Fine. Have you heard anything about Mamoru Chiba lately?

Chief Midori: No, why?

Zoi: I promised Usagi I'd call Mamoru as soon as I got home. How is work?

Chief Midori: The usual. More disappearances. No solid leads. What's for dinner?

Zoi: Let me have a look.

[Opens the refrigerator and examines the limp produce, which is languishing inside, untouched for over a week. He starts piling it on the counter.]

Zoi: Stew it is, then.

[He put on an apron and gets out the cutting board, a saucepan, and the crockpot.]

[As the onions are browning he dials Susan Chiba]

Aunt Sue: [dreary] Hello?

Zoi: Aunt Sue, It's me, Zoi.

Aunt Sue: [a bit cheerier] Oh. Well hello there, Zoi.

Zoi: Is Mamoru in?

Aunt Sue: He's in bed. He's very sick right now.

Zoi: Oh. I'm just calling to see how he's doing. He was extremely sick the last time I saw him. I was worried.

Aunt Sue: [weary] He was-he is to sick to call. He's still not feeling well.

[Zoi is concerned at how exhausted she sounds]

Zoi: Let me know if you need anything. I could come by.

Aunt Sue: No, we're fine. Stay at your place.

Zoi: Tell him to call back his girlfriend Usagi before she sends over a search party.

Aunt Sue: Ok. I will.

Zoi: Bye.

Aunt Sue: Bye.

[Zoi hangs up and puts the phone on the counter, relieved to be off the hook in more ways than one.]

[As he picks up the knife to slice vegetables, his phone rings. He looks and it's Mamoru.]

[Zoi's a bit taken aback to have his call returned, and so quickly]

Zoi: Mamoru?

Mamoru: [creaky and hoarse] Hello.

Zoi: Oh, Mamoru. You sound horrible.

Mamoru: [wretched] I feel horrible...I'm sorry about how last Friday turned out.

Zoi: I'm sorry, too. Had I known you were sick, I definitely would have cancelled.

Mamoru: Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault...I'm glad I went. Even though Motoki told me I just acted like a big jerk the whole time...

Zoi: Don't worry about it. You were delirious with fever.

Mamoru: I... don't remember a thing...

[Thank goodness for that, Zoi thinks]

Mamoru: I'm having trouble remembering things... I keep blacking out...I have huge holes in my memory...all I know is I need to make sure you stay off your bike until I get better.

Zoi: [giggles] You'll get better soon. I woke up this morning and I was fine.

Mamoru: [dull voiced] ...you were sick?

Zoi: Yes, I got it too, but I'm fine now.

Mamoru: [dead voiced] That's good.

Zoi: So you'll probably be better in a few hours.

Mamoru: I don't think I have the same thing you did.

Zoi: I'm pretty sure it is the exact same thing. But it's affected us differently. What are your symptoms?

Mamoru: Everything... Every part of me hurts.

Zoi: You need to call Usagi... she wanted me to check up on you.

Mamoru: I...I don't want her to see me like this.

Zoi: You should call her anyway. She's worried sick about you.

Mamoru:I can't do that...If she finds out how sick I am...she'll insist on coming here...I don't want her to catch this.

Zoi: Mamoru, you need to talk to her! She's starting to assume the worst! She thinks you want to break up with her! All these things you are telling me, you really should be telling her...Is there anything can I have her bring you?

Mamoru: Nothing. She can't come here. You can't come here either.

Zoi: I've already been exposed to whatever you have.

[Zoi hears a door opening over the phone.]

Mamoru: I'll call you when I can... I'll let you know when I'm better...so we can resume your bike lessons.

Zoi: Mamoru-

Mamoru: I've got to go.

Zoi: Please call Usagi. As soon as you can. And call me when you feel better.

Mamoru: Right.

Zoi: I'll see you soon.

Mamoru: Wait for me, Zoi.

Zoi: [rattled] Huh?

Mamoru: Wait for me to call you...before you get on your bike again.

Zoi: [giggles] Okay, bye Mamoru.

[Zoi hangs up. Greatly relieved all is well.]

[Mamoru hangs up. He looks as Minako, standing in his doorway, with her arms crossed.]

Minako: You called Zoi Midori, didn't you?

MMamoru: He...called to check up on me... so I called him back.

Miinako: [annoyed] What did I tell you about Zoi Midori?

Mamoru: I...[tearing up]...I don't remember.

Minako: Zoi Midori is dead. He died last spring. Remember?

Mamoru: [wide-eyed] What? But...I just talked to him.

Minako: [rolls her eyes] Oh, lord, I see I have to explain this to you yet again. That thing you just spoke to was not Zoi. It was a Shitennou that Kunzite O'Sama made to look like him after the real Zoi was murdered by the Blackmoons.

Mamoru: He...was?

Minako: That's right... He is not your friend. He may act like your friend, but he's trying to trick you. He's a Shitennou. The exact same type of monster that murdered us. You're never to speak to him again.

[She picks up Mamoru's phone and deletes Zoi from his contacts]

Mamoru: [earnest] We should kill him.

[Minako gives him a startled look]

Mamoru: We need to kill him... Before he kills us again.

[Mamoru looks scared so Minako gathers him into her arms and rocks him like a small child]

Minako: Now, now. We're not murderers, you know. We can't kill him. Not until he gives us a reason.


	62. At The Crown

[Scene: Saturday at the Crown. Naru, Umino and Zoi are having parfaits. Usagi is sipping on a tall glass of soda water while studying her math book]

Motoki: [To Usagi] Are you sure I can't get you a parfait?

Naru: Not until she learns percentages.

Usagi: [grumbles] Which will be never. [eyes Naru's chocolate parfait with lust in her eyes]

Zoi: Um... this so good. I got pumpkin pie. It's got pumpkin icecream, whipped cream, and pumpkin chiffon. [pulls out one of the cookie wafers] These are supposed to taste like pie crust, but I think it' shortbread. [holds it out to Usagi] Does this taste like shortbread to you?

[Usagi greedily eyes the cookie wafer dripping with pumpkin icecream. She reaches for it but Zoi snatches it away]

Zoi: Oh, that's right. You can't have any parfait until you finish all your homework.

[Zoi eats the wafer]

Usagi: [crying] That was evil! You are so evil!

Naru: [eyes Usagi's blank sheet of homework] Percentages are easy. You just convert the number to a decimal and do multiplication.

Usagi: You're assuming I know how to do multiplication.

Umino: You're joking, right?

[Usagi slumps her head down on the table until her pigtails are hanging off the other side shakes her head sadly]

Zoi: How did you get through elementary school?

Usagi: I memorized the multiplication tables right before I had a test, and forgot them right afterward. It was ok when that was all I had to do but now there is all this other stuff...

Umino: You ARE joking, right.

[Usagi shakes her head sadly again]

Zoi: By any chance have you been diagnosed with a learning disorder?

Usagio: Yeah, I have. It's called "being really, really, really, REALLY dumb."

Umino: I don't think you're THAT dumb. Two really's would have been sufficient.

Naru: Umino, that's not helpful.

Usagi: [sighs] I don't understand how you three brainiacs can stand to sit at the same table as a dunce like me...[teary-eyed] No wonder Mamoru wants us to break up.

Zoi: Mamoru doesn't want to break up with you. Have you spoken to him recently?

Usagi: [bitter] No.

Zoi: [shocked] No?

Usagi: No.

Zoi: [flabbergasted] He promised he'd call you!

Usagi: [groans without looking up] Oh. So he's taking your calls, too?

Zoi: Oh for heavensakes. This is getting ridiculous. [Gets out his phone] I'll call him right now and then hand the phone over to you.

[Dials Mamoru]

Mamoru: [creaky] Hello?

Zoi: Hello, Mamoru. It's me, Zoi-

*click*

[Usagi raises her head slightly to regard Zoi's perplexed expression]

Zoi: That's weird. We got cut off. I'll try again.

[He dials Mamoru and hangs up when the phone rings five times then goes to voicemail]

[Zoi sets down his phone with a shrug]

Umino: Low battery, maybe?

Zoi: I guess. I'll give it another hour.

[Zoi's phone rings. He looks and sees it's Susan Chiba.]

Zoi: Hello?

Aunt Sue: [stern] Why do you keep calling my nephew? Is there something you want?

Zoi: Hi Aunt Sue. I'm here at the Crown with Usagi. We wanted to check if Mamoru is ok.

Aunt Sue: He's not. He's very sick at the moment and he doesn't need you calling him!

Zoi: Ok, sorry about that. I thought he was getting better by now. Tell him-

*click*

Zoi: Well that was harsh.

Usagi: What was?

Zoi: Mamoru's Aunt Sue got all snippity and then hung up on me.

Usagi: [shrugs] It sounds about right to me.

Zoi: [giggles nervously as he puts his phone away] Oh, well. I guess I've worn out my welcome at Casa da Chiba.

Umino: [frantic] Anywhooo, is anyone here EVER going to help me out with my date?

Zoi: Oh, yeah, when is it?

Umino: I haven't made it yet. I have to figure out how to keep her from scaring her away, first. She hasn't figured out that, as a girl, she's supposed to find me utterly repulsive.

Zoi: Usagi and Naru don't find you utterly repulsive.

Usagi: [still facedown on the table] Yes. We do.

Umino: [Unoffended] See? What did I tell you? I'm Cute Girl Kryponite! I just know I'm going to do something creepy or say something stupid and scare her away... I'm practically throwing up now, trying to figure out what I'm going to say to her... I should just cancel, right now, so I can end this on a positive note.

Usagi: [muffled since her face is still on the table] take her to the movies.

Umino: What?

Usagi: [sits up] If you're afraid to talk to her, take her to the movies. That way you can sit there in silence, for the first few hours..They are showing some nice PG-rated family-friendly films in the park this month... You can buy her an icecream afterward and go for a walk with her as you discuss the movie for the rest of the date.

Umino: Usagi, that's genius!

Usagi: Just don't try to kiss her like you tried to kiss me that one time in the eighth grade.

Umino: [blushes] Oh, don't worry. Just the thought of kissing her is making me see black spots.

[Zoi sneaks a peek at Naru. She looks thoughtful, but under the table she is twisting her napkin in her lap so hard it is practically tearing.]

[Motoki comes by with a tray of drinks]

Motoki: [To Usagi] Are you sure I can't interest you in a parfait?

Usagi: [mournful] No, thanks. If I can't be smart enough for Mamoru, at least I'll be thin enough for him.

Motoki: Oh, well. Here's another complimentary soda water for you. I may have snuck a couple maraschino cherries and squeeze of lime into it. [winks at Usagi] And for the rest of you, here is the check. [places a folded paper in the center of the table] No rush. Take your time.

Usagi: [grabs the check] I'll get this.

Naru: You didn't have anything.

Usagi: That's ok. You don't know how happy I am to be out of my room and sitting with my friends. Besides, it's not much. Only $19, even...[gets out a couple of twenties]...Aw, look at the cute little smiley face Motoki drew under his name. He's so great... I'm going to leave him a 35% tip.

[Usagi writes $6.65 on the tip line]

[The others stare at her.]

Usagi: What?

Zoi: Should we tell her?

[Naru shakes her head at Zoi, then looks at Usagi]

Naru: Usagi, what is 35% of 19?

Usagi: I don't know.

Zoi: If a $35 blouse is on sale for 15% off, how much does it cost?

Usagi: With or without sales tax?

Zoi: Without.

Usagi: $29.75.

Zoi: [To Umino and Naru] Is that right?

Umino: [nods] If we bought a dozen macarons, and I had one, Zoi had five, and Naru had 20% more than Zoi, how many does that leave for you?

Usagi: [outraged] None! You ate them all! Just like I didn't get a parfait!

[Usagi's three friends take a deep breath]

Usagi: What?

Naru: Usagi. You just did a bunch of percentage problems. In your head.

Usagi: What?...Noooo. That wasn't math! That was shopping!

Naru: Shopping is math.

Usagi: Then...how come I'm good at shopping and bad at math?

Zoi: [shrugs] Because someone once told you pretty girl are supposed to be bad at math and you believed them?

Usagi: Huh. [Looks at her homework and chews her pencil] Let's see...If I change all the numbers into desserts...this suddenly becomes VERY easy!

[Usagi works on her homework and grins]

Usagi: Only now I'm making myself hungry... Oh, Motoki! I think I'll have a parfait after all!


	63. Falsely Accused

[Scene: The Midori house. Zoi arrives from the crown just as his father is getting ready to go to work.]

Chief Midori: Sit down, son. We need to have a talk…I got a call today from Susan Chiba. She said you need to stop bothering Mamoru.

Zoi: [flabbergasted] Excuse me? I've barely spoken to him since I return to Hen Tie.

Chief Midori: I know you mean well, and you miss seeing him, but don't you go making a pest of yourself. He's really tired, and he needs to rest.

Zoi: Making a pest of myself? I called him TWICE.

Chief Midori: Now, son. I know it may seem that way to you-

Zoi: [hold out his phone to his father] No! Check my call history! I called him twice! And the only reason I called him a second time is because we got cut off the first time.

Chief Midori: You didn't get cut off. He hung up on you.

Zoi: [wide-eyed] Why would he hang up on me?

Chief Midori: Sue said it was because these frequent calls of your are starting to border on harassment.

[Zoi's jaw drops]

Chief Midori: Sue knows what's best for Mamoru. He'll be up and around soon enough. Be patient.

Zoi: Are you saying I'm a liar?

Chief Midori: [looks away and shakes his head] All I know is that Sue told me that you've been pestering her nephew for days now, and he's getting very upset about it.

Zoi: And you believed her?

Chief Midori: Now, son. Its not that I don't trust you. It's just… [sighs] I've know Susan Chiba a lot longer than I've known you. She's very slow to anger, but once she's there, she'll take a grudge to her grave. She's not one to get rattled over minor mishaps and perceived slights. For her to get upset about something, it has to be serious… I'm not saying I don't believe you. I'm just saying, until she calms down about this, I don't want you calling him anymore.

Zoi: Oh my god! I call him TWICE…Yesterday, HE called ME! She must be delirious with fever, too, if she thinks I'm harassing him!… And why is he still sick? I don't understand why he's not better by now! I'm completely recovered and he gave it to me!

Chief Midori: I think he has something more serious. She took him to the urgent care clinic, and they told him he has mono. Mono is very serious. He may be out for more than a month.

Zoi: [scoffs] He doesn't have mono.

Chief Midori: What makes you say that?

Zoi: Because I don't have mono! And aren't you supposed to get it through kissing?

[Chief Midori stares at Zoi and Zoi claps both hands over his mouth]

Chief Midori: [grins] What did you say?

Zoi: [meek] Nothing.

Chief Midori: Then why are you turning bright red?

[Zoi torn between a need to explain, and the worry his father might freak out and arrest Mamoru.]

Zoi: It's not what you think. Go to work, Dad. I've got a bunch of laundry to do.

[Chief Midori heads out]

Chief Midori: Don't worry. I won't say anything to Kunzite.

Zoi: He already knows more about it than you do.

[Chief Midori gives him a sly look to indicate Kunzite's a lot more liberal minded than he thought.]

[Zoi is in a foul mood for the rest of the day as he does the laundry, upset that his father would believe such blatant lies about him. The bright spot of the evening is when his phone rings and he sees it's Usagi. She cheerfully informs him that he's been dazzling her family with her newfound math skills and her mother even promised that if she gets an A her next math quiz, she'll get to go to the Hen Tie Oktoberfest with Mamoru and her friends.]

[After she hangs up, Zoi finds himself smiling. If there is one thing Usagi's really good at, it's cheering people up without even trying.]

[Eventually his father returns, looking very perplexed and troubled, as Zoi's sitting on the couch watching TV]

Chief Midori: You were right. Something very strange is going on with Mamoru.

Zoi: Oh. What happened?

Chief Midori: I don't know..I was off investigating another disappearance and…well, it's just that I saw Mamoru and a bunch of girls your age standing outside a store in downtown. I waved hi, but when they saw my squad car, they took off running…I think maybe he was arguing with his friends… He looked…strange. Like he was upset about something. And…different. It's like you can watch that kid growing…he gets bigger every time I see him…

[hangs up his holster and his bulletproof vest]

Chief Midori: I don't get it. According to Sue, he should be in bed for another week at least… She told me she's been overwhelmed taking care of him…She said she doesn't know what she would do if she didn't have Minako Aino coming over a few times a day to help out.

Zoi: Did you say Minako Aino?

Chief Midori: Yes. Why?

Zoi: Dad, Mamoru doesn't even like Minako Aino. He said she creeps him out.

[A chill comes over Zoi as he remembers it was because Rei Hino started acting the same way Mamoru is acting now.]


	64. Major Drama

[Scene: The Midori house. Zoi is coming home from school. Mamoru is still out sick, while Usagi was actually excited that there was a pop quiz in pre-algebra. He wants to have a talk with his father about Mamoru, but he is overcome with excitement when he sees Kunzite sitting at the table, looking over documents with his father.

Zoi: Kunzite! You came to see me! I missed you so much!

Chief Midori: Actually he came over to help me with work.

Kunzite: But mostly because I missed you.

Zoi: Oh, have you been helping my dad with the disappearing hikers?

Kunzite: Yes. We initially suspected these might be youma attacks. However, I've used my powers to scan the area, and there is absolutely no energy signatures that might be associated with a youma. What bothers me is that there signs these attacks are supernatural in nature.

Zoi: Oh, like what?

Kunzite: For one thing, the body they found yesterday with covered with fresh second degree burns, yet his clothing was completely undamaged.

Zoi: Whoa. Back up. Body?

[Kunzite looks at Chief Midori]

Kunzite: You haven't told him about the dead school teacher. have you? Or the spatters of blood at some of the previous crime scenes.

Chief Midori: [protective] He doesn't need to know about all that.

Kunzite: I disagree. [He gives Chief Midori a harsh look]

Chief Midori: The rangers found a corpse in the woods. It was the teacher who ran off with the thirteen year old.

Kunzite: He'd been killed by blunt force trauma. The body was still warm, but there were no signs of footprints anywhere near him, not even his own.

Chief Midori: My theory was he'd fallen out of a tree. When they undressed him at the coroners, they found he was covered with burns, as well as a large but shallow untreated wound on his back...there was no sign of the child he was traveling with...The rangers are combing the woods looking for her since this case has just taken a very alarming turn.

Zoi: Oh, a murder mystery. Can I look at the evidence? Maybe I can help.

Chief Midori: You can help by making dinner. This is a homicide investigation, not a Hardy Boys novel.

[Zoi decides he'll make something quick. He goes into the kitchen and gets out the cheese and tomato from the fridge. He stands on his tiptoes and struggles to get the panini press off the top shelf.]

[Kunzite approaches from behind him and lifts the press from the shelf with ease. As he's placing it on the counter, he pulls Zoi close, and kisses him passionately.

[Zoi kisses him back just as passionately, knowing they have to keep quiet since his father is in the next room.]

[They break apart when Zoi's phone rings]

Kunzite: [sighs] Right on cue. That must be Usagi.

[Zoi looks at his phone, sure enough, it's Usagi.]

Kunzite: [bitter] You'd better get that. She's probably crying hysterically.

Zoi: [giggles] Nah, she probably just wants to make plans for Oktoberfest. [He answers the phone]

[Usagi is crying hysterically]

Zoi: Oh, no. Usagi, what's wrong?

[Usagi cries harder. Kunzite wanders away, muttering words like 'Chiba' and a few choice expletives under his breath]

Usagi: I just saw him...Mamoru...He's supposed to be sick...in bed...I was in the car with my mom and Dad and Shingo... We were stopped at a red light...and he...he pulled up right next to us on his bike...

Zoi: Well that's good, right? It means he's getting better.

Usagi: [sobbing] He wasn't alone! Minako was sitting right behind him! With her gang jacket and her short little hoochie skirt flapping around her monogrammed underpants! He was giving her a ride! On the bike YOU gave him! Those two have NO shame!

Zoi: Did you say anything to him?

Usagi: I couldn't! My parents were right there! If my father knew I was dating a guy like THAT, he'd send me to a convent like they did in the old days!

Zoi: Did they say anything to you?

Usagi: No!... Minako saw me and looked away! I could tell she was embarrassed, but Mamoru just acted like he didn't even know me!...WHYYYYY? Why Minako? He told me he's not interested in flashy girls like her!... And why is she with HIM? She told me she can't get interested in a guy unless he's a THUG! And you can't get any less thuggish than Mamoru! He's a total Eagle Scout! This means she's changed! Or he has!

[Zoi has to mask a giggle since this would make Kunzite King of the Thugs, which sounds about right.]

Zoi: I don't think it's like that. I don't think they are seeing each other romantically. I think Minako is taking advantage of his illness to brainwash him and his aunt into joining her little cult.

Usagi: Oh, my god! That's even worse! ...I need to know what's going on!...You need to have a talk with him!

Zoi: Why me?

Usagi: I'm still grounded! The only time I'm allowed out of the house is to go to school, and he's stopped going! I've tried sneaking over before school, but his aunt won't let me talk to him! You need to go over there!

Zoi: Mamoru's aunt doesn't want me to talk to him anymore. Remember? She even called my dad when we were at the Crown and spread a bunch of ugly lies about me.

Usagi: You probably just caught them at a bad time. Mamoru's aunt ADORES you! About as much as she HATES me! You need to go over there! To find out what is going on!...I wouldn't ask this of you, but if I sneak over there, and she calls my dad, I'm going to get into some really bad trouble!... Please! Beg Mamoru not to get involved with Minako and to come back to me! He'll listen to you!

Zoi: Why would he listen to me?

Usagi: Because he's in love with you.

[ Zoi just stands there, wide-eyed, and shaking with rage]

Usagi: ...Zoi...? Are you still there?

Zoi: You want me to go over there and sweet-talk your boyfriend into going back to you...because you think he's in love with me?

Usagi: Um, Yeah. Exactly.

Zoi: [livid] Do you have ANY idea how many different kinds of MESSED UP this conversion has become!

Usagi: Oh, come on. It's common knowledge that the only reason he's with me is because you're still with Kunzite.

Zoi: He's not. Trust me. He's not. He's madly in love with you but he thinks you're just dating him because you can't get Motoki!

Usagi: [giggles] Oh, that's silly. Motoki's really cute and all that, but why would I date him when I can be with Mamoru?

Zoi: [implores the heaven] You need to explain this to HIM, not me! ...And, anyway, if you think Mamoru feels that way, why is it you've been begging me to spend practically EVERY WAKING MOMENT with him?

Usagi: Because I trust you. You love Kunzite and Kunzite loves you. And in any case, if I have to lose my boyfriend to somebody, I'd rather lose him to someone nice like you, rather than a big ole meany like Minako or Rei or Eleanor Heltry.

Zoi: For the love of God, Usagi! Have some self-respect! You're not going to lose your boyfriend to anyone!

Usagi: [cheery] So...does this mean you'll talk to him for me?

[Zoi barely resists the urge to beat his head against the cabinetry]

Zoi: You don't need me to talk to him! You need couples counseling! With a licensed therapist who specializes in ABSOLUTE TRAINWRECKS!

Usagi: [long pause] Oh...Does this mean you won't do it?

Zoi: [nearly breathing fire] Oh, I'll do it. all right! Someone needs to go over there and give him a swift kick in the pants! ...Though that someone REALLY should be you!

Usagi: [giggles happily] Thanks. Love you.

Zoi: [sighs] Love you too. Bye.


	65. Housecall

[Scene: Honors English shortly before class. Zoi decided if Mamoru came back to school he wouldn't have to keep his promise to Usagi. Unfortunately, Mamoru wasn't back in school.]

Zoi: [to Umino] Have you seen Mamoru today?

Umino: From a distance.

Zoi: A distance?

Umino: They were standing on the road near my house this morning before school. I tried to follow them…he was with Ami. I know they saw me, but they turned and disappeared into the trees…I don't think they were alone. I think they were with Minako and her gang.

Zoi: So Minako did get him to join her cult, after all. Even though they wanted nothing to do with one another.

Umino: You knew about that?

Zoi: Mamoru told me about it. Before.

Umino: [nods] Before.

Zoi: Mamoru's as bad as the others now?

Umino: Never leaves Minako's side.

Zoi: And is he acting upset?

Umino: [nods vigorous] He is completely freaked out. What do you think it is? Drugs or something?

Zoi: I can't see Mamoru getting involved with anything like that.

Umino: Me neither. But it is definitely something. Mamoru hasn't been himself lately.

[Later that evening. Zoi approaches the door of the Chiba apartment.]

[He narrows his eyes to dim his human sight and switch to thermal sensing. He can make out shifting red blobs near ceiling that make up the light fixtures, as well as a human shaped orange and yellow blob typing at a computer next to a mug that is glowing red. There are no other human shapes in the apartment.]

[Zoi rings the doorbell and waits. The blob rises and goes to the door, its face pressed to the peephole. Then it turns around and walks softly back to the computer and resumes typing.]

[Zoi grins and rings the doorbell enough times to be annoying.]

[The figure rushes from the computer and yanks the door open without unlatching the security chain.]

Aunt Sue: [frowning through the crack in the door] What do you want?

Zoi: [smiles angelically] I'm here to see Mamoru.

Aunt: [terse] I'm sorry, Zoi. He's not in.

Zoi: What a shock. Do you know where he is?

Aunt Sue: He's out with a friend.

Zoi: [cock one eyebrow] Oh, yeah? Anyone I know?

[Aunt Sue doesn't respond]

Zoi: …Like Motoki?

Aunt Sue: [uneasy] No. I don't think he's with Motoki today.

Zoi: Usagi?

Aunt Sue: Yeah, he's with Usagi.

Zoi: That's funny. Because it was Usagi who sent me over here. She said you won't let her talk to him either.

Aunt Sue: I'll have him call you when he gets in.

[She tries to close the door but Zoi blocks it with his foot.]

Zoi: Oh, well. I'm glad he's feeling better. Last I heard, you wanted me to stop calling him over and over and over again while he's bedridden with mono.

Aunt Sue: Turns out it wasn't mononucleosis after all. Just another virus.

Zoi: Oh?…So where is he?

Aunt Sue: He went to the movies. He'll be gone for the whole evening.

Zoi: Well, that's a relief. I've been so worried. I guess he must be up for having visitors again. Mind if I come inside while I wait for him?

Aunt Sue: I think you should leave.

Zoi: [twirls a lock of his hair] And why is that, exactly? [winks at her] I thought we were friends, you and I.

Aunt Sue: Is there anything in particular you wanted?

Zoi: No, not really. I was just coming by to check up on Mamoru.

Aunt: Well, I'll tell him you came by. Goodbye, Zoi.

[She tries to push his foot out of the doorway with her own. Zoi won't budge.]

Aunt Sue: You really need to go. Right now. Before I call your father to come get you.

Zoi: Oh, yes. Call my father. I'd love to see the look on his face when he realizes your poor, pitiful, invalid nephew, who is too sick to go to school, is out seeing a movie with his friend…Look. I just need to make sure he's okay… His girlfriend is worried sick. If he's in trouble, I can help.

Aunt Sue: You've got a lot of nerve. Coming over here and pretending to care about anyone but yourself. My nephew has just recovered from a terrible illness. He has seen enough heartache in his life already. He doesn't need you coming in here and hassling him after what you did.

Zoi: Oh? What did I do?

Aunt Sue: You know damn well I'm talking about your little side adventure in his bedroom a few nights ago!

Zoi: [suddenly wide-eyed and serious] Oh, is this because I slapped him?

[Aunt Sue gasps, kicks his foot out of the doorway and slams the door shut.]

Zoi: Fine. I'll wait for him downstairs.


	66. Natural Enemies

[Scene: Zoi sit on his motorcycle outside Mamoru's apartment complex, behind Mamoru's garage. High above, he spots Mamoru's aunt peeking down at him through the blinds. He blows her a kiss and the blinds close abruptly.]

[Zoi is willing to wait for as long as it takes. For a long time nothing happens. Zoi opens his backpack and starts working on his homework.]

[He's finished his calculus and is working on history when he senses footsteps approaching. He expects that Mamoru's aunt has called the apartment manager on him, but instead he sees the Minako and the rest of her gang glaring at him in their biker schoolgirl outfits. Their expressions have rendered them unrecognizable. The open, friendly smiles are gone. Their eyes are filled with brooding and resentment. They stare at Zoi with undisguised hatred and disgust. There is a darkness that was never there before.]

[The most alarming is Mamoru. He has the thousand-yard stare of a WWI veteran suffering from shell-shock. Zoi stares at him in blank astonishment.]

Minako: What are you doing here?

Zoi: Mamoru?

[He just stares at Zoi. Intense and angry. Minako is giving Zoi a smug look. As if she's waiting for the others drag him off and beat him to a pulp. Zoi leans back on his bike. He's more than a match for a gang of naughty schoolgirls]

Minako: What do you want?

Zoi: I want to talk to Mamoru.

Minako: Go ahead.

Zoi: Without you and the rest of the Vienna Girls Choir hovering over our shoulders.

[Mamoru doesn't say anything. He just stares at Zoi bitterly]

[All eyes go to Minako.]

Minako: He doesn't have anything to say to you.

Zoi: I'd like to hear that from him and not the Lipstick Mafia Hivemind.

Mamoru: [enraged] You want to talk? Lets go talk.

[Mamoru pushes past the girls and catches hold of his arm and marches him toward the woods. His grip is like iron.]

Minako: [cheery] Remember. Don't kill him. Not unless he gives you an excuse.

[Mamoru and Zoi head deep into the woods. Their feet crunch through the leaves and mud. Then Mamoru releases his arm, spinning him to face him.]

Mamoru: Let's get this over with.

[Mamoru looks deep into his eyes, the anger never leaving his face]

Zoi: What is going on with you? Why are letting Minako do all your thinking for you? Why aren't you in school? Why haven't you called your girlfriend?

[Zoi waits]

Zoi: I thought we were friends.

Mamoru: We were.

Zoi: But you don't need friends anymore, do you. You have Minako. What exactly has she done to you?

Mamoru: It's not what you think. It's not what I thought. I was way off.

Zoi: What is it, then?

Mamoru: I can't tell you.

Zoi: Of course not. Minako won't let you. [toys with his hair and gives him a cruel smile] You've always admired her so.

Mamoru: I didn't understand her before.

Zoi: [throws back his ponytail] And now you've seen the light? Hallahluh!

Mamoru: [burning with rage] It wasn't what I thought it was. This isn't Minako's fault. She's helping me as much as she can.

Zoi: She's helping you? Naturally.

[Mamoru is taking short shallow breaths. He looks like he's trying to calm himself enough to keep from hitting Zoi. He's so mad he's so shaking.]

Zoi: Please. Tell me what happened. Maybe I can help.

Mamoru: [his voice breaking] No one can help me now.

Zoi: What did they do to you?

[Zoi reaches out to Mamoru but Mamoru slaps his hand away. Hard.]

Mamoru: Don't touch me!

[Zoi is shocked that Mamoru would strike him, seemingly by reflex.]

Zoi: Has Minako been touching you?

Mamoru: Stop blaming Minako!

Zoi: Then who should I blame?

Mamoru: You don't want to know.

Zoi: The hell I don't! I want to know! I want to know now!

Mamoru: You're wrong.

Zoi: Don't you dare tell me I'm wrong! I'm not the one who has been brainwashed!

Mamoru: If you want to blame someone, why don't you point your finger at yourself! And those filthy, reeking, murdering deviants you love so much!

[Zoi just stands there.]

Mamoru: I told you that you didn't want to hear it.

Zoi: Me? What did I do?

Mamoru: It's not what you've done. It's what you are…Shitennou!

[Zoi shakes his head from side to side. More to clear it than in actual denial. So Mamoru knows what he is. Zoi already had a theory that Mamoru is the reincarnation of the slaveboy Endymion and Mamoru was traumatized by what happened in another lifetime. Was it the same with the rest of Minako's cult? Were they a gang of amateur Shitennou hunters with a thousand year old score to settle?]

[Zoi struggles for something rational to say.]

Zoi: Mamoru. The O'Sama kids went off to college months ago. They're gone. I don't see why you are blaming them for what Minako is doing to you right now.

Mamoru: Minako isn't doing anything to me, Zoi! And I know they are gone! But the damage is done, Zoi! It's too late!

Zoi: What damage? Why is it too late? What are you blaming them for?

[Mamoru grabs Zoi by the throat and snarls in his face like an animal]

Mamoru: We're all going to die! Minako, Rei, Makoto, Ami. We're going to die trying to protect this world and it won't be enough!

[For an instant, Zoi is scared by the hand on his throat, the look on his face, the hissing tone of his voice. Then he remembers he can snap Mamoru like a twig]

Zoi: [giggles and pushes Mamoru's hand away] You're being ridiculous.

[Zoi jumps aside as Mamoru turns and slams his fist into a tree. To Zoi's shock, the tree cracks in half.]

[Mamoru stares from the cracked tree to Zoi and his eyes widen in horror.]

Mamoru: Fine. I won't argue with you. It doesn't matter anyway, the damage is done.

Zoi: For the millionth time, what damage?

[Mamoru seems enraged then it fades to exasperation as he shoves Zoi to the side and turns his back on him.]

Mamoru: Let's head back. I have nothing more to say to you.

Zoi: There is everything more to say. You haven't said anything yet.

[Mamoru keeps walking]

Zoi: Usagi called me, you know.

[Mamoru stops]

Zoi: You remember Usagi, your girlfriend, right? She's terrified.

[Mamoru turns around]

Mamoru: Usagi…

Zoi: She's worried about you, too. In fact, she's pretty freaked out.

[Mamoru has a sad look on his face]

Zoi: She's frightened that she's next.

Mamoru: [staggers] She won't be next. She can't be. It's over now…I have to get back.

Zoi: Back to Minako?

Mamoru: That's one way of looking at it.

Zoi: Wait.

Mamoru: [Spins and glares at him] Go home, Zoi. I can't be around you anymore.

Zoi: Oh, are you breaking up with me? Like you should be breaking up with Usagi?

Mamoru: Hardly. If that were the case, I'd say "Let's be friends." But I can't even say that.

Zoi: Why? Because you're not allowed any friends outside the cult?

Mamoru: I'm sorry, Zoi.

[But he doesn't sound sorry at all]

[As Zoi returns to his bike, he spots Minako smirking at him with a look of smug satisfaction. She sees him looking at her and she smiles, giving him a salute, with her fingers in the shape of the letter V.]


	67. Carried Away

[Scene: Zoi teleports home. He doesn't see his father in the living room.]

Zoi: Dad?

Chief Midori: In here.

[Zoi goes into the kitchen and sees his father reviewing crime scene photos at the table.]

Zoi: Hi, Dad.

Chief Midori: Hey, Zoi.

Zoi: Did Susan Chiba call you?

Chief Midori: No, why?

Zoi: Good.

[Zoi starts rummaging through the fridge.]

Chief Midori: Something wrong?

Zoi: [surly] No. Sue says Mamoru is feeling better. It wasn't mono. So that's good.

Chief Midori: Are you going to go visit him?

Zoi: He's hanging out with his other friends.

[Cjief Midori gives him an incredulous look]

Chief Midori: No need to fix dinner. We just ate not too long ago. There are some leftovers in a container in there for you.

Zoi: We?

Chief Midori: Kunzite was here. He left after a few hours.

[Zoi closes the fridge. His eyes sting with tears of disappointment]

Chief Midori: Son, what are you crying for? You saw him just yesterday.

Zoi: I don't even know.

[But somehow the thought of Kunzite coming over to help his father and leaving without waiting for him to come home is heartbreaking.]

Zoi: How is the investigation coming?

Chief Midori: I've got a lot on my plate right now. Four more tourists have gone missing from a campsite outside Siren Lake. This is getting out of hand.

Zoi: Are you sure it wasn't a bear?

Chief Midori: I'm afraid I'm not sure of anything anymore, honey. Their tent was torn apart and…there was a LOT of blood this time.

Zoi: Oh!

Chief Midori: And footprints. But no bodies. Like I said, it's mostly being handled by the FBI. But it is really starting to concern me since these crime scenes are becoming increasingly more disturbing… And most of the footprints are small…women's footprints… It's almost as if the earlier crime scenes were staged by a Manson Family style cult to lure victims into Hen Tie with the intention of murdering them.

Zoi: Another cult, huh? [giggles nervously] It looks like Hen Tie is becoming cult central.

Chief Midori: [cocks one brow] You know something about cult activity in Hen Tie?

Zoi: [sighs sadly] No, it's just a bad inside joke… I don't feel much like eating. I'll head up to my room.

Chief Midori: [calling after him] Stay out of the woods, son.

Zoi: Yes, dad.

[Zoi trudges up the stairs and goes to his room with the intention of lying in his bed and moping. It's been a rough day. But all thoughts of moping flee his mind when he sees Kunzite, looking really hot in a black t-shirt and jeans, lying on his bed reading a book.]

Kunzite: [without looking up from his reading] So, you're finally home.

Zoi: [giddy with delight] Having you been waiting a long time for me?

Kunzite: [setting aside the book] Only about twenty thousand years or so.

[Kunzite lies flat on his back and beckons.]

[Zoi approaches the bed, then stops and pulls out his phone]

Kunzite: Incoming call from Usagi?

Zoi: No, I'm turning it off.

[Zoi tosses it aside. Kunzite tries to fight a smile as Zoi climbs on the bed and straddles him]

Zoi: If Usagi wants any more help with Mamoru she should talk to her parents. Or Naru. Anyone but me. I'm done playing Cupid.

Kunzite: [runs his hands over the sides of Zoi's body, lingering at his hips] That's too bad. You'd look positively adorable with a tiny pair of angel wings and a loincloth.

Zoi: [snakes his hands under Kunzite's tee-shirt] You should know by now, I'm no angel.

Kunzite: [shrugs demurely] I'm not so sure about that.

[Kunzite pulls him close and they kiss passionately]

Zoi: If I've learned anything this week, I'm the wrong person to come to with relationship problems.

Kunzite: Oh? But you're so good at this…

[They kiss some more]

Zoi: That's the trouble, you know?…relationships are supposed to be a lot of hard work…And you're far too easy to love.

[Kunzite's hands lock around Zoi's wrists and pin them to his sides. He leans up and pressed his lips very lightly to Zoi's forehead. Zoi's eyes close.]

Kunzite: [breathless] If we keep this up, I'm going to end up getting carried away.

Zoi: Why do you think I turned off my phone?

[Kunzite grins as Zoi blushes]

[He rolls over, pinning Zoi underneath him]

Zoi: Now all we have to worry about is my dad walking in on us.

Kunzite: He won't walk in on us.

[He hugs Zoi close while he holds out his hand in the direction of the door.]

[An arcane symbol appears for a few seconds before fading away.]

Zoi: [sly] Did you just put a hex on my door?

Kunzite: Only a small one… Every time your father so much as approaches that door tonight with the intention of opening it, he will be convinced he left the iron on downstairs and it's starting to burn the house down.

Zoi: That must be some hex if it can trick my dad into thinking he's done some ironing…


	68. Switzerland

[Scene: 5:00AM in Zoi's bedroom.]

Kunzite: I'd better leave.

Zoi: [smiles at him] Will you return later?

Kunzite: [strokes his face] Not for the next few days I'm afraid. Mother has some work she wants me to do for her. I've been putting it off as long as I can.

Zoi: [catches his hand and frowns] Will there be danger?

Kunzite: Not for me.

Zoi: Maybe I can help?

Kunzite: [shakes his head] This may involve fighting and I've already told you I don't want you anywhere near me in combat.

Zoi: [trails his finger down his arm] That's was when I was human.

Kunzite: It doesn't matter. I've survived as long as I have by learning to blind my thoughts enough to kill everything that moves in my vicinity. I could never forgive myself if anything happened to you.

Zoi: How long until I am skilled enough to fight at your side?

Kunzite: Never...[kisses him] I'll see you later... Stay out of the woods.

[Zoi grabs his wrist. He wants to prolong the moment]

Zoi: Wait. Do you have any idea what is causing the disappearances?

Kunzite: No, and that concerns me. Someone, or something, is masking its presence... but then again, divination is Nephrite's forte, not mine. I could enlist his help with this, but I'd rather not. Not unless I absolutely have to.

Zoi: [giggles] I can imagine.

Kunzite: [brushes the hair from Zoi's face] Take care of yourself.

[He kisses Zoi. Zoi returns the kiss before Kunzite vanishes]

[Later at school. Usagi, Naru, and Zoi are hanging out near the lockers. The C'est la Vie gang are absent, as is Mamoru. Umino is not there, and Naru and Usagi are taking advantage of his absence to discuss his upcoming date.]

Usagi: [teasing Naru] Admit it. You're jealous.

Naru: Fine. I admit it. I'm jealous.

Usagi: If you feel that way, you should ask him out... He'll say yes... He's been in love with you forever, you know?

Naru: [sighs] It's not that I want to date him. I just don't want him dating anyone else. [looks down] I'm terrible, aren't I?

Usagi: I don't think so. You can't bring yourself to love him, but you don't want to lose his friendship.

Naru: But that's just it. I think I could learn to love him...eventually.

[Naru smiles a sad smile]

Naru: I've come to depend on him. I can't imagine a life without him anymore. I could stake my claim... get married. Have kids. Grow old together...Knowing the whole time that I'll go running out the door the minute Neffy O'Sama drives up in his Ferrari and honks his horn.

[Zoi really has to bite his tongue. He promised he'd stay out of it, but he wants to tell her he knows Neffy made her steal a necklace from her mother's shop. And the reason he knows it is because Neffy bragged about it to him.]

Usagi: You should explain this to Umino. He wouldn't turn it down, you know? He loves you so much. He just wants to see you happy. You're completely out of his league, so if you settle, that will be enough for him. Even if he knows the whole time you're dreaming of some far off Romeo...His love is strong enough for the both of you, and he knows it.

Naru: Forget it. It wouldn't be kind. Even if I wanted to do that to him, he's found someone already.

Usagi: Yeah, she's probably just some plain little bookworm who is too shy to ask anyone else.

Naru: No. It's Eleanor Heltry.

[Zoi snorts with laughter and the others look at him. He still wants to stay out of it, but he kinda wants to tell them he's seen her butt]

Usagi: Eleanor Heltry? Oh, no! If a girl like that asks out a guy like Umino, she's only doing it to be mean! Right Zoi?

Zoi: Hey, I'm staying neutral. Just like Switzerland.

[Usagi turns lets out an excited gasp. Zoi looks and sees Mamoru approaching. But he still looks weary and haunted.]

Usagi: Mamoru. You're back!

[She rushes over to him, but her smile fades as Mamoru look remains dark]

Mamoru: No... I just came to say goodbye to you.

Usagi: Goodbye? Where are you going?

[He takes her by the shoulders and looks into her eyes]

Mamoru: I'm not going anywhere... Usagi. We need to talk.

Usagi: What...? What are you saying?

Mamoru: I'm saying it's over. We can't be together anymore.

[Usagi staggers. Her eyes filled with tears.]

Usagi: Mamoru...why? Please, Mamoru, you told me you love me! I need you!

Mamoru: You don't need me. I'm the last thing you need.

[Usagi breaks down crying but Mamoru's look remains dark]

Usagi: [sobbing] I'm sorry... I couldn't be...I wish...I wish I could change who I am. Or how I feel about you, Mamoru... Maybe...maybe I can change... Maybe, if you give me some time...Just don't break up with me, Mamoru! I can't take it!

Mamoru: No, don't think like that, Usagi, please. Don't blame yourself, don't think this is your fault. This one is all me. I swear, it's not about you.

Usagi: [crying bitterly] "It's not you, it's me." That's a new one!

Mamoru: I mean it, Usagi. I'm not...I'm not good enough to be your boyfriend anymore, or anything else... I'm not who I was before. I'm no good.

Usagi: What? What are you saying? You are good! You're much better than I am in every way possible! Who told you you aren't? Minako? It's a lie, Mamoru! Don't let them tell you that!

Mamoru: Nobody had to tell me anything. I know what I am.

Usagi: You're my boyfriend, that's what you are. [She tries to hug him but Mamoru backs away] Mamoru-don't!

Mamoru: I'm sorry, Usagi.

[Usagi slips her little pearl ring from her finger and hold it out to him]

Usagi: If it's really over, I should give this back to you.

[For a moment Mamoru looks at it mournfully. Then his face becomes callous.]

Mamoru: What would I do with that cheap piece of junk?

[Usagi almost collapses.]

[Mamoru turns and practically runs away]

[Usagi, just stands there, brokenhearted with tears pouring from her eyes until Naru comes over and gathers her into a hug.]

Usagi: [sobbing] Naru, can I stay over tonight? I can't go home. They make fun of me for being stupid, and I can't bear it right now.

Naru: Of course. Of course.


	69. Zoi Has Had Enough of Mamoru's Crap

[Scene: The Midori house. Zoi finally returns home from Naru's loft apartment after a night of playing board games, eating icecream sundaes, and hearing Usagi lament her lost love*.]

[*though not without a healthy dose of optimism about the odds of their getting back together again in the near future.]

[His father is sitting at the kitchen table looking exhausted.]

Zoi: Hey, Dad.

Chief Midori: Son, we need to have a talk...Mamoru's aunt called. She said you got in a fight with him.

[Zoi's jaw drops]

Zoi: I didn't say one word to him!

Chief Midori: Sue told me Mamoru came home from school with his sleeve torn and the front of his shirt all bloody. He had tears in his eyes, and he didn't want to talk about it. When finally got him to talk about what happened, he said you punched him in the nose.

Zoi: I DID WHAT?

Chief Midori: She said you asked Mamoru to meet you behind the bleachers, but when he got there, you suckerpunched him and then kicked him right in his kneecap. While he was on the ground you leapt on top of him and kept pummling him in the face until Minako happened to walk by and pulled you off of him.

Zoi: I DID NO SUCH THING!

Chief Midori: Then what did happen?

Zoi: NOTHING! I NEVER TOUCHED HIM! Oh, my God, Dad! Susan Chiba actually believes I beat up Mamoru? He must weigh at least forty pounds more than I do!

Chief Midori: [nods] She said that's why he didn't fight back.

[Zoi's jaw drops]

Zoi: Unbelievable! Dad...Mamoru and Minako weren't even in school today! Something weird is going on with them! Mamoru told me about some weird stuff going on with some of the girls at our school! Now he's acting the same way!

Chief Midori: What kind of stuff?

Zoi: First he was scared! Then he was avoiding me! And now...he's joined a gang! Minako's gang!

Chief Midori: The C'est La Vie gang?

Zoi: Yes!

Chief Midori: I don't they are really think they are really a gang...

Zoi: Oh, they are! Trust me! They are! They may have fooled you into thinking they rescue cats from trees and help little old ladies cross the street! But they act mean, and cut school, and get into fights! Minako's got Mamoru doing bad things, and now they are using me as a scapegoat to stay out of trouble!

Chief Midori: Why would they use you as a scapegoat?

Zoi: I don't know! But if I had to guess, it's because they know I'm a Shitennou!

Chief Midori: How could they possibly know you are a Shitennou?

Zoi: It's a long story! I don't feel like going into it right now...I'm going to take a hot shower!

[Zoi sneers as he walk up the stairs]

Chief Midori: I'm sure this is all just a simple misunderstand. Don't worry about Mamoru. I'm sure it's nothing.

Zoi: [snickering] A simple misunderstanding? Right, Dad.

[Zoi showers briefly, not wanting to waste water. As he turns off the shower, he hears his father shouting]

Chief Midori: THAT'S BULLCRAP AND YOU KNOW IT!

[Zoi blinks. He wonders if his father has snapped.]

Chief Midori: Don't you blame this on Zoi! He has made it very clear all along that he and Mamoru could never be more than friends!

[Oh, his father is on the phone. Zoi dries off and dresses by magic and comes closer to the stairs so he can listen in]

Chief Midori: No! I think he's right about this!...Because I know my son! Look here, Susan Oliva Chiba! If Zoi says Mamoru is hanging around with a bad crowd-...What do you mean I don't know my son as well as I think I do?

[Zoi sits on the stairs]

Chief Midori: Don't tell me how to raise my son! If Zoi needed therapy, don't you think I'd get him into therapy?...If you think I'm going to remind him about that, you'd better think again! My boy almost died in that fire! But he's made a full recovery! Physically and psychologically! If your nephew and his gang of hooligans are going out of their way to make trouble for him, they're going to answer to me!

[Zoi can't help but smile at how fiercely protective his father is.]

Chief Midori: ...We ARE friends, Susan Olivia, but this is hurting my son!...You got that right!... If I catch any of those kids setting one toe out of line, I'm throwing the book at them! ...I'll be keeping an eye on them, you can be sure of that!...Fine, yeah!...Goodbye to you too!

[When his father slams the phone down, Zoi comes over and gives him a big hug.]

Chief Midori: You weren't supposed to hear any of that.

Zoi: I'm glad I did...I love you, Dad.

Chief Midori: I love you too, Son.

Zoi: How is the case coming?

Chief Midori: I'd finally gotten a big break. We have a survivor.

Zoi: [wide-eyed] Really?

Chief Midori: Unfortunately, he's still unconscious. He lost a lot of blood. It looked like he'd been attacked by wild animals, but when I arrived at the crime scene, I saw a man, about six feet tall, rise up and run away.

Zoi: That's great, Dad.

Chief Midori: Better still he left evidence behind. A broken watch, made by a local artisen. The victim would not have had time to purchase it, so there is a good chance that it belongs to one of the killers.]

[He holds up an evidence photo and Zoi sees a pocketwatch with a cracked face and a moon motif. He's seen that watch before. He recognizes it as the watch Usagi gave to Mamoru.]

[Zoi sees red as the pieces fall into place: The brainwashing, the absences from school, the injuries, the crying, the breakup with Usagi...]

[Zoi can see only one possible explaination]

[The Moon Guardians are finally taking their revenge against the people of Earth.]

Chief Midori: Zoi? Are you ok?

[Zoi vanishes in a flurry of petals. He reappears in Mamoru's bedroom where Mamoru is asleep. Zoi telports over his bed and Mamoru sits up suddenly]

Mamoru: What the hell are you doing in my-

[Zoi punches Mamoru as hard as he can in the face]


	70. Immortal Combat

[Scene: Zoi's in Mamoru's bedroom to deliver a beatdown]

Mamoru: That didn't take long, did it? So you finally show your true colors, Monster?

[Grabs Mamoru by the collar]

Zoi: You're a fine one to talk about showing your true colors.

[Zoi punches Mamoru again]

Zoi: I know what you did! That blood your aunt saw all over your shirt wasn't your own, was it? I know for a fact you and your cult have been attacking those campers.

Mamoru: [snarls] Like we have a lot of choice in the matter.

Zoi: So you admit it! You've been attacking innocent people. Then you had the nerve to lie and say I hit you! Well, if I'm going to pay the penalty I might as well do the crime.

[Zoi tries to punch him again, but Mamoru catches Zoi's fist in his hand.]

[He squeezes until Zoi's bones break.]

[Zoi howls with pain and shakes his hand as Mamoru rolls off the bed.]

Zoi: Geez, that hurt- [he lets out a shriek as Mamoru rises wielding a baseball bat]

Mamoru: Time for you to die. Shitennou!

[Mamoru takes a swing at Zoi and Zoi dives off the bed to escape the bat]

[Mamoru leaps after him. The bat smashes cleanly through a shelf of trophies where Zoi was standing just a second before.]

[Zoi takes a moment to stare at the shelf, which was undoubtedly sturdy enough to withstand an attack by anyone of normal human strength]

Zoi: What the heck are you?

Mamoru: I am what the Princess of the Moon has made me into. To protect me from the evil clutches of filthy creatures like you!

[Zoi sidesteps again as the bat smashes a bookshelf. He knows it would be best to teleport away. Unfortunately, teleportation requires a far amount of concentration. And it's impossible to concentrate on defensive magic with a mangled hand and a madman swinging a bat at your head.]

[Zoi's only saving grace is that while Mamoru is undoubtedly stronger, Zoi is a lot faster. Especially with his his adreniline pumping. As he zaps from place to place in the room to avoid Mamoru's wild swings, he's certain he must look like a blur.]

Zoi: Why you are helping Minako's Moon Cult attack the people of Earth? Out of gratitude? Or is this revenge?

Mamoru: It's none of your business, Monster!

Zoi: Because either way, you're a bigger monster than I am, that's for sure.

Mamoru: [brandishes the bat and snarls] I know that makes me a monster. But what more do you expect me to do?

Zoi: You could try not swinging a bat at my head.

[Mamoru swings the bat at him and Zoi zaps to the far end of the room.]

Mamoru: Ha! You're such a hypocrite, you stand there and judge me, while you, yourself are an abomination! How is that fair?

Zoi: Hypocrite? How does stating an adverse opinion of the crazy murderer swinging a bat at my head make me a hypocrite?

Mamoru: Ugh! Would you listen to yourself?

Zoi: What?

[Zoi ducks as Mamoru charges and swings the bat at his head. He tries driving his fist into Mamoru midsection. Despite his elevated strength, Mamoru doesn't even wince. Zoi goes back to feeling like the eighty pound weakling he was in junior high.]

Mamoru: [snarling] I'm so sorry I can't be the right kind of monster for you. I guess I'm just not as good as your boyfriend, who has butchered millions upon millions of innocent people!

Zoi: I'll have you know Kunzite hasn't murdered anyone human in all the time I've known him.

Mamoru: And that makes a difference to you?

Zoi: Of course! It makes all the different in the world! It's not what you are, stupid! It's what you do that makes you a monster!

Mamoru: [enraged] What's supposed to mean?

Zoi: You need to calm down.

Mamoru: I'll calm down once you're dead!

[Zoi feigns like he's retreating, but when Mamoru charges, he drives his foot into the crease in Mamoru's ankle as hard as he can.]

[Mamoru falls howling in pain. He drops the bat, which falls to the floor and rolls away.]

[Zoi makes the mistake of going after it. As he reaches for it, he is yanked back violently by his ponytail.]

[He falls to the floor with Mamoru grabbing his face. Zoi tries to push him away with his bad hand, damaging it further.]

[Mamoru loops his hair around his throat like a noose, pulling as hard as he can. By instinct Zoi grabs at the noose with his good hand. Another mistake, since Mamoru loops his hair around his throat again, binding his only functional hand in place, his knuckles biting into his larynx.]

Mamoru: Time for you to die.

[Strangled to death by his own ponytail. The prospect would be terrifying, if his Shitennou body required oxygen. As it stands, all Mamoru is doing is giving Zoi's broken hand a chance to heal so that he can go on the attack.]

[Zoi has to stifle a giggle as Mamoru pulls the noose even tighter.]

[Zoi waits. As soon as his hand heals he intends to summon a crystal blade to finish Mamoru off once and for all. It's a pity, really. The old Mamoru was his friend, but the new Mamoru is a mad dog that needs to be put down.

[Zoi is dismayed to realize that the idea is not nearly as distressing to him as it would have been back when he was human.]

[Then Zoi remembers he doesn't have to wait for his hand to heal. He can just drain away all of Mamoru's energy.]

[He closes his eyes and quiets the inner voice that has to constantly remind him it's not ok to drain the life out of all the people around him. When he does the unexpected happens.]

[First off, his hand heals in an instant. The bones knit back into place, and the pain vanishes as if it were never broken.]

[More startling still, the energy draining seems to have no effect on Mamoru. It's as though he has an unlimited amount. It's not very satisfying energy, as far as human energy goes, but no matter how much energy Zoi saps away from him, Mamoru seems to have more. ]

[For the first time since Zoi has been elevated as a Shitennou, he finds himself reaching his limit. The hunger is gone, he's practically bursting with a low grade energy, but Mamoru's strangling hasn't relented one bit.]

Zoi: [awed] What are you?

Mamoru: [oddly lucid for a guy in the process of strangling someone] Uh, Zoi… How are you talking?

Zoi: Shitennou, remember? I'm an energy creature. I don't actually need air in my lungs to talk anymore.

Mamoru: So you admit you're a Shitennou!

Zoi: I don't recall ever denying it.

[Mamoru shifts to face him, never loosening his pull on Zoi's ponytail.]

Mamoru: So if you don't need oxygen, why aren't you trying to kill me?

Zoi: I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but I'm trying to drain away all your energy, but you seem to have an awful lot of it.

Mamoru: Really?

[Tries to nod but he can't, on account of his being strangled]

Zoi: Yes. As in an unlimited supply. As impossible as that sounds. It's not very good energy but it seems to have healed my hand.

[curls and uncurls a fist to demonstrate]

Mamoru: Oh. That actually makes sense. Selenity told me she's made it so I'd be able to draw my strength directly from the Earth.

Zoi: [impressed] No kidding?

[They both turn as the door bursts open to see Mamoru's aunt standing in the doorway in her slippers, pajamas, and flannel robe]

Aunt Sue: WHY THE HELL ARE YOU MAKING SUCH A RACKET! I'M TRYING TO BE UNDERSTANDING! BUT THESE NIGHTTIME TANTRUMS OF YOURS HAVE GOT TO—

[She stops talking abruptly and her eyes go wide as she realizing her nephew's room is trashed and he's in the process of choking Zoi.]

[Her frown turns upside down]

Aunt Sue: Oh…Don't mind me. I was just going to run off to the store for a few hours. You boys need anything from the store?

[Mamoru releases Zoi's ponytail, which unfurls as they stare at her, slackjawed.]

Aunt Sue: You know what? Don't answer that. Just keep doing whatever it is you're doing and pretend I'm not here. I'll be just a minute to throw some clothes on, and then you'll have the place all to yourselves.

[See starts to leave, but peeks her head back in]

Aunt Sue: I'm so glad you two have made up.

[She leaves and Zoi giggles]

Zoi: Mamoru, your aunt is a freak.

[Mamoru chuckles]

Zoi: So? Are you going to go back to swinging a bat at my head?

Mamoru: Hey. You came into my room and attacked me.

Zoi: I did, didn't I? …Fair enough then. I think we need to have a long talk.

Mamoru: Want to go for a walk on the beach?

[Zoi looks around at all the destruction]

Zoi: I guess we'd better.


	71. Reconciled

[Scene: a beach at night. Zoi and Mamoru are walking side by side, their posture tense]

Zoi: You left your watch at the last murder-site, you know. The authorities are on to you. And I'm not just talking about my dad.

Mamoru: Don't worry about it. We already know

Zoi: Don't worry about it? Mamoru, they have guns! They are offering rewards!

Mamoru: We can take care of ourselves. They're not going to catch us. They're only making it more difficult. Eventually, they'll start disappearing too.

Zoi: Mamoru!

Mamoru: What? It's just a fact.

Zoi: How can you feel that way? My dad is going to be the first to come after your gang– [Zoi's stomach twists.] Oh my god! My dad is going to be the first to come after your gang!

Mamoru: Don't worry. He won't be able to apprehend us.

Zoi: It's not you I'm worried about!

Mamoru: Then maybe you should tell your father to back off.

Zoi: [grabs Mamoru by the shoulders] Mamoru, is it really necessary to kill people?

Mamoru: Kill people? [rolls his eyes] I've never killed anyone.

Zoi: Excuse me? Just a few minutes ago you admitted to killing those campers!

Mamoru: No, I admitted to attacking campers. There's a difference.

Zoi: What difference?

[For a minute Mamoru just stares at him]

Mamoru: You really don't know what's going on with those disappearances, do you?

Zoi: No, I haven't a clue.

Mamoru: Good. The less you know, the better…[backs away] …I think we're done talking. Goodbye, Shitennou.

[He turns and starts to walk away]

Zoi: Look. I know why you hate me! It's because you're Endymion and I'm a Shitennou…That's fine…If I were you, I'd hate me too…And I understand why you're siding with the Moon Guardians… But couldn't you find a way not to cut people up?

[Mamoru turns. He looks like he's been jolted with electricity.]

Mamoru: Cut people up?

Zoi: Please? Hate me all you want, but that's ALL that upsets me… These are innocent people. Like my dad. I can't just look the other way while you-

Mamoru: Is that ALL that upsets you? Really? You attacked me just because you think I'm a murderer?

[Zoi nods]

Mamoru: That's the only reason?

Zoi: Isn't that reason enough?

[Mamoru laughs with relief]

Zoi: Mamoru Chiba. This is not funny.

Mamoru: Sure, sure. You're really, honestly bothered because you think I've been killing humans?

[Zoi nods]

[Gathers Zoi into a bearhug]

Mamoru: I'm not a killer, Zoi. Really!

Zoi: [narrows his eyes] What about Minako and the others?

Mamoru: Of course not. Don't you remember what they call themselves?

Zoi: The C'est La Vie gang?

Mamoru: No, dummy. They call themselves "Guardians." As in, they fight to protect the innocent.

Zoi: So they haven't killed anyone either?

Mamoru: Just the one guy, but that was an accident.

Zoi: [brows raised] What one guy?

Mamoru: [releases Zoi and looks away sheepishly] Uh…nothing.

Zoi: But I don't understand. What about the missing campers? And the blood? My father saw you running from some guy who had been slashed to ribbons-are you saying that wasn't you?

Mamoru: That was me, but I didn't attack him. I was trying to heal him…Look. We aren't the ones behind the disappearances. We're trying to save them, but we always arrive just a little too late.

Zoi: You weren't too late this time. That one is going to live.

Mamoru: [elated] Really?

Zoi: Really.

Mamoru: Wait. [eyes Zoi with suspicion] Why would a Shitennou care whether I'm murdering humans or not?

Zoi: Why wouldn't I care? My friends are human, my family is human. I used to be a human, too.

Mamoru: That's not what Rei says.

Zoi: Rei doesn't know what she's talking about.

Mamoru: Rei said Zoisite Midori died before he reached the hospital. After that, Metalia created a Shitennou that looks just like him. As a toy for Kunzite to play with.

Zoi: It may look that way, but I never actually died. Metalia harvested my soul, just moments before I would have been killed, and then transferred it into this other body.

Mamoru: How can you be sure? How do you know she didn't just give you fake memories to trick you, while the real Zoi is in Heaven right now?

[Zoi chews his finger thoughtfully]

Zoi: I guess, I don't…except…No! I do!

[He grins at Mamoru]

Zoi: Metalia tried to make me swear an oath of obedience and I refused. She locked me in a cage and tormented me for days, and I still wouldn't give in. [twirls a lock of his hair] Why would she go to all that trouble if she was just going to replace me with a carbon copy?

[Mamoru stares at Zoi with a stunned expression]

Mamoru: You…you never swore an oath of obedience to Metalia?

Zoi: [laughs] Heck, no! Why would I swear an oath of obedience to Metalia? She hates me.

[Mamoru's expression becomes even more stunned.]

MMamoru: And yet she made you into a Shitennou…

Zoi: She would have never elevated me, you know, except she needed Kunzite, and when he thought I'd died, he'd lost the will to live.

[Mamoru grabs Zoi and swings him around, before setting him back down.]

Mamoru: [beaming] Do you have any idea what you've done? You gave the middle finger to one of the most powerful and EVIL beings in the known universe! And not only did she have to sit there and take it, she had to reward you by making you one of her children!

Zoi: Oh dear…when you put it like that…it sounds pretty foolhardy.

Mamoru: I'm sorry I called you a hypocrite.

Zoi: I'm sorry I called you a murderer.

Mamoru: Let's head back.

[They start to walk back]

Zoi: Wait, what is it you guardians are trying to protect the innocent from? Is there really a bear out there?

[Mamoru's look becomes somber]

Mamoru: I told you. The less you know, the better.

Zoi: But we're on the same side. I can help!

Mamoru: No. You can't. You really can't.

Zoi: Why not?

Mamoru: Look, have you ever had a secret you can't tell anyone? Something you can't tell your parents? Something you can't tell me, not even now?

Zoi: I find it's best not to have secrets like that.

Mamoru: [sighs] This is a very delicate situation…Think of it like a hostage crisis. Things can get very messy, very quickly if the wrong people get involved. And trust me. You are definitely the wrong people…In fact…It's best if we're not seen together. I can accept that you're a Shitennou, but there is at least one person who never will.

Zoi: Minako.

Mamoru: Minako. She trusted a Shitennou once, and he destroyed her entire planet. She has assured us she will never make that mistake again.


	72. To Recap

[Scene: The Midori house. Zoi is eating cereal and waiting for his father to get up.]

Chief Midori: Morning, Son. You'd better get going, you're going to be late...[hunts through the fridge for leftovers]... I got a call from Sue, by the way. She said you and Mamoru made up last night and she wants to know when you're coming over for dinner again.

Zoi: I'm not.

Chief Midori: Why's that?

Zoi: I can't hang out with him, because Minako told Mamoru we can't be friends anymore.

Chief Midori: Who told you that?

Zoi: Mamoru.

Chief Midori: Oh?

Zoi: Dad, sit down. We need to talk. There are a lot of things I really need to tell you before you go to work. But you might have a hard time believing any of it.

Chief Midori: [pulls up a chair] My only child came back from the dead as a magical sprite so he can marry the devil. There isn't a whole lot I'm not willing to believe at this point...Go ahead, son.

Zoi: First of all, your friend Susan Chiba is a weirdo. I know I have no right to judge, but if the two of you have a past, I don't ever want to hear about it... Second, does the FBI know about the watch you found?

Chief Midori: No, not yet.

Zoi: Good. You need to get rid of it.

Chief Midori: Get rid of it? No, I need to run it through forensics.

Zoi: No, you don't. It's a red herring... If you follow up, you'll discover the watch was purchased by a local girl named Usagi Tsukino, who, when questioned, will probably tell you she gave it to her boyfriend Mamoru Chiba...Mamoru being the six foot tall guy you saw running from the crime scene.

Chief Midori: You're kidding, right?

Zoi: Don't I wish. Here's the thing. I recognized that watch right away and I went over to Mamoru's last night...to...ask him about it. He admitted he was there, but told me he was trying to administer first aid to the victim. I believe him. I think when the guy wakes up in the hospital, he'll tell you the same thing.

Chief Midori: Even so, Mamoru's a witness. I'm going to have to take him down to the station to file a statement.

Zoi: IIIII wouldn't do that, if I were you.

Chief Midori: Why not?

Zoi: Dad. Mamoru is really messed up in the head right now, and he's probably not going to be able to tell you anything useful anyway.

Chief Midori: Excuse me?

Zoi: You see, he's just starting to remember how Beryl killed him in a previous lifetime...Kunzite told me how Beryl killed his entire family right in front of him when he was a small child, then she proceeded to torture him for years, right up until the day she murdered him and his new girlfriend when he tried to run away from her... I'm using the word "torture" euphemistically here, so I really don't think he's going to snap out of it and let bygones be bygones... The thing is, before he died, his new girlfriend, who was the Princess of the Moon-

Chief Midori: Did you say Princess of the Moon?

Zoi: Yes. The Princess of the Moon. There used to be a palace on the moon, with fountains and a rose garden and everything...I told you this story would be hard to swallow...Anyway, this moon princess somehow gave him superpowers. All these powers came back the same time as his memories, so Mamoru's supernaturally strong now. And he can heal people with a touch. I've seen this firsthand.

Chief Midori: [narrows his eyes] When and how did you see this firsthand?

Zoi: [hasty] That's not important...What's important is that you need to give him some space...Same with the rest of the C'est La Vie gang... They all have magic powers.

Chief Midori: They do?

Zoi: Uh huh. They're also from the moon, or they were, before they were killed by Kunzite.

[Chief Midori shakes his head as if to clear it.]

Chief Midori: Did you just say they were killed by Kunzite?

Zoi: Yeah. You're hearing all this correctly...Kunzite murdered all these girls a thousand years ago, but they just got their memories back this month, so let's just say they're still a liiiittle irate about it...You know that disease that nearly killed me a few days back? It somehow gives all the former moonpeople back their memories of their previous lifetime.

Chief Midori: How?

Zoi: Don't know...But Kunzite's fairly certain that the next time they see him, it'll freak them out, and they'll try to kill him. That's why he's been keeping a low profile around Hen Tie lately.

Chief Midori: Huh...Wait? Kunzite already knows about all this?

Zoi: Not all of it...probably...I'm waiting for him to get back to fill him in on what little I've learned...But you need to know all this right now, so nobody gets taken out by friendly fire.

[Chief Midori nods]

Chief Midori: So what has been causing all the disappearances?

Zoi: [shakes his head] I have no idea. It sounds like Mamoru knows, but he's not telling...He just said it's like a hostage crisis, so it's better not to get involved... He's also certain he and his friends are all going to die trying to fight this thing. Soooo, while normally I'd ignore his warnings and go check it out anyway, in this case I don't think you should.

Chief Midori: [shrugs dismissively] Yes, well Mamoru and his friends aren't professionals...

Zoi: Dad. One of them has fire powers, and she's psychic. Another can summon an icy mist that blinds people. The other one can summon lightning. And Minako? She is the deadliest of them all. They've been cutting school to try to stop these disappearances, but from what you told me, they're not even slowing this thing down... If they can't do anything with their superpowers, I don't see what you're going to be able to do with just a gun and a Kevlar vest.

Chief Midori: I guess we're going to have to find out.

Zoi: Dad, no!...Please...don't... Wait until Kunzite gets back, and let's have a talk with him before you do anything rash.

Chief Midori: [sighs] Son. Innocent lives are at stake...I've been talking with Kunzite, and he seems to know a lot less about this than you do.

Zoi: See what I mean? Kunzite is stronger than the entire C'est La Vie gang put together! If this thing is powerful enough to hide from him, I don't want you going anywhere near it until you are lit up like a Christmas tree with defensive magic!

Chief Midori: Sounds like I need to have a long talk with Mamoru and these girls, one by one, down at the station.

[Zoi shakes his head vehemently]

Zoi: Oh, no, Dad. Don't do that.

Chief Midori: Why not? I'm just going to bring them in for questioning.

Zoi: Because, there's something else I need to tell you. They know I'm a Shitennou.

Chief Midori: What?...How?

Zoi: I told you, one of them is psychic...They know I'm a Shitennou...the same kind of evil monster that murdered them, and everyone they ever knew... That's why they've been staring daggers at me at school. They think the real Zoi is dead. To them, I'm just some vile imposter, and my close and personal relationship with the guy who brutally murdered them isn't helping matters any.

Chief Midori: I can imagine.

Zoi: For now, they've been taking a wait-and-see approach, but if they so much as suspect I'm making trouble for them, they'll probably come over here and try to kill me.

Chief Midori: The hell they will.

Zoi: Dad. Think about it. If you show up at their doorsteps, and start asking questions about life on the Moon, they'll know I was involved and they'll see it as an act of aggression...These girls were my friends, but they're also trained killers, bred for combat, and they don't see me as human anymore...If they come after me, they'll want a fight to the death-

[Zoi heaves sad sigh]

Zoi: From what Kunzite said, I could probably kill them quite easily...but I'd rather not have to.

Chief Midori: Ok. Fine. I see your point...I'll mind my own business, as long as you promise to come straight home from school, and stay inside.

Zoi: [overjoyed] Really?

Chief Midori: [nods glumly] If it makes you feel better that much better... I'll even run interference with the FBI for your friends...but only until Kunzite comes back...Then we're shutting this gang down and ending these disappearances once and for all.

[Zoi hugs his father]

Zoi: Thanks, Dad. You're the best.

Chief Midori: Yeah, yeah. Now, go to school.


	73. Key Witness

Scene: Hen Tie General. Chief Midori is walking through an isolated ward, to a door heavily guarded by the FBI.]

[He's just received the call that their 'John Doe' is awake, though he not responding to questioning. Chief Midori promised his son he wouldn't interfere with the C'est La Vie gang, but there is nothing to stop him from talking with the only living witness.]

Chief Midori: [to an FBI agent] Is he still awake?

Agent: Affirmative. Though the attack has rendered him either unable or unwilling to talk.

Chief Midori: Give me a few minutes alone with him.

Agent: We've tried interrogating him. He won't say a word.

Chief Midori: Let me try. I've been doing this job a lot longer than you have.

[The FBI moves aside and opens the door for Chief Midori.]

[John Doe is heavily wrapped in bandages, but he is alert and staring at Chief Midori in abject horror.]

[Chief Midori pulls up a chair.]

Chief Midori: Hello. My name is Charles Midori. I'm the chief of police here. How are you feeling?

[John Doe just stares at him like Chief Midori is a cobra getting ready to strike]

Chief Midori: I understand you've been through quite an ordeal. Do you mind if I ask you some questions?

[John Doe nods his head]

Chief Midori: Yes you mind? Or yes, I can ask you some questions?

[John Doe just stares at him]

Chief Midori: Fair enough. But even if you're not ready to talk, perhaps you can help me. I was the one who found you at the campsite. I saw a teenage boy fleeing the scene. I immediately pegged him as a person of interest, but this boy is a close friend of my son's, who assures me his friend was probably just being a Good Samaritan. Was this the case? Was the boy I saw fleeing the scene just trying to help?

[John Doe nods]

Chief Midori: Good…Wait…You aren't lying are you? …Out of fear?... He can't hurt you, you know. I don't expect you to testify so you don't have to lie to protect yourself.

John Doe: [in a creaky voice] I'm not lying. That boy saved my life.

Chief Midori: Good. Thank you. My son will be glad to hear that. Can you tell me what happened?

[John Doe shakes his head]

Chief Midori: Don't worry. Whatever you tell me, I am prepared to believe it. There are strange things that happen in this town...Things that don't happen anywhere else on earth. But that's why you're here? Isn't it? You were running away from your troubles, and someone assured that if you came here, you could disappear without a trace.

[John Doe gives Chief Midori a perplexed look]

Chief Midori: Is that not what happened?

John Doe: You're not even close… [then his eyes widen in comprehension and he looks down] But my wife…my sweet Emily…

[For a minute the room is quiet]

Chief Midori: Tell me about Emily.

[John Doe remains silent for another minute, and then sighs]

John Doe: [winces] Oh, what does it matter? He's going to kill me no matter what I say. Running won't do any good. Fighting it won't do any good. I might as well get my story out before he silences me for forever… Even though you won't believe me, no matter what you say.

Chief Midori: I'll believe you, alright. Who is HE?

John Doe: The man in the cloak.

[Chief Midori waits for him to elaborate]

Chief Midori: Does he have a name?

John Doe: He's the Devil.

Chief Midori: He told you he's the devil?

John Doe: No, I figured that out on my own. He said he was a god, but if he has a name, he wouldn't tell it to us. He said it wasn't important. But then again, I wasn't the one he was interested in.

Chief Midori: Emily?

John Doe: [nods] She had late stage cancer. I took her to the best doctors and they tried everything. Eventually they gave up and told us to focus on making her remaining days as comfortable as possible. But she wanted to live long enough to see our youngest son graduate from college.

[Chief Midori nods solemnly]

John Doe: Then a huge man in a black cloak appeared and overnight, just like that, Emily got better. She could rise from her wheelchair and walk without assistance. But the man in the cloak assured us it was only temporary. Unless we made a deal with him, Emily would go into complete relapse within a week and die shortly afterwards.

[Chief Midori waits, but John Doe is silent again]

Chief Midori: What was the deal he offered?

John Doe: He promised he would rid Emily of her cancer completely, if we agree to travel to Hen Tie, Washington and set up camp within sight of a derelict mansion.

Chief Midori: That's it? He just wanted you to come to Hen Tie to set up a tent?

John Doe: [averts his eyes] No… that wasn't it…he also showed us four pictures…four young men…college-aged, younger than our sons. He didn't tell us their names and he wouldn't let us keep the pictures. But he had us memorize their faces… He told us they were evil demons… If he was to keep his end of the bargain, we were to kill them on sight. If we had the chance. Which he assured us wasn't likely.

Chief Midori: Do you know who these boys are?

John Doe: I told you I did not. But he assured us they were evil creatures who were only posing as human beings to walk among us, and the deal would be nullified if they didn't reveal their true natures to us soon as we attacked.

Chief Midori: And that made the deal acceptable to you?

John Doe: I didn't care, to be honest. I was desperate. Emily is the love of my life. I would have done far worse to bring her to full health…though it appears she didn't feel the same for me.

Chief Midori: Oh? What happened?

John Doe: We came to the campsite, just as instructed. The man in the cloak appeared. He said our time was short. The "Guardians", whoever they were, were already on their way. He ask Emily if she was ready to pledge herself to him. To take an oath of obedience. To rid herself of the cancer to become his seventh…if..if she was ready to offer up her husband as a blood sacrifice to celebrate the occasion.

[He looks at Chief Midori]

John Doe: I did not know of this part of the deal, obviously. But it was pretty clear that she did… How cold she looked when he spoke of it. …she…she was the love of my life and she didn't even hesitate for a second… All those months I cared for her. Feeding her, bathing her…I quit my job and took a lower-paying one, just so she could have her dream of retiring to Florida. And yet she seemed so eager to trade my life for hers… All those years we were married… She must have been so unhappy...

[He looks at Chief Midori who is waiting patiently for him to continue.]

John Doe: As soon as she swore the oath, she turned into…this…thing. It looked like a huge bear, covered in black fur, but it had legs like a lion, and a long tail that came to a sharp point, like it was tipped with metal…She turned into this creature and then she attacked me. Not just her…There…there was more than one of them. They surrounded me and tore at me with their teeth…I blacked out, and the next thing I remember there was a young man crouching over me. My wounds were closing and he told me I was going to be ok…I could hear girls' voices telling him to run. He kept looking over his shoulder, then he ran away, right before I blacked out again.

Chief Midori: Can you describe the man in the cloak?

John Doe: No. He wore a hood, and it hid most of his face. I have a terrible memory for faces, anyway, but his I might have remembered if I saw it.

Chief Midori: What about the four young men? If I brought in an artist do you think you could recreate their likenesses?

John Doe: [shakes his head] No. I told you. I have a terrible memory for faces. I think that's why he chose Emily instead of me to be his seventh.

Chief Midori: Do you know what that means? His seventh?

John Doe: He said he needed seven children. Seven being a lucky number. Once he had seven, he could exact his revenge…These seven creatures tore at me with their fangs, he encouraged them to fed well. I was to be their last meal before the Great Hunt. He wanted them ravenous with hunger when they encountered the first of these demonic youngsters.

Chief Midori: Did he say what he wanted revenge for?

John Doe: All he said he it was an ancient grudge and long overdue.

Chief Midori: And you are certain you can't tell me anything about what these four young men looked like?

John Doe: I could try, but it would do more harm than good. For some reason I seem to always remember what I think people should look like, rather than what they actually look like. I can never even get hair or eye colors right. Until I run into them again. When you leave here, I will remember you looking completely different.

Chief Midori: But you'll know them if you see them?

John Doe: Certainly.

Chief Midori: [hands him a card] And you'll call me if you do?

John Doe: If I'm still alive. I think it would be unlikely.

[A short time later, Chief Midori gets in his squad car and drive away while a large man in a cloak watches from the shadows]

[This went better than the man in the cloak could have hoped.]

[It was a gamble, letting this last one talk, but it paid off well. He could hear the policeman's thoughts. He was congratulating himself on a successful interrogation. How smart he thought he was, succeeding where the FBI had failed.]

[He hadn't learned enough. Hadn't guessed enough. He knew the danger was real, but he didn't know how immediate. He foolishly planned to wait and do nothing until the return of Metalia's firstborn. By then it would be too late. This policemen didn't know enough to interfere with the cloaked figure's plans. Just enough to berate and second-guess himself when those plans came to fruition]

[The father's agony should be exquisite when the first of the young men he would fail to save would turn out to be his own son.]


	74. Everyone Has a Double

Scene: The Hallways of Hen Tie High. Mamoru is walking to his locker. Usagi goes running up to him]

Usagi: Mamoru! You're back.

Mamoru: [makes a hardhearted face at her] Is there something you want, bunhead?

Usagi: Of course there is. I want to get back together.

[Mamoru spots Rei walking past]

Mamoru: That's too bad, I'm with Rei now.

[He puts his arm around Rei but she squirms away with her hands up]

Rei: Hey, don't drag me into this.

Mamoru: What? I thought you wanted to go out?

Rei: That was a long time ago. I've learned a lot about myself in the meantime.

[Rei hurries away and Mamoru composes his face to look a lot less embarrassed before turning to Usagi]

Mamoru: Was there anything else you wanted?

Usagi: As a matter of fact. [rummages her in backpack] I wanted to show you something. [She pulls a quiz out of her folder and shoves it in his face] 100% Read it and weep, loser.

[Mamoru looks at the quiz and his face softens.]

Usagi: I'm doing so well in Math I'm no longer grounded...And I didn't cheat, so don't even start.

[Mamoru hands back the quiz]

Mamoru: Congratulations. I'm proud of you.

Usagi: ...wait...huh?

Mamoru: I always knew you could do it. You just had to believe in yourself.

[He starts to walk away but Usagi blocks him]

Usagi: Wait. This isn't fair. Why are you being a better boyfriend to me now that we've broken up?

Mamoru: I told you. It's not you...It's me. I can't be anyone's boyfriend. Not ever...I have too many issues.

Usagi: [starting to cry] No, don't say that. I want to be with you. No matter what. When you love someone you don't just turn you back on them because they have issues. Whatever it is that is bothering you. We'll get through this. Both of us.

Mamoru: No. Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't deserve you. If I ever said anything that hurt you or made you feel less than perfect, I'm sorry...But you have to understand, I can't be your boyfriend...Find someone else. Someone who will make you happy. Someone who will make you feel as cherished and special as you deserve.

Usagi: No, I can't. I...

[Usagi flees in tears and Mamoru walks away to reveal Dev, grinning like a Chershire Cat]

[Later, at lunch. Usagi is sitting at her usual table with Zoi, Naru, and Umino, too upset to eat.]

Usagi: I don't know what to do...I can't eat...I can't sleep...Not until I know what's bothering Mamoru...Zoi, you're in a relationship. What should I do?

Zoi: [raises his hands] I told you, don't ask me. I don't know anything about this stuff. I'm still with my first boyfriend. I've never had to break up with anyone before.

Naru: What are you talking about? Kunzite broke up with you last spring.

Usagi: [smiles wickedly] That's right. How could you have forgotten about that? Motoki told me how you two were fighting in biology class.

Naru: It got so ugly, Kunzite left town altogether.

Usagi: You were so upset you couldn't eat and you lost at least ten pounds. And you didn't even have ten pounds to lose.

Zoi: Uhh...That was different.

Usagi: How is that different?

[He can't very well explain that their breakup was mostly just a ruse to keep Zoi from being targeted for murder by the Blackmoon Clan, as a means of revenge against Kunzite. A ruse that would ultimately prove unsuccessful.]

Zoi: Kunzite and I were going through some dark times...he told me we just needed a break for a while... I didn't believe him. I didn't think he would ever come back...

Umino: Then you were nearly killed in a fire and it put everything in perspective.

Zoi: Yeah.

Usagi: [giggles] Oh, I see! Mamoru's just taking a break! He'll come back to me. I just know it... [groans and sinks her head on the table] Oh who am I kidding? He's gone...gone forever...I knew it couldn't last...he's so great and I'm nothing... nothing but a crybaby...I don't blame you if you guys don't want to hang out with me at Oktobterfest this weekend...

Naru: Of course we want to hang out at Oktoberfest this weekend. Right, guys?

[The others nod]

[The bell rings and they rise to clear their table.]

[Usagi has cleared her tray and is walking to her locker. She's stopped by a single red rose, held to block her path. She looks, hoping it is Mamoru, and sees Dev hold out a bouquet with the remaining eleven roses]

Dev: There is a lady, sweet and kind/There was never a face that so pleased my mind/I did but see her passing by/Yet, I'll love her 'til the day I die. [Hands her the roses]

Usagi: [giggles and hands back the roses] I'm sorry...you seem like a really nice guy... but I... just got out of a relationship-

Dev: So? That sounds like perfect timing to me.

Usagi: Yeah... but the trouble is...[giggles] You look exactly like my exboyfriend's exboyfriend, so this is just a little too weird for me.

Dev: [his smile vanishes] You're kidding, right?

Usagi: Ah, no. You have the same face, the same voice, you even dress the same..Say, England is pretty close to Dutchland isn't it?

Dev: You mean Deutschland?

Usagi: Uh...Sure. Maybe you're related. You wouldn't happen to have a cousin named Fiore, would you?

Dev: [shakes his head] No. I know who all my relatives are. And I'm pretty sure that guy's not one of them.

Usagi: I guess it's true what they say, then? Everyone has a double.

Dev: I guess it must be.

Usagi: Bye, now. [waves] And thanks. You've made me feel a lot better.

[Usagi leaves, reveling a grinning Matoko leaning against the locket with a smirk on her face]

Matoko: It's her loss. You're a lot cuter than Fiore. [turns and walks away] And you're waaaay cuter than Mamoru Chiba.

[Dev watches her go]

Dev: [grinning] Damn, that's a lot of woman.

[Meanwhile, Zoi and Umino are walking to class quizzing each other in physics]

Zoi: Oh my god! What is the hell is that?

[He looks in the direction Zoi was looking in]

Umino: What? Where?

Zoi: ...nothing...but for a moment I could have sworn I saw the Grim Reaper, staring right at me.

Umino: hm, that's weird.

[Late: A cloaked figure reflects on the exchange from elsewhere]

[The Shitennou couldn't have seen him. It was impossible. He must have been a premonition of his own death at Oktoborfest. Where he would mercilessly torn to shreds in front of dozens of innocent bystanders.]

[And if his brothers came to save him?]

[All the better]

[And if a few of those bystanders should happen to be killed by the Shitennou in the resulting melee?]

[That would be ideal]


	75. The Game is Afoot

[Scene: The Hen Tie Oktoberfest. A park in a large patch of forest clearing has been converted to a mock German Village, with beer-gardens, sausage stands, pretzels, games, polka bands, etc... ]

[Zoi appears in a flurry of petals in the woods near the fairground. He looks around, glances at his watch, then waits for the others near the parking lot.]

[Meanwhile...]

[A man in a cloak, far off on a heavily wooded hilltop, is watching Zoi via shimmery mirage. He is surrounded by large black-furred creatures. One of them strains forward at the sight of the mirage and the cloaked figure places his hand on its back.]

Cloaked Figure: Not yet, my children. There is too much at stake, and our victory will be hollow if there aren't enough witnesses.

[At the fair]

[Naru, Umino and Usagi crawl out of Naru's mother's SUV. Naru and Umino are cheerful, Usagi is moping.]

Zoi: Hey, guys. [To Umino] I'm surprised you didn't invite Eleanor Heltry.

Umino: I did invite her. But then she asked who else was going, and when I told her, she said she'd be too busy.

Naru: [haughty] That figures.

Umino: She's helping her brother with his science project. She doesn't have a lot of free time to date, so she'd rather not waste it on a group outing...I'm taking her to see a movie soon, just like Usagi suggested, and she's really looking forward to it

Usagi: [whimpering] Oh god, how is it possible that Umino has a better lovelife than I do?

Naru: Don't worry...Mamoru will come to his senses eventually... [moping] And then I'll be the only one here who isn't in a real relationship.

Usagi: Aw.

[Usagi and Naru huddle in sympathy as they all walk together into the crowd.]

Zoi: [to Umino] Well, this is certainly getting bleak.

Umino: No kidding. [to Usagi and Naru] Hey! You two need to lighten up! We're here to have fun!

Usagi: What did you expect? You knew Mamoru dumped me, so now I'm too depressed to ever enjoy myself ag-

[A couple of people walk by munching on crepes rolled into cones and filled with icecream, Bavarian custard, hot cherry filling and topped with whipped-cream and chocolate pretzels. Usagi's head pivots as they go past]

Usagi: [wideeyed with awe] Oktoberfest crepes? No way!

[She looks around, and lots of people have them. Another couple passes, biting into their crepes which are drizzled with chocolate and sprinkled with toasted coconut. She hurries to catch up with them.]

Usagi: Excuse me. Where did you get those?

[They point to a stall in the far distance with the banner: Auntie Em's Cakes.]

Usagi: Oh my God. Crepes. And Auntie Em's is the best bakery in all of Hen Tie! [grabs Naru sleeve in excitement and tugs her along when she sees there is a long line]

Usagi: Crepes. Oh my god, I can't wait. I haven't had a crepe in forever. I'm going to find out what sorts of toppings they have and get one of everything. Maybe two. Who knows. Come on, everyone. We need to get there before they sell out.

Umino: [to Zoi] It looks like Usagi rediscovered her first great love. Food.

[meanwhile...]

[The cloaked figure appraises the mirage, satisfied with the density of the crowd]

Cloaked Figure: Now my children. Your moment has arrived.

[The beasts race forward. The cloaked figure watches them depart.]

Cloaked Figure: Go forth and prove yourselves worthy of my favor. Do not return to me until he is dust.

[At the fair. Several minutes later]

[Usagi is hopping from foot to foot in excitement. The others can't help but smile at her exuberance.]

Usagi: Oh, I wish this line would move faster. I can barely see the menu board from here.

[The line moves. Usagi looks up at the board.]

Usagi: Forget it. I changed my mind. I'm not hungry.

[She scowls and leaves the line.]

Umino: [not budging] But, Usagi. We've been in line for fifteen minutes.

Usagi: I've lost my appetite. Let's go.

[Usagi walks away, looking like she's about to cry]

Naru: [Rushes to catch up with her] What's wrong... Is it too expensive? I'll pay. I don't mind.

Usagi: Don't bother. I wouldn't eat one of those crepes if I was starving.

[Naru looks at the crepe stand, then keeps walking with a look of disdain on her face.]

[Zoi wonders what the big deal is. He looks at the menu board and doesn't see anything objectionable. Until he looks under the menu board and sees Rei, serving crepes and ringing up customers dressed in a dirndl, with her hair done into two thick braids pinned up to form loops.]

[In fact, all the girls of the C'est La Vie gang are there, dressed in traditional German dresses with petticoats and with their hair done in braids. All except Ami, who is wearing a garland of edelweiss in her short blue hair.]

Zoi: Oh. I see what they mean.

[Zoi would be almost willing to give them the benefit of the doubt, but most of the C'est La Vie gang are giving Zoi and Umino harsh stares. All but Ami, who is spreading batter on the crepe griddle with a sad and guilty look on her face.]

[Zoi leaves the line to join Naru and Usagi.]

[Umino stays in line]

Naru: Come on, Umino. Let's go.

Umino: Do I have to?

Naru: Yes.

Umino: But...Usagi's been talking up those crepes for the past twenty minutes and now I really want one.

[Naru rushed up to Umino, grabs his collar, and pulls him out of the line]

Naru: No, Umino. We're leaving.

Umino: [as they storm off in a huff] I don't see what the big deal is. Yes, they've turned into a roving pack of catty plastics, but that doesn't mean they can't be excellent cooks, does it?

Usagi: I don't care. They want nothing to do with us, so we want nothing to do with them. As since you are our friend, you want nothing to do with them either.

[Zoi hears bloodcurdling screams coming from behind him. He dismisses it as part of an act, but the screams get louder and more frantic. Just seconds before the world spins as he is knocked off his feet and lands hard on his back on the ground.]

[He looks up and finds himself staring right up into the dripping fangs of a huge, snarling beast with black fur and six eyes.]


	76. The Best of Intentions

[Scene: The Hen Tie Oktoberfest. Zoi is on the ground, looking up into the jaws of a giant black furred creature]

Zoi: [lashes out instinctively with a blast of energy, which takes on his elemental signature of flower petals.] Zoi!

[The beast roars in agony and backs away.]

[Zoi rises to his knees. He has no idea what that creature is, where it comes from, or why it is attacking him. His only thought is to get away. He crawls through a narrow passageway between two stalls, and finds himself staring into the fangs of another, nearly identical beast.]

[There are two of them?]

[In the shelter of the surrounding booths, he rises to his feet, summons a lance made of ice, and swings it in a broad sweep.]

[The beast pauses and Zoi stares it down. As a human, Zoi wouldn't have stood a chance but as a Shitennou his reflexes are better. He's partial hidden by the booths, yet he doesn't dare make a huge show of magic near this many witnesses. But even without magic, he's not powerless. He's had hours of weapons training over the Summer with both Kunzite and Neffy. These beast might be fearsome to look at, but they didn't seem exceptionally quick or intelligent.]

[Zoi hears a rustling behind him. He remember there are two of them and spins, lashing out with the lance. It connects with a solid thack and a girlish scream. As Zoi completes his turn he sees he's struck Naru in the temple with the flat of the lance, knocking her out cold.]

[Umino rushes kneel beside her]

Umino: Naru!

Zoi: [cringes] Sorry.

[Zoi turns back as he feels a rush of hot air, as the creature in front of him lunges with its fangs to strike. ]

[He strikes it in the jaw with his lance]

[The beast jumps back with a roar and lashes with it's steely tail, tearing through drywall and canvas like it is paper, and severing a cord holding together the heavy steel frame of the booth right next to Zoi]

[Zoi rushes a few feet to safety, then realizes with horror that the booth is collapsing directly onto Umino, who is hovering protectively over the unconscious form of Naru.]

[Umino looks up in horror at the several hundred pounds of falling booth, and ducks over Naru to shield her head from impact.]

[When Umino is not crushed a few seconds later, he peeks up to see Makoto, in her dirndl, bracing the wall with both hands.]

Makoto: Don't lie there staring! Get her out of here!

[Zoi breaths a sigh of relief to see that his friends are okay, then focuses his attention the monster that is attacking him. Or rather monsters. Both are approaching and seem to have been joined by two others.]

He tries to retreat and they are joined by more until he is surrounded by a total of seven of them.]

[He looks into the crowd but doesn't see any more. The beasts seem intent on attacking him and nobody else. But that's silly. Shitennou are not edible in any real sense. Zoi might looks and feel human but he was made of solid energy. If they tried to bite a chunk out of his flesh, it would simply dissolve within a few minutes. All except for the piece of tanzanite in his chest that houses his soul and allows him to take physical form, but they couldn't very well eat a rock, now could they?]

[Zoi looks and sees he's completely surrounded. He can see Usagi a few feet away, on her knees, tugging her pigtails, screaming her lungs out and staring right at him while paralyzed with terror. As are several other fairgoers, from a relatively safe distance away.]

[Damn. Witnesses.]

[The ice lance he might explain as something he found on the ground. It's not impossible. It would be a lot harder to explain away teleportation or outright magic based attacks. Especially if any of these witnesses summon the nerve to get their cameras.]

[As far as he can tell he's got two choices.]

[A) Fight for as long as he can, without calling on his powers, until he inevitably loses and gets mauled into a pile of dust.]

[B) Use his powers as a Shitennou in front of hundreds of people.]

[If he goes with Plan B, he's fairly confident he can achieve and easy vicotry. The choice should be a simple one... Except he got those powers, very begrudgingly, from his mother-in-law, the chaos goddess Metalia. And he's pretty sure she already regrets elevating him to a Shitennou enough as it is...]

[That settles it: First plan A. Then Plan B]

[Zoi spins around, trying to anticipate which of the monsters will strike first so he can focus on that one. But as soon as he takes sets eyes on one he gets the feeling all the others are about to attack.]

[He can't watch them all. It seems as if he has no choice but to call upon his powers. But before he can, a monster roars in pain and turns away from him.

[Zoi risks a look and sees Minako enter the fray, her petticoats flying as she lands a high kick right into a monsters face as she leaps over the ruins of a booth, hitting one of the monsters with a sweeping kick as she scoops up a metal pole into her hand.]

She rushes into the circle, swinging the pole like a quarterstaff with blinding speed and accuracy. The monsters try to ignore her, and she smashes two in the face with a whirlwind attack before coming to a halt in the center of the circle in a crouch. Zoi blinks, highly impressed. In weapons' combat it would seem she's on a par with Nephrite. And he didn't think anyone was on a par with Nephrite.]

[She positions herself until she is back to back with Zoi.]

Minako: [grave and serious] Keep your back to me, manwhore, and swing at their heads! Their hides are too thick for you to do any real damage anywhere else! Hit them in the jaw hard enough to break bone and they will retreat! Also, watch out for their tails-

Zoi: [looking at the slashed up drywall] Yeah, I figured that one out on my own.

Minako: Oh, and just so you know: You can't kill them.

Zoi: [wideyed] I can't? They're immortal?

Minako: Let rephrase that: You mustn't kill them!

Zoi: Why not?

Minako: Because something bad will happen.

Zoi: What? Like they'll explode?

Minako: Yeah. Something like that.

Zoi: [winces] Ok. This just got a lot more challenging.

[The beasts seem to have recovered from her attack and are closing in again. Minako bashes one in the face but it barely reacts]

Minako: Dammit..They keep getting stronger...[raises her voice to a yell]...Mercury! Are you taking a nap or something! Fog of war time!

Zoi: Fog of-?

[In the distance he hears Ami shout something. Suddenly a blinding fog rolls in from nowhere, stinging Zoi's eyes and causing him to become completely disoriented.

[He feels Minako step away from him and he staggers around in confusion. The sounds of fighting intensifies. He can hear battle cries and roars of pain from the monsters, but it all seems to be moving away from him. Still, it is unnerving to be so completely lost and helpless in the middle of a warzone while there is a pitched battle going on.]

[Then he vaguely remembers Kunzite mentioning something about Sailor Mercury having a fog attack and how he can counter it.]

[Zoi holds out his palms and an arc of flames appears between them. He summons a large ball of fire and holds it over his head like a beacon as the fog slowly burns away from around him.]

Minako: [from deep in the fog] FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MANWHORE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? PUT THAT THING OUT!

[Zoi wonders if she is talking to him, and the answer becomes clears as a circles of beasts charge through the fog, coming right for him. Zoi's not concerned. He can't see the crowd through the fog, so he's fairly certain they can't see him either.]

[But before he can join the offensive, the members of the C'est La Vie gang rush over to surround him, clasping each others hands behind their backs and forming a protective ring around him.]

[The monsters seem to have forgotten Zoi and are wading into the crowd. For a moment Zoi is touched that his old friends would put themselves at risk like this to protect him, seeing as how they now see him as an enemy. Maybe unfairly, but not without reason. But now the monster seem intent on hunting the fairgoers, who are still staggering around as if blinded.]

Zoi: Thank you ladies, but I'll take it from here.

[He teleports out of the protective ring to a spot only a few feet away, on the outskirts of the fairground, and whistles to get the beasts' attention.]

Zoi: Hey, monsters! I'm over here!

[As they turn to chase him, Zoi runs into woods, as fast as he can.]


	77. Time to Kill

[Scene: The Hen Tie Forest. Zoi is being chased by seven monsters that look like giant mutated bears. He's running fast, but not as fast as he can. The idea is to lure them away far enough away from the Hen Tie fairgrounds to avoid risk of injury to or discovery of his Shitennou nature by any of the human bystanders.]

[Far in the distance he can see the O'Sama mansion, and in spite of himself he blushes at memories of all the pleasant evenings he has shared with Kunzite.]

[He looks back and the monsters are still rushing after him. He's fairly certain there aren't any humans around, so he teleports away, to sit cross-legged on a sturdy sequoia bough high overhead.]

[from this this vantage point Zoi smiles and takes a good look at them. Their bodies are huge and covered with black fur, with two waxy black ridges that look like ugly scars on either side of their spine. Their faces have six beady eyes, their feet look like lions' feet, and their tails are long at snakelike and come to a sharp, steely point.]

[Zoi whistles to get their attention. The monsters all come to an abrupt stop and stare up at him. He grins as a twirls a curls of his hair around one finger]

Zoi: I'm not sure which pool of industrial waste you dollar-store-reject-Godzilla-monsters slithered out of, but since those paws of yours don't look like they are much good for climbing, I do believe I'll take a little catnap.

[The scars on the creatures backs unfurl to reveal they have wings like a bat.]

[Zoi stops fiddling with his curl, which snaps like a spring upon release]

Zoi: You have got to be kidding me.

[Zoi teleports away as they take to the air, flying straight for the bough, and reappears back on the ground, running to the O'Sama mansion.]

[Functioning wings on creatures that large? There is no rational scientific explanation for that, so the creatures must be supernatural in origin. Zoi glances over his shoulder as he runs, confirming the monsters are still in pursuit. He vaguely recalls Kunzite telling him to teleport to safety and get one of the more senior Shitennou to deal with problems like this, but Zoi still feels he has the situation well under control.]

[Besides, this will be the perfect opportunity to prove to his overprotective husband once and for all he isn't still some decorative little flower unable to hold his own in a fight.]

[As he reaches the entryway doors and throws them open, he hopes there is some sort of supernatural security system in place that will kill or disable the creatures pursuing him. But the sound of things crashing behind him as he races though the hallways on foot seem to indicate there is not. No matter. His mind has already formed a plan on how to get rid of these monsters on his own.]

Zoi: Hey. Over here.

[He grips the huge iron ring that opens the massive trap door to Neffy's winecellar, and pulls it open, then trots just far enough down the stairs that they know to follow him.]

[Once in the cellar, he teleports to the very center, floating about six feet off the floor with his legs crossed. Surrounding him are rows upon rows of dusty oak shelves, containing bottles of both common and rare vintages, as well as huge casks and barrels of fine wines, beers, liqueurs and brandies.]

[Zoi grins angelically. It satisfies him to no end that in the process of eliminating these monsters he will be able to help his dear brother-in-law fight his drinking habit.]

[Zoi whistles again to get their attention and waits until the monsters are all inside the cellar before he uses telekinesis to slam the trap door shut and then seals it with a thick sheet of ice.]

Zoi: Please forgive the lack of wingroom. I must apologize that this room isn't as well suited for flight as the outdoors were. Well...not unless you can levitate, of course.

[Zoi giggles and stretches himself to a upright position, still floating in the air with his knees folded so his legs are bent back and conjures up a tornado of sharp, icy petals. His eyes glow with a demonic fire and his hair whips about his face as the glass bottles on the shelves explode and the wooden casks split, dumping gallons upon gallons of dark fluid onto the floor.

[The monsters draw back, as close to walls as they can get, no doubt assuming the attack is directed at them. It is only when the alcohol forms a pool about two feet deep, that Zoi conjures up a fireball between his hands and tosses it to the floor.]

[Zoi laughs cruelly as the monsters below him dance around, trying desperately to avoid the flames. They they unfurl and flap their wings, but there is not enough air for them to take flight. They leap for the shelves and casks but only succeed in knocking them over.]

[The movements become more frantic as the stench of burning hair reaches Zoi's nostrils. It's entertaining in small doses, but get dull after a while so he takes a moment to inspect his cuticles, keeping one eye on the mayhem below. He remembers Minako's warning that something bad happens when the monsters die, so he is prepared to teleport away in an instant, but the monsters do not seem to injure easily, so Zoi guess there is still a lot of time to kill...]

[Then the ice sealing the door shatters as the cellar door explodes open.]

[Zoi stares toward this new complication with openmouthed indignation as four teenage girls in traditional German costumes scamper halfway down the cellar stairs.]

Ami: BUBBLE SPRAY FREEZING.

[Zoi puts his hands on his hips and gasps in outrage as an icy spray erupt below, putting out all the flames, and focusing the monsters attention back on him.]

Zoi: JUST WHAT THE HECK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?


	78. With Friends Like These

[Scene: Nephrite's wineceller under the O'Sama mansion. Zoi is greatly annoyed that the C'est La Vie Gang have intervened, standing on the celler stairs putting out a fire he lit to incenrate the seven manticores that are trying to attack him.]

Minako: What are we doing? What are YOU doing? I told you, you can't kill them!

Zoi: I was doing a pretty good job of it until you decided to interrupt. ZOI! [summons another fireball and tosses it into the pool]

Ami: BUBBLE SPRAY FREEZING!

[The flames die again and the monsters focus their attention back on Zoi.]

Zoi: ZOI! [Tosses another fireball]

Ami: BUBBLE SPRAY FREEZING!

Zoi: ZOI!

Ami: BUBBLE SPRAY FREEZING!

Zoi: ZOI!

Ami: BUBBLE SPRAY FREEZING!

Zoi: WOULD YOU STOP THAT!

Minako: Listen to me! You're the one that needs to stop! Those things attacking you are intelligent creatures! Burning them alive is inhumane!

[Zoi does not take his eyes off the monsters that are trying to nip at him]

Zoi: I hear what you're saying, and I absolutely agree with you. 100%. IN PRINCIPLE! However, what you need to understand it's a lot different when you're the one being attacked vs. the one doing the attacking!

Minako: That's no excuse! As Sun Tsu once wrote, "With great power comes great responsibility"!

Zoi: [snarls] That wasn't Sun Tsu, that was Spiderman's Uncle Ben, you peroxide-addled bimbo!

Ami: In actual fact, it can be more properly attributed to Voltaire, who wrote: _Ils doivent envisager qu'une grande responsabilité-_

Minako: SHUT IT, GEEKZILLA! THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO SHOW OFF YOUR SUPERIOR INTELLECT!

[Ami reacts as if slapped, then looks down, redfaced with shame.]

Ami: sorry...I thought someone might be interested...

Makoto: [rubs Ami's shoulder and glowers at Minako] We were, we were.

Zoi: So what am I supposed to do? Let these things kill me, just to prove I'm the bigger person?

[The monsters are becoming bolder, pushing at the splintered shelves to form piles they can stand on to better reach Zoi. Zoi zaps at the pile to scatter it, but they just keep working]

Minako: You can teleport away to safety, can't you?

Zoi: Yes, but you girls can't!

[Rei, Makoto, and Ami are startled, and look to Minako]

Makoto: You said he was a Shitennou.

Ami: You told us he's just an evil thing that is pretending to be Zoi Midori.

Minako: He is! Right, Rei?

[Rei puts up her hands and backs away from Minako]

Minako: He is! He's an evil monster! How do you think he's floating like that?

Makoto: Then why does he care what happens to us?

Minako: He doesn't! He doesn't care for us one bit! He's just trying to trick us in order to gain our trust!

[Makoto looks at Zoi, who is cowering close to the ceiling and focusing his full attention to keep the monsters from building the tower of debris.]

Makoto: Ami, you're the smart one. Tell me what I'm missing, because, to me, it looks like a lack of our trust is the least of Zoi's problems at the moment.

Minako: [red faced with fury] THAT IS NOT NOT ZOI MIDORI! ZOI MIDORI IS DEAD! ZOI MIDORI WAS ONE OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS NOW AND HE IS DEAD! AND THAT THING HAS THE GALL TO WEAR HIS FACE!

[The others bavck away]

Rei: Whoa, bitch...Maybe you should excuse yourself from being the leader...just until we mange to get this stiuation all figured out.

Minako: ARE YOU PROPOSING A MUTINY?

Rei: Y'know...this isn't the first time you've let your personal feelings for a member of the Shitennou cloud your judgement...Just saying...

Minako: [stares at Rei in openmouthed outrage] OH! YOU just HAD to go THERE, DIDN'T you?

Makoto: Hey, someone did.

Zoi: [whistles to get their attention] Guys? Could you either help, or leave, because these things are getting a lot better at construction work...

[One of the manticores leaps at Zoi with its fangs bared. Zoi summons a crystal sword and drives it through the monster's open jaw, impaling it through the skull.]

[The monster falls to the floor and takes the form of the thirteen year old who ran away with her teacher. Only the corpse is of a young woman of about twenty and not a young girl.]

Zoi: [eyes wide with horror was he flings away the bloody crystal and clasps his hands over his mouth] Oh my god! That was a person? [To Minako] Why didn't you tell me these monsters are the missing campers?

Minako: I warned you not to kill them!

Zoi: You said something bad would happen! You made me think they would explode or something! Why didn't you tell me they were humans?

Minako: Because...honestly? I didn't think that would make any difference to you.

Zoi: Well, clearly, it does!

[Zoi teleports out the path of the other monsters, but is too dismayed by the sight of dead girl lying on her side trickling pool in the shallow pool of alcohol to pay enough attention to the other monsters.]

Ami: Zoi! Look out!

[Too late]

[One of the monsters lashes with its tail, Zoi moves away to avoid being disemboweled, but the sharp point of tail still catches him in the belly, ripping the bottom of his shirt and leaving a thin ribbon of blood on the skin underneath.]

Rei: [covers her hands with her mouth] Oh, shit! NO!

[Zoi is about to tell her that it's ok, the wound is not deep, and his natural healing ability will close the scratch in an instant. But that's when the tingling starts. Black threads spread from to the scratch through his veins as paralysis sets in, causing him to freeze up as if turned to stone. Unable to leviate, he falls to the floor like a stone, wine soaking his skin and hair, as the monsters growl and close in for a feeding frenzy.]


	79. The Oktoberfest Massacre

[Scene: Neffy's wineceller under the O'Sama mansion. Zoi is lying in a shallow pool of wine and other spirits, paralyzed with venom. He can slowly feel the venom wearing off. He can almost move the tips of his fingers. But he knows there is no way it will wear off in time to fight back against the monsters.]

[The senshi are watching from the steps to the cellar in wide-eyed horror.]

Minako: [shouting to Zoi] Damn it! I told you to avoid the tails! Why don't you ever listen?

[Zoi can't say anything since since he's paralyzed. He can only watch the rapidly approaching monsters preparing to feed on him.]

[The six surviving manticores are closing in, their fangs bared and dripping with saliva. ]

Makoto: We need to do something!

[She tries to rush forward, but Minako holds out her arm to block her path]

Minako: [stern] Stay back. There is nothing you can do for him.

Makoto: To hell with that! [strikes a pose with her arms crossed] SUPREME THUNDER!

[Unfortunately, a cellar is not the best place for that sort of attack.]

[The C'est La Vie gang scream as the beams trapped in the stairwell zap them with a tasing effect, while the remainder of the bolts crash around the cellar, scattering the monsters. The effects are greatly diminished from being underground, which is fortunate since Zoi bears the brunt of it, trapped in a pool of fluid.]

[Still, the attack is effective enough to disorient the monsters, at least for a minute or two.]

[Undeterred, Makoto resolves to settle this with her brute strength. She tries to push Minako out of her way, but Minako twists her into a headlock.]

Minako: Stay here! All of you! That is an order! None of you are to go down there. I'm not having any of you risk your lives for a Shitennou!

Ami: But-

[The manticores have regained their senses and are regrouping around Zoi, who has gained only enough mobility to make a fist.]

Minako: Ami! This is the break we've been waiting for! Those creatures aren't paying any attention to us, so use your computer to find a way to turn them back-

Rei: [aghast] Oh, my god, bitch! Our friend is about to be eaten down there! What is wrong with you?

Minako: [snarling at Rei] You think I enjoy this? You think I LIKE giving orders that cause people to die? I don't! But it's my job to find a resolution to this nightmare that results in the fewest number of HUMAN casualties!

Rei: UN-ACCEPTABLE! [she points to a manticore who is lunging to take a bite out of Zoi's calf] FIRESOUL!

[The firebolt strikes the manticore causing it to roar in agony and jump back. But it also strikes the pool of alcohol, causing it to burst into flames again.]

[The manticores leap away onto the debris to safety from the flames. Zoi has regained just enough mobility to sigh in annoyance as the flames engulf him.]

Rei: Oh, no!

Ami: BUBBLE-

Zoi: [Through his gritted teeth] DON'T YOU DARE.

Ami: [panicking as she tugs Minako's sleeve] What do we do? What to we do?

Minako: [arms crossed, looking surly] Oh, so someone is ready to listen to me now?

Makoto: Oh for the love of God-

[The manticores are inching forward, trying to angle their jaws above Zoi while avoiding the flames. He doesn't see a way of surviving this. Not unless Minako has a sudden change of heart and starts firing off white light beams at the monsters. But she seems unwilling to help him, and the other Senshi's attacks would do about as much harm as good.]

[Damn. Kunzite is going to be so furious with him. He had specifically told Zoi to run away at the first sign of danger, but no. He had to be a bigshot, and now he was getting himself killed again.]

[Zoi could feel the hot breath of the monsters, even through the flames, when suddenly a pillar of brilliant fuschia light appeared in a corner of the cellar and he can see the C'est Vie Gang shrinking back, as if they are far more frightened of that than the manticores.

[As Zoi stares at it, a slim but muscular male silhouette with glowing white eyes materializes in its center, hovering about a foot over the floor, its arms crossed over its chest, holding a glowing blade in each hand.]

[Zoi sighs again. He remembers that for some unknown reason, Kunzite had set up an alert to notify Neffy whenever Zoi is near death. So now Neffy could make up for having his winecellar trashed by witnessing Zoi's impending death. But an instant later the light dims and the figure solidifies.]

[Zoi catches his breath and the senshi scream and shrink back in involuntary terror as the form takes on silvery hair, ice blue eyes, dusky skin...]

Zoi: [under his breath] Kunnnnzitttte.

[The flames die but the manticores turn from Zoi and left out a roar as they rush toward Kunzite.]

Senshi: NOOOOO! STOOOOP!

[Zoi can tell they are not screaming out of concern Kunzite, but rather for the manticores. Kunzite ignores the C'Est La Vie Gang as he throws the blades. They slice completely through the monsters, who turn back into humans as their lifeless bodies fall to the floor.

[After Kunzite kills each pair the blades returns to his hands, and then he throws them out again.]

[Zoi has regained most of his mobility, so he sits up and watches adoringly until Kunzite kills all six. Zoi finds he can't muster much sympathy for the dead. Kunzite came to save him. That's all that matters.]

Zoi: Kunzite!

[Zoi rises to run to him.]

[Kunzite stares at him with no look of recognition.]

[And, too late, Zoi remembers Kunzite's warning not to be anywhere near him while he is fighting.]

[Kunzite throws his blades. In a panic Zoi dematerializes into a spray of petals. The blades pass harmless but then he rematerializes too quickly. He looks back in panic as he sees the blades heading right for him in their return trajectory.]

[He manages to duck back to avoid them, but then he struck from behind by a sharp and heavy blow to the back of his head.]

[The force of the blow sends Zoi skidding across the floor, where he lies in an unmoving heap.]

[Kunzite's eyes resume their normal color and he looks down with a sickened expression as he realizes what he has just done.]

Kunzite: Zoisite?

[Zoi doesn't response. He just lies there with his eyes closed.

Kunzite: Zoisite!

[He rushes to his side and gathers his body into his arms]

[Zoi giggles then his eyes snap open all at once.]

Zoi: Did I scare you?

Kunzite: Yes! Of course you did!

Zoi: [still laughing] Good. Now we're even.

Kunzite: That's not funny! I almost killed you!

Zoi: But you didn't.

[Zoi sits up and forces a kiss on Kunzite]

[Kunzite responses with annoyance. Initially. But within seconds he melts into the kiss, and the two show every sign of escalating the display of passion, as if the senshi aren't even there.]

[Minako sneers down at them in disgust from the stairwell.]

Minako: Come on, girls. Let's go.


	80. Aftermath

[scene: the tub in Kunzite's wing in the O'Sama mansion. Zoi is resting with his head on Kunzite's chest surrounded by bubbles. Kunzite is talking on his cellphone.

Kunzite: ...that's right, seven of the missing campers...They tried to attack your son, so I had no choice but to kill them...you'll find the bodies in the winecellar...

[Zoi stirs a bit without opening his eyes. Kunzite strokes his wet hair]

Kunzite: You can tell the FBI anything you want...your son and I are incapable of leaving behind fingerprints or any other physical evidence, so to them this will look like nothing more than some bizarre cult's mass suicide...which, if you think about it, is not that far from the truth... I could have easily incinerated the bodies, but your son insisted it was important to give the families at least some evidence of what happened to their loved ones...I'll tell him...

Kunzite: [to Zoi] He said you're a good boy.

[Zoi giggles]

Kunzite: [into the phone]...Just give us a few minutes to vacant the building, then come by with a forensics team to collect the remains...We'll talk more about this later.

[He hangs up the phone.]

[Zoi opens one eye to peek at Kunzite.]

Zoi: What about Minako and her gang?

Kunzite: What about them.

Zoi: What if they talk to the FBI?

Kunzite: They won't. Their hands aren't clean either.

[Zoi puts his hand on Kunzite's chest]

Zoi: I'm sorry about all this.

Kunzite: [strokes his hair morosely] What do you have to be sorry about?

Zoi: You told me to run away at the first sign of danger, and instead I let this situation get completely out of hand.

Kunzite: [deep sigh] Zoisite. You don't have to apologize to me every time something attacks you.

Zoi: It's still my fault.

Kunzite: Your fault? You might as well say this is all my fault.

Zoi: Your fault? How could any of this be your fault? You weren't even here for most of it?

Kunzite: I don't know if you noticed this, but those creatures only attacked you because of my pigheaded insistence you be turned into a Shitennou. Those damned senshi were standing right there, and those creatures ignored everything but you until a second Shitennou showed up.

[Actually, Zoi did notice this, but in his zeal to come to the defense of Kunzite, he plays devil's advocate.]

Zoi: You don't know that. Maybe those creatures just didn't notice them?

Kunzite: It's pretty hard to miss the girl on the stairs who is launching fireballs in your direction.

Zoi: Yeah? So? I don't know if you remember this, but your pigheaded insistence on turning me into a Shitennou was the only thing that saved my life.

Kunzite: I don't know if you remember this, but if we'd never met, your life wouldn't have been in danger in the first place. If I hadn't distracted you in the parking lot until you were almost hit by Motoki's van, you would be leading a perfectly normal, happy life right now.

Zoi: [sullen] You don't know that.

Kunzite: If we'd never met, the worst that could happen would be what? You'd trip over your own feet in gym class? Even if you split your head and had to be rushed to the emergency room, Mamoru Chiba could have held your hand while they hooked up your IV line. Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Zoisite. It will only make me more disgusted with what I've done.

[Zoi sits up at glare at Kunzite head on]

Zoi: How the hell did holding hands with Mamoru end up being a part of this conversation?

Kunzite: Mamoru Chiba ended up in this conversation because Mamoru Chiba would have been a hell of a lot healthier for you to be married to.

Zoi: I'd rather die than be married to Mamoru Chiba! I'd rather die than be married to anyone but you!

Kunzite: Don't be melodramatic, please.

Zoi: Well then don't be ridiculous!

[Zoi picks up a handful of bubbles and blows them in Kunzite's face. Kunzite can't help but smile and pulls Zoi close against his chest, and kisses the top of his head]

[Zoi closes his eyes and smiles happily]

Zoi: Thank goodness you managed to finish that work you had to do for your mother in time to rescue me.

[Kunzite freezes up]

Zoi: [looks up at him with big green eyes] Oh, no...

Kunzite: [petting him] You let me worry about Mother.

Zoi: [clings to him] That might be the scariest thing I've ever heard you say.

[Meanwhile: The Hen Tie Fairgrounds]

[Minako Aino is storming her way to through the parking-lot with a bitter scowl on her face.]

[There is a great deal of confusion among the fairgoers as what has just been witnessed by some, but Minako doesn't feel like staying around and providing any explanations. She climbs into her car and slams the door closed]

[She looks into the rear view mirror to back out, and sees a man with long white hair and a gold crescent moon on his forehead seated in the passenger seat. He is peering out her driver side window with a frightened look on his face.]

Artemis: Uh, Mina?

Minako: WHAT?

Artemis: ...nothing.

[In the mirror she can see him slump back with his eyes closed, as if they'd narrowly avoided scraping the car next to hers.]

[Minako takes a deep breath. She's not in the mood to talk. What happened at the O'Sama Mansion was a disaster on many levels. Leadership is a fragile thing. She failed as a leader and the others knew it. How long could it be before they stopped listening to her altogether?]

[Worse, she hadn't managed to save anyone. It was like the Moon Kingdom all over again. Metallia was in Washington, the Shitennou roamed freely. Someone or something was threatening to destroy her world, and there wasn't a damn thing she could do to stop it.]

[She pulls out of the parking lot and drives for home]

[A huge figure in a black cloak watches her drive away]

[Once again, all of his followers died in an instant. And once again, Kunzite and his Shitennou were to blame.]

[He would have liked to recruit her into his war against the Shitennou, but he had seen inside of her mind.]

[She was angry, but hers was a righteous anger, radiating with virtue. She was no friend to the Shitennou, that much was clear, but by that same token she would never accept a deal with the likes of him. Her heart, while broken, was incorruptible. She was currently at her lowest, but it is not nearly low enough.]

[The cloak figure turns away. He cares for nothing anymore except making the Shitennou die one by one. But the time for recruiting pawns is over.]

[If you want something done, you had to do it yourself.]


	81. Meanwhile, In the Other Washington

[scene: Washington DC. The current surgeon general, the major chaos goddess Metalia, is sitting in her office, looking very much like a dour Mary Worth. He office is decorated with pictures of her adopted children at various ages, as well as several arts and crafts. There are two congressmen sitting in her visitor chairs, smoking cigars and drinking scotch out of porcelain teacups.]

Congressman 1: You've got some good looking children, Dr. O'Sama.

Metalia: [without a trace of humor] Of course they are, why do you think I picked them? And please, drop the formality. Dr. Metalia will suffice.

[One of congressman notices one of the photos is facing the wall and turns it to reveal a fairly current snapshot of Kunzite.]

Congressman 2: Is this your oldest? He's a handsome boy.

Metalia: He is. He used to be the best of the lot. The oldest, the smartest, the best leader...or he was. Before he met some silly little blond at school and his brains turned to mush.

Congressman 1: [chuckles] Sounds like you don't approve of the little filly.

Metalia: I don't. In the past few months I've had more trouble out of the little golden haired brat than all the others put together, and that is saying something.

Congressman 2: Ah, well he's young. It may not last.

Metalia: Oh, it will last. Believe me. It will last. My son is the type who falls in love only once, and I regret to say, it's the same with the little troublemaker. [scowls at a picture of Beryl in a middleschool cap and gown] I'd cut them both off and adopt a couple more kids to replace them, but then I'd have to put the girl in charge, and I already know that kind of power would just go straight to her head.

Congressman 2: You'd better be carefully of they'll cut you out of their lives and you may never get to see your grandchildren.

Metalia: Grandchildren? From those two? [pours more scotch] That's never going to happen.

Congressman 2: Oh?

Metalia: They're both far too hedonist and self-serving to even entertain the idea of procreation.

Congressman 1: Hey. Never say never. Accidents happen, you know.

Metalia: Not those kinds of accidents.

Congressman 2: Oh?

Metalia: You've never met my son.

Congressman 2: Like I said. They're young. People change, especially at that age. Sooner or little, his little lady going to her the chiming of her biological clock and they two of them are going to want to shop for onsies and paint a nursery.

Metalia: [sips her teacup] Not in the cards. I can promise you that.


	82. Dredge

[scene: The Midori household. Zoi is chopping vegetables for dinner when his father comes home from work.]

Chief Midori: [smiling] There's someone here to see you.

Zoi: Is it Kunzite?

Mamoru: [following behind Chief Midori] Not quite.

Zoi: Oh. [He doesn't bother hiding his disappointment, and goes back to chopping vegetables]

Chief Midori: [Hangs up his jacket and shoulder holster] I'll go upstairs so you two can talk in private.

Zoi: You needn't bother. I'm sure he won't stay long.

[Chief Midori chuckles as he goes up the stairs. Zoi give Mamoru a cold look]

Zoi: Forgive me if I don't offer you something to drink.

Mamoru: Don't worry, your father told me to help myself. [gets a can of lemonade from the fridge] Want any help with dinner?

Zoi: I think I can manage without you.

[Mamoru takes a seat at the kitchen table]

Zoi: [snide] Does Minako know you're here?

Mamoru: Who do you think sent me?

[Zoi sneers]

Mamoru: She told me how you got attacked at the O'Sama mansion. She feels really badly that she didn't try to help you.

Zoi: But not badly enough to apologize in person.

Mamoru: Actually, she told me not to tell you that, but I felt it was something you should know.

Zoi: [shrugs] Yeah, I'd feel a vague sense of guilt, too, if one of my friends was almost torn to shreds by a bunch of monsters while I just stood there and ordered people not to help.

Mamoru: [frowns] The thing you have to remember is that all four of those girls were brutally murdered by the Shitennou. Three of them by your boyfriend. It happened a thousand years ago, but they have just gotten their memories back, so each murder, and the events leading up to it, are all fresh in their minds...this is been particularly hard on Minako because Kunzite tricked her into thinking he loved her, and she remembers that too.

Zoi: And you feel the same way?

Mamoru: [stares at his lemonade morosely] I was murdered by Beryl, not the Shitennou, so I'm a little more tolerating of Kunzite. Also I was her slave, not her friend, so I never had a reason to feel betrayed...but still, I... [stare at Zoi] let me just say that if you were dating Beryl instead of Kunzite, someone else would be sitting here talking to you right now.

Zoi: Fair enough. So what did Minako want us to talk about, if she doesn't want to say she's sorry?

Mamoru: She wants to know why those monsters attacked you.

Zoi: Oh! So we're blaming the victim now!

Mamoru: We're not blaming anybody. All we know is that about 50 people came to Hen Tie and were never heard from again. Some of those people were turned into monsters. Some of those people were eaten by those monsters. One of the monsters was killed by Rei-

Zoi: Oh?

Mamoru: [blushes as he realizes he said too much] It was an accident. She hit him with a fireball while he was flying overhead and it pierced his wing, sending him plummeting to the ground. They called me, but I didn't even have to get close to the body to tell there was nothing I could do... [Mamoru tapers off into a stammer and looks downcast. Zoi is starting to feel bad for him]

Zoi: Hey. Don't worry. I'm not judging, I think I killed his girlfriend...this is the pervy teacher who was found in a clearing with burns all over his body, right?

Mamoru: [nods] So what can you tell me?

Zoi: Nothing. You've just told me a lot more than I knew five minutes ago.

Mamoru: So you don't know anything about these monsters?

Zoi: I think I know less about these monsters than anyone.

Mamoru: What about the god who is creating them and sending them to kill the Shitennou?

Zoi: [stops chopping and faces Mamoru] WHAT?

Mamoru: It's just a guess. Artemis said a minor god of chaos is creating is creating these things and sending them out to hunt four boys. Four boys. Four shitennou. And these things attacked you and Kunzite and nobody else. It can't be a coincidence. The question is...why?

Zoi: I don't know! I don't even know who Artemis is! And why me? I've only been a Shitennou for five months, and haven't done anything remotely Shitennou-like in that entire time.

[For a moment, there is a strained silence, that is interrupted by the crackling of a radio in Chief Midori pocket.]

Radio: Chief Midori, this is dispatch, we have reports of 10-45 at 10-20 Black Moon Cove. I repeat 10-45 at 10-20 Black Moon Cove. Do you copy?

[Zoi stares wide-eyed at the radio.]

[Mamoru looks at Zoi. For a moment they are still and silent. Then Zoi starts walking over the radio.]

Mamoru: What is a 10-45 at 10-20?

Zoi: That's police code for human remains.


	83. The Phantom

[scene: The Midori household. Zoi is walking to the police radio, which is repeating its report that someone has found human remains at Blackmoon Cove. Before he can reach it, his father comes down the stairs.]

Chief Midori: [calmly] I've got this.

[He picks up the radio and walks outside, closing the door behind him.]

[Mamoru comes over and he and Zoi listen through the door.]

Chief Midori: all in fragments, no complete skeletons...? I assume three dozen is an approximate number...Did this anonymous caller say where to find this tunnel...And no weapons, dogs or any other signs on immediate danger...Yes, that is helpful. I'll go check it out now.

[Mamoru and Zoi back away from the door and try to look innocent as Chief Midori returns for his jacket and holster.]

Chief Midori: I've got to go, something just came up.

[Goes to the kitchen to throw together a quick ham sandwich to pack for dinner.]

Zoi: We can come with you.

[Mamoru nods]

Chief Midori: Thank you, but I'm quite capable of doing my job without a pair of teenagers tagging along.

Zoi: [looks leery] Dad. I don't like this. Why would anyone be calling in an anonymous tip from Blackmoon Cove at this hour of the evening?

[Chief Midori gives him a stern look for eavesdropping]

Zoi: I think you're walking into a trap.

Chief Midori: Well, don't worry. I'll be calling in the feds to come with me.

Zoi: Dad. I don't think it's a good idea—

Mamoru: Zoi, it's his job. And your father's been doing this longer than we've been alive. I'm sure he knows how to be careful in these types of situations.

[Zoi gives him an exasperated look and Mamoru gives him a subtle nod.

Chief Midori: That's right, son. I just want you to be careful to stay out of the woods, like I told you before.

Zoi: Yeah, Dad. Don't worry.

[Chief Midori gives him another stern look]

Zoi: Seriously, Dad.

[Chief Midori doesn't look convinced. Mamoru steps forward.]

Mamoru: I have a pre-calculus test to study for and I could use his help.

[Zoi looks up at Mamoru and nods vigorously at his father]

Zoi: Right…and if we get stuck we can always call Umino… In fact, I think I'll give him a call anyway and see what he's been up to. We haven't spoken in a while.

[Zoi abruptly closes his mouth as he remembers he just went to Oktoberfest with Umino. Fortunately, his father is too distracted to notice.]

Chief Midori: [absently] That's a good idea. You've been spending so much time with Kunzite lately, your friends are going to think you've forgotten them... say, you're going to study here. Then talk with Umino over the phone. Right?

Zoi: [angelic] Sure, where else?

[Chief Midori doesn't look entirely convinced but grabs his keys and heads for the door]

Chief Midori: No going outside. Not until I get back.

Zoi: Yes, dad.

Mamoru: Bye, Chief.

[Zoi and Mamoru watch through the curtains until he has driven off]

Zoi: [to Mamoru] You need to leave.

[Mamoru grins]

Zoi: Ur, sorry. ...I...I didn't mean it like that.

Mamoru: I knew what you meant.

[Gives a half wave as he walks out the back]

[Zoi takes out his phone and frantically dials Kunzite.]

[The call goes to voicemail. Zoi remembers that Kunzite has been sent a facesaving errand by Metalia, but tries three more times before he gives up and teleports away in a flurry of flower petals.]

[He reappears at a bluff overlooking the ocean and lit only by the moon and stars. At one time a huge mansion stood there, but there is nothing left of it except for bits of torn up foundation with charred and melted bits of rebar. The majority of the area is now a meadow filled with wildflower and fragile shoots of saplings, dwarfed by redwoods and other pines surrounding the parameter cut by a windy twist of roadway. Zoi scans the area with his heighted night vision. He doesn't see anyone, and hears only the crashing of the waves, but in the dark he can barely make out the entrance to the tunnel in the side of the hill, now choked with roots and vines. But Zoi doesn't need to see it to know where it is. He's been there before.]

[Zoi shudders at the memory. His existence as a human was cut short, not too long ago, by the Blackmoon Clan-who were in turn murdered in a brutal genocide by his fellow Shitennou. But even before then, his memories of the place are far from pleasant. Zoi walks over and brushes his hand over a metal door, camouflaged against the cliff wall with caked-on dirt. He has little doubt that door has been closed and locked until recently. Zoi takes one last look around before he enters the tunnel.

[It's a good thirty minute drive to there from his house, even if his father is using the siren on the squad car. As Zoi looks around, he's glad for the head start. He sees the bones right away. A few feet from the entrence. Thousands of shards, forming a mosaic on the floor. Skulls and larger bones are stacked against the wall, with fresh votive candles lit in each eye socket. Zoi peers closely and the candlewax is barely melted. Someone must have been there to light them, but he can detect no signs of a recent presence.]

Zoi: Who's there?

[He receives no reply.]

[Zoi continues to search until he reaches a locked door at the end of the hall. This has to be a trap, but he can see no sign of it. There is nothing for him to do but wait for his father to arrive.]

[He knows Chief Midori will be furious, but Zoi won't let him go into danger. He tries to wait for him in the tunnel, but the entire scene is too unnerving. Even for a Shitennou. He leaves the tunnel to wait by the clearing.]

[Then he sees it. A big bear shape easing out of the trees, quiet as a shadow and stalking deliberately towards him. It is enormous, at least eight feet. To a casual observer it might appear to be a bear, but thicker, and too sleek. Then the figure levitates, and Zoi realizes he is looking at a wraith. A phantom in a black hooded cloak, with glowing iridescence skin, and a skull for a face.]

[It is terrifying to look upon, even from a distance, but it floats over and stops a mere ten feet away from him]

Wraith: Zoisite Midori. We meet at last.

Zoi: You know who I am?

Wraith: I know who you are, and I know what you are. I am an old friend of your mother's.

Zoi: You mean Metalia? [Zoi is certain his real mother would have mentioned a have a nine-foot tall skull-headed wraith as a friend at least once]

Wraith: Who else?

Zoi: W-who are you.

Wraith: I am called Wiseman.


	84. The Reckoning

[Scene: A forest clearing at what used to be Blackmoon Cove. Zoi is talking with a skull headed phantom.]

Wiseman: I did not expect to see you here.

Zoi: I...live not too far from here.

Wiseman: You're right. Still, I didn't expect... When I found that Metalia's house was empty, I thought you had left.

Zoi: Oh... they did leave.

Wiseman: Hmmm...I'm surprised they left you behind. Like an old pet they couldn't bring into their new home.

Zoi: [still unnerved to be talking to something straight out of the haunted mansion] Yeah, something like that.

Wiseman: Hmm...Do they visit here often?

[The question sounds a little too casual. Zoi is feeling uneasy. Like a worm being pulled from the ground to be placed on a fishing hook.]

Zoi: Now and again... The time seems longer to me, I imagine. You know how they get distracted...

Wiseman: Hmmm...the house had been vacant for a while...you must learn to lie better than that, Zoisite.

Zoi: [blinks] Why would I lie?

Wiseman: Why indeed? To keep me from bothering your sister and your brothers, I suppose? They can be so touchy...yes, I remember those four youngsters well. They have such violent tempers.

Zoi: Do they really?

Wiseman: Mm-Hmm. They won't be happy about this.

Zoi: About what?

Wiseman: About me killing you.

[Zoi backs away]

Zoi: Is that supposed to be a joke?

Wiseman: Not at all. I've been looking forward to your murder for months now. I would have like to have killed the Shitennou all at once... But you're here...alone...

[Wiseman advances and Zoi backs away faster]

Wiseman: I would take you as my hostage, but I think your death would draw your brothers to me just as quickly. I'm not going to make the same mistakes my worshippers made.

Zoi: Your...worshippers?

Wiseman: The Black Moon Clan.

Zoi: Oh! You're the Death Phantom!

Wiseman: They were my people. And your brothers killed them. All because of you.

[Zoi backs away even faster]

Wiseman: Do you know what it is like to be the god of nobody who is still alive?

Zoi: No.

Wiseman: This is not the revenge I had imagined. I'd wanted your brothers to watch you die again. Then again, you must not mean very much to them if they left you here all alone.

Zoi: [nervous] I know who you are. Demande Blackmoon told me about you. You're not nearly as strong as Metalia. She will know it was you. You won't get away with this.

Wiseman: How will she know anything happened? A Shitennou does not leave a corpse, so nobody will find your body. You'll simply go missing, like so many other humans. Your brothers won't know what happened to you, until it is their turn to go missing as well.

[Zoi tries to teleport away, but finds he can't. The fabric of reality has become too dense for him to tear through.]

Wiseman: Don't be afraid. This will be quick. You won't feel a thing. I promise. But if you knew what I have planned for your brothers...[shakes his head sadly]...you'd be thanking me for this mercy.

Zoi: ZOI!

[A wave of flower petal flies at Wiseman, which he absorb harmlessly into his body.

Wiseman: You are attacking me with Dark Energy? [chuckling] How quaint. Don't you realize that's a bit like throwing snowballs at a blizzard?

[Zoi backs away quickly and summons a fireball. He hurls it at Wiseman, but it washes over the phantom with no effect at all]

Wiseman: Foolish infant. I am a god of chaos. I am made of the same energy you are attacking me with. I can absorb your attacks right into myself. Just as I can absorb the very flesh from your body.

[Wiseman stretching out his hand and Zoi feels his flesh being sucked away into a vortex]

Zoi: KUNZITE!

Wiseman: Yes, scream. Scream for your brother. Summon him here so that I can kill him too.

[Then Wiseman whips his head around, an instant before a red rose comes flying out of nowhere, breaking the vortex between them.]

Wiseman: I don't believe it.

[Zoi looks and sees Mamoru, stand in a battle stance on the bough of a sequoia, at the other side of the clearing.]


	85. The Phantom Menace

[Scene: A clearing in Black Moon Cove. Zoi and The Death Phantom look up and see Mamoru standing up on a bought, backlit by the full moon.]

Mamoru: [Dramatic] A great poet once wrote of two roads that diverged in a yellow wood. While he selected the road less traveled, you have picked a path that is not so easy to forgive. Recalculate, devil. Make a u-turn or find yourself bent in the undergrowth of evil.

Wiseman: Begone, annoyance.

[The Death Phantom reaches out his hand to blast him out of existence, but Mamoru just leaps to another bough. Zoi vanishes in a flurry of petals.]

[The robed man looks back and forth from the spot where Zoi had been an instant ago, to Mamoru who is staring calmly]

Wiseman: Normally, insects like you would be beneath my notice, but you have allowed my quarry to escape and inform against me. Now you must must die.

[Mamoru merely glares it him coolly from his tree limb]

[Wiseman raises his hands and conjures a ball of dark energy…then as fast as a whip, he spins around and launches it in another direction.]

[Minako, who had been preparing a crescent beam attack lets out a scream as the blast sweep her off her feet and sends her flying to the ground.]

Mamoru: MINAKO!

Wiseman: You fools. [blasts Mamoru out of the tree almost as an afterthought] Have you forgotten that I can read your minds?

[Minako and Mamoru stay low to the ground, staring at Wiseman with defiance.]

Wiseman: …And what noble fools you are indeed…Each of you lying there, racking your brains for a plan on how you might sacrifice yourself to spare the other of the gruesome death that you know must come to you…

Minako: Let Mamoru go! He's just a harmless pawn in all this! I'm the one you want to kill!

Wiseman: How funny. Your friend was drafting an eerily similar speech, but you spoke first.

[He glares as Mamoru]

Wiseman: That will not work…I assure you that your roses have no effect on me, even if I allow them to strike.

[Looks back at Minako]

Wiseman: And neither will your bolts…Abandon your pointless scheming, it will avail you not against a god of chaos who can see into your minds.

[Looks at Mamoru]

Wiseman: Why do you refuse to accept defeat? I am a god of chaos. I cannot be killed… I had but a single chance to kill the Shitennou without the Greater Goddess Metalia knowing. And you have allowed my quarry to escape and inform against me. That simply cannot be forgiven. You have robbed me of my sole remaining purpose, so now I must rob you of your lives.

[Both Mamoru and Minako remain still. Their teeth gritted in futile determination.]

Wiseman: Groveling will not help you. You are both certainly welcome to beg for your lives if you think it will amuse me, but in the end it will not help…Surrender yourself to the terror, so that I might take satisfaction in your screams as I end your lives… Your plans are pointless, not when I can see what you intend to do the moment you-

[Wiseman stops and staggers back in confusion as a swirl of flower petals appear. Zoi appears floating a bit behind him, with an icicle in each hand. Wiseman lets out a roar as Zoi drives them into each of his empty eye sockets.]

Zoi: [giggles insanely] Oh, come on? Did you really think I was just going to run off and leave my friends alone with you?

[Zoi sits on Wiseman's shoulders, falls back with his knees wrapped around Wiseman's necks and grabs Wiseman's legs, tugging until Wiseman's neck makes a sharp cracking sound. Wiseman collapses in a heap of empty robes as Zoi cartwheels to safety and takes a bow in the direction of the stunned Mamoru and Minako.]

Minako: [smiling] Oh, my god Zoi, that was badASS!

[Zoi smiled and bows toward Minako as she and Mamoru stand and approach him]

[She stops with a scream, as all three are paralyzed with terror as the crumpled form rises suddenly, grabs Zoi by the throat and slams his back into a tree]

Wiseman: Did you not hear me when I mentioned I am a god?

[He looks deep into Zoi's eyes while Zoi looks back in defiance]

Wiseman: Why can't I see into your mind, Shitennou? What manner of sorcery is this?

[Wiseman gives up looking at him and stares at the others.]

Wiseman: Well, answer me, humans!

[Zoi grabs at the hand holding his throat, but it's no use. Wiseman reaches for his chest and plunges his hand inside it, rummaging around, before pulling a dark blue gemstone halfway out of him.]

Wiseman: Tanzanite's stone. Just as I thought. One quick tug and you're dead in an instant, but I want to savor this moment. It's not every day a child of Metalia suffers the same fate others suffer at her commands.

Mamoru: WAIT!

[Wiseman looks at Mamoru and Mamoru looks back as they share a wordless conversation.]

Wiseman: Hmmm…what's this? His soul is unbound? How is this possible?

[Wiseman pushes the stone back into Zoisite's chest and shoves Zoisite's head back as if to see further into his eyes.]

Wiseman: You're quite extraordinary, aren't you… Hmmmm…yessss. I don't need to peer into your mind to know your secret…. your mother must have big plans for you…But I can make big plans as well.

[He smiles]

Wiseman: A pet Shitennou of my own. This does bring up some tempting possibilities… Swear obedience to me, and all of my grudges against your former family will be forgotten.

[Zoi remains silent]

Wiseman: [louder] Take a vow of undying allegiance to me as your god and your master! Do it, or I will kill you! And when I'm finished with you, I will kill your friends.

Mamoru : Don't listen to him, Zoi!

Minako: That's right, keep your trap shut, manwhore!

[Wiseman squeezes his throat for longer than a human would be able to endure, then tosses him roughly to one side like a discarded ragdoll. Zoi remains down.]

Wiseman: Bah…you are a stubborn fool… I'll give you until tomorrow to change your mind. And if you don't, I will make you wish you had.

[Wiseman fades away to nothing]

Zoi: [standing up] Are you two ok?

Mamoru: Are WE ok?

Zoi: Oh, I'm fine. [Sees a squad car pulling up] Oh, no. It's dad. I better get out of here. [clamoring away] I'm not supposed to be outside right now.

Minako: Whoaa! Some evil motherfn' GOD just threatened to make you his BITCH, and you're worried you're going get GROUNDED?

Zoi: [nods while still skittering away] Yes, exactly.

Minako: [sighs in annoyance] Come on. [beckons to her car] I think we'd better get some coffee and have ourselves a nice long talk.


	86. The Wages of Sin

[Scene: an all-night diner in Hen Tie, Washington. Minako, Mamoru, and Zoi are sipping soft drinks. A plate of fries is in the middle of the table, largely untouched.]

Zoi: Thank you helping me back there.

Minako: [into her straw] I didn't do it for you.

Zoi: [catty] Clearly. However, you did help save my life, so I thought I should thank you anyway.

Minako: [eyeroll] Whatever.

Mamoru: Minako cares more than she pretends to.

Minako: [sneers at Mamoru] Seriously? You need to learn to mind your own business. [sneers at Zoi] And as for you? Don't get the wrong idea. We're not cool. We're not even room temperature. But I am far less cool with that thing that attacked us all back in the clearing, and since it's just about stuck a big giant KICK ME note on your back, that makes us allies. Barely. For the time being. [narrows her eyes] But let's get one thing clear right off the bat, I may put my life on the line to save your worthless Shitennou ass, but will NOT risk any of my girls!

Zoi: I wouldn't want you to.

Minako: Good. [stabs at her ice with her straw] Because this might be the last time I agree with you about anything.

Zoi: [shrugs] From the looks of things, your Senshi couldn't do much against this guy anyhow. So you'd just be in the way. Again.

Mamoru: Ok! Let's end this sort of talk right now!

[Minako and Zoi stare daggers at him.]

Mamoru: I mean it… Zoi, stop antagonizing Minako… Minako, Zoi is not your enemy… He might be a Shitennou now, but he wasn't one during the fall of the Silver Millennium. He doesn't serve Metalia.

Minako: No. He serves Kunzite. Which is the same thing…No, it's worse, because he didn't have to sell his soul to be like this.

Mamoru: Like what? A Shitennou?

Zoi: Evil. She's upset because I'm evil. [sips his drink]

Mamoru: You're not evil.

Zoi: You're wrong… [inspects his ponytail] You asked why those monsters came after me? Why it went after the Shitennou and nobody else? I couldn't tell you at the time, because I didn't know who was after us. Now I do… That floating thing in the clearing? That's The Death Phantom, a Minor God of Chaos, and he's coming after me because of what we did to the Blackmoon clan.

[Minako and Mamoru both gape at Zoi at the mention of The Death Phantom]

Zoi: There used to be a tenth planet, called Nemesis, but it was destroyed thousands of years ago. The Death Phantom brought his worshipers to Earth, at the invitation of The Greater Goddess Metallia, but she only invited them so she could enslave his people. They were granted their freedom and sanctuary in the Kingdom of the Moon, but were quickly regarded as pariahs and sex offenders-

Minako: Yes, yes! We already know all this! What does any of this have to do with you and the Blackmoon clan?

Zoi: You…know…how? [comprehension dawns] Oh, right, you have your memories from the days of the Moon Kingdom…[flings his ponytail back over his shoulder]…The Blackmoon family were the purebred descendants of the Children of Nemesis.

Minako: [snickers] Oh man. That explains a lot.

Zoi: You might not know this, but the Children of Nemesis were instrumental in the downfall of the Moon kingdom. They betrayed the White Queen and allowed Metalia to breach their defenses after Endymion turned traitor-er, no offense, Mamoru…

[Mamoru shoots him a look]

Zoi: In exchange for their help, Metalia forged a magical truce between the Black Moon Clan and the Shitennou. They couldn't harm Kunzite directly, but they could hurt me, his boyfriend. They kidnapped me, and gloated about how they were going to torture and kill me. Which inspired Kunzite to find a loophole so he could end the truce and kill off the Blackmoons, once and for all.

Minako: [wide eyed] The fire at the Blackmoon estate-

Zoi: Was merely a cover. Everyone in that house was already dead. Including me…Every member of the Blackmoon family was annihilated by the Shitennou. Which is why Skeletor's Ghost is after us now… The only reason I'm sitting here right now is because Kunzite made it crystal clear he wasn't going to be any good for anything anymore with me dead… So don't make me chose between you and Kunzite. Because I will chose him. Every time.

Mamoru: That still doesn't make you evil.

Zoi: No. It's the murders I committed before I became a Shitennou that makes me evil.

[Mamoru give him a startled look while Minako sits there hunched down with an 'I knew it' grimace on her face.]

Zoi: [To Mamoru] Remember when you asked me what happened at Black Moon Cove, and I told you about how a gang of Blackmoons showed up at my house to kidnap me for making trouble for Demande Blackmoon?

Mamoru: [nervous] Yes?

Zoi: It was all true…. Only I left a lot of stuff out…[twirls a lock of his hair] …They didn't come to my house to kidnap me. They came there to murder me… Justice Blackmoon was angry at my dad, so he used his mind control powers on my father to force him to shoot me in the head with his service revolver…But it didn't work. My dad's goodness, and his love for me, were too strong to allow him to pull the trigger…So they tried to kill me themselves and make him watch. But I outwitted them…

[Zoi smiles at the memory]

Zoi: I pretended to cooperate… tricked them into thinking I actually wanted to die…just long enough to get my father's gun away from them so I could start killing Blackmoons…

Mamoru: That's not murder. That's self-defense.

Zoi: Yes. I suppose it could be considered self defense… At first… But once they started running, and begging for their lives…?

[Mamoru and Minako stare at him with their mouth hanging open a little]

Zoi: I liked killing them. It was fun for me… They hurt my dad. They tried to make him kill me. And the worst part? He would have never have known about the mind control. He would have thought there was some part of himself that wanted me dead that he just couldn't control…For that they had to die.

[Zoi curls a lock of hair around his finger]

Zoi: Maybe there was a way to defuse the situation without bloodshed, but I didn't care. Revenge was the most important thing in the world to me at that moment. More important than justice. More important than saving my dad. More important than saving own life so I could be with Kunzite again. All I wanted in that moment was to go straight to hell, and drag as many Blackmoons down with me as I possibly could…

[Zoi release the curl]

Zoi: So you see? I'm not a good guy. Not like you. Or my dad… Or even Kunzite. He never wanted this for me. He didn't turn me evil any more than he turned me gay. I was always like this… In fact, I feel a little uncomfortable sitting at the same table as people who are as virtuous as the two of you are.

Minako: [grabs her purse red faced with fury] You know what? This is gross. You are gross… I'm leaving, and if you want a ride, Mamoru, you'd better leave too. [Walking away] Thanks for picking up the check, Zoi. See you at school.

[Mamoru looks after her, then at Zoi]

Zoi: Don't worry. I WILL pick up the check.

[Mamoru goes after Minako]

[Zoi pays, still smiling, and then teleports home. ]

[His smile vanishes abruptly as he sees the walls of his room are covered in red. The word TOMORROW appears in big red letters. As well as the names of his friends. His family. Everyone he cares about, or who might remotely care about him.]

[Mamoru and Minako's names are there. So are the rest of the C'est La Vie gang. As well as Usagi, Umino and Naru. And also his parents. Charles Midori. Giancarlo and Renee Cappelli.]

[And most ominous of all, the two last names have a pair of arrows pointing to Unborn-Girl Cappelli.]

[Zoi has always wanted a little sister. He knows his mother is expecting. She's six months along. She asked the ultrasound techs not to reveal the gender, since she wants to be a surprise, but Zoi has been not so secretly campaigning for a little sister, so he can spoil her and take her to Disneyland in a princess dress.]

[But now, because of him…]

[Zoi sits on the bed. Shaking like a leaf as the ugly realization of his situation hits him all at once.]


	87. Nef Fright

[Scene: Zoi's bedroom. He is sitting on the bed shaking with fear. The walls are covered in names, written in red, along with an ominous TOMORROW in huge letters. It isn't difficult for Zoi to figure out what it means. If he doesn't take an oath of obedience to the Death Phantom, every human he cares about is going to die.]

[Downstairs, he hears a car drive up and the front door opens and closes. Zoi rushes down the stairs, then stops halfway when he sees it is, in fact, his father. Hanging up his holster and bulletproof vest. He smiles up at Zoi then gives him an accusing look.]

Chief Midori: Zoi?

Zoi: D-dad.

Chief Midori: Zoi. I thought I told you to stay inside.

[Zoi shudders, not knowing how his father knew he was out, until he looks and sees his clothes are stained with dirt.]

Zoi: [trembling] Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. It won't happen again.

Chief Midori: What happened? Why did you go outside? Is Mamoru still here?

Zoi: Dad...I...

Chief Midori: What, son?

[Zoi wants to tell the truth, his father should know exactly what he is up against, but can't talk about it. He is too close to crying with fear]

Zoi: I..I love you, Dad.

Chief Midori: I love you, too, son. Now tell me what happened.

Zoi: I...I got into an argument with Minako...[backs up the stairs] ...I...I need to talk to Kunzite.

[Zoi rushes up to his room and pulls the door shut. He dials Kunzite, but Kunzite doesn't answer. This is not surprising since Metalia has sent him on another errand and insisted he not let Zoi interrupt this time for any reason whatsoever. Still, Zoi calls about ten times, crying harder each time it goes to voicemail.]

[He tried Beryl next, then Jeddy. His crying intensifies when neither of them answer.]

[Then he tries Neffy.]

Neffy's voice: [loud music in the background] This is Neffy. What do you want.

[Zoi assumes the calls gone straight to voicemail, partly because of the soundtrack, and partly because Neffy is the last person he'd expect to pick up his call on the first ring. He's about to hang up when-]

Neffy's voice: Jesus, kid, are you crying?

[Zoi sits, clasping himself into a tight ball as his weeping turns into tears of relief. As much as he hates his brother-in-law, hearing any Shitennou voice is a godsend at that moment.]

Zoi: Neffy! Oh my god, Neffy! It's really you!

Neffy's voice: [profound sigh] What's wrong now?

Zoi: I can't get ahold of Kunzite.

Neffy's voice: Oh, for godsakes, kid, is that all?

Zoi: I need to talk to him!

Neffy's voice: Can't this wait? It's ten at night and I'm right in the middle of studying for my midterms.

[Zoi hears a couple of girls laughing on the other end of line]

Zoi: [sniffy] Maybe your study group could concentrate a little better if you turned your stereo down.

Neffy's voice: It's not my stereo...It's coming from the party down-you know what? Nevermind. [muffled] Sorry girls. It's my obnoxious baby brother making trouble for everyone again. I've got to take this.

[Zoi hears a door close, but if anything the music has gotten louder.]

Neffy's voice: Before you say another word, tell me your life isn't in danger.

Zoi: Neffy, I need to find Kunzite! The Death Phantom just threatened-

[Zoi lets out a bloodcurdling shriek and covers his eyes as Neffy appears in his room wearing boxers with hearts on them and with his shirt completely unbuttoned.

Zoi: MY EYES! MY EYES! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON!

[Neffy smirks as he conjures an outfit with slacks and a sportcoat.]

Neffy: Yeah? That's what you get for using the words 'Death Phantom' and 'threatened' in the same sentence.

[Neffy finger-combs his hair while he looks around at all the names written on the wall and whistles]

Neffy: Jesus, kid what the Hell did you do to piss him off this badly?

Zoi: Well, I stabbed him in the eyes with a pair of icicles...but that's not why he's doing this!

[Neffy stride to the door of Zoi's bedroom. He holds out one palm to block the door from bursting open.]

Chief Midori: [from the doorframe] What is going on in there!

Neffy: Nothing. Your son is helping me rehearse a play for drama class.

Chief Midori: Why is he crying and screaming for you to put your clothes back on?

Neffy: Because your son's a hell of an actor.

Zoi: [goes to the doorway] It's okay dad. Don't worry, we're just going over his lines.

[Chief Midori looks over the both of them]

Chief Midori: Well...ok, but try and be a little quieter. I've had a rough day.

Neffy: Not a problem, Pops.

[Neffy pushes the door shut]

Neffy: You were saying? About the Death Phantom.

Zoi: [starts to go into a panic again] He wants to kill us to avenge the Black Moon Clan, but when he found out I never took an oath of obedience to Metalia, he tried to make me swear obedience to him instead-

Neffy: You can't do that.

Zoi: I'm not going to!

Neffy: He's one of the incarnations of Chaos. He's pure evil. The first thing he's going to do with you, once you are his slave, is make you kill all these people yourself.

Zoi: Yeah, I figured that much out on my own...So how do we kill him!

[Neffy stares at him like he doesn't understand the question]

Zoi: How do we kill him?

Neffy: How...do we... kill him?

[Zoi nods vigorously]

Zoi: We have to kill him! Before tomorrow! [looks at the clock] Within the next couple of hours! Before he hurts any of my family and friends!

Neffy: We can't.

[silence]

Zoi: What do you mean we can't!

[Long silence]

Neffy: [takes a deep breath then looks Zoi in the eye] We can't. He's a Minor God of Chaos...That makes him completely unkillable.


	88. Guards

[Scene: Zoi's bedroom. Zoi has just learned the Death Phantom can't be killed.

Neffy: Nope. God's don't die. It's what makes them gods and separated them from us slightly lessor lifeforms...Oh, they can be tormented for all eternity, which I'm certain Metallia will do if He decides to go after one of us. But you...well I hate to break this to you kid, but you're not exactly her favorite.

Zoi: But...the Moon Kingdom...Didn't you destroy it to keep to keep the White Queen from using the Moon Crystal to destroy her?

Neffy: No, we destroyed the Moon Kingdom to keep the White Queen from using the power of her Legendary Moon Crystal to seal her away.

Zoi: Seal her away...?

Neffy: It's like putting a god in a padded cell they can't escape from until they lose enough energy to fall into a torpor.

Zoi: Could we seal the Death Phantom away?

Neffy: [shrugs] I suppose you could. If you had a powerful enough magical artifact. But Mother destroyed all those ages ago. For this very reason.

Zoi: [undeterred] But if I had such an artifact, I could use it to seal away the Death Phantom?

Neffy: You might. If you could figure out how to do it before he vaporizes you for even making the attempt. But even if you succeed, you would die pretty quickly. Mortals aren't designed to harness that much power. Using an artifact powerful enough to seal away a god would cause your insides to burst like an overripe melon.

Zoi: [wide eyed] But if he's sealed away, he can't hurt my family and friends, can he?

Neffy: ...Well, It would certainly slow him down...

Zoi: [crying again] So there is nothing I can do to protect anyone? Maybe...if I were already dead...he would leave them alone... [Gives Neffy a pleading look]

Neffy: God, you don't know how much I wish I could help you. [deep sigh] But instead I'm compelled to tell you the answer is no and don't be so melodramatic.

Zoi: [crying harder] Where is Kunzite? I need Kunzite. Kunzite would know exactly what to do...[scans the walls looking for Kunzite's name]...oh my god...he's not up here...what if the Death Phantom decided to go after him tonight and he's already dead?

Neffy: He's not. Kunzite was at the same party I was, with a blond girl on one knee and a redhead on the other.

[Zoi turns and stares at Neffy with his mouth hanging open]

Neffy: [laughs] I'm just joking, kid. I have no idea where he is.

Zoi: YOU JERK! [starts beating Neffy with his fists] I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU MORE THAN ANYONE!

[Neffy just stands there laughing as Zoi continues to pummel him, until they hear a loud rapping on the window]

Zoi: [throwing his arms around Neffy in terror] IT'S HIM! IT'S THE DEATH PHANTOM!

Neffy: It don't think so.

Zoi: Who else could it be?

Neffy: I don't know, kid. It's your window.

Zoi: We're on the second floor!

[sets Zoi aside and goes to the window and reaches for the latch]

Zoi: [biting his nails] Stop! What are you doing? Don't let him in here!

Neffy: [over his shoulder as he continues to open the window] The Death Phantom could teleport right in here and kill us both in the blink of an eye. Why would he bother knocking?

Zoi: To prolong my terror!

Neffy: I've met him. He doesn't have that kind of patience.

[Neffy looks out the window and chuckles as he opens it to reveal Mamoru longing on his windowsill]

[Zoi's terror fades to annoyance]

Zoi: What are YOU doing here?

Mamoru: I'm trying to keep my promise.

Zoi: When did you promise to kill yourself falling off my window sill?

Mamoru: [looks at Neffy with seething hatred] Get out of my way.

[Neffy backs up and Mamoru come in through his window. He surveys the names on the walls with a stern expression.]

Neffy: [chuckles and nudges Zoi with his elbow] Ha. I'll bet this isn't the first time you've smuggled a boy into your room.

Zoi: You're right. Now both of you-Get out!

Neffy: Can't. As long as you are in danger. I have to stay here and protect you.

Zoi: You can protect me by getting Kunzite.

Neffy: I told you, kid. I have no idea where he is.

Mamoru: Then use your powers of divination, you preening jackass!

[Neffy is momentarily taken aback]

Neffy: ...oh, right.. Endymion...Careful, Beryl isn't here to protect you.

Mamoru: If Beryl were here, she'd be the one who needs protecting.

[The words are chilling, Zoi's never hear Mamoru talk like this.]

Neffy: I'll be right back with Kunzite, so don't try anything.

Mamoru: Don't worry. I'm not an animal like the rest of you.

[Neffy teleports away in a burst of starlight.]


	89. Poisoned Destiny

[Scene: Zoi's bedroom.]

Mamoru: Hey, are you okay?

[Zoi gestures at all the ominous graffiti on his bedroom walls]

Zoi: Why in the world would I be okay?

Mamoru: Right. Well…I came here to apologize.

Zoi: I don't accept! Leave!

Mamoru: I promised you that you could always count on me to protect you.

Zoi: That was back when you thought I was just a scrawny ninety pound human! I don't need you! I'm not interested in you, and I never will be!

[Mamoru doesn't go.]

Zoi: Get out of my room! You don't need to be here!

[Mamoru still doesn't go]

Zoi: Go! You need to spend time with Usagi! Right now! Before you both die because of me…

[Zoi sits on the bed and continues crying]

Mamoru: [sit on the bed next to him and puts his hand on his shoulder] I'm so sorry, Zoi. None of this is your fault.

Zoi: Of course it's my fault! The Death Phantom is after me because I brought about the mass murder of all his followers! And now it's payback time! [sobbing] Why did you come here? You don't owe me any apologies!

Mamoru: I couldn't leave things the way they were at the diner. That was awful.

Zoi: So what! Minako doesn't have the power to hurt me! I don't care! All I've ever wanted was to be with Kunzite! I don't care what he's done or if he's evil or not!

Mamoru: [leans back and lets out a heavy sigh] I want to say I understand where you're coming from-but I can't understand where you're coming from. I wish I could…because then I could forgive Beryl.

[Zoi stops crying and stares at him]

Mamoru: I know why you are pushing me away. I know what it's like to watch people die while trying to protect you.

Zoi:[under his breathe] …Princess Selenity.

Mamoru: [nods] She had everything…family, friends…innocence, beauty, grace…a gentle nature and a loving heart…[his lip curls into a snarl]…until the day we met, and ruined her life.

Zoi: No-

[Mamoru doesn't seem to hear him, his face becoming ferocious]

Mamoru: She wore a fancy white gown and I wore a collar and a chain…Beryl's plaything. Broken in both mind and spirit from a lifetime of torture and abuse…Selenity healed me with her magic. She had that power…Selenity promised me sanctuary in her mother's palace…I-I told her Beryl would come after me, and her mother wouldn't break a treaty with the Shitennou over a slave, but she just laughed and told me that she would protect me, no matter what-

[Mamoru buried his face in his hand]

Mamoru: Beryl killed her right in front of me, and I was too much of a coward to stop her. I watched her die. Beryl killed her then told me Metallia was going to destroy the Moon Kingdom, just because I tried to run away…Minako and the others… that was all my fault! I had a dagger, but I used it on myself! I couldn't let Beryl take me alive…They were so young, just girls! They had everything, until I met Selenity and poisoned their lives!

[Zoi gathers Mamoru into a hug]

Zoi: It's ok, ok…[once Mamoru has cried himself out Zoi hold him at arms length and gives him a wry halfsmile] Is that what's been tearing you up inside and making you act so crazy? If so, I've got some good news-Beryl lied to you.

[Mamoru looks at him, unblinking through tearfilled eyes]

Zoi: I've heard the other side of the story. From Neffy…There was no truce with the Moon Kingdom. Not really. The Shitennou only pretended there was, to put themselves into a better position to exterminate the people of the Moon Kingdom…They knew Selenity's mother had the Silver Crystal and planned to use it against Metallia. That was the ONLY reason they attacked.

[Mamoru's eyes widen with dawning comprehension]

Zoi: If anything, you screwed them over. [giggles] Your defection to the Moon People really threw a wrench in their plans. They'd wanted to wait a few more days, to draw up a strategy…They thought you'd gone to Selenity to divulge all their plans…Because of you, they had to attack in a completely haphazard fashion, giving the White Queen time-

[He stopped. Why did he want to say 'to destroy the Silver Crystal' when he clearly remembered Neffy insisting the Silver Crystal had been stolen? The more he tried to puzzle it out, the more it hurt his head to think about it]

Mamoru: Then…Selenity didn't die because of me?

Zoi: No! [giggles more] If anything, I'm sure Beryl would have told her that you betrayed her. So you should congratulate yourself for running away. Since Selenity soul's would be tormenting itself for trusting you, the way Minako is tormenting herself for trusting Kunzite!

[Mamoru wraps his arms around him]

Mamoru: Thank you! You don't know how much I needed to know all that!

Zoi: Hey [pats his back in a brotherly manner] It's ok. Anything for my protector.

[A flash of starlight appears and Neffy materializes along with Jeddy and Kunzite. Kunzite stares at Mamoru like a wolf about to go on the attack, and Mamoru levels a similar look at Kunzite.]

Zoi: Kunzite! [rises from the bed with a huge smile and runs into his arms]

[Kunzite's entire demeanor changes as he holds Zoi]

Kunzite: Nephrite told me everything that has happened.

Zoi: Is there a way to fix this?

Kunzite: Of course. But we need to leave. As soon as you are ready.

Zoi: [over his shoulder to Mamoru] Could you go downstairs and look after my dad? I don't want him to be alone if the Death Phantom arrives here.

[Mamoru nods, then rises and retreats down the stairs]

Zoi: Where are we going?

Kunzite: To Washington DC, to talk to Mother.

Zoi: [face falls] Metallia? She won't do anything to help me! She hates me! She's just going to make it worse! She might even torture and kill me herself, just to rob him of the satisfaction!

Kunzite: Zoisite. We don't have any other options.

[The words are chilling to him. He takes a deep breath and composes himself]

Zoi: Okay. Let's go.

[The Four Shitennou teleport away to a Victorian looking parlor decorated with chintz and pictures of Beryl and the Shitennou as they might apart at varying ages.]

[They step forward, but then stop short when they see their mother has company]

[Metallia, looking very much like Mary Worth is sitting at a tea table dining on coffee and apple pie topped with cheddar. In the chair opposite her is the Death Phantom in his robe, also dining on coffee and pie]

Metallia: [stern] Come in, boys. We were just talking about you.


	90. The Mystery of Zoi

[Scene: Metalia's parlor. She is having pie and coffee at her tea table, while the four Shitennou are shrinking back. Zoi's arms locked around Kunzite's waist in fear. Metallia pours herself more coffee as she stares at the Shitennou with a stern expression.]

Metallia: Little monkey. Take a good look at me and the Death Phantom and tell me what you see.

[Zoi opens his mouth since he suspects she wants an answer from him, but closes it because he can't think of what to say]

Metalia: [To Zoi] Yes! I'm talking to you, you little slut! Take a good look at me and the Death Phantom and tell me what you see!

Zoi: I-I'm not sure how you want me to answer that.

Metallia: [calmly sips her coffee] A three word description of our general physical appearances would more than sufficient.

Zoi: I-I see a hissing snake woman made of smoke...a-and a wraith with a glowing skull for a face.

Metallia: Indeed. [takes a sip of coffee] That's what I thought.

[The other Shitennou look at Zoi in puzzlement, since they clearly see a little old lady in a housedress and pearls, and a huge man in a robe.]

Death Phantom: [to Metallia] You see? It is as I told you-

Kunzite: Mother. There is something you must know. The Death Phantom was behind the attacks-

Metallia: [slams down her cup] SILENCE! BOY! THE GROWNUPS ARE TALKING!

[Kunzite immediately goes quiet and Zoi tighten his grip around him]

Metallia: [to the Death Phantom] More pie?

Death Phantom: [waving it off] No, thank you. I have far more than I wanted already.

Metallia: [To the Shitennou] As I was saying, the Death Phantom and were just talking about you. More specifically, the senseless massacre of his followers at Black Moon Cove...Naturally, he took quite a bit of umbrage at that. As did I. Given how instrumental his followers were in the conquering of the Moon Kingdom.

[Zoi swallows hard, then lowers his head. Neffy and Jeddy shift uncomfortably. Kunzite stands as still and unblinking as a statue.]

Metallia: I assured him I neither authorized nor condoned the murder of his worshipers, and am perfectly willing to let him mete out a punishment against the four of you as a means of reparations...But he is perfectly willing to let bygones be bygones...as soon as we hand over the toy monkey as a gift to him.

[She points at Zoi with her fork. Zoi buries his face against Kunzite, who places a protective arm around him.]

Metallia: A perfectly reasonable solution...A little TOO reasonable, in fact. We incarnations of Chaos are not known to be reasonable...So I asked what the catch is. What is it about this monkey that makes him more valuable that all of his followers put together? I could think of only three gifts he might have to offer-his pretty face, his musical talent, and his totally immunity to mind magic. All novel amusements, to be certain. But hardly worth cancelling a blood debt over.

[She looks at the Death Phantom]

Metallia: Or so I thought...Tell my sons what you just told me.

Death Phantom: [rising from his chair] This immunity to mind magic, powerful enough to resist even the influence of a god, it is like nothing I've ever seen. When I had the boy in my clutches I delved into his physical essence, hoping to discover his secret, and I found it, in his mitochondrial DNA. Zoisite Midori had a subtle mutation of his X chromosome that has created brain irregularities. Not enough to create development disabilities. But it does render him completely immune to psychic prying or interference.

Jeddy: Oh, cool, Zoi! You're like an X-Man!

[The others stare at him and he goes silent.]

Death Phantom: This accident of nature is so random yet so profound, it can not be replicated artificially, not even by magic. It has given me a new purpose. I wish to cultivate this gene when I elevate a new race of followers to replace the Black Moon Clan.


	91. Metallia's Choice

[Scene: Metallia's parlor.]

Zoi: So let me get this straight. You want me to pledge allegiance to you, just so you can tear me apart for scrap, for when you build your Black Moon Clan part 2?

Death Phantom: Not at all. Shitennou do not have physical form when parted from their soulstone, therefore, any genetic material I harvest from you would evaporate within seconds. Since I must rely on...more conventional means, killing you would be quite counterproductive, otherwise I would have done so already-

[Metallia clears her throat]

Death Phantom: My pardons, your grace. I sometimes forget he is your property, even if he hasn't taken an oath.

Metallia: [eating pie] Understandable. Continue.

Death Phantom: As I was saying, the boy's remarkable dna render him completely immune to mind magic. Anyone with a rudiment of knowledge of human genetics knows that if a boy must inherit his X chromosome from his mother. Since I'd rather not utilize a Shitennou for my purposes if I didn't have to, I scanned her, along with of all surviving relatives of her lineage. The same defeat is present in her, but nobody else, which tells me that she is the fountainhead of the mutation.

Zoi: You stay away from my mother!

Death Phantom: Don't worry. She is too old to be of use to me. Overripe and near the end of her fecundity. She has only a 50% chance of passing it to her offspring. It is not present in the child she is carrying in her womb, and I have no guaranty she is fertile enough to produce another.

[Levels his gaze at Zoi]

Death Phantom: But you are young and male. Your reproductive capacity is nearly limitless. Once provided with a harem of biologically-compatible female companions, you can sire a new race of Shitennou, bound by oath to serve me, and cultivated to share your unique gift. [Turns to Metallia] So my deal is this. I will erase the blood debt owed by your sons, and in exchange, you will make a gift of this boy to me, as well as six human maidens of my choosing, to be elevated to serve as his brides, so that I might breed a new race of Shitennou.

[The Shitennou at the Death Phantom for several seconds in shocked disbelief before Zoi starts laughing. Soon Neffy and Jeddy start laughing too. The only Shitennou not laughing us Kunzite, who is clutching Zoi and staring at the Death Phantom in wide-eyed horror.]

Zoi: I hate to break this to you...but I'm physically incapable of breeding with any woman.

Death Phantom: No, you are mentally incapable of breeding with any woman. Fortunately, I don't need for you to have a functioning brain.

[Zoi and the other Shitennou stop laughing as his words sink in]

Death Phantom: I don't need mind magic to reduce you to a gibbering idiot incapable of lucid thought. If a month of torture doesn't break you, a sharp spike through your eyesocket could suffice-

Kunzite: MOTHER! YOU WILL NOT ALLOW THIS!

Metallia: SILENCE! THIS A MATTER BETWEEN TWO GODS! YOU HAVE NO SAY IN ANYTHING! YOU PUT YOURSELF IN THIS SITUATION BY MURDERING HIS FOLLOWERS! NOW ACCEPT THE CONSEQUENCES!

[Kunzite lowers his eyes and goes quiet]

[Metallia finishes her pie]

Metallia: He's right. I will not allow this.

Death Phantom: [does a double take] You take orders from a slave?

Metalia: [livid] No, I do not! Not any more that I take orders from The Failed God of Nobody!...[gives the Death Phantom a baleful stare]...You came here seeking justice for the murder of your worshippers! In this matter, the boy is blameless!

Death Phantom: Blameless! He killed six of my best men!

Metallia: Six grown men! Who broke into his father's house to murder him without provocation, merely as a means to upset MY son! Six of your finest warriors! Including your high priest! All well-versed in magic and combat, against a scrawny, underfed little human boy! And he managed to kill them all! That is nothing to boast about!

Death Phantom: He had a gun!

Metallia: A gun that your high priest practically handed to him! And you think after that, you have earned a fresh start? [shakes her head and then sips her coffee] The boy is off limits to you.

Death Phantom: I will have my retribution!

Metallia: I agree, but Your grudge is with his brothers. Not him.

Death Phantom: If I can't have this one, I will kill the other three!

Metallia: No. You may kill ONE.

[The room goes silent]

Metallia: You heard me. Kill any but the youngest, and we'll consider the matter finished.

Death Phantom: [fiendish] Any of them?

Metallia: Whichever one you'd like.

[Death Phantom draws himself up to his full height and regards the Shitennou]

Death Phantom: Yes...I believe in cases like this it is customary to make a sacrifice of the firstborn.

[The Shitennou, who have been holding their breath, all look at Kunzite, who stands there unmoving, then to Metallia]

Metallia: [goes back to sipping her coffee with a wave of her hand] So be it. Go ahead and kill Kunzite. He's been screwing up anyway.


	92. Parlor Games

[Scene: Metalia's parlor.]

[The Death Phantom looks at Metallia, who nods, before he advances on Kunzite, a ball of glowing energy forming between his hands]

[Jeddy and Neffy back away, but Zoi stands in front of Kunzite with his arms spread]

Zoi: DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT HURTING KUNZITE, YOU IRON-MAIDEN-ALBUM-COVER-ART REJECT!

[Kunzite just sighs and places a hand on Zoi's shoulder, pulling him closer]

Kunzite: Might I have a few minutes alone with my husband, to say our goodbyes?

[The Death Phantom stares intently at Kunzite for several seconds before nodding]

Death Phantom: You have twenty minutes.

[Kunzite walks to the door at a leisure pace holding Zoi close to his side, until they are outside the entry door.]

As soon as the door closes, Kunzite take an anxious look back over his shoulder. Then he runs, tugging Zoi by the wrist.]

Zoi: Are we going somewhere safe?

Kunzite: Of course.

[Zoi laughs with relief as they rush down the stairs out into the parking garage, and climb into Kunzite's Maserati after it materializes.]

[Kunzite starts the engine while Zoi fastens his seatbelt]

Zoi: Couldn't we just teleport away?

Kunzite: The Death Phantom will sense that and when he does, he will follow.

Zoi: Oh...How far can we get in twenty minutes?

Kunzite: Far enough.

Zoi: Where are we going?

Kunzite: It's not safe to say.

[Kunzite shifts the car into reverse, then takes a moment to caress the side of Zoi's face, and Zoi closes his eyes and preens against his hand like a cat]

Kunzite: When we get there, I want you to promise me something.

Zoi: Anything.

[Strokes Zoi's hair with his other hand]

Kunzite: I want you to promise me you will try to be happy...regardless of what happens...

Zoi: Of course.

[The kiss and the kiss goes on for a long time. Then Kunzite's words sink in and Zoi's eyes snap open]

Zoi: Wait, what are you saying!

Kunzite: I'm saying goodbye, Zoisite.

[Zoi struggles as Kunzite grips Zoi and drains his energy. Once Zoi is barely conscious, Kunzite stops the engine.]

Kunzite: I'm sorry, Zoisite. I wish I could promise this will end well. But things seldom do when the Gods of Chaos are involved.

[Kunzite unfastens Zoi seatbelt and carries him back to the apartment. Zoi is too weak to even protest as Kunzite sets him down on Metallia's Chintz sofa, and stands before the Death Phantom, a distance away, looking very regal. Neffy and Jeddy back away from Kunzite, not wanting to get caught in the crossfire.]

Death Phantom: You should have kept running.

Kunzite: I doubt that would have helped.

[Metallia clears the dishes from the table and brings them to the sink.]

Death Phantom: Kneel before me and accept your punishment.

Kunzite: I, Kunzite, Leader of the Shitennou and First Among Kings, accept my punishment, but I will not kneel before the God of Cowards.

[Metallia looks up from a sink filling with suds, appalled by her sons rudeness]

Neffy: [to the Death Phantom] Your Holiness, I just want to clarify, he doesn't speak for the rest of us.

Kunzite: Be quiet and do your job of guarding Zoisite.

Death Phantom: [chuckles under his breath] You arrogant fool. Barking orders as if you weren't some pawn to be sacrificed. Kneel, so you might do me the proper honor as I end your worthless existence.

Metallia: [washing dishes with rubber gloves and a bristle brush] You heard him, boy. Kneel.

Kunzite: [bows his head] I will kneel, Mother, if you command it. But first you must give me your word that you will protect Zoisite, and all of his loved ones, to the fullest extent of your powers as a Major Goddess of Chaos.

Metallia: I will do no such thing.

Death Phantom: [Chuckling at Kunzite] Your mother will thank me for ridding her of you so that she might clear the way for a more worthy servant.

Metallia: [setting a plate to dry] You can't see into my mind so don't put words into my mouth. Kunzite, kneel and get this over with.

Kunzite: [losing his temper] I will not kneel. Not to a god of a people without honor.

Death Phantom: You dare to stand before the gods, and speak words of contempt?

Kunzite: The Children of Nemesis acted unanimously to steal my husband from his home, merely to torture and kill him in front of me, believing there was nothing I could do to stop them. The insult alone was enough to merit their deaths, but I warned them repeatedly they would be wiped out to the last man if they so much as attempted to harm him. They proceeded anyway, forcing me to make good on my promises.

[Metallia pauses her dishwashing to stare at Kunzite]

Kunzite: I do not regret dying at your command, Mother. So long as I do not diminish myself by kneeling.

[Metallia turns off the water and faces the others]

Metallia: You raise an interesting point. The Children of Nemesis acted solely to disparage my eldest son, and by extension, myself. In the face of the insult to his goddess, Kunzite displayed a truly pathetic amount of restraint. In light of this, I consider my oldest to be blameless in the matter and therefore immune from punishment.

[She points at Neffy and Jeddy]

Metallia: The other two? They just joined in for the fun of it. Kill them both and consider the matter closed.

[Neffy and Jeddy gasp and clutch each other fearfully]

Death Phantom: This is an outrage!

Metallia: I offered one, now I'm letting you kill two. Kill them or show them mercy, it makes no difference to me. But know this. You've wasted too much of my time as it is, so you have thirty seconds to act, before I consider the matter closed. And that means no harassing the youngest, or any of his tribe of monkeys. If I learn that you so much as said 'boo' to a human of his acquaintance, I will wrap you in unbreakable chains of dark magic and toss you in an active volcano. Just see if I don't.

Death Phantom: [apoplectic with rage] YOU!...YOU!...YOU!

Metallia: Time's wasting. Take your justice and then get out of my apartment.

[The Death Phantom lets out a roar of frustration before teleporting away]

Metallia: I guess you boys got lucky. Now leave and don't come back until I summon you.

[Kunzite walks over to the sofa and restores Zoi's energy. Zoi stands and takes a swing at him]

Zoi: [crying hysterically] You son of a bitch! Don't ever do anything like that again! [he teleports away in a flurry of petals and Kunzite sighs and teleports after him]

[Neffy and Jeddy are still standing there, clutching each other fearfully]

Metallia: I said leave.

Jeddy: You..you..told the Death Phantom to kill us, that you didn't care-

Metallia: [throws down her dishtowel] Are two really that stupid? I was BLUFFING. That lug doesn't care what happens to you. Or Kunzite either for that matter. He wants his pet monkey and he's not going to do anything that will interfere with his chances of getting his pet monkey.

Jeddy: But you told him-

Metallia: It told him to leave the little slut alone, but if he manages to get the monkey to swear an oath of obedience, there is nothing I can do.

Neffy: So you think he will try again-

Metallia: Undoubtedly. But at worst case he will succeed and then it will no longer be my problem. Now for the the last time. Get out.


	93. The Pickup

[Scene: The Midori kitchen. Mamoru and Chief Midori are sitting at the kitchen table when Zoi and Kunzite teleport in. Chief Midori rises from his chair when he sees Zoi is crying. ]

Chief Midori: [stern] Mamoru filled me in on everything that has been happening with the Death Phantom.

Zoi: Good. For once, I'm glad.

Kunzite: [to Chief Midori] This matter has been taken care of. The Death Phantom is no longer a threat to your son or anyone he cares about.

Chief Midori: If it's been taken care of, why is he crying?

Zoi: I can't talk about this right now, I want to go to my room.

[Starts up the stairs]

Chief Midori: Zoisite O. Midori, get back here!

[Zoi keeps walking to the stairs]

Chief Midori: That's it, Zoi! I'm sending you home!

Zoi: [stops and turns around] I am home!

Chief Midori: I'm sending you back to live with your mother in Italy.

Zoi: [aghast] What did I do!

Chief Midori: What haven't you done? Your life has been in never-ending peril since the moment you arrived here! This place is not good for you!

Zoi: I'm not leaving.

Chief Midori: Why not? I thought you hated living here in Hen Tie.

Zoi: I don't want to crowd Mom and Giancarlo.

Chief Midori: They live in a CASTLE!

Zoi: Italy's too hot.

Chief Midori: [brings his fist down on the table] Dammit, none of this would be happening if you'd stayed with your mother!

Zoi: So you're going to get rid of me! Just like that! What is that going to solve!

Chief Midori: It will keep any more of these monsters from coming after you!

Zoi: You don't know that! Only if I'm in Italy it'll just be me and Mom and Giancarlo, and they don't even know I'm a Shitennou yet! No...as long as this Wiseman is after me, it's best I stay close to you as possible, and as far away from Mom and the bun in her oven as I can get!

[Kunzite crosses his arms and raises his voice just enough to be heard over Zoi and his father's bickering.]

Kunzite: The Death Phantom is not coming after you. Or anyone you care about. Mother already took care of that. She forbad the Death Phantom from coming after your son, or any human his acquaintance.

Mamoru: Why?

[They all stop and stare at Mamoru, still seated at the kitchen table with a thousand yard stare on his face]

Mamoru: Why? Why would Metallia do that? What could she possibly have to gain?

Zoi: [blinking] Gain?

Kunzite: She did it because I asked her to.

Mamoru: [sneers] Right. Metallia has never cared about what you want. Any more than you Shitennou have ever cared about what I want. She sees you as her servant and nothing else. To care about your wants and dreams would give you power of over her, and that is the last thing she wants.

Zoi: [toys with a lock of hair] I think she might have done it just to be spiteful.

Mamoru: No. I've lived with her for longer than I've been alive. Metallia doesn't dabble in anything as petty as spite. She is the literal personification of evil! If she does anything that remotely resembles a kind act, we should be very afraid, since it means she is going to do something far more terrible.

Kunzite: Not necessarily. Endymion. You should just be grateful that she's spared you this time.

Mamoru: Spared me for what, exactly?

[for a moment the room is silent]

Chief Midori: Mamoru, maybe she's not quite as bad as you remember.

Mamoru: Yes. I've heard talk like that before. From a princess. She urged me to give Metallia the benefit of the doubt as well. Right before 'your mother' had her murdered, and turned her entire planet into a sea of barren rock and dust.

Kunzite: That was different.

Mamoru: [bitter] Oh? Was it?

Kunzite: The people of this planet are beneath her notice, Endymion. And for that, you should be grateful. Mother had to act, because her life was in danger. The White Queen of the Moon threatened to seal Mother away with the Silver Crystal. Because we took care of it, there is nothing and nobody on planet that poses the same level of threat to her.

[Mamoru sinks into his seat, but his eyes are still wary.]

Kunzite: And as long as there is nothing that can pose a threat to her, there is no reason for her to impose a death sentence upon the inhabitants of this planet.

[Meanwhile, at the Hen Tie post office]

[Kate, a young postal worker is having a rather nice day, solely because she's had her eye on the most beautiful young man she's ever seen, waiting in line with a pickup slip in his hand.]

[Tall, with chin length chestnut brown hair and the most stunning almond-shaped blue eyes...And a fantastic boyfriend, if the redhead clinging to him is any indication. (sigh)]

[From what Kate can see of her she's got the tall, slim, curvaceous build of model. (of course) She seems to be having a bad day. She's buried her face against the beautiful boy's shirt while he holds her close and occasional kisses the top of her head to give her comfort.]

[Kate is delighted when she is the next available worker at the counter when they come to the front of the line.]

Kate: [cheery] Next.

[They break apart, and Kate is pleased to see the girl is even more beautiful than the boy to her. With sparkling almond-shaped brown eyes and the same elven features.]

Kate: [grinning] You two must be brother and sister.

Dev: [dazzling Kate with a smile] Why, yes. Twins as a matter of fact.

El: Can we have our package. We don't have a lot of time.

[Dev hands her the slip with a wink and her heart flutters. She goes to the back and returns with the package]

Kate: It's heavy. What's in here.

Dev: Just some mirrors.

Kate: I don't blame you. If I was as beautiful as the two of you are, I'd hang mirrors all over my house as well.

Dev: [Beams] Why, thank you. You're not so bad yourself.

[Kate's heart flutters again as Dev gives her another wink]

El: Can we have our package.

[Kate places it on the counter, and El grabs it, but Dev takes it from her in a chivalrous manner.]

Dev: There it is, my love. The last piece of the puzzle.

[He walks away with the package under one arm and El under the other]

Dev: Now let's go home and build ourselves a God Gun.

Kate: [Calling after them] My shift ends at four o'clock!

El: [Calling back] Don't care.


	94. Filthy Little Monsters

[Scene: A very different place… in a very different time…]

[A man rides a black steed through a landscape dotted with squat stone buildings and crude fences built of crisscrossed stakes. Both man and horse wear full plate armor.

[This might appear to be a scene out medieval countryside, if not for the wisps of flames pouring from the horse's nostrils, the three moons overhead in the maroon colored sky, and the lack of any creature remotely resembling normal earth livestock. Even the man himself is not exactly what he seems to be under his armor, as suggested by his larger than human size, and the narrowed eyes that glow within his helmet, as blue-white as the center of a flame.]

[These are the demon plains, and the man is there to hunt two small children, or rather abominations, as he would prefer to think of them. They are easy enough to track, he just needs to follow the trail of blood and indiscriminate carnage. He looks down as he rides past a creature that looks like a cross between a lizard and a hippo. Or did, before they hollowed out its torso and left just bare ribcage.]

[The man stares forward, his mouth set in a grim line. He recognizes their work. They'd done the same to his cherished little bride, not long after their wedding. The memory of it haunts his every moment, that sweet little angel face, resting in a pool of gore. Golden hair, soaking up blood, with those laughing green eyes, cold and dim like stones. Still beautiful, even in death, fed to them by the mother of these monstrosities in her jealousy, right before she rejected them as infants and abandoned in this godforsaken hellscape, leaving them here to die.]

 _[Trouble was, they didn't die.]_

[A mile further, a wide smear of fresh red leads to a closed door of a crumbling hut. The man's mouth sets into a grim line as he steps off his mount, strides straight to the door, and kicks it in without slowing.]

[The two little monstrosities stop their feasting. The boy had been gnawing on a fist full of some unlucky demon's entrails while the girl had stripped the flesh from its thigh with her bare teeth.]

[They both look up and shriek at him with sharp teeth that come to a point, like the fangs of a dog. They are filthy and they stink, their knee-length hair plastered to their bodies with so much dried blood, dirt, and gore it is impossible to guess its color. The only way to tell the girl from the boy was by her glowing pink eyes and the slightly more delicate point of her chin.]

[Aside from those fangs, they look like two feral but perfectly-formed human six-year-old children. In actual fact, they are far younger. Two, maybe three at the most. He's lost track. It's not like he's been celebrating their birthdays. But the man expected to find toddlers. Not that it makes a difference to him. It just would have made them easier to kill. A miasma of dark energy rises from the both of them, more powerful than almost anything he had ever witnessed, even if they are too young to harness it.]

 _[Heaven help the universe if these two manage to reach adulthood.]_

[The boy's glowing blue eyes narrow into slits as he snarls at the man with a chittering growl. Not in any known language. Just an incoherent baby babble. Nobody ever taught these two how to talk. The girl ducks behind the body of their meal, crouching down as far as she can, thinking it keeps her hidden from his vantage point. Flawed logic, but not bad for a baby. Best to deal with her first.]

[As the man's eyes settle on the girl, the boy lets out a shriek and skitters across the ground on his hands and feet like a spider. In the blink an eye, his teeth sink into the hunter's leg, biting through the steel of his boot as easily as it it were cloth.]

[The man looks down impassively at the pathetic creature trying to chew off his leg. It hurts, of course, but he welcomes the pain. He raises up his mailed boot to pry it loose from the boy's jaw. Then brings it down. Hard. Right into the junction where the boys neck meets his skull.]

[It connects with a satisfying crunch. Like the squashing of a cockroach. The man raises his foot again to deliver another blow, but sees it isn't necessary. There was no way this one was getting up again. The boy is still alive, but twitching convulsively, foam in the corner of his mouth, blood fountaining from his ear and nose. The twitching only intensifies as the boy cries out in pain and terror.]

 _[Now. To deal with the girl.]_

[She's still crouched, those pink eyes glowing with anger and hate, but she hasn't screamed in outrage, shed a tear, or spared so much as a glance in her dying brother's direction.]

 _[Coldhearted little bitch. Just like her mother.]_

[The man reaches back behind and draws an eldritch sword from his scabbard. The girl stares at the sword, and crawls out of her hiding place. She reaches for the thighbone of the demon she had been eating, tears the bone from the last of its remaining flesh and ligament, then rises up on two legs, her pink eyes glowing with hate as she holds the bone aloft to mimic the man's sword. Her little body sways as she takes one unsteady step. Then another.]

[The man let out a cruel laugh at the realization he is seeing a baby take her first steps, only with the intention of committing murder.]

[Behind him, the boy is still crying, only his cries are starting to sound less like pain and more like fear. The man can't help but glance back to see if he is afraid for himself, or his sister. Clearly for himself. His twitching is weaker, his cries fainter, and his eyes stare ahead, unseeing, as his hand grasps for something that is not there.]

 _[He knows he is dying. These little monsters have caused death often enough that he knows it's his turn now. It's the only thing they've ever really known.]_

[The man turns his attention back to the girl.]

[She waivers, her eyes darting between the man and her brother.

 _[Hate. Concern. Hate. Concern. Hate. Concern.]_

[Then all at once she throws down the bone, sinks to the floor and skitters over to her brother on all fours. She stops just short of him and lays on the ground facing him, close enough to hold him, but she merely touches his arm. Then she smiles. An angelic little smile that makes her look like a grimy little doll.]

[The hunter lowers his sword and tries to make sense of it.]

[The crying boy feels the hand on his arm, and reaches out to touch her face, his trembling fingers brushing her cheekbones, and tracing her lips. As he touches her, his cries soften into a contented babble, and he wraps his arms around her and pulls her close to him, bending her back at an awkward angle. He buries his face against her neck and wraps his arms around her as tightly as he can, cooing like a human infant clutching his favorite toy in its sleep.]

[The sword fell from the man's finger as he watches the baby girl comfort her dying brother, the angel's smile never leaving her lips, even while she stares at the man with the deepest loathing.]

 _[What have I done?]_

[He stand there watching, consumed with sorrow and selfhatred.]

[ _They were babies. Innocent babies. They didn't know…]_

[It isn't until the boy's weeping almost fades to nothing, before the man recovers his wits enough to remember he has the power to fix this.]

[He strides over and crouches beside the boy on one knee, stroking the boy's temple with one hand, as he keeps one eye on the girl, ready to restrain her. He doesn't have to. She doesn't attack. She just waits, making no move to defend herself or her brother.]

 _[She thinks I'm going to kill him. To end his suffering. She knows she is in danger, but she has to hold onto him, to bring him peace. Until the very end.]_

[The man gently lifts the boy away from his sister, despite her howls of protest, and into his arms to flood him with healing magic.]

[At once, the twitching stops, the blood flowing back into the boy's skull as the man repairs the damage to his little body.]

[The boy's clever bright-blue eyes open and blink at the man a few times, before they close, and the boy falls into a peaceful nap. Without even thinking, the man kisses his forehead.]

 _[Sleep well, little man.]_

[He rises to his feet, with the boy still in his arms and glances down at the girl. She is staring up at him, sitting with her legs folded under her with her hands on her knees and her head cocked to one side in curiosity.]

[He imagines how she will look as an ordinary human girl, all cleaned up in a blue velvet dress and white tights and shiny black mary-jane shoes, with a white headband atop her long straight hair–which he imagines as a mousy brown…the glowing pink eyes are a problem, he will need to use magic to change their color to blue. Like her brother's…

[No…brown. Like hazelnuts.]

 _[Any color but green.]_

[The armored man shifts the sleeping boy in the crook of his arm, and holds out his hand to the little girl. After a moment of confusion she rises and clasps her little fingers around it. The hate is gone from her eyes. Instead they are filled with confusion. She doesn't understand why he spared her brother.]

[They were bred to be killers. Conceived and trained solely as the ultimate instruments of evil. In their short lives, they never been shown any sort of compassion, nor kindness, nor mercy.]

[In spite of all that, they learned to love each other.]

 _[This changes everything.]_


	95. For Big Daddy

[Scene: Modern times in a trashed out foreclosure in Hen Tie, Washington. A teenager in workgloves, goggles, and mylar coveralls is holding a soldering iron next to a silvery crystal wrapped in fiber optic cables, while her brother watches in a similar outfit, a safe distance away.]

[She groans, sets down the soldering iron and pulls off her goggles]

El: This is useless, I need to be able to see what I'm doing.

[She pulls off the gloves and picks up the soldering iron]

Dev: El. No! Put your gloves back on! It's too dangerous! That crystal is pure concentrated light magic and we're made of pure evil. One touch and you go poof.

El: It would be more dangerous with the gloves on. It would be like doing neurosurgery with a butter knife.

[Dev pulls off his own goggles and gloves, standing behind his sister so she can't see him biting his nails in terror.]

El: [Brings the soldering close to the crystal] Just remember. We're doing this for Daddy.

Dev: You're doing this for Daddy. I'm doing this for you.

[El smiles at him over her shoulder and a split second before that he crosses his arms over his chest and gives her an aloof expression. When she turns back around, he goes back to biting his nails.]

El: You're not doing this for Daddy? This whole thing was your idea in the first place.

Dev: Need I remind you how that big lug crushed my skull in?

El: Yeah? Well, you started it.

Dev: [Jaw drops] I was trying to protect you!

El: [solders with a sly grin in her face] And you succeeded. Great job.

Dev: Don't mock me, dear sister. The only thing I succeed in was having my head stomped in.

El: You succeed in being so cute and lovable that Big Daddy felt really bad about hurting you, and decided to adopt us.

Dev: Conscript us into being his pawns against Metallia, you mean. And that had nothing to do with me having my skull crushed and everything to do with you charming him with your feminine wiles.

El: [giggles and pulls the soldering iron away from the crystal] Please, it's not safe for me to laugh right now.

Dev: [claps his hands over his mouth] Sorry. I'll shut up now.

El: No. Please keep talking. Your voice keeps me calm. [smiles and holds the soldering iron off to the side] Remember the first time Big Daddy gave us a bath?

Dev: [laughs] Oh my god. Like it was yesterday. It was like trying to wash a pair of rabid honey badgers.

El: [smirking] He made that tub up so cute for us. With all those bubbles, and the bath toys, and the scrub brushes, and the bottles of baby shampoo, and the water just the perfect temperature…

Dev: And we'd never been so terrified of anything in our lives.

[They are both laughing now]

El: No sooner did he manage to dip one of aour feet into the tub than we'd bite and scratch and try to claw our way up to the ceiling.

Dev: Meanwhile the other one took off screaming and tried to escape.

El: [shaking her head as she chuckles] He was so patient with us-

Dev: At first-

El: It's a good thing we couldn't understand the kind of language he was using back then.

Dev: Oh…I seem to recall his meaning was clear enough from his tone of voice.

El: Could you image if one of us got out of house? Not sure how he would have explained all that to the neighbors without them demanding he serve a lengthy prison sentence.

Dev: Oh, I think once we started *eating* those neighbors, it would have shifted their sympathies back to him pretty quickly.

El: Eventually he just had to pitch us both in into the tub, then seal us in with magic until we tired ourselves out trying to escape.

Dev: Poor bathtub…but after he scrubbed us off and combed all the tangles out of our hair, I couldn't believe how pretty we looked with our porcelain pink skin and our long flaxen blond hair and our cute little matching twinsie outfits, and I knew this guy couldn't be all bad.

El: I wonder why he wasted all the time and energy trying to make us take a bubble bath? Why he didn't use magic to hose us off with?

Dev: Because he was trying to train us to pass ourselves off as real human children.

[The twins stop laughing abruptly and their faces become somber as they heave a sad sigh]

El: [goes back to work with the soldering iron] Almost done. One last spot… Done. [lowers the crystal assembly into what looks like a bazooka then turns to face her brother] There, was that so bad?

Dev: Not at all. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go into the bathroom and vomit up a quart of blood from the perforated ulcer I just got from watching you work.

El: [Makes cooing noises as she hugs him] Oh, Dev, I'm sorry.

Dev: It's ok. Let's just hope this thing works.

[El backs away with her mouth slightly agape]

Dev: What?

El: It…never occurred to me this might not work…I…just assumed it would.

Dev: Oh well. I have 100% faith in you.

El: Really? 100% Because I've calculated our odds at about 50%.

Dev: 50%?

El: [grins and winks] This either works, or it doesn't.

Dev: [grins and clasps her face between his hands] Oh, you naughty little minx, using my faulty grasp of higher mathematics against me like that.

[El looks up at the clock and her face falls]

El: Oh, no. I'm going to be late.

Dev: [looks at the clock and is startled too but frowns at his sister] For what?

El: I promised a friend I'd drop by to help her study.

Dev: That's great. I was hoping to do some research at the library.

El: What kind of research?

Dev: The boring kind. What other kind is there?

El: Ok, well don't get too bored…

[They morph into jeans and t-shirts and leave, walking in opposite directions, then glance back to makes sure they are out of sight of the other. El morphs her outfit into a pretty red dress, makeup, and strappy ankle bootlets while Dev morphs his into a zoot suit. Then they both teleport away.]


	96. Bond Girl

[Scene: The Hen Tie High gym, which has been taken over as the site of the 60th annual Hie Ten Swing Dance competition.]

[Makoto Kino sits in a folding metal chair and watches the dancers warm up, practicing their moves before the event. She wishes she was out there with them. She should be out there with them. She was Hen Tie's undefeated junior dance champion for five years in a row.]

[But that was before she grew two feet over the course of one summer, gained eighty pounds, and had to trade in her dance shoes for football cleats.]

[Still...hope springs eternal so she still dresses up. In the hopes that one of the boys she used to dance with would go through a similar growth spurt, and offer to lead her back into their glory days. She sighs wistfully as she watches the dancers, with her elbows on her rose printed swing dress with mint green petticoats and her chin on her fists.]

Dev: Excuse me. [He points to the chair next to her] is anyone sitting here?

[Makoto pushes the chair toward him, assuming he intends to drag it over to someone else.]

Makoto: No, you can take it.

[Dev pushes the chair back against hers, and then sits next to her. Makoto focuses on the dancers to keep from blushing at the sight of his bright blue eyes and the sound of his British accent.]

Dev: I thought I might find you here-I've heard rumors that you are a really good dancer.

Makoto: I was. At one time.

[Dev follows her gaze to look at the dancers] You should be up there with them, practicing for the competition.

Makoto: I don't have a partner.

Dev: You do now.

[Makoto looks away from the dancers, not bothering to hide her blush now]

Makoto: Are you serious?

Dev: Why would I come all the way over here in this monkey suit and make such an offer unless I am serious?

[Makoto doesn't know what to say to that]

Dev: [stands and offers his hand] Come, let's put our names in.

[Makoto takes his hand and blushes furiously as they walk up to a man seated behind a table with a clipboard.]

Man: [writing] Makoto kino. [to Dev] And you?

Dev: [deadpan] Last name, Bond. First name, James.

[Makoto covers her mouth to hide her giggles.]

Man: Oh, really?

Dev: [deadpan] That's what it says on my driver's license.

Man: Aren't you the new high transfer student from England?

Dev: [Gets out his wallet and hands him a driver's license] I have been told I do have a double.

[Man looks back and forth between Dev and the card and then hands it back]

Man: Fine. You two are number 34...Can I call you Jim?

Dev: I prefer Mr. Bond.

[Dev offers his arm to Makoto as they join the dancers]

Makoto: You have a fake id?

Dev: There is a perfectly logical explanation. I'm a bit of a juvenile delinquent.

Makoto: Then you should have picked a slightly more subtle name than 'James Bond.'

Dev: But then it wouldn't have looked as good on your trophy.

[The slow dance to get warmed up]

Dev: Admit it. Haven't you always wanted to be a Bond Girl?

[Makoto sizes up Dev. He's a couple of inches taller than she is, even in her low heels. But she still probably outweighs him by at at least thirty pounds.]

Makoto: I...think it might be safest if I lead.

Dev: I think I can manage. [lifts her into his arms and executes a series of complex lindy hop moves before setting her down again] I'm a lot stronger than I look.

Makoto: Wow. You're an amazing dancer!

Dev: Thank you. My father insisted we takes dance lesson from a very early age. He insisted it would help supplement our combat training.

Makoto: ...combat training?

Dev: I probably shouldn't mention this, but my father is fairly high up in the British secret service, and he's training us follow in his footsteps.

Makoto: So you really are James Bond.

Dev: [shrugs dismissively] Not if I have any say in this. My first love is music.

Makoto: So I've heard.

[They dance for a while, the moves coming naturally to them both]

Makoto: You said 'us'...so your sister Eleanor dances as well?

Dev: Like an angel.

Makoto: You seem very fond of her.

Dev: I am.

Makoto: [sad face] She doesn't seem to like me very much.

Dev: She doesn't seem to like anyone outside our immediate family, which suits me just fine, because I'm a very jealous person.

[Makoto stops dancing for a moment, and makes a show of being taken aback]

Dev: She's different at home. Our father is very stern, very morose guy, and I tend to get quiet and moody at time, but she brings all the light and joy into the house. Always finding cute little ways to make us laugh and smile with things get too dark. She's a total Daddy's Girl and he's putty in her hands, but there are time I wish the old man would just go away so I can have her all to myself.

Makoto: You...do realize this is your own sister you are talking about.

Dev: My twin sister. We share a soul. [sighs profoundly] Heaven help me if I ever get a girlfriend.

Makoto: Where can I pick up an application?

[Makes a show of being taken aback]

Dev: The job is yours if you want it.

Makoto: Are you serious.

Dev: Are you?

Makoto: YEAH I am.

Dev: Then I guess this means I'm your boyfriend.

[Makoto head is spinning and she feels a bit lightheaded]

Makoto: Oh, my god. This must be a dream.

Dev: Just keep in mind how jealous I am.

Makoto: I...really don't think that is going to be a problem for either one of us.

[Dev surveys the other dancers and isn't impressed with their talent right before the announcement to clear the floor and the competition starts.]

Dev: I think we've got this.

Makoto: I think so, too.

Dev: Then let's go win ourselves a trophy.


	97. The Victoria Plot

[Scene: The Hen Tie park theater. Gurio Umino and Eleanor Heltry are watching the last few minutes of the movie 'Back to the Future'. Or trying to, because the person sitting in front of Eleanor is talking on his cellphone.]

Umino: Could you keep it down? We are trying watch the movie.

[The guy stands up and turns to reveal 6'3" of pure muscle]

Guy: Did you say something, Pipsqueak?

Umino: Errr...no?

Guy: That's what I thought.

[He goes back to talking on his phone until El boots him in the back on the head]

El: Yes, he said 'Shut up, Jackass!'

[The man turns and stand and El jumps to her feet, getting in his face and snarling under her breath]

Guy: Damn. You're lucky you're cute. [Turns off his phone and sits down. El and Umino watch the rest of the movie then file out into the park then head toward the nearby Gelato stand.]

Umino: Will you allow me to buy you a gelato?

El: [scans board in the far distance] Lemon Oreo.

Umino: So...um... [pulls up the sleeve of his coat to read his wrist] What did you think of the movie?

El: I liked it. That was a good movie.

Umino: Oh, um... [checks his forearm] ...what did you like best about it?

El: I liked the fact that the father character was a social awkward creep, but he managed to find love anyway.

[Umino's jaw drops]

Umino: Are you sure you're real, and not some robot girlfriend prototype from Japan?

El: Are you saying I act like a robot?

Umino: No...I...um...it's just you're too perfect...I mean for me... I mean..not for me...I mean...You're tall and you're beautiful and you stand up to bullies and you design lasers... and...I... um..I better stop talking before I get myself into more trouble...

[El chuckles under her breath as Umino order. A cone with Lemon Oreo for her, and Chocolate Caramel with Gummi Worms for him.]

Umino: Um...looks at his arm...how is your gelato.

El: It's really good. Want to try some? [hold out the cone to him]

Umino: [red in the face] You'd let me lick your icecream?

El: How else are you going to taste it?

Umino: Don't you think that's a little gross?

El: [rolls her eyes] Honestly. What is the difference between this? [licks Umino's gelato] And this? [tries to kiss him on the lips]

Umino: WHOA! [backs away and tries to keep from fainting] I AM NOT READY FOR THAT.

El: What? It's just a kiss. I told you we aren't getting any farther than that.

Umino: Wow, you are like the creepiest girl I've ever met.

El: Is that bad?

Umino: Not to me. But I'm starting to realize what Naru meant when she complained about me all these years.

El: [grins] You really like her, don't you?

Umino: Yes, but I like you more.

El: [frowns] Don't say that. You don't have to like some creepy girl you barely know just because she asked you out of a date.

[Umino goes silent and eats his gelato, lost in thought]

El: So what did you think of the movie?

Umino: I couldn't get into it.

El: What! That was a classic feel good comedy! Lighthearted and fun. Nearly perfect. I give it five stars!

Umino: There were too many anachronisms and it just ruined it for me.

El: We just watched a movie about ordinary flesh and blood mortal humans folding and tearing their way through the interdimensional temporal fabric of the universe by driving an automobile, and you are hung up on things like what year Jonny B. Goode came out?

Umino: Um...that is a very oddly specific description of time travel...But in answer to your question, yes. Time travel, is impossible, so it doesn't bother me since it is complete fantasy, unlike the set pieces, which are real and easily researched.

El: Oh, really? Time travel is impossible? You seem oddly sure of yourself.

Umino: If time travel were possible, someone would have done it already.

El: How do you know they haven't?

Umino: Because if they did people would be going back and changing things constantly introducing paradoxes and everything would go haywire. For example, if I could travel back in time, what's to stop me from rewriting the Harry Potter series before J. K. Rowling and becoming a billionaire?

El: First of all, you can't travel through time because you would need to convert all your matter to energy, which you can't do, not without dying. Second of all, time travel requires godlike power, which you do not possess. And thirdly, if you did possess godlike power, I can't believe you'd waste it just to steal a bunch of children's stories away from their rightful creator.

Umino: [sweatdrops] I didn't say I'd do it. I was just throwing that out as an example.

El: Ok, what would you do?

Umino: I'd travel back to save the Great Library at Alexandria.

El: [chuckles] Now that would be a wasted trip.

Umino: Why?

El: Even if you figure out when exactly it burned, one lone teenager, unfamiliar with the landscape and language verses an entire army? It's just going to burn down anyway. People had been setting fire to the place for centuries. Arson was written into its destiny.

Umino: Destiny?

El: Destiny is like the gravity of time...(how do I put this into simple terms)...[sees a stream trickling nearby] Think of time like a river. It flows and ebbs but it doesn't not change it's course, since the river has carved itself into rock and soil.

Umino: The Butterfly Effect-

El: A butterfly flapping its wings in Brazil starts a hurricane in Texas? That is complete and utter nonsense. Time is a force of the universe, and forces of the universe are never fragile. You stand at a river and throw in a rock. The river swallows the rock and ripples a little. Maybe. But the rock just sinks like it was never there. You push in a boulder. Maybe you can see the boulder, but the river rushes around it, so its still the same river, but with a boulder in it. If you want to change the river you really have to do something major. Something the river just can't correct. But even then, you can't control the river, so more than likely, you and everything you care about will be swept away. Especially since its is against the laws of physics to be two places at once so you can't travel within your own lifetime. That is why the few beings who are capable of time travel simply don't bother.

Umino: You seem to have thought about this a lot.

El: I...write a lot of science fiction.

Umino: I'd like to read one some your stories.

El: No you wouldn't. My stories are not nice.

Umino: Oh. I still would like to read them. You have some interesting ideas.

El: Since we are speaking in purely hypothetical fantasy, if you could go back in time, and assassinate one person, who would you kill?

Umino: Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany.

El: [smiles] I'm impressed. Most people would say Hitler.

Umino: Without Kaiser Wilhelm II setting the stage for him by orchestrating the horrors of WWI, Adolf Hitler probably would have probably spent his life painting landscapes in jail. I would have said his Grandmother, Queen Victoria of England, but I couldn't bring myself to hurt a woman. Not even hypothetically.

El: But suppose you could. Suppose, you had a chance to make the world a better place by killing Queen Victoria and preventing her legacy of terror...

Umino: Um... I ...

El: Now imagine Queen Victoria is your great-great-great-grandmother.

[Umino looks at her and sees her face is deadly serious]

El: Imagine that stepping outside your timeline to stop her reign of evil will erase you and your brother completely out of existence.


	98. Disturbing Stories

[Scene: The Hen Tie park. Umino and El are walking, eating gelato and discussing time travel.]

Umino: Oh. I concede. You've made your point.

El: Oh? [brow furrows] What is my point?

Umino: That time travel is a really bad idea and people should leave well enough alone and try to make the most of their cards life has already dealt them.

El: So you're saying that you wouldn't back in time and assassinate Queen Victoria if were certain it would end your own life?

Umino: I never wanted to assassinate her to begin with!

El: Yeah...I guess that's a problem...

Umino: Problem!? Why is that a problem!?

El: I'm working on a story and was hoping to get an objective opinion... but I guess I haven't made the stakes high enough...

Umino: Oh, no. It is an interesting concept. Stop one woman from injecting her flawed genes into the Dynasties of Europe, to prevent two World Wars, several assassinations, a few pandemics, and save countless millions of lives. But that would be Eugenics, and isn't Eugenics an even greater evil? And anyway, according to you, things would possibly stay the same, or even get worse. So shouldn't it always be wrong to murder people, even with the noblest of intentions?

El: ...I guess.

[Umino looks over and sees she is finishing her gelato and looking bored out of her mind.]

[He checks his arm]

Umino: So..um..where are you from...originally...I mean before you came to England.

El: Some fleabag orphanage in the middle of some war torn hellhole where my brother and I got dumped off in a pillowcase back when we were babies.

Umino: What country?

El: I don't even know. All I remember is it was a place where blue eyes don't occur naturally, since those immediately identifies you as some enemy soldier's rape baby, and you're immediately targeted for extinction by all the other children in the orphanage.

Umino: [looks over] You don't have blue eyes.

El: No, but my brother does. [Umino shudders] Don't worry, he had me to protect him from the worst of it.

Umino: But you must have been tiny!

El: [shrugs] I don't mind, it toughened me up a lot... We had to take turns sleeping, curled together on the same cot, so that one of us could always be on watch...but toward the end it got so the others were far more afraid of us than we were of them...besides, it was only a matter of time before our Daddy came to adopt us-after his wife's gigantic baby bump turned out to be a cancerous tumor- and Devon and I happened to look like a cross between them. [Looks over at Umino] I'm sorry. I'm a pretty morbid date, aren't I? I should just stop talking.

Umino: No, it's ok. I want to know everything there is to know about you...it's just amazing that with all that, you turned out as normal as you did.

El: Normal? Just a few minutes ago you called me a creepy robot girl.

Umino: That was my social anxiety talking. You're a lot more normal than I am.

El: [smiles] Good. Because I feel a lot better having someone like you to talk to.

[Umino turns bright red and feels like he is going to pass out.]

[El realizes how she's strayed from the story she agreed on with Dev.]

El: You won't repeat any of this, will you? Most of my family doesn't know we were adopted. It was her dying wish, you know. For him to find a pair of needy orphans and bring them back to the nursery they had decorated back when everyone thought she was pregnant.

Umino: Mum's the word.

El: Thank you. [gives Umino a thoughtful look] You really want to hear one of my stories?

Umino: Of course.

El: I'm working one now called "Zero Gravity Sex Bomb"

Umino: I like it already.

El: It's about a girl. She was grown in a lab by an evil corporation, and given superpowers so she could grow up to be the ultimate assassin. But she was rescued from the lab by a big tough soldier guy who took her to his home, and he raised her as his own daughter.

Umino: Strong female protagonist. Sounds commercial viable.

El: In time she learned that the evil corporation had used his wife as a test subject, so she ran away from home to avenge her murder. But here is the twist. Along the way she learns the man who raised her planted a small nuclear warhead in her belly, set to go off if she ever returned to the GPS coordinates of the laboratory where she had been created.

Umino: Why would he do that?

El: Don't you see? It was all a trick. He never loved the little girl. But he saw how desperate for affection she was, she he pretended to care about her in order to manipulate her into taking down the people who killed his wife.

Umino: So what does she do when she finds out?

El: She goes into the lab and blows herself up, of course.

Umino: What? Why?

El: [closes her eyes and turns away from Umino as a couple of tears escape]] Because she doesn't want to live in a world where the man who brushed her hair, and taught her to tie her shoelaces, and rocked her to sleep whenever she was having nightmare would put in a bomb in her belly and trick her into blowing herself up.

Umino: That wouldn't work.

El: Pardon? [eyes open and she wipes her tears]

Umino: You won't be able to get it published. American readers don't like stories where the POV character ends up as a corpse.

El: I'm not an American.

Umino: Americans are the biggest consumers in the world so you may want to rethink your ending.

El: So enlighten me. How could a story about a man who tries to trick his own daughter into self-destructing possibly have a happy ending?

Umino: ...I know. Along the way she meets a boy. Someone who convinces her of how wonderful she is and she decides she has everything to live for...Yes, that would add an element of romance and make it much more marketable!

[El looks at him]

El: No. That would be lame. This isn't that kind of story. This is the story of a child's unconditional love for her father. Adding a boyfriend would only mess everything up.

Umino: [shrugs] Ok. It's your story. [finishes his gelato.]

[El gives him a mischievous smile]

Umino: What?

El: Are you sure you don't want to kiss me?

Umino: It's not that I don't want to. It's just that I don't know if I could kiss you without passing out.

[El kisses him]

El: Now you know.

[El laughs as Umino passes out]


	99. Trophy Girl

[Scene: Makoto Kino's house, she unlocks the door and turns on the light to reveal a toothpaste green living room and kitchen tiled with yellow linoleum. Dev tiptoes in after her, carrying a three foot tall trophy.]

Makoto: You don't have to be quiet. I live alone.

Dev: You live alone? And how old are you?

Makoto: I'm going to be seventeen in a few months. [goes into the kitchen and puts on an apron and opens the refrigerator] You like steak?

Dev: Who doesn't? [Looks around and sets the trophy next to the fireplace]

Makoto: [takes a rib eye steak out of the refrigerator and looks at it with a critical eye] I wasn't expecting company tonight. I better cook up some pasta as a side dish. [pulls some homemade noodles, eggs, cream, herbs and a wedge of hard cheese from the fridge.]

Dev: [Gives her a wolfish look as he takes off his coat and drapes it over the arm of the loveseat] You're beautiful, you cook, you dance like a dream and you don't have a curfew. How is it possible you don't already have a boyfriend?

Makoto: Most boys in our school don't want to date a linebacker.

Dev: [sits on the couch and loosens his tie while he watches her cook] That works out pretty well for me, then, because I absolutely do. Especially one with such an enormous amount of talent. [lounges on the couch] So where are your parents? Off in the tropics on some permanent vacation?

Makoto: [sets a pot of water on the stove and starts prepping the steak and pasta] My parents died in a plane crash when I was a little girl.

Dev: Oh, I'm sorry...That must have been one terrible phonecall.

Makoto: [puzzled] Phonecall? [comprehension dawns] No, I was on the plane.

[Dev looks appropriately stricken]

Makoto: Sole survivor...I'm going to come into a LOT of money when I reach adulthood...but I still can't look at an airplane.

Dev: I'll bet.

Makoto: I came here to live with my grandmother, but she passed away a couple of years ago, and I got the house in her will.

Dev: So your family just left you here?

Makoto: [whisking together a sauce and putting it on the stove to simmer] Pretty much. They all flew out for the funeral, but then they flew right back home after the wake. I think everyone assumed someone else was going to take me in.

Dev: That's awful. I can't imagine anything worse than being all alone in the world.

Makoto: [puts the steak in to broil] It not so bad. I have a lot of friends, and I tend to stay fairly busy, so I don't really have time to be lonely.

Dev: When did your grandmother die?

Makoto: About three years ago.

Dev: [looks around] If your family is not helping you out, and haven't gotten your insurance money, how do you pay the bills?

Makoto: [gives him a conspiratorial wink] Can you keep a secret? One that might get me into a bit of hot water, legally speaking?

Dev: Still collecting social security checks for your dead grandmother? [grins] Don't worry. I approve.

Makoto: Oh, no. [laughs] Nothing like that. Have you ever heard of 'Auntie Em's Catering'?

Dev: Well yes, aren't they supposed to be the go to caterers for most of Hen Tie? I noticed their van out front. So you've been working under the table for them as a prep cook and or delivery driver, or something?

Makoto: Not exactly. I'm Auntie Em.

Dev: [beams] Oh, really?

Makoto:[blushes a bit] Well, technically, I am an aunt, and my name begins with 'M' and I've been getting raves about my cooking since I was tall enough to reach a stove, and I needed to pay the bills...so...

Dev: That's amazing. But still, that's a lot of work. Especially for someone who is still in highschool.

Makoto: [stirs the sauce] I don't mind. I do pretty well here. Hen Tie is a really nice town, and the most likely guardian for me would be my nasty older half-sister. Who already has her hands full raising four bratty kids. In Cleveland, Ohio.

Dev: Hey. Cleveland is a nice place.

[Makoto give him some side eye]

Dev: They have the Rock & Roll Hall of fame there.

Makoto: Wow. [stirring the pasta sauce] You must really like music.

Dev: I do. [Spots a vintage piano along the wall] May I?

Makoto: Please do.

[Dev sits at the piano, tests the keys, and then plays a hypnotic melody, reminiscent of Brahms.]

[Makoto finds herself drifting over to him, as if by the pied piper, until she remembers she has a couple of pots boiling on the stove and rushes back to attend to her cooking.]

Makoto: That's beautiful. I've never heard that song before. Did you write that?

Dev: This is actually one of my Mother's. She was a composer, she wrote this one while she was pregnant with us. They say El got her smarts, and I inherited her love of music.

Makoto: What was your childhood like?

Dev: It was your pretty standard fairytale childhood... If you consider "Hansel and Gretel" to be a fairytale.

Makoto: That bad, huh?

[Dev gives her a knowing grin as he continues playing.]

Dev: My darling trophy girl, you have no idea.


	100. Hansel and Gretel

[Scene: Makoto's place. Makoto brings plates of food out to the coffee table and sits beside Dev and leans in close.]

Makoto: I want to hear all about your childhood.

Dev: I don't want to ruin your dinner.

Makoto: [socks his shoulder] I told you all about mine. Besides, if I'm your girlfriend I should know everything about you.

Dev: True enough...Let's see...My mother died when I was born... After that, my father...well, my father, he had issues... He promised her he would care for us...but he fell into some very dark times and bad habits... He never paid much attention to us before he took off and left...This old woman...she took us in...One of those socialite types, active in charitable circles...But behind closed doors... [Dev shudders as if at the memories]...Let's just say there was a sadistic side of her that she kept hidden from society pages.

Makoto: She hit you?

Dev: Not me.

Makoto: [comprehension dawns] Oh.

Dev: El has always had a smart little mouth on her, and that is exactly the wrong sort of person to keep around a narcissistic phony like that.

[Makoto places her hand on his arm]

Dev:Plus, this woman always hated my mother, and it didn't help that El looks just like her...She hit her. Pulled her around by the hair. Yelled at her and called her names. Threw her down the stairs. She beat my sister until she was black and blue and there was nothing I could do about it.

Makoto: And she never hit you?

Dev: She didn't need to. There is nothing you can do to me that is worse than hurting my sister.

[Makoto gathers Dev a reassuring hug, and Dev smiles an evil little smile over her shoulder at the contact]

Dev: She tried to pit us against each other, you know? She pretended I was her favorite...the golden boy who could do no wrong. But El saw right through her... I begged El to stop provoking her, but she refused. She pretended she liked being hit...But I knew better...we're so close, I can practically see into her mind... I swore, when I was big enough I would find a way to kill that bitch-

[Makoto breaks off the hug and looks at him with concern.]

Dev: She died on her own. A few years after my father got himself all cleaned up came back looking for us, and took us off her hands. Seems he decided he wanted a family after all...All those years without so much as a Christmas card or a phone call, and El just welcomed him back like nothing had happened.

Makoto: I can imagine...after everything the two of you had been through. No wonder you're so protective of her.

Dev: I wish you could have known her when she was tiny. She was the sweetest, most good-natured girl imaginable, until that old witch taught her how to hate.

[Makoto takes his hands in hers, and gazes at him with eyes misty with unshed tears, and Dev has to hide a smile]

Dev: My father spoils us. He buys us everything we want. As well he should. But I couldn't be bought so easily with his guilt gifts. Then one day I was exploring and found my mother's conservatory...and her piano. The servants kept it dusted and tuned, but my father never stepped foot in there, not since...well...I had been taking music lessons and already surpassed my tutors. I looked in the piano bench to see if I could find any of my mother's sheet music. Instead I found a large thin package. Gifwrapped and addressed to "Eleanor & Devon"... Inside were photographs, birthday cards, songs, cute little hand drawn cartoons...and letters. Lots and lots of letters. She started writing letters to the two of us when she found out she was expecting, and when she realized she was dying, she only wrote faster, since she knew this was the only way she could be a part of our lives while we were growing up.

Makoto: And you shared them with your sister?

Dev: [shakes his head] I tried, but she wouldn't look at them. Neither would my father. They said it was too macabre, but I think it was too painful for them to even think about her... But those letters brought me great joy. I needed to know there was a time when we were wanted. When we were loved...

[He breaks in tears and Makoto pulls him into and embrace. She rocks him, rubbing his back to sooth him. And then they start to kiss. The kissing becomes quite intense and she pulls him down onto the couch.]

[Dev sits up with a "what the hell am I doing" look on his face.]

Dev: I can't do this...It's not right.

Makoto: [tries to take hold of him] It feels pretty right to me.

Dev: [struggles away] No. It isn't...Don't get me wrong. I want to. I want to more than anything. But there are too many problems. For one thing, I've never done it before, so this would probably be the most embarrassing thirty seconds of my life.

Makoto: [shrugs and leans in] You know what they say. "Practice makes perfect."

Dev:No. Doing this would be wrong on many levels.

Makoto: Oh, come on. i'm a big girl. I told you, I'm almost seventeen!

Dev: I'm NOT!

Makoto: [scoots away] Oh...that's right. I keep forgetting you're a freshman.

Dev: A freshman foreign exchange student. Which means I'm not going to be around for much longer.

Makoto: But there is the internet. And you'll come back won't you? Someday?

Dev: If I do, you'll be old. [goes to the loveseat to collect his coat]

Makoto: I'll wait.

Dev: By next month you will have forgotten I ever existed.

Makoto: I'll never forget you.

Dev: [heads for the door] I'll never forget you either. You will always be my Bond girl.

Makoto: wait...you don't have to go.

Dev: I really should. It's late. I don't want my sister to worry.

Makoto: I'll bring you lunch tomorrow. I'll make enough for the both of you. What do you like to eat?

Dev: Anything will be fine. We aren't particular. [He leaves]

Makoto: [to the closed door] Bye. [she stares forlornly at his untouched meal, and heaves a heavy sigh]


	101. Sleepytime

[Scene: A distressed foreclosure.]

[Dev teleports in and looks around before walking upstairs to the bedroom.]

[Inside, El is fast asleep, wearing pajamas and clutching a pillow. Dev smiles a fond smile, then changes into matching pajamas and slips into bed with her.]

El: [opens her eyes halfway] Wren?

Dev: [pulls her close and whispers] Who's Wren?

[El slowly opens her eyes]

El: Sorry. I wasn't awake.

Dev: [pets her hair] I stayed out late. Did you miss me?

El: [shrugs] Only a little.

Dev: [smiles] I didn't miss you at all.

El: Liar.

Dev: Did you have any nightmares while I was gone?

El: [thinks back] No. As a matter of fact I didn't. I think it was because I had a nice day today.

Dev: As did I. [looks into her eyes] El. If we survive killing Metalia, I want you to promise me something very important.

El: What?

Dev: I want you to promise me you will never marry.

El: [frowns] Why is that? Does this mean you will never marry either?

Dev: Not at all. I intend to have a long string of ex-wives.

El: [giggles and whacks him with the pillow] Hypocrite.

Dev: I'm serious. I'm not strong like you are. I can't just tell the whole world off. I have a pathological need to be loved by everyone. But especially by you.

El: [holds him close] I do love you, Dev. Nothing will ever change that.

Dev: Someday you will find someone. Someone who will want to spend the rest of his life with you. Then you won't need me anymore. Whereas, I will always need you.

El: How can you be so sure of that?

Dev: [heaves a deep sigh] I met someone.

El: Oh? Who is that?

Dev: The perfect woman..jealous?

El: A little. Go on.

Dev: She's big, and she's beautiful, and she lives alone, and she dances, and she cooks, she even wants to cook for you too...but she can never love me. Not the real me. Because every word I tell her is a lie. She can't know who I am, or what I am, or why I'm here, or our real names. I can't even tell her how old I am, or she'll run for the hills.

El: Maybe she won't run. Maybe you'll tell her the truth and find out she's freaky that way.

Dev: Then I'll go running for the hills.

[El laughs]

Dev: I almost got lucky tonight.

El: So why didn't you? [gives him a sly grin] Don't tell me you are developing human ethics?

Dev: Me? Hardly! It's just that in a few days we are going to kill Metalia, probably wiping ourselves out of existence in the process, and I can't give myself an excuse not to pull trigger.

El: I know what you mean.

Dev: But you still haven't promised me that if we do survive, you won't get married.

El: That's because it's a rediculous double standard.

Dev: No it is not. If you have a husband, he won't like it if I crawl into his bed at two in the morning and need to cuddle with you because I had a bad dream.

El: If you have a wife, she won't like it if I crawl into her bed and need to cuddle with you because I had a bad dream.

Dev: That's when I kick her out.

[El chotles]

Dev: I'm serious.

El: That's why I'm laughing.

Dev: Promise me you won't marry.

El: Fine. I promise. I won't get married.

Dev: Good. Because if you ever find anyone you love more than me, I'll have to kill him. And I'd hate for you to have that on your conscience.

El: Don't worry. Nobody is going to want to marry me, anyway.

Dev: In a few years, everyone is going to want to marry you.

[El yawns and closes her eyes]

Dev: [clutches her hand] Good night, my love.

El: [kisses his forehead] Good night, little songbird.

[They fall asleep]


	102. Birthday Boy

[Scene: Kunzite's castle in the Dark Kingdom. Kunzite and Zoi are in highbacked carved chairs at a dark table, enjoying a meal of odd looking delicacies, but Zoi is looking a little preoccupied.]

Kunzite: You should be in a good mood, today of all days.

Zoi: [coy] And if I don't want to be in a good mood?

Kunzite: Too bad.

[Zoi giggles as Kunzite pulls him from his chair and into his lap.]

Zoi: [snuggles against his chest and eyes a package with green wrapping paper] Can I open my present now?

Kunzite: Not until your birthday.

Zoi: It is my birthday, in at least on half the timezones on Earth, and seeing as how we can both teleport, I think that should be all that matters.

[reaches for the present, but Kunzite pulls his hand back.]

Kunzite: Nice try, but we are going by Hen Tie's time which is Pacific Standard. So you will have to wait another eight minutes and twenty four seconds, exactly.

Zoi: [sighs and nuzzles Kunzite's chest] I suppose I can wait another eight minutes if I have to. [gives Kunzite a sly look] See how much you've spoiled me?

Kunzite: This is nothing. Wait until we are old enough to live together, and then you will learn the true meaning of overindulgence.

Zoi: [giggles] You are such a bad influence.

[Zoi's head is spinning by the time Kunzite leans in and presses his lips against his. His mouth lingers on Zoi's smooth and gentle, until Zoi wraps his arms around his neck and throws himself into the kiss with a little too much enthusiasm.]

Zoi: Will you be coming over to dinner with my parents tonight?

Kunzite: I shouldn't.

Zoi: No, you should. Come to dinner with us. It's my birthday, after all, and you are my husband.

Kunzite: And you don't think that will be a little awkward? Seeing as how you are only just reaching Washington's age of consent another seven minutes and fifteen seconds?

Zoi: Well it's going to be awkward enough in any event. What with my mother having dinner with my father, who she never really got along with at the best of times, while five months pregnant and recovering from jetlag after taking a sixteen hour flight without her new husband...and...you're right...You should stay home. [sigh] God, tonight is going to be torture.

Kunzite: I'm sure your parents will both be on their best behavior. You did have a very publicized brush with death only a few months ago, and things like that tend to inspire divorced parents to put their petty differences aside.

Zoi: It's not that...It's that Mom doesn't know exactly how much I've "changed" since I moved to Hen Tie. And Dad does. As far as she is concerned I'm just her flamboyantly gay son who has found some degree of happiness with a slightly older boy. She doesn't even know we're married. That really isn't fair, now that I think about it.

Kunzite: Are you going to tell her?

Zoi: I really should...Except this is my mother we are talking about...My father's got a temper, he's overprotective, and he's not right about everything as often as he thinks he is, but he's not the type to hold grudges. [give Kunzite a sad look] I don't recall a time when my mother has forgiven anyone for anything.

Kunzite: You think she will be angry that you eloped?

Zoi: Undoubtedly. That will probably upset her even more than finding how I died and came back as a demon...but even if she finds it in her heart to accept that this is everything I've ever wanted, learning her new son-in-law is servant of the darkness who has irrevocably pledged his soul to evil for all eternity is going to be a dealbreaker for her.

Kunzite: [smirk] Yes, I can see how this could pose problems.

Zoi: [frowns] I'm not ready to tell about all that, but I'm sure she's going to have a million questions for me about us. We've chatted a lot over Skype, but it's not the same as being grilled by her face to face. So I've got to sit there and lie to her all night long, while my dad's got a "I know stuff that you don't know, Renee" grin all over his face the entire time I'm just digging myself in deeper...

Kunzite: I'm sure it will be fine, but do have some news that might cheer up in the meanwhile.

Zoi: [nervous] What's that?

Kunzite: It's going to be your birthday in 3...2...1

[Youma enter playing musical instruments and bearing gifts, orbs of light appear, and a shower of magical petals showers down from the ceiling.]

All: Happy Birthday!

[Zoi laughs with delight and sits up so he can reach the green package]

Kunzite: Allow me. [pulls the present closer and Zoi tears into it]

Kunzite: Where did the enthusiasm come from?

Zoi: You made me curious.

[Opens the box and pulls out a egg made of gold and enamel. and stares at it with big green eyes.]

Zoi: Is this a genuine Faberge Egg?

Kunzite: [smiles] Would I have given you anything less?

[Zoi winds it up and the egg opens like a flower, forming a gem encrusted nest with chirping gold bird inside of it.

Zoi: And you got this from the Czar's palace and have been hold onto this since the time of Rasputin?

[Kunzite smile falls and he looks away]

Kunzite: Actually I stole it from a drug dealer in Luxembourg a week ago...I didn't really have a need for a bauble like this before then.

Zoi: [kisses Kunzite] It hardly matters. It will look divine on my bookshelf in any case.


	103. Dinner with the Folks

[Scene: Chief Midori's squad car. Zoi and his father are wearing suits and driving the streets of Seattle Zoi looks extremely anxious.]

Zoi: Drive faster dad!

Chief Midori: I can't. It's bumper to bumper.

Zoi: [hugging himself with worry] Oh my god. We're going to be late to pick up Mom!

Chief Midori: It's not my fault people slow to a crawl whenever they see a squad car.

Zoi: I don't want her yelling at us.

Chief Midori: It's ok. I called your mother before we left, and the salon is running a little behind schedule.

Zoi: [practically crying] But don't you see? That'll just make it worse!

Chief Midori: [smiles] Calm down son. When I called your mother to let her know we were on our way, she was in a really good mood.

Zoi: You called Mom? And she was happy to hear from you? I don't buy it!

[Chief Midori shrugs and stops for a yellow light]

Zoi: What are you doing! You could have made that light!

Chief Midori: It's ok.

Zoi: [near tears] It's not ok! Put on your siren!

[Chief Midori chuckles]

Zoi: This is funny to you?

Chief Midori: A little.

Zoi: This is only funny because you haven't lived with Mom for ten years! She doesn't mind making people wait around for her, bur nothing makes her crazier than having to wait around for someone else!

Chief Midori: This must be the place. [pulls into the spa parking lot and parks up front] Don't worry, your mother has mellowed out considerably since her move to Italy.

Zoi: She didn't sound that mellow last time I spoke to her.

Chief Midori: Oh, relax. it's your birthday...And here comes your mother.

[Renee Cappelli waddles out of the salon. She's like a middle aged female version of Zoi and is looking red carpet ready in a maternity evening gown, a mink coat and full runway makeup.]

[Zoi gets out of the car so she can ride shotgun.]

Chief Midori: Sorry, I'm late, Renee. We ran into traffic on the way over here.

[Zoi cowers while he waits for her to start shrieking out insults.]

Renee: [pats her updo as she checks it in the rear view mirror] No problem at all. It gave me more time for my toenail polish to dry.

[Zoi just stand outside the car, dumbfounded]

Renee: [looks at Zoi] What, no kiss for your mother?

Zoi: [gives her a quick kiss on the cheek] Sorry. I didn't want to ruin your makeup.

Renee: It's just makeup, dear. I can touch it up on the way to the restaurant.

[Zoi climbs into the back of the squad car and they drive off.]

Chief Midori: So. How have you been?

Renee: [touching up her makeup] Oh, I can't complain.

Zoi: [wideeyed] What?

Renee: [to Zoi] Is something wrong, dear?

Zoi: Why are you so mellow?

Renee: After a lifetime of poverty and disappointment, I find an easy pregnancy, a handsome young husband, and several million in a trust fund will do that to you.

Zoi: Oh.

[Zoi feels a sudden urge to get all his secrets off his chest while she is still in a mellow state.]

Zoi: Mom. There are things I need to tell you. About myself. Things you aren't going to like hearing.

Renee: [still working on her makeup] Oh, that sounds serious.

Zoi: I've changed. I'm not the same person I was when I lived in Phoenix. Not at all.

Renee: Ohhh. This is about that boy, isn't it? What's his name?

Chief Midori: Kunzite.

Renee: Oh, yes. Kunzite. You've been doing the naughty with him, haven't you?

Zoi: [turns beet red] Mom!

Renee: Don't worry, were not in much of a position to judge since we weren't any better when we were your age.

Chief Midori: Renee!

Renee: The difference is that you two want to stay together, while your father and I HAD to stay together.

Chief Midori: Renee! Don't tell him these things!

Renee: What? Our boy is genius. I'm sure he worked out the math a long time ago. And since there is zero chance you're going to find yourself in the same sort of mess we did, you certainly have my blessing.

Chief Midori: Renee!

Zoi: It's ok, Dad. I already knew I was a prom baby.

Renee: See? What did I tell you?

Zoi: [under his breath] It's the only way your marriage made any sense, really.

Chief Midori: We never regretting having you. Not for a minute.

Renee: Amen. You were the only good thing that ever came out of that relationship.

[They pull up to the hotel and park. Chief Midori and Renee Cappelli remain upbeat as they walk on either side of Zoi through the chrome, marble and crystal lobby, but Zoi can't help but feel like a condemn prisoner being led to the gallows. The feeling only intensifies as they near the restaurant.]

[He looks at his mother and she smiles back at him with her heavily made up face. Her serene expression it makes her look more like a doll than a human. This chills him to the bone. He feels a terrible sense of foreboding. Worse than anything he's ever felt before. He turns and runs back toward the exit.]

Chief Midori: Zoi? Get back here.

[Zoi runs faster and Chief Midori catches up with him and pulls him to a stop.]

Zoi: Dad. Something is wrong. This isn't Mom.

Renee: [finally a bit cross] What do you mean 'This isn't Mom'?

Zoi: This whole thing. It's weird. Why are you so calm? And why you dressed up like that, just to have dinner with my father?

Renee: I didn't get dressed up to have dinner with your father. I got all dressed up to have dinner with you.

Zoi: Me AND my father...Who usually mocks you when you do silly things like this. It's not like we are going to the Oscar Awards. It's just the Grill at the hotel!

Renee: What? I'm not allowed to look nice for your birthday? It's not every day my baby turns sixteen, you know.

Zoi: [in tears] You know you don't need to get dressed up to have dinner with me.

Renee: Yeah...well...I need to make up for all those birthdays we were living paycheck to paycheck and didn't have any money for presents from anywhere but the Dollar Store...You want a car? I will buy you a car...what kind of car do you want?

Zoi: I don't want a car.

Chief Midori: He has a motorcycle.

Renee: A motorcycle? Really? Wow.

Zoi: See? This is what I'm talking about! That wasn't even a bad Wow! We need to leave. Now. I just know if we don't leave now something terrible is going to happen.

[His parents give each other a knowing smirk]

Chief Midori: Son. There is a reason your mother is in a really good mood tonight. But this is supposed to be a surprise. We're going to tell you all about it at dinner.

Zoi: [freaking out] I don't want dinner! I want to go home!

Chief Midori: Zoisite...

Renee: No, it's ok. It's his birthday. If he's feeling spooked for whatever reason, we can take a raincheck...I just need to check in with Giancarlo and tell him there has been a change in my plans for tonight.

[She rummages in her purse as she walks toward a grand ballroom next to the restaurant. Chief Midori walks over with her, pulling Zoi along with him. She makes a show of dialing, then throws open the ballroom door as his father practically shoves him through.

Hundreds of voices: SURPRISE!

[balloons and pink confetti that look like flower petals rain down as Zoi recognizes most of his family and friends seated at tables under a huge gold banner that says HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZOI and SWEET 16]

[Zoi's parents clap him on the back and chuckle with amusement as he takes it all in]

[But instead of being less freaked out, he starts backing away.]

Zoi: Oh, no. No. No. No. No.


	104. Surprise

[Scene: A surprise sweet sixteen party for Zoi in an upscale hotel ballroom.]

[Zoi is backing away in terror as his parents force him into the room and his friends and family rush up to greet him.]

Usagi: [Throws her arms around Zoi] Happy birthday, Zoi! [In her exuberance she bumps into Mamoru] Oh, hey.

Mamoru: Hey.

[They turn away from each other. Zoi continues to ignore everyone around him as his parents, drag him, wide-eyed with shock, toward the podium with its microphone.]

Umino: Oh, my god, I went on a date with Eleanor and she kissed me! She actually kissed me! And she's a girl! I don't think my feet have touched the floor since!

Naru: Zoi doesn't want you hear about your date right now. [drags Umino away while a handsome man in an expensive suit rushes in to take his place.]

Giancarlo: _Mio Bambino!_ [Gives Zoi a kiss on each cheek] We came from all over Italy to celebrate your birthday. Come meet your grandparents and all your new cousins!

[Zoi regards the sea of unfamiliar faces behind his stepfather with a look of dread.]

[More people rush up to hug him, but he doesn't maintain his composure until he notices the microphone. He makes a break from his parents and rushed to the podium.]

Zoi: Attention everyone! You all need to leave! Right now!

[The room fills with polite laughter]

Zoi: I mean it! Go away!

[More laughter, only this time it is a bit more strained]

Renee: [grabs the microphone] Isn't he adorable when he's being shy? [Chuckles and holds Zoi at arm's length as he tries to grab the microphone back] It's hard to believe it was sixteen years ago today that I struggled through twelve hours of grueling labor to bring him into the world. [sighs] Yes, I admit it. I'm (barely) old enough to have a sixteen year old child. I admit it because I live in Italy now, and my husband's family hardly knows what I'm saying up here. Giancarlo? Are you at the table? Raise your hand, Giancarlo, so everyone can see what a handsome young studmuffin I married. He's rich, too. In fact his father paid for this party, and flew his entire family over, first class, so that they could come celebrate this special occasion with us. So help yourself to the drinks and the caviar. [levels a look at Zoi] And now I turn the microphone over to the birthday boy. Who I trust will be gracious and humble given that you all took the time to come here on his behalf.

Zoi: WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS!

[The is a bit of nervous laughter, but for the most part the room is silent]

Zoi: I MEAN IT! WHOSE IDEA WAS IT TO HERD EVERYONE I MIGHT POSSIBLY CARE ABOUT INTO ONE PLACE!

[People look around, startled by his outburst. They don't seem to notice the room dimming and swirling with a reddish mist as a robed figure rises from a table.]

Death Phantom: Oh, I think you already know the answer to that question.

Renee: [screams and clutches Zoi] Oh, my god! What is that THING!

[people look at where she is pointing and start chatting to each other nervously]

Chief Midori: Renee? What are you talking about?

Renee: [hysterical] You don't see it? That ghostly skull thing? [points at the Death Phantom]

Chief Midori: Renee. There is nothing there.

Zoi: It's ok, Mom. I see him, too. Its the Death Phantom. He's come here to kill everyone in this room, unless I taken oath of obedience and end up doing it for him.

[Now the crowd is really muttering. Any who still think he is joking are a bit puzzled that they don't get the jokes.]

Zoi: EVERYONE RUN FOR THE EXITS! [nobody moves] I MEAN IT! [He summons a fireball and sends it toward the ceiling, where it explodes, raining down flame and bits of plaster]

[The crowd screams as they leave their tables and run for the doors, which magically shrink and vanish before they can reach them.]

[The Death Phantom regards the hysterical mass of people trapped in the now burning chamber as he turns his attention back to Zoi.]

Death Phantom: Swear allegiance to me-or they all die.


	105. WWKD

[Scene: A burning hotel ballroom. People are stampeding to the featureless walls that once held doors and windows and are screaming as they realize there is no way out.]

Mamoru: Everyone remain calm! The important thing is not to panic!

Death Phantom: [To Zoi] Let them panic if they so desire. It will make no difference if you don't take an oath of obedience.

Zoi: Never.

[The Death Phantom advances toward Zoi and Renee throws herself protectively in front of him.]

Renee: Stay away from my child, you monster!

Death Phantom: Oh, yes. The fountainhead of your unique gifts.

[The death phantom stretches his arm toward her, and she frozen as if by a gorgon's stare before she is encased in a column of ice.]

Zoi: Mom!

Death Phantom: Don't worry, I would never squander nor waste such a valuable specimen. One which might still prove useful to me if you persist in defying me. The others here will not be as lucky. And seeing as how they are all doomed, I see no further point to hiding my presence from them...How funny, your father intends to shoot me. As if I won't make his heart stop beating before he can pull the trigger.

[The Death Phantom levels his stare at Chief Midori, who has pulled his sidearm from his ankle holster.]

[Zoi blasts it out of his hand before he can aim.]

Death Phantom: You have one chance to save these people. I will give you until a count of ten.

Zoi: Why are you doing this! Metalia ordered you to leave us alone!

Death Phantom: Metalia and I are both Incarnations of Chaos, and this is not the first time we have broken a promise to one another...Let me explain what it feels like to be both immortal and indestructible-without fear, without worry, everything becomes boring after a while... Even torture, even blood feuds... She will work her wrath upon me. Maybe for centuries. But in time, our petty grudges will blow away like dust, the way they always do. And in that time you will remain my slave. Or else you will remain dead. Your choice.

Zoi: Then I choose death!

Death Phantom: That doesn't sadden me nearly as much as you think it does. You are swiftly proving to be more of a problem than you are worth.

[He regards the group before him, the people clawing and beating against blank walls for escape, Mamoru is the sole voice of reason vainly trying to maintain order. The few, frozen in their seats in mute shock or terror, and Usagi sitting on the floor on her knees bawling in terror as Naru and Umino alternating between trying to coax her into fleeing to safety and trying to determine where in fact safety might be.]

Death Phantom: I'll be generous and begin the count again.

Zoi: I already gave you my answer, you dollar store halloween lawn ornament!

Death Phantom: You leave me no choice but to kill these people. One every minute, until you decide to change your mind.

[Zoi tries to teleport away in a whirlwind of petals but ends up rematerializing in the same spot]

Death Phantom: This is not going to work. I have called upon my power as a Minor God of Chaos to tighten the fabric of reality here. It would require far more energy than you currently possess for you to split apart the dimensional fabric of this chamber and flee like a coward.

[Zoi bites his lip and takes one last look around. He wishes Kunzite was there, not only for his presence, but because of Kunzite's steady nerves. He would know what to do in a situation like this.]

[Zoi asks himself: What Would Kunzite Do?]

[Then he laughs. A twisted insane little laugh]

[What would Kunzite do? What DID Kunzite do!]

[Zoi levitates in a crosslegged pose, smiling fondly at the crowd.]

Zoi: QUIET EVERYONE! CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION!

[The bedlam of the room goes silent. Even Usagi stops her bawling to give him her full attention]

Zoi: I've got some very bad news. You're all going to die. Right now. Every single of one you. And I'm afraid I've got some even worse news.

[Zoi twirls his hair and winks at the crowd as he gives them a seductive grin,]

Zoi: I'm going to be the one that kills you.


	106. Dark Zoisite

[scene: Zoi's sweet sixteen. Chief Midori rushes to the microphone]

Chief Midori: Son, you mustn't joke around like this. People might get hurt from sheer panic.

Zoi: Um, Dad? Did you not hear me say I was going to kill everyone right now? Keeping people from getting hurt is not real high on my list of priorities.

Chief Midori: You're not a killer.

Zoi: [giggling] Oh, Daddy dear, don't lie. You know that is just not true. You watched me empty a gun into four men, before I ran out of bullets and had to grab another gun so I could shoot two more men in the back. Oops, I guess I shouldn't have confessed to that in front of a room full of witnesses. [twirls his hair and smiles] I guess that's just one more reason you all have to die.

Mamoru: Such words must never be spoken, not even in jest. The answer to violence relies not on violence, but in working together to–

Zoi: Blah blah blah. Oh, I disagree. Violence is the only answer. You see, the Death Phantom is going to make you all die horrible deaths. He's a lot more powerful than I am so there is nothing I can do to save your lives. However, I can make sure you all die swiftly and painlessly. And if I can dine on your energy, and poison away the last lingering shreds of my own humanity…I guess that is a win for me.

Mamoru: Humanity is not what you are, it is what you-

[Zoi knocks him down with a blast of energy]

Zoi: Sorry. It's my party and you'll die if I want to.

[He stretches out his hands a thin thread of energy is drawn from everyone's bodies into Zoi. As their lifeforce is sucked away they weaken and stagger. Except for Mamoru who is staring up at dark-eyed, crackling Zoi in disbelief and horror.

Death Phantom: What are you doing!

Zoi: [petulant] Doesn't ANYBODY listen to me when I'm talking!

[The Death Phantom stares at Zoi's father who is looking at his son with concern. Not for himself, but for what might happen to Zoi.]

Death Phantom: I don't need to look into your mind, little fool. I only need to look into the human who knows you best to see through your bluff.

[The older and weaker partygoers stagger and faint from lack of energy. The younger and more energetic stagger to keep their footing. Zoi shows no sign of relenting as he grows brighter and brighter.]

Zoi: Does this really look like a bluff to you?

[The Death Phantom grabs Naru by the arms and holds her in front of him]

Death Phantom: END THIS FOOLISHNESS OR I KILL THIS HUMAN NOW!

[Naru faints dead away. For a moment the Death Phantom is at a loss on how to proceed until he notices Usagi wailing nearby. He drops Naru, who is quickly dragged to safety by Umino and drags Usagi by the pigtail in front of the podium.]

Death Phantom: END THIS FOOLISHNESS OR I KILL THIS HUMAN NOW!

Zoi: Do it. I double dog dare you.

Death Phantom: [grips Usagi's wrists] I WILL PULL HER ARMS FROM HER SOCKETS.

Usagi: [sobbing] Oh, no! I really don't want my arms pulled from my sockets!

Zoi: Don't worry. You won't live that long.

Death Phantom: SHITENNOU! CEASE YOUR TRICKERY OR BY THE COUNT OF THREE-

Zoi: She'll be dead on the count of two.

Death Phantom: ONE…

Zoi: [Summons a crystal javelin] You really don't think I'm going to go through with this, do you?

Death Phantom: TWO…

Zoi: [hurls the javelin] Why is everyone constantly underestimating me?

[Usagi screams as it speeds straight for her heart but Mamoru leaps in front of her taking the spear right through the gut.]

Usagi: [lets out a heart wrenching scream as the spear goes in his belly and protrudes out his back] MAMOCHAN!

[He falls to the ground and Usagi gathers him into her arms, clasping his hand in hers.]

[He gazing up at her adoringly, stroking her cheek with one bloody shaking hand.]

Mamoru: You need to find someone…Someone better than me…Someone who will treat you the way you deserved to be treated.

Usagi: NEVER! There has NEVER been anyone for me but you! There will NEVER be anyone for me but you!

Mamoru: [to Usagi] I-I was never good enough for you.

Usagi: Stop saying that. You are the best. The greatest person who has ever walked the earth. How could I ever be with anyone else after loving you? After you gave your life for me. You are only one for me. If you die I will die too.

Mamoru: No, Usagi. The world is a better place with you in it than me.

Usagi: [eyes filling with tears] Oh, Mamo. Don't die. Please don't die. If you die, I don't think I could go on.

Zoi: [raises his hands to his mouth] Oh, dear. What have I done.

[Zoi gently drifts over to Usagi cradling Mamoru, and they both look up at him. Usagi's eyes are filled with hope. Mamoru's are filled with hate.]

Zoi: How could I have almost squandered the precious life force of my dearest friend Mamoru Chibi…

[He reaches out his hands to Mamoru, uncovering his mouth, which is grinning from ear to ear.]

Zoi…without remembering he's endless fountain of energy!

[Usagi and Mamoru scream and Zoi laughs like a madman, as Zoi draws in Mamoru's life energy as fast as he can.]

[The Death Phantom watches, perplexed until a cloud of petals form around Zoi]

Death Phantom: Oh, no.

Zoi: Oh, yes. I'm afraid you slipped up there, my dear Wiseman. You shouldn't have told me the key to escaping this is more energy than I currently have.

[Zoi laughs like a fiend as he slips through the dimensional fabric of the ballroom to teleport away.]


	107. Cursed

[Scene: The interdimensional void supernatural beings travel through to teleport. Zoi is headed for Metalia's lair in Washington DC, but is stopped short by a blast that knocks him skidding across the marble floor of a hotel lobby.]

Death Phantom: You think, I, Wiseman, an Incarnation of Chaos can be thwarted so easily? You forget I am a GOD.

[The Death Phantom rises his arms. The lobby darkens as walls, furnishing, pretty much everything is blown apart]

[Zoi is flung against a marble pillar, where chains of dark energy snake around him pinning him into place.

Death Phantom: There is no use groveling. My patience with you has reached its limit.

[The chains begin to constrict with crushing force]

Death Phantom: I should have kept to my original plan to torture and kill you to avenge the deaths of my followers, but at least now I have your mother as a consolation prize.

Zoi: YOU LEAVE MY MOTHER ALONE!

Death Phantom: Irreverent to your last breath. I accept now that your mind can not be molded, not through natural means, nor supernatural. How ironic it is that the very gift that make you attractive as a slave also render you completely unsuitable.

[As the chains crush him Zoi notices a column of purple light forming behind the Death Phantom]

Death Phantom: No matter. I will retrieve your mother from the corpses of your loved ones. Unlike you, she is beyond the first blush of youth, but as a human she is better suited for breeding in captivity. Once she is thawed and her womb has been vacated, it will be easy to create another like you, maybe more, before I dispose of her as well.

[A man appears from the column of light, swinging a huge poleaxe right at the Death Phantom. The blade passes through him harmlessly, and the Death Phantom turns to confront the newcomer]

Death Phantom: Nephrite. You really think that axe is going to harm me?

Neffy: [sweating profusely] No, I do not. But I can't just stand here and do nothing. [swings again with the same result]

Death Phantom: Oh? Why can't you?

[Neffy fights with the skill of a master gladiator, but it does no good against an enemy who has dematerialized like a wraith]

Neffy: [sweating intensifies, still swinging] Because, he's family, goddamnit.

Death Phantom: No. That is not right. Allow me to probe your mind for your true motives.

Neffy: [Still fighting] Please. Just let him go.

Death Phantom: [chuckles] How fascinating. So your elder brother Kunzite had tricked you into placing a curse upon yourself, forcing you to protect Zoisite at all costs, even if it means your own life.

Zoi: WHAT?

Death Phantom: Oh, you didn't know about that...? Of course you wouldn't. It would be kinder for you to think he was protecting because he bore you some hidden affection or had a glimmer of goodness in his heart...Shall we test the limits of this curse?

[The Death Phantom Raises his arms and all the smashed wood in the lobby is drawn to Zoi's feet as if by a magnet. The Death Phantom holds out one finger and Zoi's legs are engulfed in greenish flames.]

[Neffy stares with a sickened look on his face until Zoi starts screaming in pain. He drops the axe and rushes to Zoi, pulling at the chains.]

[The Death Phantom chuckles as Zoi passes out. Although it is clear Neffy is being burned just as badly as Zoi, he makes no sound and shows no sign of retreating as he fights vainly to rescue Zoi.]

Death Phantom: I've seen enough.

[The flames vanish, leaving Zoi slumped unconscious and badly burned. Neffy stares at the Death Phantom with loathing, but still works on freeing Zoi.]

[The Death Phantom waves his arm and Neffy's burns are miraculously healed.]

Death Phantom: Listen carefully. I will give you one chance to save his life. A very slight chance, but it is a chance, the only way to save him. [to Zoi] Wake up. I'm not finished with you.

[Zoi's eyes pop open, and his breathing is labored but his injuries remain]

Death Phantom: [to Neffy] Gather your brothers. Kunzite and Jadeite. Bring them here. Right now. Tell them whatever lie you want, but neither they, nor Metalia, nor anyone else must suspect you are luring them to their deaths. Do this. Assist me in torturing and killing you and your brother Shitennou, and there is a very slight chance I will let this one live. Hurry...those burns look serious. He might die from his injuries alone if you tarry for even a moment.

Neffy: [teleporting away] God damn you.

[Zoi stares at the Death Phantom. Breathing hard in the smoke filled chamber, with pain and hate]

Death Phantom: The poor fool. He knows I am lying, but he has no choice but to obey. I did lie, of course. You will die... Or maybe not? Are you as willing to sacrifice your beloved Kunzite as you were your beloved humans? Those trapped in the flames, with no way to safety. They are probably dead already.

Zoi: [through pain clenched teeth] Go to hell.

Death Phantom: Haven't you accepted by now that I cannot be killed? And since I cannot be killed, I cannot be defeated.

Zoi: Metalia can defeat you.

Death Phantom: What good will that do her? She can't kill me and it won't bring her sons back after I have slaughtered them. All it will do is take up her time. Time that would be better spent cultivating suitable replacements...You know, I think I will let Kunzite live a while. To humiliate him. A fool as proud as him might find glory in Death. But in the degradation that comes with the lowest forms of enslavement? Yes, I think I will make you watch-

Voice: *Ahem*

[They turn and see a pair of shapes emerging from the smoke in mylar coverall. The two peel back their hood and goggles, before crossing their arms and giving the Death Phantom an admonishing look.]

El: Would you mind keeping it down in here? We are trying to work.


	108. Duo Ex Machina

[Scene: The ruined lobby of a ruined hotel. The Death Phantom regards a pair of innocent looking kids smiling angelically at him.]

Death Phantom: Who are you?

Dev: I'm Dev.

El: And I'm El.

Dev: We're just a couple of perfectly normal foreign exchange students, trying to finish up a science project.

El: Now who the hell are you?

Death Phantom: [Thunderous] I am Wiseman! Look upon my might and tremble!

[The twins look at each other and shrug.]

El: Are we supposed to know who you are?

Dev: Because we've never heard of you.

El: And that's a very bad sign.

Dev: For you, anyway.

El: You see...if you were anyone of any real importance, we would already know who you are.

Dev: ...and we don't.

El: You're completely obscure. Not even a footnote of a footnote.

Dev: And that does not bode well for you, I'm afraid to say.

Death Phantom: Then perhaps I am better known to you as The Death Phantom!

[The twins look to one another and shake their heads]

Dev: I'm sorry.

El: That doesn't ring any bells for us either.

Death Phantom: It matters not, insignificant mortals! You are but ants on a chessboard! An annoyance to be certain, but not enough to distract from the game!

Dev: [pouts] That isn't a very nice thing to say.

El: [shrugs] I've been called worse.

[points at Zoi who is still chained the pillar, breathing hard with agony]

Death Phantom: I AM WISEMAN! DEITY OF NEMESIS, BRINGER OF WISHES-

Dev: One moment-so sorry to interrupt, but the Shitennou doesn't really need to be here for this, does he?

El: Good point. [She casually flings her arm in Zoi's direction and he is engulfed in white hot flame, until the chains fall to the ground]

[The room darkens as the Death Phantom draws on his full power, the only light is from his eyes, which glow like the sun]

Death Phantom: You stupid girl! Do you have any idea what you have done!

El: [giggling] Why, yes. I believe I just took out the trash.

[The Death Phantom blasts her with enough energy to nearly send her flying through the concrete wall of the hotel. She splats like a bug, stopped only by a steel girder, which is bent perpendicular from the impact.]

Dev: CHAAA- [his voice dies into a croak as he regards his sister's body, half embedded into the solid steel, before puffing out his cheeks like an angry chipmunk and turning his glare to the Death Phantom] You'd better hope she's ok.

El: [still prone] Oh, don't worry. I've been hurt worse than this learning to ride a bicycle.

[The beam she is lying on bends back into shape with her still lying on it. Once it is perfectly straight she floats to the center of the lobby while the bits of plaster and drywall fly back into place, repairing the wall.]

[Dev teleports away and reappears floating back to back with his sister. She reaches for his hand and holds it in hers.]

Death Phantom: Prepare to be torn apart by the full force of my wrath!

El: Is that supposed to frighten us? Because I'll have you know, we've eaten scarier creatures than you for breakfast.

Dev: Literally.

El: And by literally, he means "literally." When we were babies, we used to eat demons.

Dev: And once we consume them, they are doomed to obey us in the afterlife.

[A deck of cards appears in his hand and he fans them out.]

Dev: Pick a card, dear sister. Any card.

El: I just can't chose. They all look so good.

[She waves her fingers and all the cards float out of Dev's hand, morphing into howling demonic phantasms.]

Dev: [He summons a flute and raises it to his lips.] Now prepare yourself for the full force of MY wrath.

[But before he can play a single note, the Death Phantom raises both hands and the phantasms all turn back into cards which burst into flames until they are completely blackened.]

[Dev and El watch with their mouths agape as black ash of the burnt cards fall like snow.]

El: Rude.

Death Phantom: You puny mortals have vexed me beyond all endurance. Prepare to suffer for your insolence as no mortal before you has suffered before.

[Violet, orange and green miasma swirls around the Death Phantom as his eyes once more glow like twin suns. A shockwave makes the ground shudder as a tsunami of pure dark energy is directed at the twins.]

[They clench hands and their eyes go white a moment before impact, but they make no effort to escape. The force of the attack washes over a shield in the shape of a bubble]

[Death Phantom staggers back, shaken, as the twins continue to float nonchalantly in midair.

Death Phantom: What? No living thing can withstand an attack of that magnitude!

El: And yet...we are still alive.

Death Phantom: [shaken] How...how is that possible?

El: Well...you see. There is a perfectly logical explanation.

[She points at Dev]

El: He's 50% Major God of Chaos.

Dev: And she's 50% Major God of Chaos.

El: Do the math.

Death Phantom: That...that cannot be right. I know the full Pantheon of Chaos, and you are not among us.

El: Yeah? Well...we're not from around here.

Death Phantom: [backing away] Who are you...what are you...you...don't belong here...I will look into your minds...sift through your essence...peek into your darkest fears your greatest desires...find the secret of how to unmake you...

Dev: [shrugs] It's not going to be that easy, but you're certainly welcome to try.

[The twins make eye contact with the Death Phantom]

Death Phantom: You're...IMPOSSIBLE!

El: So we've been told.

Dev: Many times, in fact.

El: [sighs] So impossible...In so many many different ways...

[They slowly sink through the air toward floor level]

Dev: But, it appears you might have figured out what we are.

El: Or who we are.

Dev: Which are two different things. But both must remain a secret, if we are to have any hope in succeeding in our mission.

El: And a secret isn't a secret if anyone knows it but us.

Dev: So I'm very sorry about this, but I'm afraid it is time for you to die.

[The twins clasp hands once more and their eyes glow with an unholy fire.]

Death Phantom: YOU CANNOT KILL ME! I AM A GOD!

[The twins jaws drop as they release each other's hand and turn to face each other.]

El: Did he just say that HE'S A GOD?

Dev: I do believe he did!

El: [hugs her brother] Oh, Dev! I do believe this is our lucky day!

[They press their foreheads together, grinning evilly, then break apart, turning to face the Death Phantom]

Dev: Nighty-night, Mr. Death Phantom.

[They two pull down their goggles as the God Gun materializes between their hands]

[A beam of white white light erupts and the Death Phantom screams as he swell like a balloon before bursting into fragments.]

The beam stops and the twins stand for a moment in stunned silent.]

El: We did it, Dev. The gun works. We've just killed our first god.


	109. RIP Wiseman

[Scene: the ruins of a hotel lobby. Dev stares at the tattered remains of the Death Phantom before picking up his sister and spinning her around.]

Dev: You beautiful genius. You've done the impossible. You've designed a weapon that can destroy a god. You're the sexiest mad scientist ever.

El: [giggling] Put me down!

Dev: Not until we do our victory dance.

[He sets her on her feet and they tango through the lobby, unmindful of their surroundings, until Dev dips El low and from her upside down vantage point she sees Neffy, Kunzite, and Jeddy staring at them.]

El: Oops.

Dev: [waves] Bye now.

[The twins teleport away]

Jeddy: What the hell was that all about?

Neffy: Where's Zoi?

Jeddy: Huh?

Neffy: [Frantically rushes to the charred pillar] He was here just a minute ago. Chained to this pillar by the Death Phantom. I was summoned here because he was being tortured nearly to the point of death. I can still smell his flesh burning

[Kunzite doesn't make a sound, but his eyes flicker as Neffy tugs at the chain around the pillar and see that it is unbroken.]

[Neffy gathers up a handful of ash and sinks to his knees with his face in his hands.

Neffy: HE'S DEAD! HALLELUJAH! I'M FREE! I'M FINALLY FREE!

[He raises his fists and howls at the ceiling like a running back who scored a game winning touchdown.]

Neffy: THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!

[Kunzite walks over and whacks Neffy in the back of the head. Jeddy stirs at the shreds of the Death Phantom, gently, with one toe]

Jeddy: The Death Phantom is...dead...but...isn't that impossible?

Neffy: [To Kunzite] Hahaha! Hit me all you want! Now that your Wifey-boy is dead and I'm no longer cursed, there is nothing you can do that you can do wipe this smile from my face!

Jeddy: [holding up bits of the Death Phantom] Um, guys? Can we stop obsessing over Zoi for a minute and look at the bigger picture?

Kunzite: [shoves Neffy] Nephrite, is this your idea of a joke?

Neffy: [grinning] No. Oh no. The Death Phantom was torturing Wifey-boy. He forced me to lure you two back here so he can kill us all. Next thing I know, we're here, both Wifey-boy and the Death Phantom are dead, and a pair of teenagers are waltzing in their remains.

Jeddy: [drops the shreds] _The Death Phantom is dead._ The completely-unkillable-up-until-now Death Phantom? And this doesn't bother anybody?

Kunzite: [Backhands Neffy] Do a divination! Find Zoisite!

[Neffy just laughs in his face. Kunzite lifts him by the lapels and summons an energy blade]

Neffy: Go ahead and kill me. I might as well die happy, because nothing is ever going to top this.

[Kunzite shoves the blade under Neffy's chin and Neffy just laughs harder]

Jeddy: Oh, forget it, you two. I'm getting Beryl.

[Teleports away and reappears a moment later with Beryl]

Beryl: What is the meaning of this? Boys! Stop this foolish dickwaving at once and tell me what is going on here!

[Neffy and Kunzite stop their quarreling and give Beryl their full attention. She looks at Wiseman's remains and goes pale]

Beryl: What just happened here?

Kunzite: Zoisite-

Beryl: [snarls, exposing her fangs] To hell with Zoisite! Are you so besotted with him that you don't see the danger you've dragged me into?

[She summons a scepter with a huge crystal globe. She raises it and the ruined lobby glows red, except for light magic residue sparkling near the Death Phantom, and door shaped shadows of Dark Magic on the walls.]

Beryl: There were exits here that have been sealed off with dark magic, but I sense nothing beyond them.

Jeddy: I'll unseal them for you.

Neffy: No. Wait, you fool-

[Jeddy zaps the wall with energy and the doors reappear. They are open, and a crowd of people are pressed together on the other side of the thresholds. They are frozen in place, their faces masks of horror, their hands raised as if try to claw their way out.]

Jeddy: What's happening?

[Kunzite, as the tallest of them, can see over the heads of the crowd to the tableau beyond. He scans the room for Zoi, and stares, wide-eyed, past the crowd of people to the flames and bits of fallen debris that are also frozen in place. Everyone in the room appears like statues, all desperate to escape, except four figures in the center of the room: Zoi's mother, encased in ice, Zoi's father, looking overwhelmed, Mamoru Chiba, who is lying in a pool of blood, and Usagi Tsukino, who seems almost serene as she cradles his head in her lap and looks down at him with big worried eyes.]

[The flames flicker, and the crowd surges every so slightly]

[Kunzite casts sheer barricades of energy across the doorways]

Kunzite: Stay back. Someone has created a pocket dimension, presumably to rescue these people, and placed this chamber outside the normal time continuum. The dimension is rapidly collapsing, and these people will resume whatever it was they were doing before time stopped for them.

Jeddy: And by someone you mean Wiseman?

Kunzite: [shakes his head solemnly] The Death Phantom doesn't have this kind of power.


	110. Zoi Doesn't Get a Birthday This Year

[Scene: A hotel lobby, in front of a burning ballroom that has been frozen in time. Beryl and the Shitennou are watching the room through sheer barricades of dark magic. Slowly, time resumes in fits and jerks and then the crowd inside surges toward the exit.]

Kunzite: [eyes glowing white, extinguishing the flames] ATTENTION EVERYONE! THERE HAS BEEN A MINOR EXPLOSION CAUSED BY A RUPTURED GAS LINE, BUT THE DANGER HAS PAST AND THERE IS NO NEED TO PANIC!

[The crowd becomes still and quiet at Kunzite's hypnotic suggestion. You can hear sirens.]

Jeddy: Great.

Beryl: This place is going to be crawling with firefighters in about three minutes. Which isn't nearly as delightful as it sounds.

Kunzite: Then we need to work fast. [To Beryl] Use your dark healing magic to heal any human who is gravely wounded. [To Jeddy] There are many who are unconscious, and therefore untouched by my mind control. Restore their energy, then use your powers of illusion to rewrite their memories. [grabs Neffy by the arm and steers him toward Zoi's parents] Come. We need to find Zoisite.

Neffy: I'm telling you, he burned up!

[They walk up to Zoi's parents. Zoi's father seems unable to decide whether to assist Zoi's mother, who is as still as a statue with her mouth open and her arm raised, or Mamoru, who looks dangerously close to bleeding out. He steps toward Mamoru, but Kunzite stops him.]

Kunzite: What happened here?

Chief Midori: There was a ruptured gas line. It caused a minor explosion. But the danger is past, so there is no need to panic. [looks at Neffy, who is chuckling into his hand] Why is this funny?

Neffy: Because my brother is a idiot. [Kunzite gives him a steely gaze] Maybe you should have thought to ask your questions *before* you worked your mojo, that's all I'm saying.

[Kunzite gives him a dismissive look before snapping his fingers in front of Zoi's mother, bringing her out of suspended animation.]

Renee: [grabs Kunzite in a fit of hysterics] WHERE IS MY SON! WHERE IS MY SON!

Giancarlo: [places his arms around her to sooth her] Renee. Be calm. Think of the baby-

Renee: [shrugs him away like an ugly coat] NO! WHERE IS MY SON!

Kunzite: Look at me, Mrs. Cappelli. [his eyes glow white] Everything is going to be okay as long as you lower your voice and remain calm-

Renee: [grabs his lapels] DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO REMAIN CALM AFTER SOME GIANT GHOST ATTACKED MY CHILD!

Giancarlo: A giant ghost? [takes her into his arms] Renee, cara mia, I think you should lie down.

[Jeddy rushes over and flings a handful of magical energy at her skull]

Renee: NO! Not until I find out what that thing did with my son!

[Neffy and Kunzite exchange glances and communicate telepathically.]

Kunzite: *I'd forgotten that Zoisite's immunity to mind magic stems from her genetic mutation.*

Neffy: *That's right. Mind control doesn't work on her.*

Jeddy: *We are just going to have to kill her.*

[Kunzite snarls at Jeddy]

Kunzite: *We are NOT killing my mother-in-law!*

[Neffy looks over at Beryl who is crouching over Mamoru, while Usagi looks up at her with pleading eyes. She steps away, and Mamoru is still bleeding and unconscious.]

Neffy: *Shouldn't you be patching him up a lot better than that?*

Beryl: *I can't. For the same reason I couldn't heal Zoi up fully. His blood is laced with White Magic. To heal him fully, I'd have to stop his heart and overwhelm him with Dark Energy, but that would take up too much time and energy, the effects would be permanent, and people would notice. Best to simply get him stable and wait for him to recover on his own.*

Kunzite: [Takes hold of Renee and drains her energy just enough to make her listless.] Renee, listen to me. I want you to tell me everything that you think just happened here.

Renee: There was a surprise party. We brought Zoi here and he got upset and told everyone to leave. I thought he was just throwing a fit since he didn't want a party, but then this huge ghost appeared, but nobody seemed to notice it except for me and Zoi. He said it was the "Death Phantom" and it came to kill everyone unless he took an oath of obedience. And then he started throwing fireballs around-

Jeddy: The Death Phantom was throwing fireballs?

Renee: No. Zoi...my son was throwing fireballs...my son...was throwing fireballs...My god, you're right. I'm losing my mind.

[Giancarlo pulls up a chair for her and she sinks into it.]

Beryl: It's ok. This is perfectly normal for a woman in her third trimester who has just suffered a terrible shock. Please go on.

Renee: Why? It's all nonsense.

Beryl: It helps to talk it out.

Renee: All the doors vanished and that thing came after my son, but I threw myself in front of him and everything went black. That's all I remember.

Neffy: Did you see any teenagers?

Renee: This is a sweet sixteen party. Of course I saw teenagers!

Neffy: A pair of kids in coveralls and goggles.

Renee: Should I have?

[Kunzite wanders away without another word. Beryl, the Shitennou and Chief Midori follow after him.]

Chief Midori: The nonsense she was spouting, it is all true, isn't it.

[Kunzite doesn't answer. He just gives him a blank stare.]

Chief Midori: My son. Is he-

Neffy: Dead? Yes, Pops. I'm afraid so.


	111. Morality by Fate

Chief Midori: My son is dead? But you can bring him back again, right?

Neffy: That is a "NO" with a capital "N-O" there, Pops. Your son was a Shitennou, and once a Shitennou dies, they stay dead forever.

Chief Midori: Some evil god killed my son? And you made me forget it? [Grabs Kunzite in a fit of rage] Give me back my memories, you son of a bitch!

[Kunzite narrows his eyes and gives Chief Midori a feral glare.]

Neffy: Oh, you might want to keep it down if you want to confine the damage control to just the people in this room. [Points to Umino and Naru seated on the floor, talking into a phone]

Umino: Where are you...you're missing all the excitement...there was this big gas exposition...Mamoru was hurt pretty bad...No, he's NOT ok... and your Dad and Kunzite are fighting about something...bummer that all this had to happen on your birthday.

[Kunzite and Chief Midori exchange glances then run over to Umino. Chief Midori grabs the phone from his hand.]

Umino: Hey!

Chief Midori: Zoi?

Zoi's Voice: Dad? What's going on? Why didn't you wake me up?

Chief Midori: Son? [grins with relief] You're alive.

Zoi's Voice: Of course I'm alive. Why is it so dark out?

Kunzite: [grabs the phone from Chief Midori] Zoisite? Where are you?

Zoi's Voice: I'm in my room. Where are you?

[Umino and Naru's eyes go wide as Neffy and Kunzite teleport away]

[In Zoi's room]

[Zoi is standing by the window, dressed in his underpants. He is looking up at the night sky with a look of dread on his face. The bed is unmade and the suit he wore is lying crumpled on the floor near the bed.]

[Kunzite and Neffy appear. Zoi turns to face them, but before he can say a word, Kunzite gathers him into his arms and holds him tight.]

Kunzite: [voice breaking] You're alive.

Zoi: Of course I'm alive. Why wouldn't I be alive?

Kunzite: [clutching Zoi close] Nephrite told me he saw you burn to death.

Zoi: Yeah? Well Neffy has a weird sense of humor.

[Kunzite just stands there holding Zoi tight. Neffy picks up up Zoi's shoes from the floor and looks at the soles. He picks up his pants and looks at them as well. Then he drops them and walks over to Zoi and rubs his calf and then grabs his ankle and lifts his foot.]

Zoi: HEY! [kicks Neffy] What do you think you are doing?

Neffy: Kunzite. I don't mean to alarm you, but I don't think that is the real Zoi.

Zoi: What is that supposed to mean!

[Kunzite holds Zoi tighter and glares at Neffy]

Neffy: I DID see the Death Phantom burn Zoi at the stake. I jumped into the pyre and tried to save him. The pain was excruciating, but because of that pesky little curse, I had no choice but to just stand there like a fool and get burned along with him.

Zoi: Curse? What curse?

Neffy: [gives Zoi a venomous glare] The Death Phantom explained this to you.

Zoi: When?

Neffy: Right before he set you-or should I say, the real Zoi- on fire. This just proves my point that you are an imposter.

Zoi: What the hell are you talking about? I'm not an imposter!

Kunzite: [narrows his eyes at Neffy] He's not an imposter. You think I don't know my own husband?

Neffy: Well, thanks to you and your pesky little curse, Kunzite, there is one surefire way to find out.

[He conjures up a sword and before either Kunzite or Zoi can react, he attempts to lop off Zoi's head.]

[He swings, but the sword stops a hairbreadth from Zoi's neck.]

Neffy: It's him alright. [dispels the sword]

Zoi: OH MY GOD! YOU JUST TRIED TO CUT OFF MY HEAD!

[Jeddy appears]

Jeddy: Gee, thanks, you two. Nothing like being left all alone to wipe away the memories of my two brothers vanishing into thin air just moments after I finished brainwashing everyone.

[They ignore him]

Neffy: He was wearing that suit. He was wearing those shoes. I watched him burn, and he hasn't gotten so much of a sunburn or a speck of ash on him.

Jeddy: What's going on?

Zoi: I don't know! I haven't even gotten dressed yet! I've been in bed all day!

Neffy: You've been in bed all day?

Zoi: Don't look so shocked! I didn't oversleep by that much! It's only 9am, for pity's sake!

Kunzite: It's 9pm.

Zoi: 9...p...m...? [He looks out the window] That would explain why it is dark out, but- I don't understand. It's my birthday, isn't it. Why did everyone let me sleep the entire day away?

[Looks over at the alarm clock and sees the Faberge Egg Kunzite gave him]

Zoi: Kunzite? Is that a Faberge Egg? Why is there a Faberge Egg on my nightstand?

[Kunzite looks at Zoi, his eyes large with concern]

Kunzite: You don't remember getting out of bed this morning. You don't remember getting attacked by the Death Phantom. You don't even remember getting into bed, do you?

Zoi: [sweating] No. I don't.

Kunzite: Zoisite. What is the last thing you remember?

Zoi: I was with you, in the Dark Kingdom. We were talking about my birthday. I asked if I could open my present, and you said I had to wait until my birthday. Then you counted down. 3...2...1. The next thing I know, I'm in bed in my underwear and Naru's calling me, asking me where I am-Kunzite, why didn't you let me open my present?


	112. Divination

[scene: Zoi's room]

Kunzite: Zoi, I'm going to need you to get back in bed and lie down.

Zoi: No! Why! I need to kn-

[Kunzite grabs hold of him and drains his energy, then lays him on the bed, and turns his back on him.]

Kunzite: Jadeite, get Beryl. Tell her to stop whatever she is doing and bring her to Nephrite's mansion, without hesitation. We need to do a divination.

Jeddy: What about Zoi? Shouldn't he be there too?

Kunzite: Zoisite remains here, asleep in his own bed, until we determine why he cannot remember anything that happened today.

Jeddy: Obviously someone tampered with his memories.

Kunzite: His mind can't be tampered with. Not even by Mother.

Neffy: The whole reason the Death Phantom wanted him as his pet is because he is immune to mind magic.

Jeddy: Oh right. [shrugs] Then he's been asleep this whole time, and that other guy was the imposter.

Neffy: Except, if that had been an imposter, the curse wouldn't have been dragged me into the flames to save him.

Jeddy: It's either that, or he suffered a bump on the head that gave him amnesia.

Kunzite: Going back to midnight? Pacific Standard Time? Precisely to the second? I was with him. There was nothing that would explain his memories stopping at precisely that moment.

Jeddy: Then he did it to himself. The battle with the Death Phantom might have been so traumatic that he repressed the memory of ever having a birthday.

Neffy: Then who healed him and repaired his clothing?

[jeffy ponders this]

Jeddy: ...I'll go get Beryl...and meet you at the mansion.

[A few minutes later, in the secret planetarium of Neffy's Palo Alto mansion. Neffy concentrates intently as slarlight dances between his hands. Above the ceiling shows the illusion of a starry sky. The others watch in a row slightly behind him.]

Neffy: The stars see all. The stars know all.

Beryl: *Shouldn't Metalia be here for this, too?*

Kunzite: *Until we know exactly what we are dealing with, we shouldn't bother Mother with any of this.*

Jeddy: *As someone who just got back from The Hotel-Time-Forgot, which is currently decorated with Death-Phantom-Confetti. I think Mother is going to want to be bothered with this.*

Beryl: *I agree. The Death Phantom was murdered. That should concern mother greatly.*

Kunzite: *Silence. The Divination is starting.*

Neffy: Come forth Astraea, the Celestial Virgin, and share with us your unearthly wisdom.

[The Constellation Virgo glows, forming the outline of an ancient greek maiden with cruel eyes, wearing chaste robes and holding a scale in her hands, the outline comes to ghostly life]

Astraea: I am the all-seeing avatar of Astraea, protector of natural order, she who stand in silent judgement of humanity from afar, and awaits mankind's end so she might return to planet. What is your bidding, Nephrite, Servant of the Chaos?

[Beryl steps in front of Neffy.]

Beryl: Tell us what happened to the Death Phantom?

Astraea: He was slain.

Neffy: Irrevocably?

Astraea: Indeed.

Beryl: How is that possible?

Astraea: In the Age of the Titans, Gods were slain routinely. All but a few of the instruments of their destruction were scattered and lost.

Beryl: The Silver Crystal?

Astraea: [nods sagely] The Illusionary Silver Crystal is forged into a weapon by the two beings that currently call themselves Eleanor and Devon Heltry, and used to destroy the Death Phantom.

Beryl: Why? To what end?

Astraea: Their motives are their own, Daughter of Chaos. I can't scry into their minds, not sift the truth from their many lies. I am all-seeing, but not all knowing. I can provide you with facts, but you must draw your own conclusions.

Beryl: What sort of a weapon?

Astraea: A laser that uses the Silver Crystal to generate a beam of Light Magic, capable of destroying any creature made of Dark Matter.

Beryl: Powerful enough to harm the Major Goddess of Chaos, Metalia?

Astraea: It is capable of destroying the Major Goddess Metalia without difficulty. Indeed, they have repeatedly stated an intention to do so.


	113. The Stars See All

[Scene: The planetarium in Neffy's mansion. The Celestial Seeress Astraea has informed Beryl and the Shitennou of Dev and El's intentions to kill Metalia.]

Jeddy: So you're saying there are a pair of White-Light Do-gooders running around determined to wipe out the Pantheon of Chaos?

Astraea: Doubtful. The beings that call themselves the "Heltry Twins" are Children of Chaos themselves, made up Dark Energy.

Beryl: Then they obviously wish to usurp us! And take our place as the rightful rulers as the new Incarnations of Darkness! Who are they?

Astraea: That is too broad of a question for me to attempt to answer.

Beryl: [narrows her eyes like a serpent] Then tell me where have they come from!

Astraea: As far as I can see, they originated from the moon.

Neffy: Are you saying they were reborn from their extinction, like the moon guardians?

Astraea: They are not like the Moon Guardians. They sprang into being, fully formed, on the surface of Earth's Moon, during the fall of the Silver Millennium.

Beryl: How?

Astraea: That is impossible for me to determine.

Jeddy: So much for the stars knowing all.

[Jeddy yelps as Neffy slaps him on the back of the head]

Kunzite: Why does Zoisite Midori have no memory of anything that happened today?

Astraea: The being that calls herself Eleanor Heltry hypnotized him into purging those memories.

Kunzite: But...that's impossible.

Astraea: Clearly, it is not.

Beryl: Enough with Zoisite! Show me how these two came into being!

[The scene above Astraea shifts from a starry night to what looks like a computerized heads up display, showing a silent clip of Dev and El with blue and pink tinted hair waist-long hair, appearing on the moon and stealing the Silver Crystal]

Beryl: So that is what they look like, I was the only one who hadn't seen them yet.

Kunzite: Their hair is different now. Shorter, darker.

Beryl: [under her breath] hmmm...the boy is not bad looking...

[Jeddy gives her a hurt look]

Neffy: [chuckles an aside to Jeddy] Sorry, buddy. She's got a type. And you look just a little bit too "legal" to be off any interest to her.

Kunzite: [stares and blinks impassively] They're time travellers.

Jeddy: Are you sure?

[Kunzite points to Dev's t-shirt]

Kunzite: I don't think Pink Floyd was doing that much touring during the time of Robin Hood.

Neffy: Time travel. Isn't that impossible?

Jeddy: What do you mean? Kunzite travels into the past all the time. Don't you, Kunzite?

Kunzite: Yes and no. I can use pocket dimensions to create windows into the past. I don't open these windows and crawl through them the way these two do.

Jeddy: Why not?

Kunzite: Because up until now, I didn't think it was possible.

Neffy: The word impossible seems to be cropping up quite a lot lately, isn't it?

Beryl: I've heard enough. I'm notifying Metalia.

[She turns to sashay away]

Jeddy: I'm coming too. [Follows after her]

Kunzite: I would wait, if I were you. We don't know what we are up against.

[Beryl turns, scowling, with her hands on her hips.]

Beryl: Yes, Metalia has no idea that she is in any danger, and that is why she needs to be informed, immediately!

Kunzite: I recommend we stay and learn everything we can until we are certain of how we should fight these two.

Beryl: What! That is madness, Kunzite! Worst case-we wait here and Metalia is slain! Second worst case, Metalia is not slain, and discovers that we knew she was in danger, and failed to warn her!

[Beryl turns and she and Jeddy continue walking. Neffy gives Kunzite a look, uncertain if they should follow.]

Beryl: Astraea. What are the current whereabout of the Greater Goddess Metalia?

Astraea: She is in her residence in Washington DC.

Kunzite: Is she alone, well, and not in any perceivable danger?

Astraea: The answer is yes to all of these questions.

Kunzite: And you can alert us if that changes.

Astraea: If you wish.

Beryl: Don't bother. We are going there now.

Kunzite: I really think you should wait until after the divination.

Beryl: And you know what I think? I think you might be more interested in protecting these two little brats than you are in protecting Metalia!

Kunzite: [a bit flummoxed] What. No. How could you even think such a thing?

Beryl: Maybe because it appears they've permanently freed your husband Zoisite from the clutches of the Death Phantom, after Metalia refused to!

Neffy: *Bingo* Give this girl a kewpie doll.

[Kunzite regains his poise]

Kunzite: Very well, by all means inform Mother. In fact it might be wise to divide our efforts. It will spare both Nephrite and I the trouble of facing Mother with this news, since I insist he remain here and complete the divination.

Beryl: Good. Then we are all in agreement-

Kunzite: But I must say it is very brave of you, Jadeite, to volunteer to play the Bearer of Ill Tidings, so soon after Mother ordered the Death Phantom to kill both you and Nephrite, just to test the limits of his determination enslave Zoisite.

[Kunzite crosses his arms and smirks]

Kunzite: But, hey. These two little kids look harmless enough. I'm sure you should be able to handle yourselves just fine if Mother decides to sacrifice a couple of us, just to learn the full extend of these "impossible children's" powers. [grins wider] Personally, I prefer to take a more cautious approach.

[Beryl and Jeddy stop, exchanged uneasy looks, then do an about-face and rejoin the others.]

Beryl: [To Astraea] You will stop the divination and inform us of the very moment you sense any peril to the Greater Goddess Metalia?

Astraea: If that is your wish, Daughter of Chaos.

Beryl: It is.

Neffy: Shall we continue the divination?

Kunzite: [still smirking] I think I speak for us all when I say "By all means, proceed."

[The room dims once more as Beryl and Jeddy stand there scowling and uneasy.]

Beryl: [scowling at a very smug looking Kunzite] Marriage has changed you. And not for the better.


	114. Born That Way

[Scene: Neffy's mansion during a divination with the Celestial Seeress Astraea.]

Neffy: Astraea, Show us all the arcane statistics you know about these Heltry Twins.

Astraea: Here is what I am able to determine.

[The display switches to what looks like a computer monitor. At the tops are the images of Dev and El. First with their pastel tinted hair waist length hair in jeans and t-shirts, then to an image of them with waist-length honey blond hair and wrapped in bathtowel, then morphing to the image of the two of them in their current Hentai High incarnations.]

[Below the images is a printout of stats in Dark Kingdom hieroglyphics.]

NAME: ~~~~~~~(?)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(WREN)?

ALIAS: ~~~~~~~ANN, ELEANOR HELTRY, El~~~~~AIL, DEVON HELTRY, DEV

POWER LEVEL: ~~.51769 DIOS~~~~~~~~~~~~~.51769 DIOS

ELEMENT: ~~~~~~PHYSICS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~MUSIC

SPECIES: ~~~~~~~PREVIOUSLY UNKNOWN RACE OF DARK ENERGY BEING

POWER SOURCE: ~~DARK ENERGY, SORCERY

RELATIONSHIP: ~~~BIOLOGICAL SIBLINGS

[Neffy studies the aliases]

Neffy: Cute. On the moon they were playing at being AliAnns, now they are playing at being DevEls.

Beryl: But they are neither, I assume. What form of being are they most similar to?

Astraea: They are beings comprised of dark energy, and that regard they are extremely similar to the Shitennou in both composition and ability.

Beryl: Except they are not Shitennou?

Astraea: They do not contain soulstones.

Neffy: They don't have souls?

Astraea: They do have souls. They don't have soulstones.

Jeddy: But that's impo- So how did whoever made them keep their souls intact when they were made into energy without using soulstones?

Astraea: It would appear Dark Energy is their native form.

Neffy: Oh, that's just creepy.

Beryl: So the boy's true name is Wren?

Astraea: Unknowable. The girl has called him that more than once, much to his seeming consternation. But a Wren is a species of songbird, unique to this planet, so it is likely this is a nickname.

Jeddy: And we know it is Wren, with a W, and not Ren, short for Renfield?

Astraea: No we do not.

Kunzite: [under his breath] Wren...Wren...Why do I have a vague feeling I have heard that name before? [he studies the images]...Seeress Astraea. Could you stop and focus in the images of them as blonds.

Astraea: Of course, Kunzite Son of Chaos.

[The display zooms in on the two images of them wrapped in towels with long wet honey-blond hair down to their waists.]

[Kunzite stares at it in stony silence]

Beryl: [places a hand on his shoulder] What is it, Kunzite? Do you see a clue to their true natures?

[Kunzite doesn't answer.]

Beryl: Kunzite? [She turns to look at him and sees he is just standing there with a goofy grin on his face.]

Beryl: ACCK! [gasps in outrage, then summons her spectre and uses it to smack him] YOU PERVERT! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A HAPPILY MARRIED MAN!

Kunzite: I AM...but you must admit they look rather appealing as blonds...especially the girl...when she smiles...

[Beryl gives him some side eye]

Neffy: [laughing] Appears we gave Kunzite too much credit for his motives for wanting to spare this pair. You'd better hope Wifey-Boy never find out about this.

Kunzite: I'll have you know my devotion and loyalty to Zoisite is absolute.

Jeddy: Frankly, I don't see it. They just look weird to me. Like their eyes are all messed up or something.

[He goes back to reading their stats and his brow furrows]

Jeddy: Wait a minute. Their power level is only a .51769?

Astraea: Correct, Jadeite son of Chaos.

Jeddy: But the Death Phantom couldn't take these two down?

Astraea: That has been proven.

Jeddy: That doesn't make any sense. My power level is about a .53, so Kunzite and Beryl must be a .7, at least, and I'm fair sure The Death Phantom could have mopped the floor with the both of them.

Astraea: Kunzite's current power level is .57868. Which is only slightly eclipsed by Beryl's current power level at .57977, while Nephrite's is at .55765

[Jeddy stares in disbelief]

Jeddy: So you are saying the rest of them are only a little more powerful than I am?

Neffy: No. the rest of us are considerably more powerful than you are.

Astraea: Correct. Power levels rise on a logarithmic scale. The Death Phantom was about a 1 in his heyday, more or less. Metalia is about a 1.3. Which makes her probably the most powerful being in the known universe, by far

[Jeddy blinks without comprehension]

Kunzite: earthquakes. A 7.0 earthquake is significantly more powerful than a 6.5, and far more deadly than two 3.5 combined.

[Jeddy shakes his head as if to clear it]

Beryl: Think of raising your power in terms of climbing a mountain that gets a hundred times more steep at the top than at the bottom...That is why we are able to gain power so quickly in the beginning before we master our abilities, but tail off as we reach our potential.

Jeddy: Oh...ok...that almost makes sense...but it just proves my point! How did a pair who are vastly weaker than we are manage to take out a minor god like the Death Phantom?

Astraea: At the time, the Death Phantom's power was insufficient to overcome their defensive magic.

Beryl: [Comprehension dawns] The power of the Silver Crystal...

Astraea: Is an anathema to them. It did not factor into their defenses at all.


	115. The Impossible Children

[Scene: Neffy's mansion during a divination with the Celestial Seeress Astraea.]

Kunzite: They must have gotten the drop on him. Snuck up and used the element of surprise to take him out before he even knew they were there.

Astraea: No. They did not. They challenged the Death Phantom to a fight, and then held their own against him until they drew the weapon they created and ultimately defeated him.

Jeddy: But how could they defend themselves when their power levels are so low?

Beryl: That's an excellent question. Astraea, show us everything that happened after those two... whatever-they-are...arrived at the hotel.

[The Shitennou look up as the ceiling shows the Heltry twins appear out of thin air into the ballroom where Zoi's friends and family are trapped. As the mayhem unfolds, the twins look at one another and shrug. Then they hold hands and their eyes glow pink and then white. A shimmering bubble seems to engulf the room. Slows, all movement in the room slows, as if the air is congealing into jello.]

[Beryl watches with a look of utter dismay]

Neffy: This is bad.

Beryl: They are somehow able to create pocket dimensions that can distort time. If they manage to trap us in one of these pocket dimensions, it will be as if time has stopped,so we would be completely at their mercy.

Kunzite: [watches them walk past the now immobilized humans] Especially since they seem to be immune to its effects.

[They phase right through the wall and into where Zoisite is being burned at the stake, while Neffy tries in vain to free him. Kunzite's eyes glisten with pain at the sight of it.]

The twins wait until Neffy is gone before revealing themselves, with a wave of Eleanor's hand, Zoi is engulfed in flames.]

Kunzite: What happened there?

Astraea: She teleported Zoisite Midori back to his bedroom. The flames were purely decorative, presumably summoned for misdirection.

Neffy: Interesting. Why did she go to all that trouble to spare Wifey-boy, when she could have easily just let him die?

Jeddy: You could ask the same about why they spared the humans in the ballroom.

Neffy: Except the humans are hapless civilians, and Zoi is an enemy combatant in a war against Metalia.

Jeddy: They probably didn't know Zoi is a Shitennou. I mean, how would they? It's not like Zoi was around during our glory days.

Astraea: They know he is a Shitennou. They have referred to him several times as a Shitennou in conversation.

Neffy: Then shouldn't they have gotten rid of Kunzite's yippity little lapdog when they had the chance? [under his breath] I know I would have.

Beryl: You do make an interesting point. Astraea. Show us everything you know about them! In chronological order from their first appearance in the Earthly Realm to the present time

Astraea: That would take months.

Beryl: Then summarize! Tell me anything that you think might be of interest to me, and I will decide what I want to see.

Astraea: Very well, Daughter of Chaos. They materialized on the Moon, one thousand years ago, and stole the Silver Crystal-

Beryl: Yes, yes, we already saw that. Get to the parts I don't already know.

Astraea: They created a portal using Dark Magic, and went through it, vanishing from existence.

Jeddy: Where did they go?

Astraea: I can not say with certainty, but their next sighting was in Malibu, California in 1991, where they materialized wearing the same attire and holding the Silver Crystal. They fed, bathed, altered their appearance, and then created another portal, which they vanished through before appearing in Hen Tie, in September of this year. And it is in Hen Tie they have remained, this entire time.

Jeddy: You said they fed? What did they feed on? Or would I rather not know?

Astraea: They ate fried chicken. And Mashed potatoes. With gravy.

Jeddy: [wide eyed] Fried chicken? Where did they get the fried chicken?

Astraea: From a cardboard bucket. From a restaurant called KFC, which had recently changed it's name from 'Kentucky Fried Chicken'-

Beryl: That hardly matters!

Neffy: The hell it doesn't. They doesn't sound like any Dark Energy creature I've ever heard of. They steal the most powerful artifact in existence then go home and pig out on junk food? Are you sure these aren't actual human teenagers?

Beryl: Don't be stupid! How could a pair of paltry humans summon enough dark energy to create a door that would take them 1000 years into the future?

Jeddy: That's what I want to know! Kunzite's studied time travel for centuries, and he can't mess around in time like this. And he is a hell of a lot more powerful than they are!

Kunzite: Not everything is about study and power levels. Knowledge, training, and discipline also come into play...and the fact that their Aspects are 'Physics' and 'Music' doesn't hurt either.

Jeddy: Oh?

Kunzite: The Laws of Physics are building blocks of the universe. A person with sufficient skill in dark magic and a intuitive gift for physics is better prepared to harness the forces of reality.

Neffy: [under his breath] Sounds like the boy got the short end of the stick on that one.

Kunzite: Not at all. Music is the intuitive ability to harness sound waves and use them to manipulate thoughts and emotions...In other words, she can control 'things' while he can control 'people'...And while he might lack his sister's knowledge, I'm willing to bet he is leagues ahead of her when it comes to insight... These two...working together ...without conflict...

Beryl: Should still not be powerful enough to defeat a minor god of chaos! Much less destroy one! A shield made of cardboard cannot stop a high caliber bullet! No matter how well constructed it is!

Neffy: Actually-

[Beryl gives him a stern look and he goes quiet and makes a zipping motion across his lips]

Beryl: If the Silver Crystal is not a factor then someone is helping them! Someone grotesquely powerful! Astraea, who are they working for?


	116. Children's Crusade

[Scene: Neffy's mansion during a divination with the Celestial Seeress Astraea.]

Astraea: They have made frequent references to someone they refer to as "Big Daddy", but he has yet to make any contact with them.

Neffy: "Big Daddy?" What is he? Their pimp?

Astraea: Unknown. I see no evidence that he actually exists within this dimension. From the way they speak of him, it appears he is something of a father figure, who adopted them with the intention of grooming them to assassinate The Greater Goddess Metalia. But again, their word is unreliable since it is impossible to sift the truth from their many falsehoods.

Beryl: What do they say about him in private? When they are certain they aren't being overhead?

Astraea: They spoke of him protecting them from a youma sent by Metalia to murder them when they were too young to use magic, but I see no evidence that she did any such thing.

Neffy: Likely because it happened in a different dimension. One that the light from our stars does not penetrate.

Beryl: Show us every reference they've ever made to this "Big Daddy" of theirs. And anything else that might provide a clue to their origins, for that matter.

[The ceiling shows a montage of clips-Dev and El standing outside the school agreeing on cover story that they are British transfer student raised by their father, with their mother dying in childbearing. Dev and El talking about the consequences of failing their mission. Dev insisting he wasn't related to Fiore, since he knew all his relative and he was certain Fiore wasn't one of them. Dev pointing out to El how they were taught combat and magic and fed tales of the Silver Crystal to encourage them to plot Metalia's demise...]

Jeddy: [ponders thoughtfully] You know...I'm really starting to agree with Kunzite...

Kunzite: About what?

Jeddy: About that sassy little redhead...she is kinda hot...I didn't see it at first, but she's really starting to grow on me...

[Kunzite chuckles and Beryl's jaw drops]

Beryl: What! That skinny little thing! She has no curves!

Jeddy: You're not looking in the same places I'm looking...check out that itty-bitty waist and those long shapely legs...and that sexy shimmy of hers...[sways his hips and shoulders in an exaggerated hula]..."Hey, baby hey,baby"...Man, I could spend a week's vacation in that thigh-gap of hers...

[Beryl looks like she's tasting bile]

Kunzite: Personally, I find this pair far more fetching as blondes.

Jeddy: Yes, well we all know what your type is! I like my women flame-haired and even sassier...[watches El berate her brother] ...man oh man, that is one hot little firecracker... I'm sure she could teach me a few fun games involving some handcuffs, a riding crop, whipped cream and a female nazi prison guard uniform.

[Beryl shakes her head from side to side]

Neffy: Could we stop ogling our enemies for a moment and focus on the true purpose of this divination? This scrying does take a toll on the caster.

Jeddy: Oh, right. Sorry.

Kunzite: Yes. Of course.

Beryl: Thank you!

[They continue to watch, laughing maliciously as they watch the twins destroy Mamoru Chiba's car with a baseball bat.]

Kunzite: I really do think it would be a waste not to at least try to coax them into joining us.

Neffy: I really doubt that is going to work.

Beryl: I agree. Their repeated goal is to murder Metalia. Even if they manage to earn our trust, they would likely do so as a pretense to get closer to killing her.

Kunzite: But we don't yet know their motives, and therefore we don't know the likelihood of a truce.

Jeddy: But they've said-

Kunzite: It doesn't matter what they've said. They lie constantly. Even to each other. They use their aliases, even in private.

Jeddy: Maybe those aren't aliases? Maybe those are their real names.

Kunzite: "Dev" and "El"? Those are aliases. They must know there is a chance they are being spied upon so they are watching what they say.

Neffy: The best lies contain a grain of truth... I've spent the most time of all us studying humans, and although these two are not humans, they are far more human-like than us in our behavior. The boy seems coldblooded, but the girl's face is as good as a polygraph. There are common themes that make her emotional- a mother giving up her life to save her children. A father adopting them when they were tiny and only pretending to love them. Add in the remarks about them being the only two of their kind, and being adopted after the boy had his skull crushed trying to protect his sister from their "father" and I think it's pretty easy to connect the dots here...some white lighter found this pair of orphaned hellspawn in some far off demon dimension, and rather than exterminate them, he raised them as his own, while brainwashed them into taking on a suicide mission against Metalia.

Jeddy: Except brainwashing little kids and sending them on suicide missions isn't the sort of thing White Lighters do. Didn't the boy say their father would take a belt to their bottoms if they failed to kill Metalia?

Beryl: Yes, but the girl confirmed he's never used corporal punishment in the past, which certainly does make him sound like a White Lighter. I think Nephrite might be onto something.

Jeddy: I'm telling you, Children's Crusades are not really the White Light style! I should know. I used to do things like that in my religious fanatic days, when I used to think I was a White Lighter, but I've come to realize that that sort of thing is its own special kind of evil.

Beryl: Not necessarily. These two are a totally alien race, so there might be something inherent in their nature that makes their eventual extermination inevitable. A White Lighter might exploit that as a justification to get some good out of them. At the very least.


	117. Peep Show

[Scene: Neffy's mansion during a divination with the Celestial Seeress Astraea.]

Kunzite: [studies the twins with a grim expression] This is all pure speculation...Can we prove anything definitive?...What are the source and limits of their timebending magic? Why do they want to kill Mother? And what makes them certain they won't survive?

Astraea: I do not have your answers, Kunzite son of Chaos.

Jeddy: The radiation of the Silver Crystal-

Kunzite: Was used to kill the Death Phantom, and yet they are still alive.

Jeddy: So maybe they know it's safe now?

Kunzite: Why veer from their goal of killing Metalia to bring the fight to the Death Phantom if they were certain the weapon would kill them?

Beryl: Because the Death Phantom was trying to kill a room full of people-

Kunzite: -people they seemed utterly indifferent about-

Beryl: -and they were raised by a White Lighter to protect the innocent.

Kunzite: Perhaps.

Beryl: Not perhaps! I know they are supposed to be made of Dark Magic but have we actually seen them commit anything that remotely resembles an evil act?

Jeddy: They destroyed Mamoru Chiba's car.

Kunzite: That wasn't evil. That was glorious.

Astraea: They are scofflaws. Everything they own is stolen. They seen to have little regard for anyone but each other, and have demonstrated blatant disregard for the laws of nature, magic, and society.

Kunzite: They are not human. They should not be judged by the standards of humanity.

Neffy: They told the Death Phantom they wouldn't be able to defeat Metalia if we figure out who or what they are. Astraea, do you have any insight on what they might have meant by that?

Astraea: I have shown you everything of possible significance within this time and place.

Kunzite: What about before that? You glossed over a brief stop they made in the year 1991 to alter their appearances.

Astraea: I glossed over it because I was instructed to find any mention of their mission and they did not speak, not even to each other.

Kunzite: I would like to see this visitation in its entirety. If we study their transition, it might provide a clue to their true natures.

Jeddy: Plus, we might get to watch the girl take a bubble bath!

[Kunzite tries not to smile and Beryl rolls her eyes as the room darkens]

[On the ceiling, the scene shows a clip of a family of four at a dinner table. The mother and daughter have hair teased up with hairspray and the men are wearing flannel. They are passing around a bucket of fried chicken and scooping potatoes and coleslaw onto their plates.]

[Suddenly violet portal appears near the front door, and Dev and El step out. They have florescent pink and blue hair down past their waists and are wearing jeans and t-shirts.]

[The family stares at them in shock, but the twins smile at the family as they pass through the room. El's eyes glow white and she points to the front door with her thumb. The family takes off running while she waves byebye.]

[As the twins pass the table they each grab a drumstick from the bucket without missing a beat, dunking it in mashed potatoes, which drips gravy on the carpet as they eat as they walk. They wipe their hands on their clothes and throw the bones on the floor as they open the door into the master bedroom.]

[El opened the closet door and starts analyzing the wardrobe as Dev sifts through the CD collection. El gives him a stern look as she lays out matching outfits, but he just smiles and holds up a CD with a baby in a swimming pool on the cover. El smiles as he loads it into a boombox and then goes into a lyrical ballet dance as the song "Smells Like Teen Spirit" blasts.]

[Dev stands and watches her pirouette with her long pink hair and stained clothes before he comes over to join her and together they launch into a number worthy of Dancing With the Stars.]

Neffy: My God. These two are NUTS.

Kunzite: Agreed. But you have to admit they are somewhat entertaining.

[They dance for a while, then El breaks apart from him to dance solo, pulling off her t-shirt and whipping it over her head as she continues to dance around her bra.]

Jeddy: YES! JACKPOT!

[Dev smiles and follows suit, pulling off his own t-shirt.]

Jeddy: OH, NO, BUDDY! KEEP YOUR CLOTHES ON! NOBODY WANT TO SEE THAT!

Kunzite: [grinning] I do.

[Beryl shakes her head in exasperation]

Jeddy: Oh, man, having her brother there stripping down to his unmentionables is just ruining this for me. Neffy? Is there any way to zoom in or crop this so that guy is out of the frame?

Neffy: [deadpan] If I could, don't you think I would have done that by now?

[Jeddy chuckles while Kunzite stands there grinning.]

Beryl: Dogs. You're all dogs. Thousand of years old and getting your kicks watching some little girl dance around in her training bra.

[El shimmies out of her jeans, revealing a thong.]

Neffy: Nice.

Jeddy: Hey wait. What am I thinking? I'm the master of illusion. [A sims styles blur-bar appears completely obscuring Dev from view.]

Beryl: [baring her fangs] YOU TAKE THAT DOWN THIS INSTANT!

Jeddy: [dismisses the blur-bar] Hohoho. The truth is out. You're just as bad as the rest of us, Beryl!

Beryl: At least he's quite strapping and well developed. Unlike his sister, who actually looks like a high school freshman.

Jeddy: I don't know which fourteen year olds you've been hanging around with, but I want that to be our next high school!

Neffy: You raise an interesting point. We don't know they are teenagers. They could be older than us for all we know. [Turns to Astraea] Can you analyze their cell structure to give us their true ages.

Astraea: I can read their isotopes which will give me their ages precisely. They are- [Astraea looks startled] - eleven.

Jeddy: [uneasy] Eleven what?

Astraea: Eleven years old.

[Everyone sobers]

Kunzite: So whatever else they might be...these "children" are quite literally...children.

Beryl: This actually explains a lot...

Neffy: Put the blur-bar back up.

[Jeddy obscures both twins from neck to knee and the others nod in somber approval.]


	118. The Mary Sue Factor

[Scene: Neffy's mansion during a divination with the Celestial Seeress Astraea. Beryl and the Shitennou are watching the blurred out twins head for the master bath]

Jeddy: Are you certain that girl is really eleven? Because I'm having a hard time believing it.

Neffy: Why? Because your "fun game" with the handcuffs, whipped cream, and nazi uniform just turned into a Scavenger Hunt?

Jeddy: No. Because i have a really hard time believe some eleven year old girl with a killer body just developed a weapon that can destroy a god.

Beryl: That's because of your male chauvinism.

Jeddy: No. That's a trick that the finest minds in the universe have puzzled over for centuries and she figured it out in her first dozen years of life? We're entering into Mary Sue territory here.

Astraea: Except "Mary Sues" as they are referred to current vernacular, are universally loved, and this girl is a pariah-despised and rejected by those of her peerset.

[The image show El glowering at her locker, while other girls whisper in the background]

Astraea: Her brother, on the other hand-

[The image shifts to Dev sitting on the grass, strumming his guitar, surrounded by a circling of fawning female admirers. He stops and reaches behind the ear of one of them, producing a heart shaped lollipop, which he hands to her, much to her delight the applause and fawning coos of the others.]

Beryl: We get it! She's The Misanthropic Genius while he's the Affable Dumbass!

Astraea: There is no indication the male's intellect is substandard. In fact, to the contrary-

Beryl: Whatever! The point is we are dealing with a couple of Half-Sues! How do we exterminate these two little brats before they cause any real trouble?

Kunzite: I'm still not convinced that is the answer. Everything we have seen so far indicates to me that this is simply a pair of gifted but misguided orphans who are being coached and manipulated by a higher power. If we kill these two, he will simply replace them. It is this "Big Daddy" of their we should focus on, not his expandable pawns. We might be able to use them to draw him out.

Neffy: Good luck with that. What sort of callous white light bastard sends a pair of sad little eleven year-old-orphan tykes to take on an evil god, while he sits back home, eating bon bons and awaiting news of their gruesome passing?

Jeddy: Oooh! [raises his hand because he knows the answer to this one] Albus Dumbledore!

[The others give Jeddy a dirty stare and he lowers his hand, chagrined]

[On the ceiling as the twins shed the last of their clothing and enter the shower.]

Neffy: [looks at the osburred silhouettes through the shower curtain with open disapproval] Oh, look. The brother and sister are taking a shower together.

Kunzite: So?

Neffy: So?

Kunzite: Need I remind they are not human and shouldn't be held to this world's standards of behavior? For all we know, this culture's taboos against communal bathing with siblings might seem outlandish to them.

Beryl: Yes. I have to agree with Kunzite. They're just getting cleaned off. Even obscured, I can tell this is hardly erotic.

Neffy: Stop making excuses for them, you two. This is just sickening and weird.

Jeddy: No kidding.

[They emerge from the shower, cleanly scrubbed and wrapped in towels. Their long wet hair is now honey blond and past their waists.]

Neffy: There you go, Kunzite. We're witnessing their blond phase.

Kunzite: [doesn't bother to hide his grin] I forgot how cute they were.

[El opens a drawer under the sink and produces a pair of hair cutting scissors]

Kunzite: Oh, no. Don't do it.

Jeddy: Spoiler alert - neither of them have long blond hair in the present day.

[Dev turns and El snips away at his hair until it's shoulder length. Kunzite watches mournfully as each long strand falls to the tile floor. Then El hands her brother the scissors and turn as he trims hers down to medium length. Then they run their hands over each others hair and it darkens at their touch, chestnut brown for him, mahogany red for her.]

Kunzite: [smiles wistfully] What a tragedy. They both look so plain now.

Jeffy: Plain?

Beryl: I think not!

[The twins step apart to inspect each other and themselves in the mirror, then clasp hands and hold each other close as they bring their faces together.]

Neffy: [hinked] Oh, great. They're going to make out now. I just know it.

[They kiss as as they do, their veins glow and their bodies emit a cloud of dark energy.]

Neffy: Behold, the fearsome power of Twincest!

[Some of the veins seem to writhe like snakes below their skin.]

Jeddy: (Tentacle porn twincest at that.)

[The ground beneath them buckles and the house starts to shake as if in the grips of a power earthquake. Things fly off shelves, windows shatter, wall tear, ceilings flake and fixtures explode and the twins take no notice as the purple energy congeal behind them.]

[The house nearly collapses around them by the time they break off the kiss, the dark energy forming a swirling portal. the continue to hold hands as the towels morph into the matching outfits and they step into the portal and vanish.]

Jeddy: Wait...what...did...they...what?

[Kunzite's ice blue eyes go wide with a terrible comprehension.]

Kunzite: WAIT! GO BACK!

Beryl: Go back?

Kunzite: TO RIGHT AFTER THEY BUTCHERED THEIR HAIR!

Astraea: Very well.

Kunzite: NOW! SHOW US THEIR ENERGY LEVELS!

Jeddy: We've already see those. They are lower than min-

[A caption appears in front of each of them, reading ".51769 DIOS"]

Kunzite: KEEP THEM UP WHILE YOU REPLAY THIS SCENE!

[As soon as the twins clasp hands the numbers start to rise.]

Beryl: How on earth.

[As the scene progress, the numbers skyrocket, rising so rapidly they can't be read. The number tops out right before the portal appears, stabilizing when they are at 1.03538.]

Neffy: [wideeyed] My god.

Jeddy: [wideeyed] Literally.

Beryl: Wait these two are Chaos Dieties who somehow mask their full power?

Kunzite: Not at all. Seeress Astraea, can you confirm that energy level elevate like whenever they have contact with one another, and at no other time?

Astraea: I can, and they do.

Beryl: But...how?

Kunzite: They aren't just twins. They are Symbiotes! They are able to pool their energy and when they do, they are capable of reaching full god level.

Neffy: This is they were able to defeat the Death Phantom.

Kunzite: Separately, they were no match for him. But together...if they touch...they are stronger than he ever was, at least five times over.


	119. The Sixty Four Thousand Dollar Question

Scene: Neffy's mansion during a divination with the Celestial Seeress Astraea. Beryl and the Shitennou have just learn that Dev and El can pool their energy to achieve god-level power.]

Jeddy: They really are Half-Sues...

Beryl: But even at full power, they are still a thousand times weaker than a Greater Goddess like Metalia.

Kunzite: Not by enough. Not when they have a god-killing weapon, and the element of surprise. They could have walked right up to Metallia, clasped hands, drawn their weapon, and taken her out before she even realized there was any danger.

Neffy: Whoever this "Big Daddy" of theirs is, he really did groom them into becoming the ultimate assassins.

Jeddy: This must have been what they meant by their plan not working if anyone figured out who or what they are.

Beryl: Mother must be warned at once!

Kunzite: I agree.

[Beryl does a double take]

Beryl: You do?

Kunzite: I still hold out hope they can be reprogrammed into joining our side, but Mother must be warned of this threat immediately.

Jeddy: Good. Let's go.

[They turn to leave, but stop when they see Neffy is still focused on the Divination.]

Neffy: You three go ahead. I'm staying here until I find the answer to the $64,000 question.

Beryl: And which question is that?

Neffy: [grins wolfishly] The one that brought us here in the first place. Namely, how did these two dancing fools manage to wipe away Wifey-Boy's memories, when that's a trick that not even Mother can pull off?

[Kunzite's eyes flicker with the merest traces of concern before he takes his place next to Neffy. Beryl and Jeddy join them a moment later.

Neffy: Show us everything the Wonder Twins did to Wifey-Boy after he was burned at the stake by Wiseman.

[The scene on the ceiling show Zoi lying in his own bed, dressed in a charred suit, unconscious and badly burned. Kunzite catches his breath at the sight of it, but doesn't make a sound. Den and El appear, wearing their coveralls and goggles.

[They bend over Zoi, looking over him critically as they pass their free hand over his body. Everywhere they touch, the fabric mends and his skin heals, as if it was never damaged. After about of minute of this, Zoi's green eyes flutter open and he looks at the twins in anger.]

Zoi: Well if it isn't little Miss Nastypants and her Fuckboi brother! How the Hell did you two get in my room!

[Dev and El merely smirk and place a finger to their lips and make a shhhhhhh sound.]

Dev: Go back to sleep, Zoisite Midori. [His eyes glow red as he speaks and then flash like strobes.] You don't see us. We are not really here. You have never met either of us before in your life.

[Zoi does not seem to question this, but settles back under the covers and closes his eyes.]

El: [eyes also glowing red and flashing] As a matter of fact, you will sleep as if dead, regardless of anything we say or do. You will not wake until we are gone. When you do, you will not remember anything that happened today. Nothing at all.

Dev: Good thinking.

El: Thank you.

[Dev grabs his sister's hand and gives it a little squeeze before he wanders away to rummage through Zoi's vinyl record collection while El continues to peer down at the sleeping Zoi.]

Jadeite: Hypnosis?

Kunzite: It must be, but Zoisite's unique brain chemistry should make him largely immune-

[He stops talking abruptly as El turns to address her brother]

El: He sure is pretty. And soft. And he smells nice. I wish I was half as pretty as he is.

Dev: You're prettier.

El: [scoffs] Yeah right. [smooths his gold curl back from his face] I thought his pictures were something, but seeing him up close like this? Sleeping like an angel? A beauty like this only comes around once in a few thousand years.

[She loosens his tie, undoes his collar, and snakes her hand down into his shirt]

Jadeite: What the..?

[Kunzite doesn't say anything, but is starting to look just a little alarmed.]

Dev: [seems far more interested in Zoi's copy of The Police's Synchronicity] Not my cup of tea.

El: [laughs] Yes, we know. You like your ladies big and fat. But for those of us who are not into the plumpers, his looks are fairly ideal.

[Kunzite's eyes go wide as she leans down and kisses Zoi on the lips. Then she pulls off her coveralls so that she's just in her bra and panties.]

[El straddles Zoi body, and starts unbuttoning his shirt. Kunzite's looking increasingly stressed.

Neffy: [chuckling at Kunzite's discomfort as he watches El undress Zoi, raining his skin with feather light kisses] Oh, yes, that's right. He WAS in his underpants when we showed up...I did wonder why Wifey-Boy's clothes were all over the floor.

[Kunzite gives Neffy a menacing look that makes him laugh harder]

[Dev finally looks up and seems equally appalled by his sister's behavior]

Dev: El? what do you think you are doing? We don't have time for that sort of thing!

El: [giggles] As far as I'm concerned, we don't have time not to.

[She crawls under the covers with Zoi, and then pats the bed on the other side of his as an invitation for her brother to come join them.]

Dev: El-

El: Oh, come on. [turns down the corner and give him a come hither look] we're both going to be dead soon, so when are we going to get another chance?

Kunzite: ANOTHER CHANCE FOR WHAT!

Neffy: [grinning like the cat that ate the canary] Oh, get your mind out of the gutter. I'm sure it's something completely innocent and g-rated.

[Dev looks at the door, then the bed, then the door again, and then heaves a heavy sigh.]

Dev: Ok. Fine.

KUNZITE: FINE?

[Dev strips off his coveralls so that he is in his underwear and joins them in the bed. El giggles happy as he wraps his arms around them both and pulls them close, gripping caressing the back of El's waist as his nuzzles Zoi's back and neck as if they were a single person.]

[El giggles happily, then gives Zoi a very grown up kiss, before turning him around so that Dev and give him a grown up kiss as well.]

[Kunzite looks like he is about to explode with fury.]

[Then Zoi's phone rings and the twins laugh as they vanish in a flash, along with their coveralls.]

[Zoi wakes and reaches for his phone, glancing at the clock and the darkness outside.

Zoi: Hello? ...Naru? ...I'm at home, where are you?

[With a wave of Kunzite's hand the scene vanishes]

Kunzite: THEY'RE DEAD! THEY ARE BOTH DEAD!

Neffy: [all smiles] Whaaat? I thought you were going to take them to Chuck-E-Cheese and then bake them some cookies and convince them to join our side.

Kunzite: I'M GOING TO FIND THOSE LITTLE PERVERTS AND THEN I'M GOING TO KILL THEM BOTH!

Neffy: Oh, come on. They are just innocent little children. Impressional little scamps. They aren't even human. We shouldn't be judging them by human morals-

Kunzite: [Summons a pair of energy blades] WOULD YOU LIKE TO DIE TOO?

Neffy: No. I'm good.

Kunzite: SEERESS ASTRAEA! GIVE THE PRECISE LOCATION OF THOSE TWO LITTLE DEGENERATES!

Astraea: They're...gone.

Beryl: [alarmed] Gone? What do you mean 'gone'?

Astraea: Shortly after this transpired, they regrouped and said it was time. They mused aloud about Metalia's last known location, then smiled at one another and said they had a wedding to crash. Then they laughed before they summoned a portal and vanished.

Jeddy: A wedding...whose wedding? [ponders]

Neffy: Don't bother trying to figure it out. Metalia "last known location" probably hasn't happened yet. They've escaped into the future.

Jeddy: But if they are in the future, how do we go after them?

Kunzite: We...can't...

Beryl: [snarling with rage] KUNZITE! This is all your fault! We could have informed mother and dealt with them once and for all, but you allowed your...MERCY...and ...your HUMANITY...to get in the way! Mother will hear all about this! And when I am done...YOU WILL NO LONGER BE HER FAVORITE!

[Beryl teleports away. As do the others.]


	120. The Wedding of the Century

[Scene: The future]

[The outside of an Italian Villa has been set up for a wedding. It is a beautiful spring day, with petals raining down from a grove of cherry and almond trees.]

[A decent size crowd is seated before the wedding arch. On one side is a middleaged woman with long gold curls is dabbing her green eyes while an extremely handsome man comforts her. One the opposite, a woman who looks exactly like Mary Worth scowls with boredom under a flowered hat.]

[The music starts. The first to walk down the aisle is a flower girl, who bears a strike resemblance to a Botticelli painting, with long gold curls and big copper colored eyes. She scatters pink rose petals as she walks.]

[Next are Usagi, Naru, Minako, Rei, Makoto and Ami, wearing matching pink bridemaid dresses and smiling happily. As Usagi passes, she smiles and waves to Mamoru, seated with a pink haired baby sleeping in his lap, and he smiles and waves back.]

[Then everyone rises as the bride makes his way down the aisle at the side of his father. He looks a lot like the flower girl, except his eyes are green and catlike, and of course, he is male. He wears no veil and his face and hair are done up elaborately, like a renaissance Venus. His dress is white lace with a long train and a mermaid skirt to give him the illusion of feminine curves. As he makes his way down the aisle, Kunzite is grinning like a fool in his tuxedo while Neffy stands at his side.]

[As Zoi takes his place at the altar, Kunzite takes his hands]

Father Helios: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the sight of God to witness the sacred vows of marriage between Kunzite O'Sama and Zoisite Midori, who were brought together by love's divine appointment-and we rejoice in this moment of mystical matrimony. Marriage is an honorable estate, not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly-Into this holy estate these two persons present now come to be joined... If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together – let them speak now or forever hold their peace.

[Kunzite and Zoi give Neffy a pointed stare and he throws up his hands in mock surrender while the crowd titters politely.]

Father Helios: Kunzite. Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? To live together in the holy estate of matrimony? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health. Forsaking all others. To keep only onto him, so long as you both shall live?

Kunzite: I do.

Father Helios: Zoisite. Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? To live together in the holy estate of matrimony? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health. Forsaking all others. To keep only onto him, so long as you both shall live?

Zoi: I do.

Father Helios: Then, Kunzite, take Zoisite's right hand and repeat after me-

[At that moment time stops, and a purple portal opens to one side of the altar.]

[Dev and El step through, holding hands, wearing matching biker gear and holding the God Gun.]

El: [looking out at the sea of frozen faces] We made it! Right on schedule!

Dev: [slinging the God Gun over his shoulder and smiling at the crowd] So sorry to interrupt the festivities. Not that you can see us or hear a word we are saying, but we promise we'll be out of your hair in a jiffy. Right after we murder the Mother of the Groom.

[They scan the crowd and find Metalia facing the altar with a sour look frozen on her face.]

[There is a grinding of the wedding music as the normal timeline resumes in slow motion.]

El: [spooked] Dev? What's happening?

Dev: You're asking me? You're supposed to be the smart one!

Father Helios: "I...Kunzite..."

Kunzite: [to Helios] I...Kunzite...

Father Helios: [Whispers] To...Zoi...

Kunzite: To...Zoi...

[The bridesmaids all laugh and Zoi playfully swats Kunzite with his bouquet.]

El: [clutching her brother] The pocket dimension. It's collapsing. Time is resuming its normal course. But why can't they see us?

[She lets out a scream as Metalia whips her head around, quick as a flash, and stares right at them.]

Metalia: Becausssssse you are nottt really here!

[She tosses away her flowered hat and coat rises from her seat in full smoke naga form.]

Metalia: Did you two little bratssss tttthink you were the only onessss who could pull lesssssser beingsssss into privattte diminssssions?

Dev: EL! THE GOD GUN! WE HAVE TO TAKE HER OUT NOW!

[El doesn't move. She just stares at Metalia in terror.]

Dev: EL! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! WE GET ONE SHOT AT THIS! WE HAVE TO KILL HER NOW!

[El still doesn't move. She stands there unblinking, as if frozen into stone.]

Metalia: Sssstupid little foolsssss...Sssssooo you finally sssshowed yoursssssselves...I wassssss jussst thinking about you... watching thesssssee two disssssapppointing failuressssss finally wed one another...and tttthinking how much better off I would be disssposssing of them all and replaccccing them with Sssshhhitttennou of my own making... a perfect littttttle baby boy and girl... two little golden haired cherubssssss of my own creatttion... made up of puresssst evil and raissssed tttto sssserve me from the cradle...

Dev: EL! NOW! YOU HAVE TO SNAP OUT OF IT!

Metalia: ...and now here you are...Yessssss...you colored your hair...that wassss clever...I never recognizzzzed who you were sssssuppposed to be...until now...

[Dev gives El one last frantic stare before putting himself in front of her, protectively]

Metalia: I sssshould have known you would become sssuch disssappointmentsssss...

[She glides toward the two who stare wide eyed in terror]

Metalia: Come givvvvve your mother one lasssst kissss before she killssss you once and for all.


	121. Wedding Crashers

[Scene: A small bubble dimension outside Zoi and Kunzite future wedding. Metalia is staring down El, who is paralyzed with fear, and Dev, who is shaking uncontrollably]

Dev: Please. Do whatever you want to me, but don't hurt my sister.

Metalia: Worthlesssss and weak! You disssgusssttt me!

[Metalia drifts about, looking over the twins with a critical eye.]

Metalia: Foolssssss! Did you really believvvvve you could dessssttttroy a Major Goddessssss of Choassss? Lettttt alone the one thattttt will creatte you? Havvvven't you evvvver heard of the Grrrrandfatttherrrr Paradox?

Dev: [nods and speaks through chattering teeth] G-go back in time, k-kill your Mother before she conceives you, and you will never be born.

Metalia: And If you're nevvver born you cannot kill me! And ifffff you never kill me, the ccccycle beginsssss again-ssso you'll accomplissssh notttthing!

Dev: That's what I told El. But she ran some experiments and she proved a paradox is just a whirlpool in the fabric of time. All whirlpools have an origin. If we kill you, we cease to exist, but you will stay dead forever.

Metalia: [looks at El] Clevvvver litttttttle bittttch. Whatttt a ssssshame ssshe hasss to die.

Dev: Please, no. [close to tears] I beg you. Kill me instead. This was all my idea.

Metalia: Ssssomehow I doubtttt thatttt, you sssssniveling coward! [Smiles knowingly] It wassssss your "Big Daddy" who ssssentttt you to assssasssinatttte me, wassssn'tttt ittttt?

[Metalia grins as Dev's pupils dilate in terror]

Metalia: Funny how I never realizzzzzzed who *he* wasssss beforrrre now either!

Dev: No! Please! [frantic] Don't hurt our Daddy. He had nothing to do with this! He told us we had to stay away from you, so we ran away from home! I-I mean I ran away from home, and made El come with me-

Metalia: You expectttt me to believvvve that of a weakling like you?

[Drifts closes to El who is still frozen as still as a statue]

Metalia: Your ssssisssster is petrified with fear. Assss well ssssshe sssshould be. But you are too ssssstupid rrealize how afraid you sssshould be!

[Metalia drifts back over to Dev]

Metalia: You're lossssst withoutttt her, aren'tttt you? You can'ttt do a thing withoutttt herrr ttttherrre to bosss you around!

Dev: [scowls] She doesn't boss me around. She doesn't need to. I love her. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for her. I pity you because love is something you will never understand. Your creatures serve you out of enslavement-or fear. They'll never do any more for you than what you demand of them.

Metalia: Notttt tttttrue!

[Glances at Kunzite exchanging vows with Zoi]

Metalia: Kunzzzzitttte lovvvved me. With all hissss hearttt. Morrrre than he lovvved own family. He ssssservvved me willingly! Joyoussssly! Righttt up unttttil the momentttt he mettttt thattttt littttle sssssluttt-

Dev: But you never loved him back! Did you?

[Metalia stares at Dev and his lip curls in defiance]

Dev: You don't even understand a word I'm saying, do you? You narcissistic old hag! And that's why I pity you. Because all of the joy in loving comes from is having somebody you care about more than your own damn self.

Metalia: Feh! Whattt do you know? Sssuch idiocccccy runssss contrary to sssssurvival. No wonder I will rejecttt you ssssso ssssoon after your birrrrrth.

[Metalia drifts back over to El]

Metalia: But thisssss one. Thissss one ssshowssss promissse.

[Runs her hands over El's hair and where she touches it turns golden blond]

Metalia: Yessssss. Exquisssite. My evvvvvil littttle doll. Sssshe will sssserve me quittttte well oncccce I've beattten all the meeknessssss out of her.

Dev: [shaking with fear again] No. Please-

Metalia: [smiles at Dev's reaction] I will make her tttthink it issss your fault. I will teaccccch her hatttte you, jusssst ssssso I might havvvve the pleassssure of watccching you die by her hand!

Dev: Y-you won't. You'll try to turn us against each other as babies, but the more you hurt her, the more she'll turn to me for comfort, and the more we will want you dead.

Metalia: We'll ssssssee about thattttt. [Tilts El's head up to examine her face]

Dev: You leave her alone! She's too smart for your games! She figured out how to travel through time! She figured out a way to steal the Silver Crystal and turn it into a weapon we could use against you-

[Metalia whips her head about to regard Dev, who covers his mouth with his hands when he realizes he's said too much.]

Metalia: The Ssssssilvvvvver Crysssssstal.

[Her eyes brighten and as she follows Dev as he backs away]

Metalia: The mossst powerful artttifact in the Universsssse. A gemsssstone sssstrong enough to murderrrr a god- AND YOU HAVVVE ITTTT IN YOURRRR POSSSSESSSSION!

[Dev goes chalk white and hides the God Gun behind his back.]

Metalia: GIVVVE ITTTTT TO ME! [holds out her arm to Dev] GIVVVE ME THATTTT WEAPON AND I'LL LETTTTT YOUR SSSSSISSSTER LIVE!

Dev: Very well...I will...

[Holds out the god gun to Metalia]

Dev: ...never let you have this!

[Pulls the gun back at the last second, darts past Metalia, swoops El like a mannequin and leaps through the portal which closes behind them even as Metalia shrieks and attempts to pull them back.]

[For a moment, Metalia scowls in frustration. Then she smirks and resumes her Mary Worth form, taking her seat.]

[With a wave of her hand the wedding resumes at full speed.]

Father Helios: -the rings.

[Neffy produces a ringbox from his pocket and opens it to reveal a familiar gold band with a pattern of jewel that resemble leaves and cherry blossoms. Kunzite takes the ring and slips it onto Zoi's finger, while Zoi hands off his bouquet to the flower girl and takes a simple tungsten band and slips it on Kunzite's finger. Then they clasp hands, gazing deeply into each others eyes.]

Father Helios: Through the sacred vows that you have taken, and through the exchange of rings I now pronounce you married for life. Those whom God has joined let nothing tear asunder. You may kiss your husband.

[They kiss and the crowd cheers. All but Metalia, who remains in her seat, with a knowing smirk on her face.]


	122. Trick or Treat

[Scene: Halloween Morning on a hospital in Seattle. Mamoru is lying on the bed, sleeping, with an IV hooked to his arm. The machines makes reassuring lines and noises. Usagi is sitting at Mamoru bedside, her hands clasped around one of his and her eyes redrimmed and puffy from crying. Occasionally she shudders and a few tears escape but she doesn't make a sound.]

[Usagi looks up and wipes her tears away quickly as there is a gentle rap on the door and Ami peeks her head in.]

Ami: May we come in?

[Usagi leaps from her chair and sprints through the door on her tiptoes, closing it behind her, and facing Ami, Rei and Makoto in the hall.]

Usagi : [in a defeated whisper] Don't worry. He's just sleeping. The surgery was a complete success. He's going to be ok.

Rei: What happened to him?

[Usagi looks away for a moment.]

Usagi: I'm not entirely sure, to be honest...[looks down as she taps the tips of her index fingers together]...My memories are a bit fuzzy...We were at Zoi's Sweet Sixteen party and there was some kind of explosion...A big shard of...something...was blasted right toward my heart. It would have killed me, but Mamo leapt in front of me and it went through his belly...The doctors say it was a miracle he survived long enough for them to operate, but now he's going to be ok.

[Usagi lowers her head and starts crying mournful tears again.]

Makoto: If he's going to be ok, why are you crying?

Usagi: [listless] Because he hasn't said a word to me since he's been in the hospital...We made up...At least I thought we did...But he won't talk to me...[sobs quietly]...He just lies there and sleeps. All the time. I try to talk to him, but he acts like doesn't see me...Like I'm not even there. Like he wishes he could take back all those sweet things he said to me after the accident...

Ami: Maybe he's still weak, from the bloodloss and the surgery?

Usagi: No. He gets up to use the bathroom. All by himself. But as soon as he's done, he goes right back to sleep again without saying a word.

Rei: [sneers] Oh, Jesus Christ, Usagi. Just listen to yourself.

[Rei pantomimes sobbing and wiping her eyes with her fists]

Rei: "Oh, boo-hoo! Woe is me! My boyfriend just got skewered like a kabob but by some miracle he's going to make a compete recovery! Meanwhile, the pediatric cancer ward is filled with little kids who should be out trick-or-treating tonight but instead they have to fight for their lives! But I'm the biggest victim here! Because my boyfriend-that just experienced a terrible near death experience-isn't in the mood to listen to my constant WHINING!"

Usagi: [aghast] Oh my gawd, Rei! Why do you always have to be so mean!

Rei: Why do you always have to be so STUPID?

Usagi: You-you-

Makoto: [Gets between them] Hey!Stop it Rei! Give Usagi a break! She's been through a lot!

Usagi: [giggles happily] No, it's okay. She's kinda got a point. [Gives Rei a sidelong smile] And taking my frustrations out on Rei has given me a rush that has left me better able to cope with my feelings. [narrows her eyes at Rei] But you knew it would, didn't you?

[Rei smirks knowingly]

Usagi: Ha! I knew it! You old softy! [throws her arms around Rei and hugs her tight]

Rei: Face it. You need someone like me in your life.

Usagi: I most certainly do...[pulls the others into a group hug] ...aw, guys I missed you all so much...how come you all stopped speaking to me?

Rei: Sorry about that. I know I've been acting like a complete bitch lately, but we've been going through some shit for the past few weeks involving those bear attacks and the missing campers, and I really didn't want anyone I cared about getting involved in any of it.

Makoto: [nods vigorously] We're talking really heavy "end of the world" stuff.

Ami: But don't worry. It all turned out to be much ado about nothing. Artemis informed us the danger has passed.

Usagi: [startled] Artemis?

Rei: Artemsis...is...a little hard to explain.

Usagi: Try me. I'm just so happy that you're talking to me that I'm willing to believe anything you say.

Rei: O-kay. Girls, tell her who Artemis is.

Makoto: He's a cat...ghost...from outer space...that only Rei can see.

Ami: Technically, Minako can too, but only when she looks in a mirror.

Usagi stares without blinking then bursts out laughing]

Usagi: Oh, wow! You guys are so silly!

[The others force laughter]

Usagi: So does this mean we're all friends again?

Rei: If you'll have us.

Makoto: Though, as far as I'm concerned we never stopped being friends.

Usagi: Me neither!

[Usagi dances a happy little jig then pulls them into another group hug]

Usagi: Where is Minako, by the way? I would have thought she's want to see Mamo...[ looks down as the bitterness creeps back into her voice]...seeing how they are so close...

Ami: She said she'd be by later, but first she had an errand to run.

[Meanwhile back in Hen Tie, Washington]

[Zoi is coming down the stairs with his hair hanging loose, finishing dressing himself in jeans and a t-shirt as the doorbell rings incessantly]

Zoi: Just a minute! Just a minute! Sheesh. I just woke up.

[He has. Which is weird to him since it seems he's slept the entire duration of his sixteenth birthday, for no good reason whatsoever, and that's put him in a surly mood.]

[He runs his fingers through his hair to sooth it into place as he reaches the door. He opens it a crack and sees Minako on the other side, wearing a Sailor V mask.]

[He leaves the security chain latched, just to be spiteful.]

Zoi: Well looky here. If it isn't Bimborella in her Sailor Skank costume! It's it a bit early in the day for you to go trick-or-treating?

Minako: Is your father home?

Zoi: I don't think so.

Minako: Good. Because I'd hate for him to have to witness this.

[The chain shatters to pieces as she kicks the door in.]


	123. Dark Day

[Scene: The Midori residence. Minako has just kicked the door in and is charging at Zoi.]

[She lashes at Zoi with a chain of mystical light, which he dodges]

Zoi: Oh, geez. What now?

Minako: [whipping the chain at him] Don't play dumb with me, Bucko! Like you didn't just try to slaughter a roomful of innocent people!

Zoi: [ducking] I'll have you know that I did no such thing.

Minako: Don't bother lying! I'm not stupid! I should have killed you a long time ago, but Mamoru insisted you deserved a chance to prove yourself! Oh, you proved yourself to him alright! You threw a crystal shard right through Mamoru and nearly killed him!

Zoi: [floraports to behind the couch] Did Mamoru tell you that? Because I think he might want to read an ancient Greek fable called "The Boy Who Cried Wolf". You see a while back he developed a nasty habit of telling stories about me that just aren't true-

Minako: [dismisses the chain and conjures a sword of light] Mamoru didn't tell me jacksquat! He can't! He's in Seattle! In a coma! Fighting for his life!

Zoi: [wideeyed] Oh, my god! Is that true? Why didn't anyone tell me?

Minako: Maybe it's because you're the one who put him there?

[Uses the sword to slice the couch, and kicks half of it out of the way]

Zoi: Hey! My dad loves this sofa!

Minako: Yeah? Well this is about to become a very dark day for your dad on many levels!

[Charges at Zoi, who vanishes in a flurry of petals only to reappear floating behind her with his legs crossed at the knee]

Zoi: I think you are a bit confused.

Minako: Don't you gaslight me, you manwhore!

Zoi: Were you there when Mamoru got hurt?

Minako: No.

Zoi: Then how do you know what happened?

Minako: Because Artie was there! And he saw everything!

Zoi: Who's Artie?

Minako: None of your beeswax who Artie is! All you need to know what he was following the Death Phantom around to keep an eye on him and saw you try to kill about 500 of your closest friends!

[Zoi tries to make sense of that last statement and finds that he can't.]

Minako: They got locked in a room that you'd deliberately set on fire. Everyone would have died if the Evil Heltry Twins hadn't showed up out of nowhere and done some Time Warping mumbo jumbo.

Zoi: The Evil Hell Tree Twins?

Minako: Hey, I'm just as surprised as you are!

Zoi: I doubt that. I don't even know who they are.

[Minako is taken aback]

Zoi: Are they plant people? Because you might want to stock up on some Round Up.

Minako: You don't know who the Hetry twins are?

[Zoi shakes his head]

Minako: Devon and Eleanor Heltry?

[Zoi shakes his head]

Minako: The new transfer students from the Isle of Wight? Who are in actual fact, a pair of evil God-knows-whats?

Zoi: Never heard of them.

Minako: You've ...never heard...of the Heltry Twins? [narrows her eyes] I find that impossible to believe.

Zoi: Why's that?

Minako: Well for one thing they are both smoking hot! For another, he's a total player and she's a total hater, but they still manage to give off that creepy twincest vibe!

Zoi: Doesn't ring any bells.

Minako: Oh come on! You were sitting right there when I literally ran into them and knocked some big blingee out of Scarlet O'Terror's lunchbox!

Zoi: [eyes Minako with concern] I don't think that actually happened.

Minako: [Minako is taken aback by his sincere tone, then shakes her head and growls] Gaslight me one more time and I'll shove this sword so far-

Zoi: You know what? I don't have to take this kind of abuse from you in my own home! If you intend to continue your mindless ranting, I'll be out back!

[Vanishes in a flurry of petal]

Minako: Bitch! Get back here!

[Minako charges through the house into the backyard. Looks around frantically]

Zoi: Youhoo. Up here.

Minako turns, looks up, and sees Zoi sitting crosslegged on the gable of the roof.]

Minako: Come down from there and fight me!

Zoi: [inspects his cuticles] I don't think so. One of us might get hurt.

Minako: [kicks the siding] I will bring this house down, if you don't come down from there and fight like a man!

Zoi: Oh, I don't think you want that. Even if you manage to defeat me, you'll have to deal with Kunzite and Neffy next. [winks] And I don't think either of them are as merciful as I am.

Minako: From what I've heard, you don't know the first thing about mercy!

Zoi: [ponders this and shrugs and giggles] I guess you're right.

Minako: [battlecry] Die bitch!

[Minako puts her fingers together to fire off a beam of light, but finds herself encased in clear dark orb that absorbs the blast.]

[She turns to see Kunzite standing with his arms crossed behind her, floating with his feet a few inches above the ground.]


	124. Parting Shot

[Scene: Zoi's backyard. Kunzite has Minako trapped in a dome of dark energy.]

Zoi: Kunzite! [his cheeks color with a joyous blush.]

[Minako crosses her arms over her chest]

Minako: I suppose you are here to kill me again.

Kunzite: No. I'm here to talk.

Zoi: What! Why? Kill her!

Kunzite: [to Zoi] I thought she was your friend.

Zoi: She was...until all that peroxide cooked her brains and made her go crazy.

Kunzite: She's not crazy. She just needs to listen to reason.

Zoi: [pouting] Good luck with that.

[Kunzite waves his hand and conquer Zoi off the roof to stand by him. Zoi leans into him, and Kunzite puts his arm around him and draws him close.]

Kunzite: Minako. Zoisite and I are not your enemies.

Minako: [snorts] If you actually believe that. You've got a very different definition of "enemy" than the rest of us.

Kunzite: I know that what happened a millennium ago on the Moon is still very fresh in your mind.

Minako: You better believe it.

Kunzite: You're upset about that. And you have every right to be-

Minako: Gee! Thank you for giving me permission to be upset about my OWN MURDER! You can't imagine how much YOUR APPROVAL means to me!

Kunzite: You must understand why I acted as I did. It was purely within the line of duty. You were an enemy combatant and I had to use whatever means necessary to protect my Queen from a hostile Monarch who had stated intention an intention of sealing her away for all eternity.

Minako: Because Metalia is PURE EVIL! EVERYTHING SHE HAS EVER DONE HAS BEEN IN THE NAME OF EVIL! And since you do her bidding like some mindless donkey, THAT MAKES YOU EVIL AF, YOURSELF, JACKASS!

Kunzite: Possibly. But I'm not your sworn enemy.

Minako: For real? Wow. My eyes rolled so far on that one I think I just lost a contact in the back of my skull.

Kunzite: In your previous life, the Children of Metalia had a good reason to kill the Guardians of the Moon. In this one she does not.

[Glances at Zoi then back at Minako]

Kunzite: I'd advise you tell your little scouts to do your best not to stir up trouble where none exists.

Minako: Where none exists? MAN-BITCH over there tried to SLAUGHTER a room full of INNOCENT people who were just trying to wish him a Happy Birthday! HE HAS TO DIE!

Zoi: Um, Kunzite? I should warn you-Minako's a bit [twirls a finger near his ear] at the moment.

Kunzite: Zoisite did what he had to do to save those people from The Death Phantom.

Zoi: [taken aback] Wai-what?

Minako: [scoffs] Yeah. Whatever. Zoi fired first!

Kunzite: The Death Phantom was using those people as hostages. There was no way to resolve that matter without bloodshed.

Minako: Maybe, but your little boytoy didn't even try!

[Zoi's whipping his head around like a tennis match, trying to make sense of what they are saying.]

Kunzite: How do you know about that? I didn't see you at the hotel.

Minako: Artemis was there. He saw everything.

Kunzite: So, your Mauian adviser was reborn in this age as well?

Minako: No. He stayed dead. He's wandering around as a ghost for over a thousand years. He doesn't even remember which one of you it was that murdered him.

Kunzite: [smiles and looks down demurely] Well, to be perfectly honest, neither do I.

Minako: Wow. For real, dude? You really need to work on your people skills!

Kunzite: [somber] Artemis was a wise man. The next time you speak with him, ask him if he has any doubts that the Death Phantom would have killed everyone in that ballroom, so long as Zoisite was there to witness it.

Zoi: [wideyed and stricken] Why are you saying these things to Minako? You don't believe they are true...do you?

Kunzite: Zoisite needed to find a way to escape. Regardless of the cost.

Minako: He hurled a javelin right through Mamoru! HE TRIED TO MURDER HIM!

Kunzite: [shakes his head strenly] No. He didn't.

[Zoi smiles at Kunzite for the confirmation]

Kunzite: He never tried to murder Mamoru Chiba. He tried to murder Usagi Tsukino. Mamoru Chiba just happened to jump in the way.

Zoi: WHAAAAAAT? But...that's even worse! Don't you see that's worse?

[Breaks away from Kunzite and paces around in a despondent fashion.]

Kunzite: Zoisite most likely suffered a very brief psychotic break, brought on by extreme stress.

Zoi: Not helping!

Kunzite: But there IS an ongoing threat to you and everything you hold dear. We need to form an alliance.

Minako: An ALLIANCE? With YOU? [laughs shrilly] I certainly hope you are trying to be funny! But then again, if this was a joke, I'd already be dead for launching an attack against your boytoy, isn't that right?

Kunzite: [looks down demurely] Possibly.

Minako: Geez louise, I liked you better when you were a lying manipulative snake!

Zoi: [pacing around] ...oh, my god... I...attacked Usagi and almost killed Mamoru Chiba...and I don't even remember doing it...

Kunzite: That's because you had all your memories of yesterday wiped from your mind by Eleanor and Devon Heltry.

Zoi: ...you mean Minako's imaginary plant friends...are actually real? But...if...she's not crazy...that must mean...I am...

Kunzite: The Heltry Twins wiped away all your memories of the two of them, as well.

Zoi: [pie eyed] But-...we need to talk about this later...

Kunzite: [To Minako] And that's what I've come here to warn you about. The Heltry Twins.

Minako: I dunno. Isn't the enemy of my enemy my friend and all that?

Kunzite: They are not your friends. They insanely powerful, completely evil, and thoroughly sick in the head. And they are children. Just coming into their power. God help us all if they manage to reach adulthood.

Minako: You say that, but they saved a room full of people and killed the Death Phantom, which as far as I'm concerned was doing this whole planet a solid.

Kunzite: They weren't doing that out of the kindness of their hearts. They were doing it because they thought it would be fun to thwart and murder a god. I think they intend to kill everyone more powerful than they are. Because once they do, they will be unstoppable. Use your powers of True Sight and you will see they are made up of pure evil.

Minako: Already did it and so what? You're made up of pure evil too.

Kunzite: Yes, my point exactly.

Minako: And yet, I still went out with you for nearly seventeen months.

Kunzite: And how did that work out for you?

Minako: [scowls] Name one truly evil thing they've done.

Kunzite: They steal things, blow up houses, commit murders-

Minako: Name one truly evil thing they've done to someone I actually care about.

Kunzite: The girl used her power to get Usagi Tsukino grounded so she could steal her boyfriend.

Minako: And she failed, and Usagi used that time to improve her grades, so who is the victim?

Kunzite: After she failed, the two of them took a bat to Mamoru Chiba's car.

Minako: THEY did that to Mamoru? ...Oh, that bitch...wait...[giggles]...actually I should thank her for that, since Mamoru has to give me rides some time and I look way hotter on the back of his vintage hog than calling shotgun in that broken down hoopty-

Kunzite: This is nothing to laugh about. They are sick in the head! They lie and they steal and they do bad things I won't go into for the sake of your youth! Today they think it is fun to kill a god! Tomorrow they might think it's fun if everyone on this planet has three heads! And they will have that power someday! Unless I stop them! All I ask is that you stay out of out way!

Minako: Hmmm...[opens her compact]...Well Artie, what do you think.. should I stay out of their way? For the greater good, and all that...[face falls] ...really? Well, ok, you're the boss. [snaps the compact shut]

Kunzite: I assume he sees reason?

Minako: Yeppers. So I guess this means 'truce'. But this isn't over between us. Not by a longshot.

Kunzite: I'm not asking you to get involved, but if you end up fighting them, take them out one at a time, not together. They are able to pool their energy and when they do, they both have god level power.

Minako: Good to know. Now...can you take down the orb so I can be on my way?

[Kunzite dispells the orb, then catches Minako by the wrist as she comes screaming at him with a dagger of white light.]

Minako: Hey. You can't blame a girl trying to get in one last parting shot.

[Kunzite pushes her back and she saunters away]

Zoi: Kunzite? What was all that about?

Kunzite: [puts his arm around Zoi and pulls him close] Come with me. You need to stay with Mother for the next few days so that I can keep an eye on you both.


	125. Queen of the Damned

[Scene: A lavish underground bunker made up to look like the cabana of a five star resort in the middle of a rainforest. Jeddy is sitting at a coffee table reading a Party City catalog while youma servants wander at Metalia's beck and call. Metalia stands around and sulks, in her Mary Worth guise.]

[Thetis walks up to Jeddy's table in a sexy waitress costume, holding a drink tray]

Thetis: I made you a drink. I hope it is to your liking.

Jeddy: [doesn't look up from his reading] Put it on the table.

[Thetis puts down the table and gives Jeddy a forlorn look before walking away.]

Metalia: How long do you expect me to stay down here?

Jeddy: Kunzite said we have to keep you safe until the Half Sues show themselves and we eliminate them from existence.

Metalia: Your sister said they are time travelers. They might not show themselves for another thousand years. Or at all. That might be their whole plan. To burrow me away like some small earth mammal or termite queen while all the lesser beings laugh at me for hiding from a pair of children. Has your brother thought of that?

Jeddy: [Gets out a pen to circle some costumes] Yes he has, Mother. But he said that until he tracks down and exterminates the Half Sues, he's not going to take any chances with your safety.

Metalia: [shakes her head] He never was bright. And now that he's found his little slut, he can hardly think at all.

Jeddy: [looks up from his catalog] Maybe you should think about demoting him, and promoting Beryl in his place?

Metalia:[scoffs] Feh! That will be the day! If I put the girl in charge, you can bet the rest of you will be dead within a month. Probably over some college boy. [shakes her head and mutters under her breath] Idiots. You're a bunch of idiots. Only Nephrite has any sense anymore. I'd consider him if he could manage to set down his scotch glass and his hand mirror for long enough to focus on anything but himself. No. For now I'd say Kunzite is the best of a bad lot. How I wish I'd invested more time and found smarter children.

Thetis: [places a fruity drink in front of Metalia] Intelligent children tend not to make the best slaves.

Metalia: [to Jeddy] I should put her in charge. She's smarter than the rest of you put together. Pity I've made her to be little more than a puppet.

[In a flash of magenta, Kunzite appears with Zoi at his side]

Kunzite: [lowing bow] Your Excellency.

[Zoi looks at Kunzite and after a moment's hesitation, gives a half bow as well. Metalia sneers.]

Kunzite: [puts his hand on Zoi's shoulder] I've brought Zoisite to stay here with us, Mother.

Metalia: And why should that please me?

Kunzite: Because these... Impossible Children have...unfinished business with him, and our quarry might use magic to seek him out. If they do, it will trigger a magic tracker Nephrite set which will lead us to them.

Metalia: [Bitter] How thoughtful. I don't suppose you two imbeciles thought to include a tracker if they try to find *MY* location as well?

Kunzite: Of course, Mother. We did that from the start. You safety is our first and foremost concern. I felt it went without saying.

Metalia: I still like to hear it.

Kunzite: Of course, Mother. Please forgive my lack of attentiveness.

[Zoi rolls his eyes a little, which Metalia does not fail to notice.]

[Thetis approaches Kunzite with a drink tray and he waves her away then holds up a roll of blueprints.]

Kunzite: Nephrite, Beryl and I have finished drafting up the defenses-

Metalia: Where IS your sister, by the way?

Kunzite: She's in her apartment in Paris-

Metalia: [In an oddly menacing way] Go get her and bring her here.

Kunzite: Come, Zoisite.

[Kunzite places his hand on his shoulder.]

Metalia: Alone. The monkey stays here.

[Kunzite's eyes glimmer for just a moment as he removes his hand from Zoi's shoulder and gives him a peck on the lips.]

Kunzite: I'll be right back.

Metalia: No you won't. Stay away for at least three minutes.

Kunzite: [eyes glimmer as he bows solemnly] Yes, Mother.

[He vanishes in a flash of purple, and Metalia transforms into a smoke Naga the moment he is gone.]

Metalia: You thinkkkkk you're sssssomething sssspecial, don'tttt you?

Zoi: Um...no?

Metalia: Let'ssss get ssssomething clear. I don't like you. I have never liked you, and I will never like you. You think you're hot sssstuff just becaussssse you ssssseduced my sssson and he convincccced me to elevate you to a Sssssshitennou. You proved yoursssself by murdering ssssix men, but any judge would rule that sssself defensssse, which ruinssssss your ssssuitabily. No. I did not raisssse you from the dead becausssss you have the heart of a killer. I only did it only becaussssse Kunzzzzzite made it perfectly clear he would be uselessssss without you!

[Metalia advances on Zoi while Zoi backs away. Jeddy looks up briefly from circling costumes and ducks down.]

Metalia: But now I'm ssssstarting to see he's equally worthlessssss when you are together. I'm sssstarting to ssssssee I made a missssstake. A misssssstake I intend to correct right now.

[A catscradle of energy appears between her hands]

Metalia: That'sssss right monkey. I'm going to kill you. I'm going kill you right now. By the time my sssson returnssssss you will be a ssssmoking corpsssssse. He knowssss thissss, and he left you anyway. And you know what he will do about it? NOT A DAMN THING!

Thetis: [comes by with her tray] I wouldn't if I were you, my Queen.

Metalia: [dispells the arc of energy] Oh, why issss that?

Thetis: Because seeing his husband's corpse will stress out Lord Kunzite, and Lord Kunzite doesn't do his best thinking when he is stressed. And he is the only one of your children who has studied the principles behind time travel.

Metalia: [assumes Mary Worth form] Hand me that tray.

[Thetis hands her the drink tray and Metalia spills the drinks off it before she uses it to backhand Thetis with it.]

Metalia: You forget your place, slave! Kunzite is First Among Kings. I will not have a lowly creature like you speaking so glibbly about your betters!

Thetis: [unfazed as she drops into a bow and wipes a trickle of blood from the corner of her mouth] Forgive me majesty. I spoke out of turn. I intend no disrespect against his divine lordship.

[Thetis recovers the tray, piles the broken glass on it and leaves. Jeddy doesn't even look up from his magazine to watch her go, though Zoi's eyes are as large as saucers and he looks as if he's fighting the urge to run after her to comfort her.]

Metalia: She is right, though...I guess you're spared... for now.

[Kunzite and Beryl appear in a flash of purple. Beryl bows.]

Beryl: You have need of me, Mother?

Metalia: No. I changed my mind. Go away.

Beryl: [bows again] As you wish, Mother.

Metalia: On second thought stay. I enjoy your obedience.

Beryl: [bows a third time] It gladdens my heart to hear it.

Metalia: As well it should.


	126. Metalia's Inferno

[Scene: Metalia's underworld hideaway.]

Metalia: You have some fortifications you wanted to show me, Kunzite?

Kunzite: We tried to plan for every possible contingency. This position should be completely impervious to outside attack, while allowing freedom of movement to you and those who are in your trusted inner circle.

Metalia: Sounds flawed already.

[Kunzite spreads out the blueprints, and they others gather around, with Zoi hanging back nervously and chewing his finger.]

[The blueprint shows a series of concentric spheres, with a path leading to the code. Kunzite points the center.]

Kunzite: The defenses we've drawn up are already in place. Here we are at the core. This is where we will stay, you and your trusted Shitennou. Everything will be as it is right now, and nobody can throw any spell that will allow them detect this location.

[waves his hands over the entire map.]

Kunzite: This entire region, outside the core, is a magic deadzone. No spells can be cast there, and the dimensional matter of this area is too dense for levitation or teleportation.

[Kunzite points to the outer rim inside the deadzone.]

Kunzite: Stationed at the perimeter outside the single access point are dozens of armed human guards with the latest assault weapons. They have been given photos of the Impossible Children, and are ordered to kill them on sight. Nobody else is allowed past them without proper identification. They do not know what they are guarding, only that all their lives are forfeit if they allow entry to anyone who is not authorized to be in here.

[Traces his finger down the pathway to a barrier.]

Kunzite: Beyond them is a six foot thick steel wall. The only way in is through a vault door. The door can only be opened by simultaneously activating a retina scanner, a voice scanner, and a recessed keypad with a fingerprint scanner to enter an access code, uniquely keyed only to those Highest Ranking members of the Dark Kingdom who took the Eternal Oath of Obedience, so that their loyalty is beyond question: namely Thetis, the DD Girls, the great youma and the Shitennou-

Metalia: Excluding the monkey, I hope.

Kunzite: Excluding Zoisite, of course.

Metalia: And if these two little retrobates can shapeshift? And figure out a passcode through telepathy?

Kunzite: I'd already thought of that. These two travel in pairs. The vault door will allow exactly one person through, until the corridor beyond is cleared. If a second person tries to force their way in , it will lower a barrier releasing hundreds of half starved hyenas, [points to the next circle] as well as activate random fire, ice, and exploding traps in the ring beyond it, turning this entire one mile radius into a no-man's land.

Metalia: And if they come through one at a time?

Kunzite: [points to the only exit tunnel] Then we kill whichever one of them steps through that archway first. Like I said, they travel as a pair. This is by necessity. Unless they pool their energy, their power levels are relatively substandard. Hardly above greater Youma level.

Metalia: And we know nothing of their origins?

Kunzite: Not a thing.

Metalia: I want to see what these two look like!

Kunzite: Of course... Jadeite?

[Jeddy waves his hand a holograms of the Heltry twins appear, morphing to all their known haircolors.]

Zoi: [blushing a bit] Oh, my!

[The others turn to stare at him, especially Kunzite.]

Zoi: When you said these were eleven year old children, I wasn't expecting to see anyone so big, strong, and handsome!

Kunzite: [sneers] You find the boy attractive, do you?

Zoi: [blinks innocently] What? I only like him because he looks like you.

[Jadeite and the servant youma look back and forth between Dev and Kunzite in amused befuddlement.]

Kunzite: [in a rare temper] He doesn't look ANYTHING like me!

Zoi: Well yeah... only because you are a dusky seven foot tall studmuffin, and he's still a child, but you do have similar features.

Kunzite: And what features might those be?

Zoi: [sheepish curls a lock around his finger and grins as his blush deepens] Same sexy nose, same smoldering blue eyes, same roguish smile, same kingly build and bearing-

Kunzite: If the boy looks JUST like me, the girl looks EXACTLY like you!

Zoi: [goes pale and releases the lock of hair] What? How can you say that?

Kunzite: Same nymph-long hair! Same willowy build! Same sultry bedroom eyes! Same plump little apple cheeks! Same soft, kissable mouth!

[Jadeite and the youma hide their amused smiles behind their hands]

Zoi: [balling his fists near tears] How dare you!

Kunzite: [grins wolfishly] You dared first.

Zoi: She doesn't look anything like me! Her hair is all limp and stringy...her eyes are mud brown...and she's A GIRL!

Beryl: CAN WE PLEASE GET BACK TO THE TOPIC OF PROTECTING MOTHER?

Metalia: [nods to Beryl] Thank you for that shameless bit of sycophantry.

[Beryl bows]

Beryl: What do you think of the plans we've drawn up, Mother?

Metalia: I suppose they will do-

Beryl: Thank you, Mother-

Metalia: With some major modifications.

Beryl: Oh?

Metalia: Replace the hyenas with the youma.

Beryl: [going pale] But mother. The whole reason we selected hyenas is because they are relentless predators that can't be manipulated or reasoned with-

Metalia: I don't care. I don't like canines. They are smelly and they leave a mess. I will not have my sacred retreat surrounded with dogshit. Replace them with youma. All the youma! I will sleep better knowing my entire army of puppets is stationed between me and the enemy.

Beryl: Yes, Mother. I will have Thetis gather up all the youma and give them their new orders.

[Thetis raises her eyebrows at Beryl from across the room. Beryl gives her a solemn nod and she teleports away.]

Jeddy: But if the youma are patrolling in a magic free zone, there will be nobody left on the outside to hunt these children.

Metalia: YOU should be out hunting these children! The Shitennou! You and Beryl and Kunzite and Nephrite, and even the monkey! You mentioned that you will cowering in here with me! I don't want that! I want you on the outside! Spending every waking moment to tracking down and killing these two youngsters so that this matter can be over and done with!

Jeddy: We've tried, Mother. If they are still in this dimension they have cloaked themselves-

Metalia: Then try harder! Aren't you good for anything but hiding?

Kunzite: Mother. We wouldn't be here to hide. We would be here as a last line of defense. As an elite guard, to watch the tunnel, to make sure nothing slips through.

Metalia: If I need you, I'll summon you. I assume, as the strongest deity in the Universe, I still have that power. Even surrounded by miles of magical deadzone.

Kunzite: [bows low] Mother, upon my honor, I will not leave you undefended. Allow me to remained sealed away with you. Until this threat is resolved.

Metalia: I hope you are not planning on bringing your pet monkey. [stares at Zoi]

Kunzite: Of course not, Mother. It will be just be the two of us.

Metalia: Well...ok. So long as it is just the two of us.

Kunzite: [kneels low] Yes, Mother. Thank you for doing me this honor. I just need to go home to gather some things. [walks by Zoi, pulling him along almost as an afterthought, but pulls Zoi close to his side. Zoi sighs happily and leans against him. Metalia gives them an evil stare]

Beryl: Hold up, Kunzite.

[Kunzite and Zoi turn.]

Beryl: [To Metalia] I must confer with Kunzite before he leaves. We will need to disable the vault temporarily, to replace the dogs with youma, once Thetis has gathered them up and given them their orders. But that can only be done from the inside-

[A familiar purple portal opens up right in front of Metalia. And everyone screams in shock as a dark haired youma girl with soulless eyes steps through.]

Metalia: I thought you said the defenses were in place!

[The girl bows so low her forehead almost touches the floor]

Youma: My Queen.

Metalia: You're not one of my youma! How did you get in here!

Youma: My name is Bree. I've come to deliver a message.

Metalia: From who! Who sent you here!

Bree: You did, My Queen. I come bearing a message from the future.


	127. Children From the Future

[Scene: Metalia's hideaway. A previously unknown youma is bowing low before Metalia, while her more familiar servants look on.]

Metalia: So I sent you here from the future? To warn me so some impending calamity that results from my choices?

Bree: That's is correct, My Queen. You said it would be best if you dismissed your followers so we can talk in private.

Metalia: [narrows her eyes suspiciously] Feh! A likely story! You are clearly an enemy! If I wanted someone to have a word with me in private, I would have sent back Kunzite, or Thetis, or someone I actually trust! Not some puppet I've never laid eyes on before today!

Bree: [remains bowed low to the floor] You had no choice, my queen, but to create a new youma to act as a messenger. You told me to tell you that the laws of time travel make it impossible for the same being to be in two places at the same time. Otherwise you would have come here in person.

Metalia: So these beings that call themselves the Heltry Twins...?

[Bree waits until she is certain Metalia is done talking and then nods]

Bree: ... have not been born yet.

Metalia: Do we know who or what they are? Or why they have targeted the Pantheon of Chaos for assassination?

Bree: Yes, my queen. [gives a slightly uneasy look at Beryl and the Shitennou] They are your children from the future.

Metalia: My children? As in future Shitennou?

Bree: Yes.

Metalia: That makes this easy! I simply choose not to elevate them!

Bree: You won't elevate them. You'll...conceive... them. For want of a better word.

Metalia: [takes on a look of abject disgust] Are you saying these are my children in some biological sense?

Bree: Yes, my Queen, in a manner of speaking. More or less.

Jeddy: [wideeyed] They are Metalia's children? [whispers to Beryl] So who fucked Metalia?

[Beryl summons her staff and brings it down on his foot]

Metalia: Feh. Why would I ever want to have children!

Bree: [gives Beryl and the Shitennou another uneasy look] I believe it was because someone told you that babies love their mothers unconditionally and you thought that if you raised a pair of infants from the cradle, they would turn out to be more malleable than your other high ranking followers.

Metalia: Clearly, it didn't turn out the way I hoped it would!

Bree: Indeed.

Metalia: So? What went wrong?

Bree: I don't know, My Queen. In my time, they still haven't been born yet.

Metalia: Then why are you here!

[Bree rises from the floor]

Bree: You sent me here to tell you that these children will make two attempts on your life-

Metalia: When!

Bree: Soon. The first attempt will come soon. They will make a lot of trouble for you, but you must let them survive.

Metalia: Why?

Bree: The second attempt will come approximately six years from now. When they do, they will be too frightened to pull off the assassination. You must resist the urge to gloat. Instead, kill them both at once and seize their weapon. After that they will be of no further use to you.

Metalia: Why should I wait? Why not seize their weapon and kill them during the first attempt?

Bree: You didn't say, but I assume you must have had a reason...

Metalia: Doubtful.

Bree: You said all will be made clear in due time, and the important thing is not to worry-

Metalia: That is the trouble with prophesy! It only makes sense in hindsight! Was there anything else you needed to tell me?

Bree: No, my queen. That was all. There is nothing else I can say in front of the Shitennou.

Metalia: Good. You were becoming tiresome.

[Waves her hand and Zoi screams as Bree explodes like confetti.]

Zoi: [clutching Kunzite while screaming in terror at Metalia] Oh my god! Why would you do that?

Kunzite: [stroking Zoi's hair] It doesn't matter. It was just a youma. Come. You need to help me pack.

Metalia: No! Let the monkey speak.

Zoi: Why did you kill her? She was loyal! She wanted to talk with you in private! She might have had more information!

Metalia: What little she had to tell me was of no value. Other than to tell me these two little brats are my own offspring. The key to defeating them is to simply decide never to create them. Which I have.

Jeddy: Mother. Perhaps you should heed the advice of your future self and use them to gain the Silver Crystal?

Metalia: At the risk of my own safety? No. If anyone sees these two they are to be killed on sight.

Jeddy: But your future self assured you that you are in no danger-

Metalia: That was before she meddled by sending a message into the past! Haven't you fools heard of the Butterfly Effect? For all I know that one little act might have turned Fortune's Wheel against me! [To Zoi] Don't you monkeys have a saying that the definition of insanity is doing things differently and expecting the same outcome?

Zoi: [bows low] Yes, of course we do, My Queen.

Metalia: I see you're not incapable of learning. Jadeite, find Nephrite and tell him to alert me the moment they fade from existence.

Jeddy: [bows low] Yes, Mother. [teleports away]

Metalia: [to Kunzite and Zoi] You are dismissed for the evening. Both of you. But I expect Kunzite back here before dawn. Alone.

Kunzite: Yes, Mother. It is an honor to serve you.

[Both he and Zoi bow low and teleport away]

Metalia: [looks down at the smear that was Bree] Someone get a mop and clean up this mess.


	128. The Devil You Know

[Scene: Hen Tie park. Zoi is sitting with his back to a tree trunk near the playground, as tiny autumn leaves rain down around him. Kunzite joins him a moment later with two cups of icecream, strawberry for Zoi and mocha for Kunzite, Zoi takes his icecream and snuggles close as Kunzite sits beside him.]

Kunzite: I transferred all of my funds to our joint bank account. The car, the apartment, and everything else are in your name. I've reminded the youma they are to obey your commands as if they were my own. No matter how long I'm gone, you will be cared for. At least financially. If you run into any unforeseen peril call Beryl and Nephrite. They will look after you in my absence.

[Zoi gives Kunzite a bittersweet smile and they eat their icecream.]

Kunzite: [strokes Zoi's cheek] This may be the last we see of each other for a while.

Zoi: I know. [his eyes glisten with tears, but he fights them back and rests his cheek against Kunzite shoulder.]

Kunzite: You're getting better at this.

Zoi: Not really. I'm just starting to understand why you have to keep doing it, is all...Tell me, how much of you volunteering to guard your mother to was to protect her? And how much of it was to protect me from her?

[Kunzite gives him a sly grin, and sets his icecream aside]

Kunzite: [cuddles Zoi] You're getting a little too smart for your own good, you know?

[Kuzite kisses Zoi, and Zoi places his hand on Kunzite's thigh, tugging him in a subconscious manner.]

[They break apart, and Kunzite looks around self-consciously, but the few people who are watching seem to smile in approval.]

Zoi: She told me she wants to kill me, you know. While you were gone, she told me she'd never liked me and she wants me dead. She acted like she was actually going to go through it, but Thetis talked her out of it. Then your Mother beat Thetis for interfering... I wanted to help her, you know...Thetis, I mean...But I couldn't think of anything I could say or do that wouldn't make the situation worse for all of us.

Kunzite: Your instincts were correct. You need to be careful. Mother enjoys terrorizing people, but not all of her threats are idle.

Zoi: [nods grimly]...I've seen the way she treats her youma...Even when they are on their best behavior...

Kunzite: They are just youma.

Zoi: No. They are not just youma.

[He gazes at all the little children, playing on the playground under the vigilant eyes of their parents.]

Zoi: I try to imagine Metalia holding a screaming newborn with a soggy diaper...and my mind immediate blacks it out since I don't see how that would end well...My own mother can be a little difficult at times, but I've never been tempted to go back in time and shoot her before she can give birth to me.

[Zoi watches a father wait for his tiny daughter to slide down a slide, then hoists her up and swings her around as she laughs with joy. Zoi looks down as if ashamed.]

Kunzite: You're making the mistake of thinking of them as innocent children. I assure you, they were never innocent. Metalia would have made them in her own image. Those seductive little angel faces she gave them are just masks to hide the pitch blackness of their souls.

Zoi: Maybe so, but they started out as helpless newborns, and they had nobody to shield them from a goddess who is the literal personification of cruelty.

Kunzite: You are imagining them as human. They are not human.

Zoi: When I look at them, I see human teenagers. And my mind is immune to trickery.

Kunzite: When you look at me you see a human teenager. That doesn't make me a teenager. It just means I'm human-like in appearance...Ask Minako what she sees when she looks at us with powers of true insight.

Zoi: Still...For Metalia's own children to hate her that much... I see the way your mother treats people and I think...maybe...just maybe... [looks down]

Kunzite: [grins balefully] ...we're fighting on the wrong side of this war?

[Zoi looks up, red faced]

Zoi: I didn't say that!...out loud

[Kunzite's smile widens as he caresses Zoi's hair and pulls him close.]

Kunzite: I can understand why you might be tempted to think like that, but there is something very important that you need to understand... I took an Unbreakable Oath of Obedience to Metalia. I can't betray her. Not even if I wanted to... And I don't want to.

Zoi: [wideeyed] I wasn't asking you to!

[Kunzite brushes the hair back from Zoi's face and speaking soothingly]

Kunzite: Listen to me because this is important...I know my Mother can be very hard to take...so I need you to understand, right now, that I can never turn against her. I can't betray her, and it's the same with Beryl and the other Shitennou. If you ever decide to rebel against Metalia, you need to know we can't be trusted.

Zoi: [grips Kunzite's hand in his fists with big frightened eyes] No, Kunzite! I will never turn against you! Never! Not for any reason! You don't have to worry about that!

Kunzite: That's not the sort of thing that worries me.

[Kunzite gathers Zoi into his arms and gazes deep into Zoi's eyes with a gentle smile]

Kunzite: Tens of thousands of years ago, after I'd killed the last of my people, Mother appeared before me, in all her terrible splendor... I was given a choice-die of starvation, or pledge my soul to her for all eternity and become a demigod. [shrugs] At the time, choice was easy. The lengths I had go to in order to survive had blackened my soul beyond all redemption. I don't remember if I believed in the afterlife back then, but if I did, I could be certain I wasn't fated for anywhere pleasant...The goddess Metalia offered me immortality, in exchange for my total obedience...I agreed at once. I was a proud creature, but unlike the other Shitennou, never one who sought personal glory...I've never regretted my decision...Until I met you.

[Zoi gives him a questioning look.]

Kunzite: If Mother ordered me to kill you, I would have no choice but to obey.

Zoi: [shakes his head with absolutely certainty] No! You wouldn't!

Kunzite: I would.

[Zoi grabs Kunzite's fist and rubs his cheek against it.]

Zoi: No! I know you! Better than you know yourself! You couldn't do it. We love each other, and love is stronger than evil. You said so yourself...The Blackmoons used their power to try to make my father kill me and he refused to pull the trigger!

Kunzite: [smiles sadly] Metalia is a million times more powerful than the Blackmoons.

Zoi: And you're a million times more powerful than my father! There isn't a force in the universe strong enough to make you hurt me...And that's why Metalia hates me! Because I'm weakening her hold on you, and she can't even understand why!

[Kunzite sighs sadly and holds Zoi close]

Kunzite: I think you are right...And this is why I need to be with mother right now.

Zoi: Yes. I know.

Kunzite: Mother may be spiteful and cruel, but at least she is predictable. She can be placated as easily as a toddler having a meltdown in a grocery store...These offspring of hers? They are wild, savage and unpredictable. And they haven't yet reached their full potential...I will not be there to protect you...so if given the chance, you need to kill them. Without mercy or hesitation.


	129. An Awkward Silence

[Scene: The kitchen in a trashed out foreclosure in Hen Tie, WA]

[Dev is slicing a strawberry cream cake when the doorbell rings. He looks up in bafflement.]

[His usual cockiness is gone. His shoulders are rounded, his skin is pale and his eyes are meek. He puts down the knife and goes to the door]

[As he reaches it, the door becomes as clear as glass and on the other side is Hotaru Tomoe, wearing a black dress and tights and holding a gift basket]

[He breathes a sigh of relief that it is just El's little emo friend from school. He unlocks, unlatches and opens the door]

Dev: [shyly] Well, hello. So nice of you to come visit.

[Hotaru stares at him in open puzzlement, taken aback to see none of the swagger the bigger girls find so attractive. She can't help but feel his slumped posture and shy smile make him look like a bit of a dork.]

Dev: I was just fixing some coffee and cake to take up to El. Would you like come in and have some with me?

Hotaru: No thank you. I'm not supposed to be outside my room right now. I had to crawl out the window.

Dev: Huh.

[Hotaru looks around at the dilapidated condo with dismay that Dev can't help but notice]

Dev: El told you our address?

Hotaru: No.

Dev: Then how did you find us? It should have been impossible. [Detects the invisible cloak of mystical fog and sees it is still in place]

Hotaru: I just...I saw you get off the bus at this stop...and I knew where you lived...somehow.

Dev: Oh? That's unsettling.

Hotaru: [blushes] The two of you haven't been in school for a while. I just wanted to drop by to see if you were ok... Did you come down with that horrible flu that is going around?

Dev: Right. Yes... We've had the flu. That's why we stopped going to school... I got it first and El stayed home to take care of me, but now she's got it, worse than I did, so I'm staying home to take care of her.

Hotaru: You really should ask to be transferred to a better host family.

[They stand there in uncomfortable silence for a few moments.]

Dev: They're ok.

Hotaru: Is she going to get better?

Dev: [under his breath] God, I hope so.

[Hotaru's eyes fill with alarm]

Dev: I mean yes. Of course she is going to get better. She is the toughest little girl I know.

Hotaru: [nods] I admire her so much. She never lets anyone bully her, or push her around, does she?

Dev: [distantly] ...yeah...unfortunately...it seems everyone has their breaking point...

[Hotaru stands and waits in awkward silence for him to elaborate, but he does not.]

Hotaru: I was afraid you and your sister might be sick so I brought over this basket. It's got all the things in it that make me feel better when I'm sick. There's saline nasal rinse, mint-eucalyptus scented tissues, and honey-lemon cough drops, and hot and sour instant ramen, and a bottle of mandarin-lime soda, and a package of gingersnaps to help settle her tummy...though I think you call them 'ginger biscuits?'

Dev: I know what a gingersnap is.

Hotaru: Oh. [hands Dev the basket with sad eyes] Tell El to please get better soon...and if you need anything...I don't know when I can get away but...[blushes]...she's...the only friend I've ever had.

Dev: Yeah, same here.

Hotaru: [taken aback] But you're one of the most popular kids in school.

Dev: You might not realize this, but there is a world of difference between 'being popular' and 'having friends.'

Hotaru: Oh...huh...I guess you're right...

[They stand around]

Hotaru: I'd better get home before someone misses me.

Dev: Yes. [leans closer to Hotaru, his eyes glowing white] Run along home, and when you get there, I want you to forget that my sister and I ever existed.

Hotaru: [robotic] Yes. Of course. [she turns and scampers away]

[Dev closes the door and regards the gift basket with a wan smile. He sees a little crocheted bunny in a white dress and gives it a smile before setting it back in and picked up a card addressed to El. He pulls it out of the envelope and smiles to see the word A FRIEND LIKE YOU IS ONE IN A MILLION, in glittering letters.

[He opens the card. The blank side is filled with writing, he doesn't read, other than to note the profusion of XO's along the bottom. The other side shows two cartoon monkeys sitting with their arms around each other, over the words GET WELL SOON. The monkeys are wearing bows on their head to denote them as female. Hotaru has drawn a swarm of little hearts around them.]

[Dev's smile falls into a bitter scowl]

[His eyes focus into a laser beam as he burns one of the monkeys away]

Dev: I don't think so, you little homewrecker.

[He goes back to the kitchen, dropping the basket into the trash along the way, and loads up a tray with two coffee mugs and two cake slices.]

[As he passes the trash he gives it other glare and the contents burst into flames, which he ignores as he makes his way upstairs.]


	130. Necessary Evil

[Scene: Mettalia's inferno. The servant Youma have been called into a meeting with their superior, Thetis, so Beryl and Jeddy are attending to Metalia personally.]

[Kunzite appears in a flash of purple]

Metalia: So the silver haired imbecile returns...You're early. It is not yet dawn. I assumed you would have wanted to spend every last minute with your little monkey whore.

Kunzite: [bows low] I couldn't wait to get back to serve you, Mother. Every moment I was away from here seemed like an eternity.

Jeddy: [to Beryl] he's laying on pretty thick, isn't he?

Beryl: well, it is Kunzite...and Mother

Metalia: [to Kunzite] Maybe I don't want you here?

Kunzite: That would sadden me, Mother, but it would not change the fact that your safety is the most important thing to me right now.

Metalia: Yes. Of course. As well it should be. [A go set appears on the table in front of her.] Care for a game, my child? To whittle away the time?

Kunzite: It would be my pleasure. [pulls up a chair]

Metalia: The rest of you, leave and don't come back.

Jeddy: Where to you want us to go?

Metalia: I already told you! Go find those two little brats and annihilate them!

Jeddy: But they've escaped through a portal to another time or dimension.

Metalia: Then build a door to the other dimension and go after them!

[Jeddy looks at Beryl in confusion]

Jeddy: Can we do that?

[Beryl gives him a quick shake of the head]

Beryl: We'll consult with Nephrite and have him set up more trackers.

Metalia: Yes. Go find that drunken gigolo and put him to work.

[They teleport away]

Metalia: Idiots...Pining for your pet monkey yet?

Kunzite: I've instructed Zoisite to find and kill these two Impossible Children. I think it would be an excellent way for him to distinguish himself in our cause.

Metalia: Feh. What can he do that the others can't.

Kunzite: He attends the same school as our adversaries, and they appear to be attracted to him. This might give him an advantage.

Metalia: Feh! You fool! They've tipped already their hand to us! If this two juvenile delinquents have half a brain they will never show themselves at that school again! [shakes her head in disgust] If these are my true children, Hell only knows what manner of atrocities they are up to at this moment.

[Meanwhile: At the Midori residence. Chief Midori is looking for directions on a package of cold cereal. Zoi materialize and takes the box from his father's hand.]

Zoi: Morning dad. [Gets bowls and milk]

Chief Midori: Morning son. You're coming home at an odd hour.

Zoi: [pours cereal and they settle to eat] This is the last night I get to spend with Kunzite for the foreseeable future. [Eats glumly] There are a couple of junior demons out to assassinate Metalia, so she's sealed herself away until they can be found and exterminated. [under his breath] It's funny. She killed the White Queen and the people of the moon to keep them from sealing her away, and a thousand years later she's done it to herself.

Chief Midori: Who are the White Queen and the People of the Moon?

Zoi: It's a long story...[looks up from eating] Dad? Is it ok if I skip school today?

Chief Midori: Because of the late night?

Zoi: No, because Kunzite wants me to see if the demons show up for school, and kill them if they do, and I really don't feel up to it.

[Chief Midori gives him a look]

Zoi: They're posing as students. I'd give you their names, but then you might get reckless go after them yourself, and I really don't want that.

Chief Midori: Welcome to my world.

[They eat in silence]

Chief Midori: Well...as long as you're staying home from school, I was thinking maybe we could drive up to Seattle and pay Mamoru Chibi a visit in the hospital.

[Zoi bursts into a fit of giggles]

Chief Midori: Why is that funny?

Zoi: Dad. I really don't think that would be appropriate.

Chief Midori: Why not? I know he has feelings for you, but he accepts you can never be anything more than friends, so I'm sure he would be happy to see you.

Zoi: [laughing harder] That would just make it more weird.

Chief Midori: Why?

Zoi: Dad. I'm the one who put Mamoru in the hospital.

Chief Midori: ...

Zoi: I don't have any recollection of this, but according to Minako and Kunzite, I threw a spear through Mamoru and nearly killed him.

Chief Midori: They're lying. Mamoru got hurt in an explosion. I was there.

Zoi: And I wasn't. You were at my sixteenth birthday party in Seattle while I was home in bed all day? As Hen Tie's greatest detective, doesn't that strike you as a bit odd?

Chief Midori: Huh...

Zoi: It's these two demons. They are Metalia children from the future. And they messing up the fabric of reality. Even if they weren't evil, they would need to be stopped. But they are evil, and they want to murder Metalia, so Kunzite thinks that if I'm the one who kills them, it would go a long way toward getting her to accept me as a son in law. It's just that...

[Zoi looks down at his cereal]

Chief Midori: It's just that you don't think you could bring yourself to murder someone in cold blood. Not even a demon.

Zoi: No, that's not it at all. [lowers voice] The problem is I secretly hate Metalia and I want her to die.

Chief Midori: Oh?

Zoi: Don't repeat any of this to Kunzite, Dad, but the world would be a better place with her dead! She's an evil goddess! The IMMORTAL embodiment of hatred! And I'm married to her favorite son!

Chief Midori: Yes, I can see how this would be a problem.

Zoi: I've seen how she treats her youma and it upsets me. Kunzite doesn't mind because to him youma aren't people-and even if they were, he wouldn't care. But I like youma, Dad! Youma are fun! And surprisingly sweetnatured given that they are servants of the dark!

Chief Midori: Yes, they are, aren't they?

Zoi: Dad, these two demons are powerful! And evil! And their little time traveling adventures are probably slowly unraveling the universe! But they are also probably the only two creatures who can stop Metalia for good! What if I kill them, and then she decides to do something really bad to YOU? Or Mom? Or Kunzite? And I have to put up with it for the rest of eternity, and wallow in the knowledge that I destroyed the only chance we had to stop her?

[Zoi pushes his bowl away]

Zoi: I don't mind killing them...I just kinda wanna wait...you know...

Chief Midori: Are you asking for my fatherly advice? Or are you just using me as a sounding board?

Zoi: I want advice, Dad.

Chief Midori: Well, I'm your Dad, and you're my little boy, so I think you know what I'm going to say.

[Zoi looks at his dad]

Chief Midori: [clears his throat] As your father, I strictly forbid you from demon hunting. Let the other Shitennou handle this. Go find somewhere safe, and hide there until all this blows over.

Zoi: [smiles and hugs him] Thanks Dad. You're the best!


	131. The God Slayers

[Scene: A trashed out foreclosure in Hen Tie, WA. El is sitting in a rocking chair in front of a cracked bay window, staring at the woods beyond. Her face is pale, her eyes have dark circles and she's in her pajamas with her hair hanging down, uncombed. The God Gun is sitting in the corner, gathering dust]

Dev: [smiling shyly] I've made you some coffee...and I stole you some cake.

[El doesn't acknowledge his presence]

Dev: You need to eat something. It's been days.

El: [in a thin little girl croak] I'm not hungry.

Dev: [strikes an arrogant post and sneers at her] You also need a bath! You stink to high heaven! I never could understand how you could stand to be so slovenly!

[She continues staring out the window. Dev crosses in front of the it.]

Dev: Please. Get up. Slap me. Call me names. Stomp your foot and tell me why I'm an idiot. Pick up the tray of coffee and cake and hurl it at me... Just, please whatever you do stop sitting in that chair.

El: Why?

Dev: Because you're all I have in the world! And you've stopped being yourself! Ever since we saw Metalia, you've been sitting in that chair, staring at nothing.

El: [soft whisper] I'm not staring at nothing. I'm watching my little birdie friends.

[Dev lets out a profound sigh and buries his face in his hands.]

El: Dev...why are we still here?

[Dev looks up, smiling gently, his eyes shining with hope]

Dev: You want to go home? So we can see Big Daddy? [smiles gently] Come on, lets go home.

El: I meant 'Why do we still exist?'

[Dev's smile vanishes]

El: She knows who we are now. She must know it would be a mistake to create us. So why haven't we faded from existence?

Dev: [closes his eyes and heaves a heavy sigh] It's because of the Silver Crystal...I let it slip that we have Silver Crystal, and now she wants to steal it from us.

[El stares, wide-eyed]

[Dev paces around the room]

Dev: Mommy Dearest may be intellectually lazy, but she isn't stupid... She must know that we went back a thousand years to steal the Silver Crystal from the White Queen...and you can't interrupt a war to ball up a thousand years of destiny without shredding a gaping hole through the universe.

[El throws off her blanket and turns in her chair]

Dev: ...thus, since she knows stealing the Silver Crystal didn't change history, she can safely assume it was missing and or destroyed in the original timeline, and therefore, if she never conceives us, the Silver Crystal will remain lost forever.

[El claps and squeals then skurries over to give her brother a hug]

El: Dev! You're wonderful! That was a genius mistake on your part!

Dev: Why? It's not like we can sneak up on her a second time.

El: [clinging to Dev] We don't have to!

Dev: You have a plan?

El: [nods with excitement] Let's offer her the crystal!

Dev: [flabbergasted] ...what?

El: ...in exchange for our lives! And Big Daddy's too! And that way we'll all get to live happily ever after!

[Dev glares at his sister in horror, while she gives him a proud smile and then a peck on the cheek]

Dev: ...have you completely lost your mind? We can't give Metalia the Silver Crystal!

El: Why not? When this is the only way things can end well for us?

Dev: Because it's the most powerful artifact on the planet! And she's HORRIBLE!

El: So what? What do I care? I'd be willing to do a lot worse, as long as she promises she won't hurt you, or Big Daddy.

Dev: And you expect her to keep a promise like that?

[El's smile vanishes]

Dev: You don't want her to hurt Big Daddy? She's already DESTROYED him! She made us EAT the love of his life! He wanted to MURDER us for that! He TRIED to murder us for that! Instead he bought us toys and dressed us in little twinsey outfits and raised us as his children! And now you want to repay him by giving the world most powerful weapon TO HIS WORST ENEMY?

[El's sinks back into the chair, and closes her eyes.]

El: I really screwed this up for us, didn't I? We had one chance to kill Metalia. One chance to make everything right again...But I took one look at her, and my mind stopped working...All that brilliant planning of yours...All that hard work...and it is was all for nothing. Because of me.

Dev: No...no...no [rushes back to her side and buries his face on her knee] Please don't blame yourself. This wasn't your fault, it was mine.

El: [groans] How could this possibly be your fault.

Dev: [take her hand] I failed to consider how terribly she abused you... It's only natural you would have been traumatized by the very sight of her...I should have known you wouldn't able to carry this out...

El: Oh. So this was all *your* fault for not factoring in *my* incompetence? How very condescending of you.

Dev: [presses her hand to his face] You're not the one who is incompetent... I am! I didn't think this through! I chose to attack her at that wedding so that we wouldn't disrupt destiny, without taking into account that she was ready to replace her existing Shitennou with new ones of her own making!...Twins! A perfect little blond boy and a girl, her very own Adam and Eve...And 'Viola!' there we were! [Dev is shaking] Oh, El, I couldn't have timed it worse if I tried! Even so, I could have taken her out myself, with the God Gun...But it never even occurred to me that I could do it...without you...

El: ...Are you crying?

Dev: SHE WAS RIGHT ABOUT ME! I'M WORTHLESS! ALL MY LIFE I'VE WANTED TO PROTECT YOU FROM HER, AND WHEN I GOT MY CHANCE ALL I COULD DO WAS GROVEL LIKE A LITTLE BITCH!

[Dev sobbing like a toddler and El's expression morphs from sorrow to disgust]

El: STOP IT!

[Dev cries harder]

El:STOP THAT PATHETIC SNIVELING THIS INSTANT!

Dev: I CAN'T!

[Dev cries harder so she pushes him away]

El: Oh, HELL NO! She does NOT get to do this to us!

[She gets up]

El: It was never your job to protect me from her! She's a major God of Chaos and YOU WERE A BABY! What were you supposed to do? Bite her in the ankle like you bit Big Daddy?

Dev: [still crying] Yes. At the very least.

El: Then she would have squished like a bug! Just like Big Daddy did! Only she wouldn't have felt bad about it and healed you afterwards.

[She bursts into flames like a phoenix when they die down she is clean and groomed and dressed in a red leather catsuit]

El: And if you died, I would have died, too! Because YOU are the only thing this world that makes this miserable existence worth bearing!

Dev: No. You don't need me. You're the smartest girl I know.

El: Dev! We can't EVER lead normal lives! We are WARPED because of her! Do you have any idea what the all kids from school would think about us if they knew we still have to sleep in the same bed? Our lives would be over! And explaining its only because we're afraid the scary monsters are going to get us isn't to help matter AT ALL!

[Marches over to the God Gun and slings it over her shoulder]

Dev: [stops crying] Where are you going?

El: I'm going to find that rancid old hag and I'm going to kick her in her ass!

Dev: But...you can't...we only had one chance...if we make a time jump to after the wedding, she'll know why we are there, and kill us on sight... If we jump to before the wedding, we'll be battling against destiny, since our first attempt was supposed to be at the wedding-

El: I'm not going to make a time jump. I'm going to kill in the Here and Now. Before she even has a chance to figure out what we were up to.

Dev: But... we're too far in the past... we'll undo years of destiny...do you have any idea what that will do to the fabric of reality? If we take her down now, we might just tear a big gaping hole through the galaxy.

El: What do we care? We'll both be dead anyway.

Dev: [smiles] Good point.

[He morphs into a matching blue bodysuit and struts over and puts his arm around his sister's waist]

Dev: Let go kill that bitch.

[The cackle evilly as they both teleport away.]


	132. Starlab

[Scene: Neffy's mansion. Neffy is sitting on an arcane Mayan throne as he watches what looks like a star map on the ceiling of the huge dark chamber.]

[Beryl and Jadeite appear]

Neffy: [never taking his eyes off the star map] What now?

Beryl: Mother would like for you to create more trackers this very instant!

Neffy: No need. I've already mapped out every millimeter of the earth that the sun and stars can penetrate. As long as these children are not cloaked, they should appear as two large purple dots the moment they reappear on Earth.

Beryl: And if they are cloaked?

Neffy: Then they will appear as two large black spots that bear greater scrutiny, which I am currently vigilant against and will investigate further. In any event, they can't make a move against Metalia without entering parameter of the arena. Maybe if you tried doing some real work, instead of always barking out orders and tattling to Metalia, you might understand these things a little better.

Beryl: How dare you speak to me in that way!

Neffy: Screech all you want. Because when I catch these Wonder Twins, and dump them at Metalia's feet, I will finally be First Among Kings. And you'll find I'm not as easygoing of an alpha as Kunzite was.

Beryl: Why you portentous popinjay-

Neffy: [turning to Jeddy] I wouldn't touch that, if I were you.

[Jeddy pulls his hand back from what looks like a planetary model with a large black crystal orb for a sun, surrounded by five spheres of varying colors and sizes, and an outer ring of more than a dozen small brightly colored marbles]

Jeddy: What is it?

Neffy: Those are our trackers... I took the added precaution of monitoring the health and wellbeing of those of us within Metalia's inner circle... If these two little punks manage to bypass my surveillance and attack any of us directly, I will know about it immediately and run to the rescue, cementing my place as the rightful leader of the Dark Kingdom.

Beryl: Oh? And as future sovereign of the Dark Kingdom, what do you propose Jadeite and I do in the meantime?

Neffy: I would suggest you stay here and assist me, but seeing as how neither of you have the skills nor the temperament for this sort of work, I can't see how you could be anything more than a hindrance.

Beryl: [livid] We'll see about that! I'll go investigate the attack on the Death Phantom in Seattle! Any one of those witnesses might have spotted a clue that would lead us right to them, and then we'll see which of us leads the pack after that!

Jeddy: Can I come, too?

Beryl: No!

[She teleports away]

Neffy: [shakes his head sadly] I honestly don't know what you see in her.

Jeddy: [glances at the starmap] Anything happening up there.

Neffy: Nope.

[Jeddy looks at the model and notices that the colors are rapidly draining from the marbles in the outer rim.]

Jeddy: Um... Neffy? Should it be doing that?

Neffy: Doing what? [glances over at the model, then does a double-take and the color drains from his face as well]

Jeddy: What going on?

Neffy: [sweating bullets] We've lost the DD Girls, and the Great Youma.

Jeddy: What do you mean, we've LOST them?

Neffy: You're going to have to crack open a dictionary, because that the moment I don't have enough information to answer that question any plainer.

[He frantically waves his hand and the star map changes. A huge purple dot appear on the map, surrounded by a huge cluster of thousands of bright stars.

Jeddy: Is that the two Half Sues?

Neffy: Yes... But right now they've merged into Full Sue mode.

Jeddy: [narrows his eyes] I thought you said you were watching every inch of the earth?

Neffy: I was. They're not on Earth.

Jeddy: Then where-

[They both stop talking as the stars turn purple in a near instantaneous wave of color.]

Jeddy: What's happening?

Neffy: [pie-eyed] Something bad. Something very, very, very bad.


	133. Army of Darkness

[Scene: Five minutes earlier. The Royal Audience Chamber of the Dark Kingdom]

[Thetis is in youma form, standing behind an obelisk she is using as a lecture. Facing her, from the shadows of the background are thousands of youma.

Thetis: Greetings, youma. I have called you all together to announce there has been a change of plans. Queen Metalia requires your presence in the featureless deadzone surrounding her special sanctuary. For how long, I can not tell you. It might be years. Decades. Centuries. But as it is our duty to serve her in any way she sees fit, we will obey at once, and without question.

[The is an indistinct rumble of grumbling, but no open dissension. Thetis unrolls the blueprints for Metalia Inferno.]

Thetis: Seven Great Youma. You will guard the entrance to the Dead Zone, right beyond the vault door. You, being the strongest, will serve as our first line of defense.

Binah: [Bowing low] It will be an honor to serve!

Great Youma: Praise Metalia!

Thetis: DD Girls...As Metalia's personal vanguard, you will stand sentry at the exit into the chamber of traps and serve as our final line of defense. As this is a magical deadzone, your attacking ability will be greatly diminished, but you should still have your physical attack capabilities, as well as your wings for flight, and I trust you to work together as always as a team.

DD Girls: [Bow in perfect unison] We live to serve Metalia!

Thetis: As for the rest of you. I've taken the liberty of assigning each of you to a zone. While I call your name or group, please approach the podium to review your assigned location.

[She looks about at the sea of faces to see who she will call first and notices a pair of plant youma she's never seen before. A male and a female, standing in an embrace and looking rather too relaxed for Thetis's liking]

Thetis: You two. You're new here. I take it you are Lord Zoisite's creatures?

[The plant youma laugh]

Female Plant Creature: I suppose you could say that.

Thetis: What are your names?

Female Plant Creature: Oh..."What is in a name?"

[She breaks off from the male and preforms a flawless gymnastics floor routine to close half the distance to Thetis, then doffs her wig and mask like a cap and bows to Thetis, revealing medium length red hair and a human face]

El: "...a rose by any other name would still smell as sweet..."

Dev: [pulls off his own mask to join her and clasp her hands from behind her back] Ironically, "Rose" is her middle name.

El: [pulls her hand free and gives him a playful swat] Don't tell them that.

[The army of youma are too stunned by their audacity to react.]

Thetis: You're...insane! [morphing into her human form] You...dare...to show yourselves, here of all places, before Metalia's entire army!

[The twins shrug]

Thetis: KILL THEM!

Bunbo The Great: Wait, stay back, they-

[Dev and El drop a handful what look like tiny glass pyramids, which skitter like spiders as they come to the Seven Great Youma, then unfold and enlarge and fold again to form clear cages in which the Seven Great Youma stand as immobile as wax figures.]

Dev: [sighs] "Alas poor, Bunbo"

El: [sly] He knew we were going to do that.

Dev: Always peeking into the future...

El: ...all the while recognizing the futility of struggling against his Destiny.

[The DD Girls hiss in outrage, and the twins drop more of the glass cages, trapping the DD Girls in the same fashion.]

[Thetis is staring, gapejawed]

El: [giggles] Don't worry. They'll all be fine. Eventually. We just put them on a bit of a Time Out.

Dev: You see, that unbreakable oath of obedience they've sworn would present some challenges that we simply don't feel like dealing with right now.

Thetis: [to the sea of youma] DON'T JUST STAND THERE! KILL THEM!

[The mob of youma roar and surge, only to come up against an invisible force-field.]

Dev: [grins gently] Now, now. There is no need for violence.

El: I concur. [smiles evilly as she stands back to back with her brother] We are all friends here.

Dev: Indeed. I'd like to explain how your interests would be better served by serving us... [a flute materializes in his hands] ...but I find I express myself best through song.

[The room darkens as he trills out a haunting melody, while El's eyes glow white and a pinkish mist rises as she grins in a malevolent manner.]

[By the time he finishes his song, the youma have all fallen into a deep hypnosis.]

[Thetis watches in horror as the entire army bends at the knee and swear fealty to Dev and El.]

Dev: There has been a little change in leadership. You all work for us now.

[Thousands of youma cheer in support]

[The twins hold hands and turn to face Thetis with evil smiles on their faces]

El: Now what are we going to do about you?


	134. Mindgames

[Meanwhile: At Neffy's. Neffy and Jeddy are staring up at the starmap.]

Jeddy: They've corrupted the youma! How many?

Neffy: All of them.

Jeddy: All of them! Are you sure?

Neffy: [heaves a heavy sigh as he stares up at the starmap] Yes, I'm sure.

[looks that the planetary model and sees a single water colored marble]

Neffy: No. Wait. We still have Thetis.

[He plucks the orb out of the model and drops it into a spyglass and looks through the eyepiece]

Jeddy: Good old Thetis. She's crazy about me, you know. She'll do anything I tell her to, and expect nothing in return.

Neffy: [looks into marble] Yeah? Well seeing as how she's currently staring down a pair of crazy half-gods, and is outnumbered a few thousand to one, so I'd say she's a wee bit DOOMED at the moment.

Jeddy: Should we go save her?

Neffy: I'm not taking on an entire army thousands of fanatical brainwashed monster to save one youma, but if you want to, be my guest.

Jeddy: Then shouldn't we warn Metalia?

Neffy: I'd rather take my chances against the youma. But who knows. Thetis might just pull off a miracle...

[Meanwhile, in the Dark Kingdom]

Thetis: Stay back!

[Dev and El keep advancing]

[Thetis switches back to youma form and crosses her arms about her head, summoning a huge ball of water]

Thetis: I warned you! I'll drown you and all of the traitors!

Dev: Really, Thetis? You think Metalia would create a "puppet" who is powerful enough to overthrow a god of chaos?

[Dev waves his hand and the ball of water poofs out of existence]

El: Last chance. Surrender before we have a reason to hurt you.

Thetis: Never! I will fight until the death!

[The twins roll their eyes]

El: You know that is the "Unbreakable Curse of Enslavement" talking, don't you?

Thetis: You won't take me alive!

El: [smiles and holds up a little glass pyramid] Oh, I've got a little cage with your name on it that says differently.

Dev: Wait, my love. [catches his sister's wrist] There is no need for threats.

[He smiles at Thetis with slick used-car-saleman charm]

Dev: Thetis is Metalia's most trusted servant. [winks at El] This is a matter that is best handled...diplomatically.

[El gives him an evil smile as he approaches Thetis like a jungle cat stalking its prey]

Thetis: I said STAY BACK!

Dev: I'm not going to hurt you, you have my word.

Thetis: Your word means nothing to me!

Dev: Yes. I know. And that needs to change.

[His eyes glow red and two beams of red light fix right into Thetis's pupils.]

[Yasha the Youma drifts over to El and speaks in her ear.

Yasha: [whispers] That won't work. Thetis is Metalia's most loyal handmaiden. She swore an unbreakable oath of obedience.

El: [whispers back] Oh, just you wait. One of my brother's special gifts is that he always gets his way. If he tries hard enough.

Dev: Smart, beautiful, insanely competent Thetis. My sister and I only want what is best for you. You have my word.

Thetis: [transfixed by the beams] I serve no master but Metalia! You can't make me betray her!

Dev: I'm not asking you to.

Thetis: Liar!

Dev: You are fighting us because you think we are Metalia's enemies, but you are mistaken. We're her friends. In fact, we're her children from the future. And a child's love for their mother is unconditional. She told us so herself.

Thetis: No! This is all lies! You want to kill her! I know this for a fact!

Dev: Do you now? [beam intensifies] But can you really be certain?

Thetis: Yes! I'm certain of it!

[The beam intensifies so greatly that Thetis is staggering back from the force of it]

Dev: You sound so sure of yourself. You must believe yourself to be infallible. Are infallible, Thetis? Do you really believe you are that perfect of a person?

Thetis: Stop it! I know what you are doing! You are trying to make me doubt myself enough for your brainwashing to take hold!

Dev: Oh, Thetis. Why would I bother confusing you when you are so confused already?

Thetis: I'm not confused!

Dev: You're not confused? Then answer me this. If my sister and I are the enemies of the goddess you are bound to serve for all eternity, why haven't I killed you yet?

Thetis: Because you need ME to get past the vault door into her inner sanctum!

Dev: Oh?

[Dev steps back, interrupting the beam, as if in a show of mercy]

Dev: I didn't know that. Did you know that, El?

El: No, I did not.

Dev: Of course we didn't know that. How could we?

[He resumes the beam at full strength]

Dev: You see, Darling Thetis? You've already betrayed Metalia.

Thetis: No...I didn't mean to!

Dev: That hardly matters. You've divulged state secrets and betrayed Metalia's trust. If we're not friends with Metalia, that makes you a traitor. Are you a traitor, Thetis?

Thetis: No!

Dev: So if you're not a traitor, that must mean you know, deep in your heart that my sister and I are Metalia's friends, isn't that right?

Thetis: ...yes...yes, that's right...

[El covers her mouth to hide her giggles]

Dev: [maintaining the beam] Good. Good. We come here with a very important message for Metalia from the future. One that only my sister and I can deliver to her, and only together and in person. [turns off the beam] You can help us get in to see Metalia. Can't you?

Thetis: [bows low] Yes, of course...My King.

Dev: My King?I certainly like the sound of that. [smiles at his sister] Though I've always fancied myself to be more the Imperial type.

[His eyes glow white and his clothing and that of the youma change into Napoleonic, military uniforms]

[El looks down in befuddlement to see herself in an empire-waisted gown, opera gloves and a diamond tiara]

[Dev kisses the back of her hand]

Dev: Care for a spot of royal asskicking, milady?

El: [eyerolls] Oh please, you look like a bunch of deranged nutcrackers.

[Her eyes glow white and everyone reverts to their normal attire.

Dev: You're no fun. Now lets have a look at those defenses.

[Thetis rolls out the blueprints and the twins share an evil laugh]


	135. The Beginning of the End

[Scene: Neffy's starlab in Palo Alto. Neffy sets down the spyglass and pulls out a new purplish watery orb.]

Jeddy: What's happening?

Neffy: They've turned Thetis.

Jeddy: That's impossible. She can't break her oath of obedience to Metalia.

Neffy: Yeah? Well apparently is possible if Thetis doesn't actually believe she is breaking her oath. So they've scrambled up her brain to make her think Metalia and her kids are all one big happy family.

Jeddy: Could they do that to us?

Neffy: Hell no. We're protected by thousands of years of Dark Magic and our minds are not as simple as a youmas. Which at this particular moment might not be such a good thing.

[He slumps down in his throne]

[Jeddy drops the watery purplish orb back into the eyepiece]

[Back in the Dark Kingdom: The youma are gathered behind the Heltry Twins as Thetis shows them the plans for Metalia's Inferno]

Thetis: This entire region is a magic free zone. No spells can be cast here by anyone. No offensive spells, no defensive spells, no levitation, no teleportation.

Dev: That does make things interesting.

Thetis: The outer parameter is surrounded by a human army with the latest in modern weaponry. They've been ordered to shoot you on sight.

El: Then we'd better not let them see us.

Thetis: Beyond is a six foot thick wall of solid steel. The only way in a through the vault door.

Dev: Which you've said you can open?

Thetis: Correct. But once it is open, only one of you can go through.

El: Forget that!

Dev: We go through together. We travel as a pair. Always.

Thetis: If you go through together, you will release hundreds of half starved hyena and arm the miles of death traps in the chamber beyond it.

El: Is that all?

Dev: You made it sound so serious.

Thetis: ...please keep in mind nobody can use magic.

Dev: [sulks] Well that's a disappointment. I was hoping this would be somewhat of a challenge.

El: [Giggles] Yeah. Me too!

[Jeddy looks away from the spyglass]

Jeddy: They're on their way to breach Metalia's defenses. They think it will be a walk in the park for them.

Neffy: Sadly, I don't doubt it.

Jeddy: So what are we going to do?

Neffy: [covers his face] Bury our heads in the sand and pretend this isn't happening.

Jeddy: I thought you were going to teleport in and save the day?

Neffy: That was before they brainwashed our entire army.

Jeddy: So what? I'm the Master of Illusion! I'll just brainwash them all back!

Neffy: That sounds like a great idea. If you can think of a way to do it without attracting the attention of the two little tykes with their Shitennou splattering weaponry.

Jeddy: Oh. Right. Forgot about that...

[Jeddy looks through the spyglass. Sees nothing]

Jeddy: I don't see anything.

Neffy: [looks up at the rapidly fading starmap] They've probably already entered the magic-free zone.

Jeddy: There must be something we can do.

Neffy: Against thousands of Youma? Without using magic? If we try to stop them, they'll kill us. If we don't try to stop them, Metalia will kill us. No matter what happens now, we're screwed.

[Neffy buries his face in his hands]

Neffy: Our best hope for survival is for them to actually pull this off and kill Metalia, but we can't know about it, or the Unbreakable Oath of Obedience will force us into action.

[Waves his hands and all the trackers go black]

Jeddy: Good thing Metalia didn't know about these trackers. She thinks you're just jerking off somewhere

[Neffy looks up, smiling]

Neffy: That's right! She doesn't know about the trackers! I can plead ignorance! [laughs maniacally]

Jeddy: ...except you bragged to Beryl about them, which is pretty much the same as telling Metalia.

[Neffy stops laughing and buries his face in his hands again]

Neffy: No. It's worse. After the Endymion Debacle, Beryl's only joy in life is in snitching.

Jeddy: There must be something we can do!

Neffy: [stands wide-eyed] Wait. There is.

[Neffy stroll over to a hidden vault]

Neffy: I've been saving this for a rainy day.

[He opens the vault revealing an ancient bottle of cognac and a couple of glasses.]

[He places them on a table, fills the glasses and gestures to Jeddy]

Neffy: [drains a glass] Bottoms up.

Jeddy: You're drinking on the job! Metalia will kill you!

Neffy: Yes. I know. Why do you think I'm drinking.

Jeddy: That's your answer to this? You're just going to get drunk?

Neffy: Do you have a better idea?

Jeddy: I can't think of a worse one!

Neffy gestures to the glasses once more and when Jeddy doesn't budge, he finishes Jeddy's drink, knocks the glasses off the table and starts drinking out of the bottle.

Jeddy: You're a disgrace.

Neffy: You think so? Well, let's hear your plan?

Jeddy: I...I... I might think of something...but in the meantime, I'm going to hold onto whatever is left of my dignity.

[He teleports away]

Neffy: Fool. [Takes another swig]

[Meanwhile, in Seattle. The C'est La Vie gang is sitting vigil over Mamoru's bedside while Usagi clutches his hand.]

[The door opens and Minako enters]

Usagi: Minako, I'm glad you're here-

Minako: Shoo, bitches. Mamoru and I need to talk in private.

Usagi: You can't. He's-

[Mamoru eyes open and he sits up]

Mamoru: Minako! It was Zoi! He attacked me and tried to kill me! Everyone keeps saying it was a gas explosion! But it wasn't! It was Zoi! Metalia must have brainwashed everyone who was conscious, but I know it was him! You were right about him! He's a soulless monster! I've been waiting for you so I could tell you before someone erases my mind as well!

Usagi: No, that's not right he-

Minako: I said leave!

[Usagi and the C'est La Vie Gang give Minako and Mamoru a look of concern, but file out, closing the door behind them.]


	136. C'est La Vie for Vendetta

[Scene: A hospital in Seattle. Minako is standing by Mamoru's bedside and staring that the door to make sure it is closed]

Mamoru: Minako, Zoi tried to kill me. He needs to die.

Minako: Yes, I heard the first time. [turns to face him] And actually, I already knew that. Artie was there and he saws the whole thing. How the Death Phantom crashed Zoi's party, how Zoi went crazy and tried to kill everyone, how the Heltry Twins showed up and put everyone on ice-

Mamoru: The Heltry Twins?

Minako: Hey, I was just as surprised as you are!

Mamoru: Who are the Heltry Twins?

Minako: Oh, no. Not you too!

Mamoru: [shakes his head] I don't know who they are. I've been so busy I've been out of the loop.

Minako: New freshman transfers from England...a boy and a girl...both incredibly good looking...

[Mamoru keeps shaking his head]

Minako: Oh for the love of God, manbitch! You dated one of them!

Mamoru: Really? Which one?

Minako: THE GIRL! Eleanor Heltry!But her brother Devon Heltry looks exactly like Fiore! Ring any bells now?

Mamoru: No. But my memory has never been the best. Not since the accident.

Minako: Whatever. It's not important...according to Kunzite they are pure evil, and insanely powerful, and must be stopped at any cost.

Mamoru: How are we supposed to stop them? We can't even stop the Death Phantom.

Minako: The Death Phantom is dead. Taken out by the Heltry Twins. But according to Kunzite they are just as bad, if not worse.

Mamoru: What? But if they killed the Death Phantom that means they are our friends, right?

Minako: Sadly, I've used my True Sight on them and they really are evil.

Mamoru: Great...

Minako: Kunzite's proposed an truce, seeing how it appears we have a common enemy-

Mamoru: WHAT?

Minako: I'm sorry you feel that way, because I already agreed to it.

Mamoru: NO! WE'RE NOT MAKING A TRUCE WITH THE SHITENNOU!

Minako: What's more, I say we push for a more active role in this alliance-

Mamoru: NO! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D DO THAT!

Minako: Yeah, I worried Kunzite wouldn't believe it either. So I used my acting chops and told him that Artie voted in his favor, for the greater good and all that happy bullcrap...Long story short, the big dope fell for it-

Mamoru: MINAKO! HOW COULD YOU! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT BERYL DID TO ME! I'D RATHER DESTROY THE WORLD MYSELF THAN HELP THE SHITENNOU DO ANYTHING!

Minako: Oh, calm down. We're going to meet with Kunzite. We're going to talk strategy. Then then when he least expects it...we're going to pull out our big long knives and stab him in right in the back!

[Mamoru's jaw drops]

Minako: Of course, the big question is, who should die first? Zoi or Kunzite.

Mamoru: [grinning manically] Zoi dies first. And I want to be the one to kill him.

Minako: Oh? Payback time?

Mamoru: Not at all. I want to see the look on Kunzite's face when he finds out I've killed the only person he has ever truly loved.

[The door burst open and the C'est La Vie gang and Usagi come tumbling in.]

Rei: Oh, HELL NO!

Minako: Bitches, stay out of this and let me and Endymion do all the dirty work.

Rei: The hell I will!

Ami: You need to stop.

Makoto: This petty vengeance thing has gone too far already.

Usagi: This isn't you! You need to go back to being the sweet, loving, happy people I used to know!

Minako: Petty vengeance? Kunzite murdered us and got away with it!

Usagi: I can forgive Kunzite for being a murderer! But I can't forgive him for hardening your heart and turning you into a dark person!

Minako: Kunzite is a genocidal maniac. He needs to face justice.

Rei: By killing his boyfriend?

Minako: Yes.

[The other girls stare at Minako is horror]

Makoto: You've been looking forward to this for a while, haven't you?

Rei: You've just been waiting for an excuse.

Minako: It's the best way to make him feel the gravity of his many horrific crimes.

Ami: We're not going to let you do something like that.

Makoto: This is not why we became Guardians. We took an oath to protect the innocent.

Minako: Oh, please! That thing calling itself Zoi is no innocent. He's a Shitennou

Rei: He's also OUR FRIEND! And he wasn't even around during the Silver Millennium! Killing him wouldn't be justice. It would be MURDER!

[The other girls nod enthusiastically]

Minako: Have you bitches forgotten that the whole reason that we are here is because Zoi tried to murder Endymion after he'd been nothing but nice to him?

Usagi: [crying and talking a mile a minute] No! That's not what happened! You weren't there! I was! The Death Phantom was using us as hostages and was threatening to kill us one by one! Zoi did what he had to do in order to escape, and because he did nobody died! And it was me he tried to kill, not Mamo, but only because the Death Phantom was trying to rip my arms out of my sockets. He aimed that spear at my heart but Mamo leapt in front of me-

[Usagi notices everyone is staring at her]

Usagi: What?

Rei: You said that Mamo got hurt in a gas explosion.

Usagi: [blushes] Yeah, he did but...um... no he didn't...I'm...um...starting to remember things a little differently...its slowly coming back to me...

Rei: Slowly coming back to you?

Minako: Who are you? Or should I say, what are you?

[Ami pulls out her smartphone]

Usagi: Um...I just remember I have homework to do. Bye.

[She turns to bolt and sees Makoto blocking the door]

Ami: According to what I can see, she's Usagi Tsukino, completely human and normal.

Minako: Yes, well I might have some deeper insight.

[Minako pulls her makeup compact out of her purse]

Usagi: [sweating bullet] Um...guys I really need to do my homework.

[Tries to push past Makoto]

[Minako opens her mirror and nearly drops it when she sees Usagi in it wearing a tiara and a white princess gown]

Minako: Selenity?

Mamoru: Selenity?

Everyone: PRINCESS SELENITY?

Usagi: [downcast and chewing her thumb] Yeah, guys. It's me.


	137. Stage One

[Scene: An outpost in the middle of the desert. Hundreds of soldiers are guarding a ziggarat that would't appear on any map. Oddly, a thick fog had surrounded the site, but the men remain with their sandbags and artillery.]

[A nay blue haired woman in a business suit steps out of the mist, hold a pair of huge briefcases.]

[The men all salute.]

Thetis: Greetings, gentlemen. I've come to tell you your services will no longer be required.

[Goes to a war-table and opens up the briefcase, revealing tightly wrapped stacks of hundred dollar bills.]

Thetis: Take as much as you think you are owed, and then go, but leave your weapons behind.

Human Commander: No can do, ma'am. You don't have the proper authorization to dismiss us.

Thetis: [raises her brows] Have you forgetton who hired you?

Human Commander: Negative, ma'am. But I've been instructed only to take orders from Dr. Metalia and her children.

Thetis: But I represent Dr. Metalia.

Human Commander: Respectfully, ma'am, not in this specific instance.

Thetis: [surveys the hundreds of human soldiers] And I assume he speaks for all of you?

[silence]

Human Commander: Affirmative ma'am.

[Thetis sighs and closes the briefcases]

Thetis: Very well. I'd hoped to resolve this without bloodshed, but if you won't be bought off, I guess you need to be killed off.

[The fog clears, revealing thousands of youma]

[The men react in terror at the sudden appearance of an army of monsters. They drop their weapons, trembling in terror.]

Thetis: Care to take another look at what is in the briefcase?

[Meanwhile, in a hospital in Seattle.]

[Mamoru and the C'est La Vie gang are standing gapejawed in surprise as Usagi admits she is Princess Selenity.]

[When they recover their wits they genuflect as best they can.]

[All but Rei, who strides up to Usagi and backhands her.]

Mamoru: [to Rei] HEY!

Minako: [to Rei] Yeah! HEY, bitch!

Usagi: It's ok.

Rei: No! It's not ok! How long have you known you were Selenity?

Usagi: A while.

Rei: A while? What is that? Days? Weeks?

[Usagi looks down, sheepishly]

Usagi: Since the eighth grade.

All: WHAT?

Makoto: Why didn't you say something?

Usagi: Like what? Junior High is rough enough without going around saying a cat told me I am a moon princess-

Minako: We mean RECENTLY! Like right about the time we started risking our asses to save the gooddamned planet!

Usagi: You didn't want to talk to me. You guys were off in your own little world. You didn't want my help.

Ami: This is because we thought you were a normal human girl and didn't want to put you in danger.

Usagi: That shouldn't matter! Everyone can help out if they try hard enough! It's not nice to exclude people just because you think they are weaker than you!

Makoto: Not weaker. More fragile. This was hard enough as it was without putting our friends in danger.

Minako: Besides! You should have stepped up to the plate, you royal harlot! You are the moon princess! Why did I have have to give all the unpopular orders and keep these bitches in line? You should have been finding a way to save people from the Death Phantom instead of stuffing your face with milkshakes and onion-rings at the Crown!

Usagi: Why? What good would it have done? It's not like I have my powers anymore!

[The room goes silent for a full minute]

Ami: You've lost your healing powers?

Usagi: [blushing] Well not lost, exactly. I transferred them all to Endymion. A few hours before we all died.

Minako: WHAT?

Ami: HOW?

Makoto: WHY?

Rei: You were the Moon Princess and he was a slave! What would possess you to do something that idiotic!?

[Usagi starts bawling]

Usagi: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! ENDYMION WAS BERYL'S SLAVE! SHE WAS DOING HORRIBLE THINGS TO HIM! THINGS I STILL DON'T QUITE UNDERSTAND! BUT WE HAD A TRUCE WITH METALIA! IF MAMA FOUND OUT I WAS HIDING HIM IN MY ROOM SHE WOULD HAVE SENT HIM BACK TO EARTH! IF HE HAD ALL MY POWERS SHE WOULD HAVE TO KEEP HIM ON THE MOON UNTIL I COULD CONVINCE EVERYONE TO LET HIM STAY!

[The others stare at her]

Makoto: [smiles] So the slave boy stays, the Queen avoids a diplomatic incident, and all because the naive little princess only did it because she's a dumb little bunny...

Minako: Damn, girl! You're stupid like a fox!

Usagi: [taking it as a compliment] Thanks...Besides, I didn't tell you guys because back on the Moon you were always at my beck and call. I wanted you to have normal lives.

Rei: Does this look like we have normal lives?

Usagi: I meant with boyfriends, husbands, families... and I wanted you to like me if I was plain Usagi instead of a princess...but I guess you didn't...

[Her eyes sweep past all of them as she says this, but linger longest on Mamoru.]


	138. Stage Two

[Scene: A ziggurat in the middle of the desert. An army of youma stand nearby as Thetis, Dev and El enter the structure and approach the vault door. Many of the youma are carrying assault weapons while Dev and El have the God Gun.]

Dev: [puts his arm around his sister and address the crowd] Youma, before go any further I would just like to say how grateful we are for your help, and how touched we both are by your sincere devotion. It is as if you are instinctively aware that serving us is serving your own best interests.

Youma: All hail Emperor Devon! All hail Empress Eleanor!

Dev: [pulls El closer and whispers in her ear] You hear that? They sound as if they truly love us. I can get used to all this power and adoration.

El: [smiles and whispers back] I just want to kick the bitch's ass.

[Meanwhile: In the center of Metalia's Inferno. Metalia and Kunzite are playing Go in a lush green rainforset setting.]

Metalia: [not even looking up from the board] The two little monsters have breached the first round of defense.

Kunzite: Oh?

Metalia: Thetis bought off the monkey soldiers and have commandeered their weapons. And since Thetis is helping them, I can't see how your vault door will present much of a challenge.

Kunzite: We must assemble the Shitennou to deal with this threat.

Metalia: I don't see what good that would do. Your older brother is drunk off his ass again, the girl is going door to door at Seattle General asking pointless questions, and your other brother is merely flummoxing around at a total loss trying to dream up crazy schemes, as usual.

Kunzite: And Zoisite?

Metalia: Who cares.

Kunzite: Mother. The defenses. They must be fortified.

Metalia: Oh, calm down, Son. I never put my faith in your ability to protect me. [Looks up from the board and stares right into Kunzite's eyes] In the Age of the Titans, the gods served as slaves. We revolted, put down the titans, made ourselves unkillable, and then created all the lessor beings to as slaves of our own...Now, given that history, why would I choose to breed a new generation of Godkillers, to overthrow us and take our place in turn?

Kunzite: I would not presume to guess at your will, Mother.

Metalia: I am commanding you to presume.

Kunzite: Then if I may, perhaps you had grown weary of this existence, and set a plot in motion to bring about your own extinction?

Metalia: [nods] Spoken like a true slave. The correct answer is, I wouldn't have. These two little pests are not my heirs. If I had created them, it would have been as toys-a little boy doll and a little girl doll, to play with until I got bored, just like I elevated Zoisite to serve as a toy for you, until you get bored. My mistake, it would seem, was in not disposing of them properly after they failed to amuse me.

Kunzite: I'm never going to get bored of Zoisite.

Metalia: We'll see...

Kunzite: And if I may, might I suggest that you overlooked their symbiotic nature? Knowing you as I do, Mother, you would have amused yourself by pitting them against one another, in blood-sport, making them compete for your favor. It would have never occurred to you that these two would cleave to one another, refusing to fight, and instead turn their ire against the Goddess who created them to suffer in such a manner.

[Metalia lip twitches as she rises, upsetting the board and striking Kunzite across the face with her closed fist]

Metalia: Now you presume too much! Go back to being subservient!

Kunzite: [smiles, lowers his eyes and bows] Yes, Mother. I would much prefer that, too.

[Metalia calms and then uses magic to revert the game and the table and resumes the game as if nothing happened]

Metalia: The point I was trying to make, before you interrupted me, is that all toys have an offswitch, and with living toys, that offswitch is called death. You have an offswitch, and so does your little monkey, and these two little monsters? If I created them and imbued them with my essence, I would have made this offswitch very easy to operate.

Kunzite: Indeed, Mother.

Metalia: The very instant I lay eyes on those two little brats I'm throwing the offswitch.


	139. Love Is a Curse

[Scene: A Vault door recessed into a ziggurat. Thetis looks to the Heltry Twins for guidance and they both nod.]

[Thetis places her hands in a pair of square cavities in the door, and her eyes against a retinal scanner, both decorated with spikes and blades to discourage wrongful access.]

Door: State your name.

Thetis: My name is Thetis, Greater Youma, loyal handmaid of the Greater Chaos Goddess Metalia.

Door: Enter your passcode, Youma Thetis.

[Thetis types with both hands within the recesses.]

Door: Passcord accepted. Enter.

[The door slides open, the Heltry twins step through into a stone corridor beyond]

Thetis: Wait! You can only go through one at a time!

Dev: Or?

Thetis: The hyenas! You can't use magic! Come back here to where we can protect you!

[The twins shrug as a grinding noise fills the chamber as the wall drop, revealing hundreds of starved canines, their snarling jaws filled with blood and saliva.]

El: [pushes Dev back with the God Gun] Maybe you should stand back and let me handle this, just in case something goes wrong.

[Meanwhile, at Seattle general.]

Mamoru: You're right. I only liked you because you were a princess. And now that I see you without your tiara, I'm starting to realize what an annoying bunhead was underneath it.

[Usagi looks down, tears falling for her eyes.]

Rei: Oh, please! You're not fooling anyone. [looks at Usagi] Ok, you're fooling Usagi, but you are not fooling anyone with half a brain.

Minako: Oh, mind your own beeswax, Rei. Love is a curse.

Usagi: [looks up] What? Love is a curse? How can you think that!

Minako: [shrugs] I was cursed to love Kunzite, and he killed me for it. You and Endymion were cursed to love each other, and it lead to our downfall. And now Kunzite has been cursed to love Zoi, and that's how we are going to get back at him. By killing Zoi.

[The others stare at her in alarm.]

Minako: What? It will be easy. According to Artie, they aren't even together at the moment. Zoi is off in some flowerfield somewhere, while Kunzite is off protecting Metalia from the Heltry Twins.

Usagi: Um..Minako. Who are the Heltry Twins?

Minako: What? You remember being a princess a thousand years ago, and you remember Zoi throwing a crystal at your heart, but you don't remember your evil archenemy who kept trying to steal your boyfriend?

[Usagi shakes her head]

Minako: [to Rei] You know who the Heltry Twins are, don't you?

[Rei shakes her head]

Minako: [to Ami] You know who the Heltry Twins are, don't you?

Ami: I'm certain I've never heard of them.

Minako: [to Makoto] You know who the Heltry Twins are, don't you?

Makoto: I should hope so, given that Devon is my boyfriend.

Minako: [looks at Makoto with admiration] No way! You're smashing that?

Makoto: Fingers crossed.

Minako: High five!

[They high five]

Makoto: Though now that I think about it, I don't really remember what he looks like.

Minako: [ponders] Huh...I think he...Wait a minute! He looks just like Fiore!

Makoto: Oh? [smiles faintly]

Rei: Ok, this is bad. Does anyone else not see how this is bad? Artie knows who the Heltry twins are, and frankly he's scared to death that we don't. They are sinking like quicksand from our minds and he think that has everything to do with them screwing around with forces that were never meant to be screwed with.

[The others look at Rei in confusion]

Rei: We're talking End of Times bitches!

[Strides over to the blinds and opens them, revealing a swirling green Aurora Boralis.]

Usagi: Oooh! Pretty!

Rei: No. Not pretty! I've seen a sky like this before! In my nightmare! Right before everyone dies! None of you can see this, but Artie is freaking out right now. He said he wants no part of your crazy Fatal Attraction schemes.

[Walks over to Minako and gives her a shove]

Rei: You lied to him. He said he promised to keep an eye of Zoi and Kunzite because he thought you wanted to save the world from the impending apocalypses the Heltry Twins are about to bring about by screwing around with the fabric of reality.

Minako: [unfazed] And why would I want to save the world?


	140. Stage Three

[Scene: Seattle General Hospital. Usagi looks up from her tears in anger at Minako]

Usagi: What do you mean, you don't want to save the world?

Makoto: Yeah! What do you mean by that?

Minako: I know that sounds bad, but please hear me out.

Rei: Oh, this ought to be good.

[Meanwhile, in the entry hall to a ziggurat El is trying to push Dev away as hundreds of starving hyena charge at her, fangs bared.]

[Dev stands back to back with her, clasping her hands in his]

El: What are you doing? Go over with the youma! where it's safe!

Dev: [smiles] You have this, I know you don't need me here, but I'm never letting you face any sort of danger by yourself. All will go well, but if doesn't, I don't intend to outlive you by even a single minute.

[When the first of the hyenas are about ten feet from El, they stop, their fangs bared and their hackles raised. They don't come any closer, but a deep growl rumbles through the pack.]

Thetis: Come back here! You can't use magic! We have weapons! We can protect you!

Dev: Yes, but we can't protect you! So stay where you are!

[Thetis chews her nails with worry]

[El draws herself up to full height and stares down the hyena. A low growl forms in her throat and that of her brother's, drowning out the hyenas. The hyena's tuck their tails between their legs and start to back away.]

[Then the twins lets out a loud shriek, baring their teeth.]

[The hyenas yip as they turn tail and run away as fact as they can]

Thetis: How did you do that? Without magic?

El: It's simple. We are both evil monsters and the hyena can smell it on us.

Dev: [nods] Intelligent creatures see our pretty looks and our courtly airs and realize that is impossible, but babies and dumb animals aren't bright enough not to see us for what we truly are.

[Thetis and the youma nod in approval]

Thetis: [points an assault rifle at the retreating pack] Would you like us to shoot the animals?

Dev: No. [points] Shoot that far wall.

Thetis: But... why...?

El: You heard him. Shoot the wall.

[The youma enter the chamber and shoot at the far wall until a sizable hole appears. The hyena, seeing an exit, rush through it. An instant later their are explosions and yelps of pain from the chamber of traps beyond. ]

[The twins laugh a cruel laugh.]

[Meanwhile. At the core. Metalia and Kunzite are playing Go.]

Metalia: They've bypassed the hyenas.

Kunzite: Already?

Metalia: I told those animals were worthless...no...they are worse than worthless, since those little delinquents are using them to set off some of the traps in the chamber beyond. At this rate they will breech this chamber within minutes.

[Kunzite rises only to be pulled back down into his seat.]

Metalia: Sit down, you fool.

Kunzite: This insult will not stand! Upon my honor! As First Among Kings! I must stop them!

[Grabs him by the sleeve]

Metalia: And how do you intend to do so, imbecile? In a chamber full of traps, against thousands of youma carrying the latest in conventional weaponry and without using magic? No. Wait for them to come to us. And in an instant I will make them explode like confetti.]

[Reluctantly Kunzite sinks back into his seat]

[Metalia looks around at the tall trees and plants in her sanctuary]

Metalia: I do not like this. It is too green. Too open. Too cluttered with unnecessary organic matter.

[She waves her hand and the chamber morphs into a dank cave with a low ceiling, it's only feature being the go table they are playing at]

Kunzite: [nods in sincere approval] Yes, Mother. This looks much better.

[Back at Seattle General]

Minako: A thousand years ago, our queen declared The Evil Goddess Metalia as the greatest threat to the known universe. She tried to have her sealed away, and failed, allowing Metalia free rein to inflict terror as she saw fit...until now... Along come the Heltry Twins with their God Killing raygun. They alone have the power to kill Metalia.

Rei: And if they succeed, the world might end!

Minako: Or it might not. We don't know. What are you basing that on? A dream?

Rei: Yes. A reoccurring dream.

Minako: I dream I'm making out with both of the Helmswood brothers all the time, bitch. That doesn't mean it is in the cards.

Ami: So you have no intention of stopping the Heltry Twins?

Minako: Stopping them? Hell! I love those two little scamps so much I'm planning on having "Team DevEl" t-shirts made. [thinks] Team Devil? Haha. I just go that. Hahahahaha! [stops when she's sees nobody else is laughing] Anyway. Even if they destroy the world, so what? We still win. There are other planets out there. We were reborn once on a different planet, we will be reborn again. But Metalia and her Shitennou? They can't be reincarnated! They stay dead forever!

Mamoru: [claps slowly in his hospital bed] Bravo.

[Minako beams proudly]

Usagi: [advances on Minako with her fists balled] So let me get this straight. You're willing to sacrifice an either planet full of innocent people just to wipe out a handful of enemies!

Minako: You know it.

Usagi: How is that any different than what Metalia did to us during the Silver Millennium?

[The room goes silent]

Makoto: She's right, you know.

Minako: Yeah she is...[sinks against the wall with her face in her hand] Dear God... What have I become?


	141. Stage Four

[Scene: Seattle General Hospital. Usagi rushes over to hug Minako.]

Minako: I was so angry at being used like that, I became just as bad as our enemies.

Usagi: It's okay. You were always the best of us, that's why my mother made you leader of her guardians. There is no shame in caring too much.

Minako: But this wasn't love, it was hate. I wanted revenge.

Usagi: I don't believe that. You have too good of a heart. I know you tried to do the right thing. You just went about it the wrong away.

Rei: [under her breath] Yeah, I'll say...

Usagi: Oh, be quiet! You weren't any better! You were always Minako's strong right hand! You should have taken over after she made this all personal!

Rei: I didn't want to be leader of this mess.

Usagi: I agree! You're smart, you're beautiful, you're poised, you're talented, you have psychic powers. You're the person I envy most, but despite all that, you are so mean and nasty all the time nobody ever wants to listen to you!

Usagi: And as for you-

[turn and points at Ami]

Ami: Me?

Usagi: Yes, you! You're smarter than everyone else in this room put together! But I wouldn't know it! Since you never open your mouth!

Ami: I'm not a leader either so I didn't think it would be productive to challenge Minako.

Usagi: Yeah, and that's a problem for that both of you! Minako, you should have asked Ami for her wisdom! And Ami shouldn't have waited to be asked! And as for you-

[She wheels on Makoto, who waits patiently with her arms crossed]

Usagi: ...I can't think of anything to complain about, so keep up the good work.

[Pats Makoto on the arm]

Usagi: But my point is, all this time I thought I was the weak link! That I was just some dumb bunny that Momma put in charge because I was the Moon Princess and the kingdom ran on nepotism! But now I see that you guys actually NEED me! To keep you on the right path! With or without my powers!

Rei: Well, DUH! Why do you think I slapped you?

[Meanwhile: In Metalia's Inferno.]

[The youma are in the chamber of traps, carefully detecting and dismantling them one by one. The Heltry twins are standing against a wall, like a pair of officeworkers at a watercooler, watching them work.]

Dev: You know, I'm starting to get the feeling we may actually survive this.

El: [scoffs] Ha. Dream on.

Dev: No. Really. Say we kill Mommy Dearest and actually survive. What do you think we should do next?

El: Go home and sleep for about a week...except we won't have a home to go to, not really. If we kill Metalia, we won't be born, and Big Daddy won't have a reason to have been a part of our lives...so I guess we'll just be living ghosts...watching him be happy from a distance...and I'll cry, I think...because he will never know I was his little girl...

[She straightens up and looks at her brother]

El: What about you? What do you think we should do?

Dev: I think we should take over the world.

[El scoffs]

Dev: I'm serious!

El: I can barely stand most humans as it is. Why would I want an entire planet full of them?

Dev: Did you know that about 10% of people in Asia are direct descendants of Genghis Khan?

El: I don't see what that has to do with-

[Dev beams at her and her jaw drops and she whacks him on the shoulder]

El: You're sick. You know you're sick, don't you?

Dev: Seriously, though. I think we should take over the world, if for no other reason than so our faces can appear on all the money.

[El giggles]

Dev: Think about. My handsome face on one side of the coins, you and your gorgeous body, dressed as Lady Liberty, on the other. Only, people are going to have very little in the way of liberty.

El: Oh, we are going to be evil despots, are we?

Dev: Of course. I'll declare us co-emperors, just like Caligula and Drusilla. Only we will be a Caligula and Drusilla that live forever.

El: [makes a face] Well, I hope you're not expecting us to be "just like" Caligula and Drusilla, because you're my brother, and that's gross.

Dev: [shocked and appalled] Of course not. That's what we'll have slaves for.

[whispers in her ear]

Dev: But I'm still going to marry you. [nips at her earlobe]

El: [giggles] Weirdo.


	142. Tortoises and Hares

[Scene: The inner circle of Metalia's Inferno. Metalia looks up from the Go board.]

Metalia: I feel a strange sensation.

Kunzite: Oh? How so, Mother?

Metalia: I'm trying to focus on the game. But all I can think about are those two little brats in the chamber on beyond that archway. They are so close. I want them to show themselves so that I can kill them and be done with it, but they are moving so slowly. And the closer they get, the more time seems to slow, though I know that is merely an illusion, born of my mind. Have you anything experienced anything like that, boy?

Kunzite: Yes, Mother. It's called "fear." You've been invincible for so long you've never had to experience it, but now you are facing a credible threat for the first time in many thousands of years.

Metalia: I don't like it.

Kunzite: I don't like it either.

Metalia: You don't like fear?

Kunzite: I do like fear. Fear breeds wisdom. I don't like it that YOU are afraid.

[Kunzite abandons the game and stares at the archway.]

[A quarter mile away. Metalia's inferno. Thetis approaches Heltry twins]

Thetis: I would estimate that the traps are now 25% contains, based on the Shitennou's schematics.

[Drapes his arm around El and pulls her close]

Dev: Glad to hear it, excellent work.

Thetis: I am a bit concerned that you are satisfied with the pace this is progressing.

Dev: The humans have a saying, 'Slow and steady wins the race.'

Thetis: Yes, but every second of delay is a second you put yourselves at unnecessary risk.

El: [shrugs] Who is there to stop us?

Thetis: Nobody, Praise Metalia, but as the Dark Kingdom's most loyal servant, I'd feel remiss if I didn't propose a way to do this faster.

Dev: Of course, Darling Thetis, My sister and I are always open to suggestions.

Thetis: I'm certain this would go a lot faster if you didn't concern yourself with potential casualties.

[El's jaw drops]

El: What are you saying!

Dev: [smile benevolently] Yes. What exactly do you propose, my dear Thetis?

Thetis: I think we should march the most expendable youma, linked hand in hand, through in a broad line, to arm the traps, and repeat the process until all the traps are gone, or until we have taken enough casualties to where this plan is no longer feasible. But in any case, it will buy us some precious time.

El: [bristling] What the HELL, you blackhearted SEAHAG! Those are YOUR OWN PEOPLE!

Thetis: [nods] We're youma. We are designed to be disposable.

El: Would you listen to yourself? I ought to punch you right in the face! No wonder Jadeite thinks its okay to just walk all over you!

Thetis: [bows] I live only to serve my betters in the Dark Kingdom.

El: YOUR BETTERS? REALLY?

Dev: [chuckles] Allow me. [disengages from his sister and pulls Thetis aside with his arm around her shoulder] You'll have to excuse my sister. She's always had a soft spot in her heart for your kind.

Thetis: Why?

Dev: Don't really know, exactly. I think it had something to do with way we were raised, or because she's been the scapegoat often enough to want to stick up for the little guy. But an any case, I find it endearing. Especially given all the times your kind tried to hunt us down and kill us when we were toddlers-

Thetis: Why would the youma try to kill you as toddlers? [narrows her eyes] You are Queen Metalia's children, aren't you?

Dev: [chuckles nervously] Uh...That was a joke...merely a figure of speech...I didn't mean that...the way it sound...at all...

El: Ok! Enough schmoozing...[Barges in] Look, lady! We're from the future! We won't be born for another decade or so! So we can't send your people on a death march, because any youma who's alive fifteen years from now, but dies today, creates something called a 'temporal anomaly', and we're trying to avoid those at all costs. Ya dig?

Thetis: [Nods and smiles] Yes. I understand perfectly now. Why didn't you say so to begin with?

[Meanwhile, in Seattle General]

[Makoto looks out the window and the gathering green gloom]

Makoto: I don't like this. Whatever it is, it seems centered right over us. Like a dark cloud of doom.

Rei: Artemis thinks it's a temporal rift opening up.

Ami: Why here?

Rei: It's not just here. They will open up wherever destiny is being altered.

Makoto: Destiny?

Rei: Artemis said to think of time like an ocean, and people like ships. By traveling back in time, the Heltry Twins, who he said are Metalia's children from the future, stirred up a huge storm that blew all of the surrounding ships off course. Now the storm is about to end, so the ships are all sailing back to their original paths. That's why we don't remember the Heltry Twins. But not all the ships can get back to where they were supposed to go, which is wrecking havoc with the fabric of the reality.

Usagi: In other words, they're changing history, and the universe doesn't like it.

Rei: Yes. Exactly!

Ami: And if they do something really major, like kill a goddess before she can give birth to them?

Rei: We'd better not find out.

Usagi: Then lets go stop them!

Makoto: You have a plan?

Usagi: Yes! Of course! My plan is to rush in and save the universe by any means possible!

Makoto: Sounds good to me. I'm in.

Minako: Me, too.

Usagi: Yay! C'Est la Vie Girls, forever!

[Puts her hand out and Makoto puts her hand over it, then Minako, then Rei, then Ami]

[Minako gives Mamoru a sidelong look and shimmies the group closer to Mamoru's hospital bed so that Mamoru can join in.]

[Mamoru crosses his arms and raises his nose]

Mamoru: I want nothing to do with this. And neither should you, traitor.


	143. Lines in the Sand

[Scene: Dev and El are watching the youma disarm traps.

El: What do you suppose is going to happen to us when we kill Metalia?

Dev: I try not to think about things like that.

El: I do. It gives me comfort to analyze all the probable outcomes.

Dev: [tickles her] Ok, then maybe the Karmic overload will redeem us of our evil natures and we will sprout angel wings and fly straight up to Heaven.

El: [giggling] What would the two of us have to do in Heaven?

[Dev stops tickling her]

Dev: Good point. Maybe they will create a very special five star resort hell just for the two of us.

El: If we even have an afterlife, once we get erased, which I pretty much doubt...So, when we kill Metalia, do you think we will blink out of existence?...or will we fade away like that Mcfly kid did in 'Back to the Future'?

Dev: What is 'Back to the Future'?

[El gives Dev an incredulous look]

El: Oh man. [sulks] The fact that you will never get to see the glory that is 'Back to the Future' is probably the most tragic element of this entire scenario.

[Meanwhile: at the center of the Inferno]

Metalia: They are getting closer! I am concentrating on my determination never to create them! That should be enough! Why do they still exist!

Kunzite: [without looking away from the entrance] Did you ever want to conceive children of your own before this, Mother?

Metalia: Never!

Kunzite: Then nothing has changed!

Metalia: Did you just snap at me.

Kunzite: Yes, woman! I just snapped at you! Because I'm trying to concentrate on keeping you safe and you won't stop yammering!

[Scene: Seattle General]

Minako: And just who are you calling a traitor, Mamoru Chiba?

Mamoru: You. Because that's what you are. Minako Aino. The glorious leader of the C'est La Vie Gang until she sold us all out. Just like she did a thousand years ago when she gleeful sold out everyone and everything to impress a Shitennou. And here she is, doing it all. over. again.

Ami: That's not a fair thing to say, she-

Minako: [unfazed] Thank you for the moral support, Ami, but I can handle this. [To Mamoru] Mamoru. I apologize. What you say is completely fair and very true, but this isn't about helping the Shitennou. This is all about saving the world and everyone in it.

Mamoru: [scoffs] Saving the world...The world is not going to end because Rei had a bad dream!

Rei: I have a gift-

Mamoru: Yeah? Well so do I! I draw my power from the earth, don't you think I'd sense if it was in any serious jeopardy. [gestures at the window] This is just a glorified sunset. It's going to heal itself just fine without us helping it!

Makoto: I hope you're right. But if you're not...

Mamoru: Then what? Everyone dies? I've been dead. Death is not the worst thing that happened to me. Beryl is the worst thing that happened to me! [stares at Minako] You were right before. It's worth risking a planet full of people to rid the universe of an evil like Metalia and her Shitennou. Because a hundred years from now, we will all be dead again anyway. But Metalia will still be alive. Unless these Heltry Twins kill her and end her reign of evil once and for all!

Ami: Except we don't know that they won't be worse.

Mamoru: [scoffs] Oh so we are going to kill a couple of kids because they might be a threat somewhere down the line? Now we really aren't any better than Metalia!

Usagi: Nobody is going to kill anybody! We're going to talk to them. Try to get them to listen to reason.

Mamoru: And what if they won't listen! What if they force you into a kill or be killed situation! You don't have your powers anymore! Which is probably for the best since I don't know what would be worse, watching you die, again, or seeing you murder a pair innocent kids who are just trying to make the world a better place!

Minako: They're not innocent. I've used my true sight on them and they are made up of pure evil-

Mamoru: So what! Evil isn't who you are! It what you do! And as far as I know, these two kids we are going after have never done anything wrong!

Minako: They trashed your car.

Mamoru: They...what?...that was them?

Minako: [nods] I'm afraid so, manbitch.

Mamoru: [morose] That car was all I had in the world...Why would they something like do that?

Rei: Because THEY'RE EVIL?

Mamoru: [sets his mouth into a grim line] Fine! They destroyed my car! Beryl destroyed MY LIFE! She murdered my parents right in front of me! She tortured me for two decades, until I was broken in every way it is possible to break a person! [To Usagi] You made me better. You healed me with your love and with your magic, and she killed you for it. Right in front me. The only person I allowed myself to truly love- [buries his face in his hands]

Usagi: [hugs him] I understand. And at any other time I would love you all better, but right now, we have a planet to save.

Mamoru: [pushes her away] You don't understand anything! [Gestures to all the girls] You knew the Shitennou what? Two years? Most of which was icecream and rainbows, until they stopped pretending to be your friends long enough to murder your planet? Beryl was never my friend! The Shitennou tortured me when I was a child. I wasn't strong enough to fight back...but these two twins...I can't imagine they were treated any better than I was, but they somehow pulled each other through...and now we have to fight them? In order to protect Metalia? [buries his head in his hands] Do have any idea how messed up that is!...I won't help you... You can't ask this of me...

Makoto: We're not asking anything of you. You just got out of major surgery. You couldn't even help us if you wanted to.

Rei: Yeah. About that...Artemis said we won't be able to stop the Heltry Twins in time unless we teleport, and Selenity gave Endymion all her powers.

Makoto: Damn.


	144. A Spider in the Ointment

[Scene Metalia's inferno. A pair of glowing blades appear in Kunzite's hands]

Kunzite: I CAN'T TAKE THIS! I'M GOING OUT THERE TO KILL THOSE TWO LITTLE MONSTERS ONCE AND FOR ALL!

Metalia: Without magic? Against thousands of armed youma?

Kunzite: YES!

Metalia: Oh great. My idiot son is going berserk again.

Kunzite: I AM KUNZITE! SOVEREIGN OF THE EARTH, SUPREME RULER THE DARK KINGDOM, AND FIRSTBORN SON OF METALIA! I WILL NOT ALLOW HER TO BE MENACED BY A PAIR OF FIFTH GRADERS!

Metalia: [oddly touched] You care about me that much?

Kunzite: OF COURSE I DO!

Metalia: You know, I was going to let the Death Phantom kill you. I told your brothers I was bluffing, but I wasn't. I would have watched you die and felt absolutely nothing, except for the satisfaction that I'd cheated that old windbag out of what he really wanted.

Kunzite: OF COURSE I KNEW THAT! I KNOW YOU BETTER THAN ANYONE!

Metalia: [touched] In spite of that you still want to protect me?

Kunzite: LOVE ISN'T SOMETHING THAT IS EARNED! IT IS SOMETHING THAT IS GIVEN!

[Metalia thinks about this]

Metalia: This...love...I have never felt it. I've watched it make fools of people and considered myself lucky, but maybe there is something to it...Do you love me more than your monkey?

Kunzite: DON'T BRING ZOISITE INTO THIS!

Metalia: Answer the question.

Kunzite: YOU ARE MY MOTHER AND HE IS MY HUSBAND! THE FEELINGS ARE COMPLETELY UNRELATED!

Metalia: But if you have to choose...?

Kunzite: IF YOU MAKE ME CHOOSE I WILL CHOOSE HIM!

Metalia: You admit that?

Kunzite: YES MOTHER! HE IS THE ONLY SOURCE OF HAPPINESS IN MY LIFE! IF YOU TOOK THAT AWAY, IT WOULD SOUR THINGS BETWEEN US FOREVER!

Metalia: Huh.

[Meanwhile, at Seattle General. Mamoru has his face in his hands and is rocking in his hospital bed.]

Rei: Look, I'm not trying to be a bitch or anything, but we're running out of time. Artie wants me to tell you that if we're to save the world, we need to get moving.

Ami: [looks up from her handheld] We should try this without him. There is a .59 probability that Selenity's teleportation factor was linked to her essence rather than her powers.

Usagi: Just a minute. [Sits on the edge of Mamoru's bed and clasps his hand] Can't you see how much he is hurting? I'm not leaving him like this.

Makoto: [looking out the window at the green maelstrom] Hurry. A storm is coming. I feel it.

Minako: [Looking in her compact] Let her speak. Artie said we still have time.

Usagi: [holding Mamoru and stroking his hair] Please, Mamoru. You have the heart of a hero. You're going to help us, whether we need you or not. Not as a favor. Because it is the right thing to do. For you and for everyone else.

Mamoru: [panicked] I know that. You think I don't know that? You don't understand. I can't work for the same side as Beryl. I can't. Not against a pair of kids she's probably tortured since infancy.

Ami: What indication is there that they've been tortured?

Mamoru: They're traveling through time to kill their mother so she can't give birth to them. They've been tortured!

Usagi: We're not doing this to help Beryl. We're doing it to help everyone else. Especially those kids.

[Mamoru shakes his head in derision.]

Rei: Enough with the kumbuya. We need to go.

Usagi: Rei. Stop being so mean! [To Mamoru] I mean it. What they are doing will destroy them. There has to be a better way-

Mamoru: What if there isn't? We don't know them, what right do you have to judge them like that? What if they need to die to keep from growing up into evil monsters like their mother? Why should we mettle when we don't even know who they are or what they've been thorough?

Usagi: Because, just like you said, evil is a choice. If they chose to be good, they can be good. It might not come as easily to them as it does for us, but nobody is beyond redemption. Not them, not Beryl, not even Metalia-

Mamoru: [even more frantic] You sound like you did back in the Silver Millennium. Right before Beryl killed you.

Usagi: Beryl's different now. They all are. I've seen them change, especially Kunzite. He is different now that he has Zoi. I don't think he enjoys being evil anymore-

Mamoru: Zoi threw a spear through me and laughed while I was dying. I don't think it was Kunzite who changed!

Minako: Look. I hate to break up such a tender moment, but Artie said time's up. We need to get moving. [closes the compact] Everyone link hands. We'll try this without Mamoru.

Mamoru: No... I'll help...just not willingly.

[Mamoru and the girls all join hands]

Minako: Rei, you will need to guide us.

Rei: Artemis said the twins are in a magic free zone. I'll get us as close as I can, but then we will have to run.

Mamoru: [Pulls his hands away in a panic attack] I can't do this.

Minako: You have to.

Mamoru: I know...Just...Grab my hands!

[Usagi and Minako seize Mamoru's wrists]

Rei: Ready?

[They close their eyes and concentrate, only to be interrupted by a knock on the door.]

Nurse: Time for some meds.

Mamoru: Oh. Thank god.

[The nurse wheels a metal cart in and prepares a syringe]

Minako: Sorry, but now is not a good time. Could you maybe come back in an hour?

Nurse: [not even pausing] If you can get his surgeon to sign off on it.

Mamoru: No. Let her medicate me. This will go lot smoother if I'm sedated.

[The nurse pokes the needle into Mamoru's IV line]

Nurse: This is going to feel all warm and tingly.

[Almost at once Mamoru's face goes chalk white and he stares straight ahead in absolute shock.]

Nurse: Mamoru? Are you ok?

[Mamoru doesn't answer, but keeps staring straight ahead, a choking noise forming in his throat. His vitals are going haywire on the monitors]

[The nurse pulls the needle from the IV line]

Nurse: Mamoru?

[He keeps staring straight ahead]

[The others turn to see a tall and elegantly dressed young redhead in the doorway]

Beryl: Mr. Chiba. Would you mind if I ask you some questions about the attack at the hotel?


	145. Worst Case Scenario

[Scene: The center of Metalia's inferno. Kunzite is crouching with an energy blade in each hand glaring at the exit. Metalia is still seated at the go table]

Metalia: I see now. To love is weakness and insanity. But to be loved. That is true power!

[points at Kunzite who does not turn]

Metalia: You are First Among Kings. Your power eclipsed only by the gods, but this Zoisite of yours has you completely ensorcelled. And it's not merely his beauty, or his youth, or his skill in the bedroom, or the novelty of him would be wearing thin and you would have tired of him by now.

Kunzite: You are correct, Mother. I am completely and utterly enthralled by everything that he is.

Metalia: Interesting...to enslave a greater being so thoroughly, without even having to try...

You know, they say a mother's love is unconditional, but I've seen too many women abuse and murder their offspring to buy into that lie...But a child's love for its mother...? I've seen children put up with all sorts of torture from the females who bore them, hoping for just the tiniest crumb of approval...

Yes. I can see why I decided to beget a child now, but my mistake was in creating two of them! Their bond as twins must have distracted from their true purpose, which was to whimper and seek my approval. When the time comes, I will create just the boy... No, the girl...No, the...you know what? I'll create them both and then get rid of the one I like the least.

[Kunzite turns and glares at her with his mouth hanging open]

Kunzite: Mother, are you really this stupid?

[Meanwhile: At Seattle General. Beryl is standing in doorway of Mamoru's hospital room.]

[Mamoru reaches for Usagi, pulling her roughly to him in a fit of mindless terror]

Mamoru: SELENITY! NO! GET AWAY!

Beryl: [Has no idea what is going on] What's wrong with him?

Minako: [Knows exactly what is going on] Bitch, that was your cue to get your bitch ass out of here.

[Minako shoves her out the door and Beryl rakes her claws across Minako's face]

[Minako staggers back as three bloody stripes appear on her face]

[Mamoru lets out a scream and reaches for the nurses cart, grabbing a pair of scissors.]

Usagi: Mamoru! No!

[He crouches on the bed, and lets out a savage cry as he hurls them right into Beryl's heart]

[For a moment, Beryl just stands there. Looking down in dismayed astonishment. She reaches with a trembling hand.]

[Then her lips curls and she hurls a blast of dark energy at Mamoru sending him sprawling.]

[He crumples in a smoking heap, and the monitor screeches and display flat lines.]

Usagi: NOOOOO! MAMORU!

[Minako lets out a cry and leaps at Beryl with a sword of light in her hands]

Usagi: MINAKO! STOP!

[Beryl wheels on Minako and releases another blast, which sends Minako flying into a wall, her arm at an odd angle. She sinks, leaving a smear of red behind her head]

[Rei and Makoto come at Beryl from opposite directions. Beryl lashes out with her hands, her clawlike nails first into Rei's throat then Makoto's chest.]

[They fall. Dead.]

[Beryl looks to see who is still standing. She sees Usagi trembling and sobbing by Mamoru's bedside and Ami nearby, looking grim and determined. She approaches Usagi with the grace of a cobra.

Ami: [Standing protectively in front of Usagi] Stay back! I won't let you harm the princess!

[Beryl approaches them and Usagi sobs]

Usagi: Forgive me, mama. I'm not strong enough.

Beryl: You're not strong enough to kill me?

Usagi: I'm not strong enough to forgive you!

Beryl: [taken aback] Forgive me?

Usagi: [sobs] I'm not strong enough to forgive you and..I'm not strong enough to help you save Metalia!

Beryl: [laughs] I don't need your help. And I certainly don't need your forgiveness.

[She leaves, stepping over the corpses of the fallen girls, and takes one last look at Mamoru's corpse before pulling the scissors from her chest and tossing them away.]

Beryl: I was going to heal him, you know. This is the last time I do anything nice for anyone.

[Back in Metalia's inferno. The youma stop working abruptly and turn to face Dev and El, then all drop to a bow]

El: What's going on?

Dev: Why have you stopped?

Thetis: This is it. They have removed all of the traps between you and Queen Metalia.

Dev: Are you certain?

Thetis: Of course they are certain. None would dare to put our beloved Emperor Devon and Empress Eleanor at risk.

El: [gasps] This is it then...

Dev: [hoists the Godgun over his shoulder and offers his hand to his sister] Come my love, lets go make history.

[They clasp hands, smile at each other and take off running for Metalia's chamber, while the youma cheer them on.]


	146. Divine Intervention

[Scene: Seattle General. Absolute carnage.]

[Mamoru, Minako, Rei and Makoto are lying, unmoving in pools of blood. Usagi is crying, while Ami surveys the scene clearly dazed, trying to make sense of it. A nurse leaps up from behind the bed and flees screaming.]

[This seems to rouse Ami from her shock. She moves from body to body, trying to find signs of life.]

[Across the room, Minako moans in pain and trying to pull herself up with one arm.]

[Ami runs to her, turning her over and cradling her in her arms, surveying her for injuries.]

Usagi: Minako! You're alive!

Minako: Yeah, I'm alive. [groans as she wipes blood from her face and screams a bit as she tried to save her bad arm] Geez you almost sound happy.

Usagi: I am happy. I thought you were dead.

Minako: [coughing up a bit of blood] Yeah, well, I don't think I'm out of the woods yet. And I pretty sure Mamoru, Rei and Makoto are a lot more dead than I am.

[She looks at her friends, her mouth in a grim line.]

Minako: You still think there is good in everyone, you ninny? Even Beryl? [Gestures at the fallen] Get a clue, slut. This is what happens when you try to find the good in people like Beryl.

[Usagi sits on Mamoru's bed and cradles his head in her lap]

Usagi: No. This is what comes from retaliation.

[Strokes Mamoru's hair]

Usagi: If everyone had managed to stay as calm as Ami, none of this would have happened.

Minako: None of this- [laughs mockingly] There is no use in talking to you. You're hopeless. That why your mother-

[long silence]

Ami: [to Minako] That's why her mother did what?

Usagi: [to Ami] That's why my mother told Venus she would never let me be queen.

Minako: [ashamed] You...knew...

[Usagi nods]

Usagi: [petting Mamoru's head] I knew. She told me. I asked her to prepare me, so I could be a good queen, and she told me that day would never come...I was too foolish...too tenderhearted...a good queen, she said, must hand out punishments without pity, as well as rewards...a good queen must make enemies...enforce unpopular laws...do things that hurt people...often innocent people...in the interests of protecting her kingdom...

[Her blue eyes look up, fierce with determination]

Usagi: But she was wrong! A good queen must simply do the right thing! ALWAYS! No matter how much her heart is breaking! A good queen must have the strength and the courage to do right by her subjects! No matter how much it hurts!

[She gazes down at Mamoru]

Usagi: Forgive me, Endymion. I told you I understood, but I didn't. I thought I did, but how could I? [cradles him in her arms] When I was Selenity, I lived a happy, carefree life. How could I understand what it meant to forgive the unforgivable? To defend the people who took everything away from you? [a single tear falls, splashing Endymion on the cheek] I'm sorry, I belittled your suffering, I told you to work past it. Now that she's taken you from me [raises her head to include Rei and Makoto] All of you from me, I finally understand what you mean when you said we were asking too much...and this suffering. This heartache. Is nothing compared to the suffering and the loss you had to endure as Beryl's slave...I look around and I don't ever want to forgive her!

[Stands]

Usagi: But a good queen must always do what has to be done!

[Raises her hands to the heavens]

Usagi: MOTHER! I KNOW YOU ARE WATCHING ME! I FEEL YOU IN MY HEART! GIVE ME YOUR POWER! HELP ME SO I CAN HELP THE PEOPLE OF THIS PLANET!

[All at once a heavenly glow surrounds Usagi and her simple dress morphs into a royal gown while a silver crystal in the shape of a chrysanthemum appears in her hands.]

[The room is bathed in prisms out light, and Minako gasps as her arm straightens and her wounds close.]

[Makoto, Rei, and Mamoru are also healed in the same manner and they stir and come back to life.]

[Usagi drops her arms, still in her princess gown and cradles Mamoru in her arms again.]

Usagi: Endymion?

Mamoru: No. Not Endymion. I'm just Mamoru now. And I remember everything.

Usagi: Everything?

Mamoru: My parents. The accident. The life I had before I lost everything. I remember Endymion, but not very well. Like he was a character in a story that gave me nightmares as a child, but doesn't have the power to scare me anymore.

Usagi: [laughing] Oh, Mamoru. I'm so happy.

Mamoru: And there is something else. I'm in love with you. Madly, passionately, irreversibly in love with you. I tried to fight it while I was being haunted by Endymion. But I'm not going to fight it any more. There isn't any need too. I no longer have to worry about polluting your life with my darkness.

Usagi: [giggling] Oh, Mamoru. I'm so glad.

[Usagi brings her lips down to his and he raises his lips to hers, and they kiss.]

[The kiss goes on for a while, then they break it off to see how the others are doing.]

[Minako, Ami and Makoto are staring and smiling, but try to look away when Usagi and Mamoru notice them. Rei is staring out the window.]

[Usagi giggles some more but stops when she remembers Rei and Mamoru used to date, and Rei never got over him, and she feels bad for her friend.]

Ami: Um...should we bow, Your Highness?

Usagi: [smiles] No, silly! And no need to call me 'Your Highness'. My mother brought us all back so we could have happy, normal lives, so no one of us is better than the others. I'm just happy that everything can go back to normal now.

[Rei turns away from the window]

Rei: You call this normal?

[She points to a maelstrom of swirling mist and green lightning just outside the window]

[The girls and mamoru crowd around the window]

Makoto: What is this?

Rei: The end of times. And there's no way we can get there in time to stop it.


	147. In the Hands of Destiny

[Scene: Seattle General. Usagi and the C'est La Vie gang are staring out the window at green lightning and clouds that swirl like a whirlpool.]

Makato: Oh. This is bad.

Minako: Ya think?

Usagi: We need to teleport! Now! Quickly everyone join hands! Rei! Have Artemis guide us!

Mamoru: Do you think we can make it in time?

Usagi: We have to try!

A calm female voice: No. You do not.

[They are turn and see a tall, stunningly beautiful woman with dark skin and long mallard-green hair standing in the doorway, holding a giant key]

Usagi: Puu! You're alive!

[She runs up and hugs Satsuna]

Satsuna: I never died. My place is at the Time Door. Not the Moon Kingdom.

Usagi: You're the Guardian of Time! You've come to make everything right again!

Minako: Wow. Talk about a Dues Ex Machina. *

[*She's glad, but if the planet wasn't in mortal peril, she would consider this a pretty lame twist]

[Satsuna looks at the group and then gives them a sad smile]

Satsuna : No. I'm afraid not. I protect Destiny, I do not meddle in it. I've merely come to pledge fealty to the new queen, now that she has proven herself worthy in the eyes of the spirit of her mother.

[Bows low to Usagi, while Rei stares with her mouth open]

Rei: What the hell! Get off your high horse and help us save the planet!

Makoto: Yes, what she said!

Minako: I don't wish to be rude, but if we don't stop those twins, Usagi won't have anything to be queen of!

Ami: And you are the Guardian of Time, and these two are time travelers. They are interfering with Destiny.

Satsuna: And you think Time Travel cannot be a natural facet of Destiny?

Rei: Look out the window, bitch!

[Does, but only for an instant]

Satsuna: You have done all you can. This is a battle between gods, not mortals, and neither side will be pleased if you try to interfere. There is nothing you can do anymore. Other than die, needlessly.

Minako: I don't accept that! Apparently, I'm the only one here who has any clear memories of the twins, but they are actually pretty cool, as far as evil demi-gods go. I'd hang with them. We've just got to go talk them out of launching a suicide attack again Metalia!

Mamoru: I agree. [putting his hand on Minako's shoulder] Though they might be cut from an evil cloth, we must show them that with the thread of love, and the needle of friendship, they might sew themselves into golden soft garments of virtue!

[Satsuna sighs sadly]

Satsuna: I'm afraid it's not that simple. The two had a rough beginning, and were abandoned into a demon wilderness during their weakest and most formative years, but they were rescued and raised by a loving father who dotes on them and has steered them to the path of righteousness.

[The others stare, openmouthed]

Satsuna: They are creatures forged out of Love, as well as Evil. You can't reform them any more than they have already been reformed.

Usagi: But...then...why are they doing this?

Satsuna: They wish to assassinate Metalia to prevent her from committing acts of unspeakable cruelty to the people they love most. To spare them, they are willing to sacrifice themselves, their loved ones, even the entire universe.

Usagi: But...this is all the more reason for us to help them! There has to be another way!

Satsuna : My queen. This isn't your fight. You've already done more than enough.

Minako: But can't we-

Satsuna : No. You can't.

[Satsuna turns and walks away]

[Meanwhile...]

[Metalia's inner circle. A ball of cracking black antimatter is forming between her hands.]

Metalia: They are coming.

[Kunzite says nothing. He merely scowls, crouched, a pair of energy blades gripped tightly in his fists]

Metalia: [smiles] They are finally running to their deaths, the young fools...It is time to end them once and for all!

[The ball of dark energy increases in size and intensity.

Matalia: Here they come [rises] THREE! TWO! ON-

[Kunzite lets out a savages howl and rises to his full height, blocking her shot]

Matalia: WHAT YOU DOING YOU FOOL! GET DOWN!

[By reflex the ball of antimatter vanishes as Kunzite crosses his arms over his chest and lets out a battlecry as he hurls the energy blades in the direction of the archway.]

[In that instant, time stops in Metalia's inner circle.]


	148. Out of Time

[Scene: Metalia's inner circles. Time has stopped]

[The Heltry twins enter, cautiously]

El: Did we do it?

[Dev's gaze sweeps from the glowing energy blades suspended in midair, to Kunzite, frozen in midsnarl, to Metalia, standing immobile with her mouth open]

Dev: I believe we have.

[Seconds pass, and Metalia remains immobile]

El: Oh! Yes! It worked this time!

Dev: That's because she never saw it coming.

[El laughs a mocking laugh as she looks at Kunzite.]

El: He looks mad.

Dev: I'll bet he is.

El: Not a lot he can do about it, praise darkness.

[They walk past him, El kissing her palm and smacking it against Kunzite's mouth in passing, then stop in front of Metalia]

El: Would you look at that hag. So weak, so helpless, so completely at our mercy...why...is that a tinge of terror I detect in those soul-draining eyes of hers?

Dev: She had nothing to be afraid of, until she forged the tools of her own destruction.

El: Well, what are we waiting for. Let's roast this bitch. [Raises the God Gun]

Dev: [lowering her arm] Not so fast...

El: Dev! We don't have a lot of time! This temporal bubble is going to collapse in less than five minutes!

Dev: [Gathers his sister into a bear hug] And I want every single one of them.

[Rests his forehead against hers and takes a deep breath]

Dev: If there is an afterlife for us, I want you stay where you are. Because I will find you. I don't care what hell dimension we are in, or what I have to do, I won't let you suffer alone.

El: [her eyes fill with tears] Oh Dev. I...I'm not good with words like you are, but I want you to know that you have been the best brother a girl could ever hope for.

[Dev nods, sniffling and pulls her closer, his hand tangling in her hair]

Dev: We came into this wretched world together and we are going to leave it together, and the thought of it fills me with great joy.

El: Me too. I love you, Dev.

Dev: I love you, El.

[They kiss. It's not a passionate kiss, but it is still an inappropriate kiss, filled with the warped affections of two innocents who have been through a hellish existence with nothing to rely except each other.]

El: Ready?

Dev: Almost. Lets make a portal home.

El: [laughs mockingly] My brother. The eternal optimist.

Dev: [shrugs] It can only help, so why not?

El: Why not, indeed. When we go poof, the portal poofs with us. Plus, if it will make you feel better...

[They clasp hands and the ground trembles as a glowing purple portal forms in the far wall of the chamber]

El: Happy now?

[Dev nods]

Dev: Ready?

[El nods]

El: Lets do this.

[They stand apart and raise the God Gun, aiming it right at Metalia. Each twin takes a deep breath and with one last solemn nod to each other, they pull the trigger]

[The God Gun makes a faint clicking noise, but nothing else happens]

[The twins exchange a look and pull the trigger again, and then again, and then again]

[Click. Click. Click]

Dev: El! What the hell is going on! Why isn't this working!

El: It...it's got to be a loose wire. [Grabs the God Gun to pry off the cover]

Dev: A LOOSE WIRE?

El: [prying off the cover] These things happen all the time. I'll just tighten it up and we'll be in business.

Dev: A LOOSE WIRE? WE HAVE LESS THAN TEN SECONDS BEFORE TIME RESUMES!

El: THEN MAYBE YOU NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME CONCENTRATE!

Dev: [pacing and running his hands through his hair] OH MY GOD, EL! A LOOSE WIRE! YOU KNEW WHAT WAS AT STAKE HERE! HOW COULD YOU BE SO SLOPPY!

El: YEAH! WELL I DON'T SEE YOU-

[Her voice stops abruptly into a rattle as the cover flies off and they see an empty cavity where the Silver Crystal should be]

Dev: THE SILVER CRYSTAL!

El: IT'S GONE!

Dev: WHERE IS IT?

[The twins stare at the God Gun with their mouths hanging open, then Metalia, who is slowly jerking back into motion, then each other, before each letting out a terrified scream]

[Metalia grins balefully as time resumes, she holds out her palm as the twins are blasted into opposite corners. Then the half of the chamber that the twins are in fill with darkly glowing webs, pinning them in place, and completely blocking the portal with a thousand threads of dark energy]

[Kunzite, Beryl, Jadeite, Nephrite, and Zoi appear looking a bit startled and wearing Dark Kingdom uniforms]

Metalia: [coldly] Torture these two in whatever manner you see fit. Defile these two in whatever manner you see fit. But nobody leaves this chamber until they are disposed of permanently.

[And with that, she teleports away, leaving her children to fight the final battle]


End file.
